Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56

the powerful ones in the family usually get their way.

Originally Posted by Nutmegger

And in your world, it seems that is always the male of the species?

Originally Posted by Pulaski

The problem as I see it is more than just an expat/ international problem, it's people who want to retire somewhere different from where they live(d) while they were working. If you decide after x years to move somewhere else and your children have either left home, or are in their mid teens or older, then they have their own life, and aren't going to come. On the other hand you could drag your children to where you intend to settle and/or retire, and they could still decide to up-sticks and move to the far side of the world, ..... as most people here on BE have done!

The chances of me living and working where my parents have lived since the 1970's has always been slim to none, and my parents knew that. In fact my mother actively encouraged me to move away because of the lack of good career opportunities there. When I was a young child my parents looked at emigrating to South Africa, Australia, or NZ, though it didn't work out. So while my parents stayed put for many years, ever since my sister and I were children, I went to London to live before emigrating to the US, and my sister went to Norwich, then London, then France, then the US, before returning to the UK and settling in Cheshire.

My in-laws used to live next door, until little Miss P was about two. Then just around the time she was starting to learn that Granny and Grandpa lived next door, they moved half way across the state. Now they wonder why they don't see their granddaughter very often!

In short, stop trying to manage where your children live and work, it is unlikely to be effective, and will likely lead to frustration, and quite possibly anger and resentment, potentially on both sides.

That's just daft, melodramatic twaddle. You just sound like you're feeling sorry for yourself! Families where the children move away are not "broken", they are successful, with children having their own career and their own family. Isn't that what people raise their children to do - become successful independent adults?

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl

...... IMO the above is an entirely different situation to that of having stayed in the UK and your kids deciding to move overseas.

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56

I see where you are coming from, but its totally different to what I'm actually talking about.

For what its worth I'm not talking about children as adults moving away from their parents, That's perfectly normal and happens all the time.

I'm talking about young families relocating around the world then not being happy and spliting up, some mothers are pushed around or made to feel guilty by their husbands and children, the mothers then put their lives on hold until some promised date, End of school etc, of course the hubby and kids just hope Mum will calm down and come around, but that doesn't always happen, she still expects to go home at that promised point, it leads to a family split and divorce, the kids then have to chose who they want live with and which country.

I've seen this happen on here a few times its not something I dreamed up.

Families move across the world thinking they all will settle, but some arent happy, most never make plans to return if things dont work out for everyone, they don't anticipate that happening, some do agree to move back but change their minds once they are here, the powerful ones in the family usually get their way.

Originally Posted by Pulaski

I agree, but the results are the same even if arrived at by totally different routes.

My point, perhaps badly expressed, was that people shouldn't torture themselves when they end up (retired) in a different country from their children and grandchildren, because even if they had stayed firmly rooted in the UK their children could still easily up and move far away.

Originally Posted by Pulaski

I agree, but the results are the same even if arrived at by totally different routes.

My point, perhaps badly expressed, was that people shouldn't torture themselves when they end up (retired) in a different country from their children and grandchildren, because even if they had stayed firmly rooted in the UK their children could still easily up and move far away.

Ah, I see your point now, yes, different from what I had misinterpreted. ..... And there can be the additional complication that the parent who refuses to "go home" can almost always ensure that the child(ren) can't go home either. PetiteFrancaise has cited at least a couple of cases where a divorced ex-wife has been stranded in France where she has the choice to leave but can't take her children with her, and one case where the ex-wife had no choice but to leave the country because she couldn't afford to keep herself (either didn't have a visa to work, or didn't speak enough French to get a job), and had to leave her children behind.

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl

But parents do torture themselves because it was their decision to move from the UK in the first place...as opposed to the adult child deciding to move overseas.

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl

But parents do torture themselves ....

Originally Posted by Pulaski

Life happens. There are a thousand worse things could happen to you or your child(ren) than you live in different countries. Seems pretty much like the definition of a first world problem.

Talking of witch which, what ever happened to the angel of doom?

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl

Don't roll your eyes at me young man. ....

Originally Posted by Hanco

Ok so I have not read the 45 pages of this thread (sorry) but in answer to the thread question: "Me!"

Now I'm opening my last box of Yorkshire Tea and it needs to last me 41 days before I can get to Asda which should not be a problem if I stick to squeezing at least two cups outa one bag

Originally Posted by lizzyq

We are not from Yorkshire (rather from God's Own County to the West of yours ), but still drink tea from the wrong side of the Pennines. Our preferred blend is Yorkshire Gold Loose Tea which we get delivered every 2 months from Amazon.

Originally Posted by St Spiridon

my late father was from Barnsley