krissyv

Hi,

I'm the benificiary of a K-1 petition and I have just found out that my fiance has been cheating on me the last month or so with various girls and also advertised for casual sex on a sex & swingers personal internet site.
As such the engagement is off and I now need to know how to withdraw the petition (he has refused)
Also as I refused to give the ring back, he has started threatening me, to the point I am changing my cell phone today, and says he will sue me, put a debt collection agency onto me for the cost & has reported it to the police stolen and says that he knows a way to have me barred from the US forever.
I am travelling to the US for Xmas as he convinced me to buy a ticket to see him last week and its non refundable so I was planning to use it to see me brother in SF.
He has said that if he tracks me down up there he will beat me up.
Aside from the physical threats I am concerned that he will cause problems for me at the POE..
My question is - is it possible for him to do these things to me?
I am a lawyer in NZ and I know that the rule is that engagement rule is agift and can be kept. As he effectively broke the engagement with his cheating I believe I have the right to keep it under US law as well but want to know how much trouble he can cause for me....
Thanks guys
Kris

CharlieS

Kris,

That totally sucks ass!
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, men are such dicks! (self excluded)
It's always been my belief that the engagement ring is an intention to marry, but also very much a gift. So I can't imagine many courts that would even allow the lawsuit to take place, let alone find in his favour.
I would also be tempted to seek legal advice as far as what possible trouble he could make for you, certainly as far as entering the USA.

Sorry to hear your bad news, and hope it's just a minor hiccup on the path of life

sibsie

I'm sure as a lawyer you know all this, but make sure that you keep a good written record of any communication and if you can tape record the threats he has made. Threats to assault have to be able to be carried out immediately and can't have a condition attached. I'm sure the law on that is pretty much the same everywhere. I'm sure he falls well foul of US harrassment laws.

If I were you I'd cover myself by notifying his local police station.

Others here will I'm sure know more about the immigration issues.

Stay well and safe trip.

HunterGreen

I'm sorry this is happening to you, Kris. Better to find out now than after you had moved though.... but I know that probably doesn't help you too much right now. He sounds like a complete jerk.
I thought your name rang a bell and I went back to your old posts and I came across the one about your future MIL wanting a bond to be co-sponsor for the Affidavit of Support... that's what I remembered you from... and it made me think that maybe she knew or felt something was going wrong.
What a jerk.

Elaine

krissyv

The crazy thing was he was still ringing me the whole time & emailing a few times a day telling me how much he loves me and how much he wanted to marry me - he seemed to think that I would just never find out and it would be all ok. I only found out abou some of the cheating fr
The hardest part for me right now is reconciling the guy that I loved (and hate to admit, still do) with the nasty sick guy that is now threatening me.
And I had done all sorts of things to get ready to move up there - moving out my apartment, taking ashort term contract at work, selling my car etc
I just feel so stupid that I fell for someone like this...
Sorry just venting here but i'm in shock....I am going to contact the US consulate here today to find out if he can do anything & warn them about the petition....
Thanks for all the support though
Kris

Leslie

Keep the ring. Dump the jerk.

Leslie

saidsgirl

I Second what Leslie said!!!

What a LOSER!!

So sorry for your distress, Kris, but please keep in mind, if he somehow tries to charm you back...a leopard never changes it's spots.


~kristine

krissyv

I know - now I'm just taking steps to get him out of my life & making new plans for what I'm going to do....
I just feel sorry for any girls in San Jose that might cross tracks with him!
And if you know anyone using www.adultfriendfinder.com - the guy using the tag "westmugz" is a complete sicko...
He emailed me photos this morning of all the girls he's slept with in the last month. They are all gorgeous so its not doing much for my ego right now...
Krissy

Leslie

Sweetie,

I can almost guarantee you they are all complete fabrications. Really!! The ones that are bragging about it are rarely the ones that are actually "doing" it. Just thank God you didn't marry him.

Leslie

sibsie

Krissy, nothing to do with anything, but how did you meet him?

saidsgirl

Krissy...

What a FREAK!!!

Like Leslie said, he's probably lying. At least partially...

And definitely, thank GOD you didn't marry him! Consider yourself the very lucky one....

~k

krissyv

I know that he did these things because one of the girls happened to be as friend of a friend of my older brother's girlfriend. They slept together and the next morning he told her that he was engaged & that she was just a screw. People started talking and then they made the connection that it was my fiance.
When I first heard the rumour, I couldn't get hold of my fiance so in a moment of madness I went into his hotmail account (I guessed the password - I feel horrible for doing it but I was desperate) and found emails from another girls saying why disn't you call me again after we had sex. He replied & said that his ex-fiance was going to be in town, that she had an idea that they were getting back together & he needed to resolve anything before he could date anyone else - this was the day after he got my itinerary confirming my trip for Xmas...
The I saw other emails confirming his registration at the sex & swingers and new messages in his account...and then went to the site and checked out what he'd advertised for. He said that he was married & so needed women for discreet casual encounters....
Its like something out of a movie!!!!
Krissy

janadeen

Hey Kris - so sorry you're going thru this - I can only echo what others have said - it TOTALLY rocks that you found him out BEFORE you married him. Count that as a blessing.

I disagree with most of the other posts though. In my opinion (just my opinion everyone) an engagement ring is something that represents the promise of a marriage - if you get married, you keep the ring. If you don't get married, the ring goes back - no matter which part caused the promise to fall apart. Why do you want to keep it anyway? I confess, I might want to keep it too; to hurt him, out of spite, to piss him off - oh yeah, I'd be tempted for sure - but overall, it's not worth it.

In general too, just give it back & let it go - it and all the negative vibes & baggage it has brought up & represents - and move on.

Best of luck.

(oh, where is that rule that you mentioned, about keeping the ring - I've never seen or heard that - just curious - I've actually always heard the opposite)

Leslie

Eeeewwww Yuuuucccchhhh. (Where's that puking smilie when I need it.)

You are so lucky for finding out before you made the mistake of a lifetime.

Leslie

sibsie

That's really awful Krissy. I know it's no consolation at the moment but a similar sort of thing happened to me. It did take me a long while to get over it, but I did. Then when I was least expecting it the most wonderful man in the world came into my life.

I truly hope you get some resolution and find your way back to happiness again. My very best wishes to you.