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what will happen to me?

what will happen to me?

Old Apr 13th 2003, 3:27 am
  #1  
Mistressbang
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Default what will happen to me?

First off I just want to say that the board has been a great deal of
help to me...and Second before anyone reads this please don't think Im
a bad person, Im not here for a green card or citizenship or anything
like that. Life happens somtimes that throws you a curve.

Ok my question is this...Im married to a US citizen and Im from
Canada. Well to make a long story short I've fallen in love with
someone else and Im wondering what would happen to me if I got
divorced? As it is right now Im waiting on an interview....i've only
got my temp workers permit. I am under the impression that I would be
able to stay till my temp workers permit is up, which would be
November and then I would have to go back to Canada if im not
mistaken? I dont' see how I could stay in this country if Im not
married to my husband. Even though IM working right now I guess there
is no way for me to continue at my job...or to find a way to stay with
my job? As silly as it might sound, I dont' really want to go from
one marriage into another just so I can stay with someone. Obviously
I had some issues that I ignored with my current marriage. But I
would like to stay here since I've built my life here thus far...Im
just curious as to what would happen if I was to divorce would there
be any options for me to stay?
I know there are a lot of you that are truely in love and you're doing
this cause you want to be with the person you love. I loved my
husband very much too, Im not trying to scam the system or anything.
I wish all of you the best of luck in your love.

Thank you for any help you can give me!

Mistressbang
 
Old Apr 13th 2003, 4:01 am
  #2  
Cloweii
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

BTW love the name.

Can you tell me what the issues you ignored with your current marriage?

I think you can stay here because you had good intentions when you married.
Your husband will still have to support you because of the affidavit he filled
out.

Brad
 
Old Apr 13th 2003, 1:41 pm
  #3  
Mistressbang
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

[email protected] (CLoweii) wrote in message news:...
    > BTW love the name.
    >
    > Can you tell me what the issues you ignored with your current marriage?
    >
    > I think you can stay here because you had good intentions when you married.
    > Your husband will still have to support you because of the affidavit he filled
    > out.
    >
    > Brad


I dont' know what issues I ignored in my marriage....it just sort of
one of those things that happenend, I wasn't looking for it, I dont'
think it was looking for me, I just started to have feelings for
someone else. I had good intentions of staying and being with my
husband, it wasnt' that I wanted a greencard or citizenship, I married
my husband because I loved him and everything like that. I had become
friends with someone in my apartment community and then when I started
to work here the friendship got closer. But it wasn't intentional.
I was thinking of getting an apartment so I could figure some things
out in my head, but I thought if I left I would get deported. I would
like to stay but Im not going to falsly stay if I can't, it's not fair
to those that are in love and who are trying. I won't work under the
table or anything, I want to do things right. Just curious is all.
We filed for everything, we're just waiting on the interview, which
now I think went from 10 months to 12 to 15 months which is insane!
But whatever....so right now im working with my work authorization
card which on the expiry date says November of 2003. So I am assuming
Im supposed to have the interview before then but if I don't then I
would have to reapply for my work authorization card which I don't
believe I can do without my husband. I am currently working and
loving my job.

Mistressbang
 
Old Apr 13th 2003, 3:14 pm
  #4  
Ian Stephenson
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

On 13 Apr 2003 06:41:54 -0700, [email protected] (Mistressbang)
wrote:

    > I dont' know what issues I ignored in my marriage....it just sort of
    > one of those things that happenend, I wasn't looking for it, I dont'
    > think it was looking for me, I just started to have feelings for
    > someone else.

Affairs don't just happen. Problems cause them to happen, even when
the individual either doesn't know or is in denial. Build a house on
sand and when the house falls down you still have the sand.

I've no idea what the score is, maybe you should see a lawyer. But if
hubby learns of your indiscretion I guess it'll be his word against
yours with the INS. Not sure I'd want to risk an ex-wife sponging off
me for eternity if she chose to be with someone else.
 
Old Apr 13th 2003, 3:43 pm
  #5  
Kz
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

Divorce is for the weak, it is for those people who never intended of living
their whole lives together.

"Mistressbang" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > [email protected] (CLoweii) wrote in message
news:...
    > > BTW love the name.
    > >
    > > Can you tell me what the issues you ignored with your current marriage?
    > >
    > > I think you can stay here because you had good intentions when you
married.
    > > Your husband will still have to support you because of the affidavit he
filled
    > > out.
    > >
    > > Brad
    > I dont' know what issues I ignored in my marriage....it just sort of
    > one of those things that happenend, I wasn't looking for it, I dont'
    > think it was looking for me, I just started to have feelings for
    > someone else. I had good intentions of staying and being with my
    > husband, it wasnt' that I wanted a greencard or citizenship, I married
    > my husband because I loved him and everything like that. I had become
    > friends with someone in my apartment community and then when I started
    > to work here the friendship got closer. But it wasn't intentional.
    > I was thinking of getting an apartment so I could figure some things
    > out in my head, but I thought if I left I would get deported. I would
    > like to stay but Im not going to falsly stay if I can't, it's not fair
    > to those that are in love and who are trying. I won't work under the
    > table or anything, I want to do things right. Just curious is all.
    > We filed for everything, we're just waiting on the interview, which
    > now I think went from 10 months to 12 to 15 months which is insane!
    > But whatever....so right now im working with my work authorization
    > card which on the expiry date says November of 2003. So I am assuming
    > Im supposed to have the interview before then but if I don't then I
    > would have to reapply for my work authorization card which I don't
    > believe I can do without my husband. I am currently working and
    > loving my job.
    > Mistressbang
 
Old Apr 13th 2003, 3:49 pm
  #6  
Ian Stephenson
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

On Sun, 13 Apr 2003 15:43:18 GMT, "KZ" wrote:

    > Divorce is for the weak, it is for those people who never intended of living
    > their whole lives together.

Bullshit.
 
Old Apr 13th 2003, 4:04 pm
  #7  
Kz
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

Just quoting your words:
"Affairs don't just happen. Problems cause them to happen"
What problems? Did she mention anything wrong that her husband did. Do you
think her husband entered this marriage and supported her because he didn't
love her?
No, I think what she does is BS.

KZ.
"Ian Stephenson" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > On Sun, 13 Apr 2003 15:43:18 GMT, "KZ" wrote:
    > > Divorce is for the weak, it is for those people who never intended of
living
    > > their whole lives together.
    > Bullshit.
 
Old Apr 13th 2003, 4:12 pm
  #8  
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Default

My understanding is that because you are here and under a conditional green card--if taht--and because the seperation is do to the listed citrcumstances, you would never be able to get an AOS, and this process woudl have to be abandoned. I would think that barring some magic an immigration attourney does, you may have to go home. You need to consult someone on this with a legal background. Like someone said, you word against a USC especially when the concerning fault was yours (as the immigrant) would have the BCIS on the USC's side probably.

Get a lawyer asap. I hope you did have good intention's about your marriage when you came here. If you truly did, then best of luck on what will be a hard situation. Divorce sucks. At least it is sooner than later.
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Old Apr 13th 2003, 4:21 pm
  #9  
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

Originally posted by Mistressbang
I dont' know what issues I ignored in my marriage....it just sort of
one of those things that happenend, I wasn't looking for it, I dont'
think it was looking for me, I just started to have feelings for
someone else. I had good intentions of staying and being with my
husband, it wasnt' that I wanted a greencard or citizenship, I married
my husband because I loved him and everything like that.
<Snip>.
I was thinking of getting an apartment so I could figure some things
out in my head, but I thought if I left I would get deported. I would
like to stay but Im not going to falsly stay if I can't, it's not fair
to those that are in love and who are trying.
<snip>
Mistressbang
This is just my old woman's moral framework pay me no mind if it offends you.

You're right, its not fair to those who are trying, especially your husband it seems. If what matters to you is sorting what is going on in your life, what happened in your supposedly good-faith marriage and why you "don't know" what went wrong despite loving your husband, then the green card should fall way down on the priority list. You will be straight with him and, unless he's affirmatively willing to continue to sponsor you despite your feelings for another partner, you will honor what you claim was love for him and free him from his obligations to you by abandoning your pending application and going home (whether or not you ultimately come back to be with your new love under his own immigration petition on your behalf). It isn't as if you cannot have a good job in Canada, and I'm sorry but the "made my life here" excuse doesn't do it for me when you've barely been here a couple of years yet you are an adult.

If your upcoming green card renewal is what is staying your hand, and given how much you mention it I assume that it is, IMO you should seriously evaluate your motives and at least be honest with yourself if nobody else. Your primary concern has nothing to do with love and everything with wanting to stay here even though you likely could not do so but for the person who loves you. Wanting to stay in the US to me is no excuse for hiding your feelings and definitely not your actions from your husband -- millions of people want to stay in the US who were not born here, but only a relative few can have it and that's just life. I have no sympathy for anyone scheming about how to stay in the US while still married to the person who brought them here who out of love took on the 10-year financial burden, at least on paper, associated with having you immigrate to the US.
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Old Apr 13th 2003, 5:39 pm
  #10  
Ian Stephenson
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

I apologise for my brusque reaction to your post, I should have made
my point clearer.

However, there's a big difference between an affair and divorce. We
need to establish that fact, at least.

Dealing with your assertion about divorce first, marriage is an
institution born in those times when the life expectancy of an adult
was just a fraction of what it is today, and when there was a social
necessity to provide for family. Today, people get divorced even
after many years of marriage, and on the original basis of marriage
they've had not 1 but a solid 2 lifetimes together, AND met the
original necessity of marriage to provide an environment for their
kids. So to say they'd never intended of living their whole lives
together has to be false. Why do they divorce? People change.

There is also violence in many marriages which, if left unchecked,
ends up bringing the kids to harm as well. If the violent partner
won't take on board any therapy, even blames the partner for their
outbursts, there's little choice the partner has left but to GET OUT.
Violent individuals are often sweet and nice, until they've got what
they wanted - someone to cook and sew buttons. By then it's often too
late for the other to see things as they really are.

There are also those who are pressed into marriage, even in a
so-called Christian society where arranged marriages apparently don't
happen. Or where they're clearly too young but marrying anyway
because of the false belief that "I'll always feel this way". People
change. Feelings change. And in today's society there's little
resource to help people process those changing feelings. The only
resource is "get out", and then if one has an affair they're morally
condemned, no matter WHAT the other person said or did. People don't
take pain any more, because they've never learned HOW to. Cue
lifetime dependency on prescription antidepressants, and blaming the
rest of the world for our problems.

As for affairs, a happy marriage doesn't result in an affair. Ask any
relationship counsellor. Nobody said the husband is the one with THE
problem. But hubby does have a problem - the fact is clear, in this
case hubby chose to sign up with a partner for 10 years ... a partner
who would end up running off with another bloke seemingly at the drop
of a hat... not sure what that says to you about his judgement, but
I'd say he definitely has at least 1 problem. If he doesn't learn
from it he'll likely do similar things again. Either that, or have a
lifetime dependency on prescription antidepressants, and blaming the
rest of the world for his problems...

Same applies for the woman who's seeing greener grass across the
fence.

On Sun, 13 Apr 2003 16:04:27 GMT, "KZ" wrote:

    > Just quoting your words:
    > "Affairs don't just happen. Problems cause them to happen"
    > What problems? Did she mention anything wrong that her husband did. Do you
    > think her husband entered this marriage and supported her because he didn't
    > love her?
    > No, I think what she does is BS.
    >
    > KZ.
    > "Ian Stephenson" wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    > > On Sun, 13 Apr 2003 15:43:18 GMT, "KZ" wrote:
    > >
    > > > Divorce is for the weak, it is for those people who never intended of
    > living
    > > > their whole lives together.
    > >
    > > Bullshit.
 
Old Apr 13th 2003, 6:34 pm
  #11  
Kz
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

I agree with everything you've said. I also have no problem with people
expressing their emotions in words only if they are true and not
spontaneous.

I guess, we have been trying to examine or judge, if you will, the situation
that occurred to that woman. People should get out of their marriages in the
case of "change" or other derivatives of "change" mentioned by you (drugs,
not able to provide healthy environment for the kids, etc.), but people
shouldn't cheat with people in their apartment community while their
husbands/wifes are at work. This is what I call weakness.

I agree with you in particular that her husband should have waited some time
before he filed to support her, the question is could he predicted what had
happened?

I am not going to suggest anything to her, she is an adult and should take
responsibilities and accept consequences for her actions.

KZ

"Ian Stephenson" wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > I apologise for my brusque reaction to your post, I should have made
    > my point clearer.
    > However, there's a big difference between an affair and divorce. We
    > need to establish that fact, at least.
    > Dealing with your assertion about divorce first, marriage is an
    > institution born in those times when the life expectancy of an adult
    > was just a fraction of what it is today, and when there was a social
    > necessity to provide for family. Today, people get divorced even
    > after many years of marriage, and on the original basis of marriage
    > they've had not 1 but a solid 2 lifetimes together, AND met the
    > original necessity of marriage to provide an environment for their
    > kids. So to say they'd never intended of living their whole lives
    > together has to be false. Why do they divorce? People change.
    > There is also violence in many marriages which, if left unchecked,
    > ends up bringing the kids to harm as well. If the violent partner
    > won't take on board any therapy, even blames the partner for their
    > outbursts, there's little choice the partner has left but to GET OUT.
    > Violent individuals are often sweet and nice, until they've got what
    > they wanted - someone to cook and sew buttons. By then it's often too
    > late for the other to see things as they really are.
    > There are also those who are pressed into marriage, even in a
    > so-called Christian society where arranged marriages apparently don't
    > happen. Or where they're clearly too young but marrying anyway
    > because of the false belief that "I'll always feel this way". People
    > change. Feelings change. And in today's society there's little
    > resource to help people process those changing feelings. The only
    > resource is "get out", and then if one has an affair they're morally
    > condemned, no matter WHAT the other person said or did. People don't
    > take pain any more, because they've never learned HOW to. Cue
    > lifetime dependency on prescription antidepressants, and blaming the
    > rest of the world for our problems.
    > As for affairs, a happy marriage doesn't result in an affair. Ask any
    > relationship counsellor. Nobody said the husband is the one with THE
    > problem. But hubby does have a problem - the fact is clear, in this
    > case hubby chose to sign up with a partner for 10 years ... a partner
    > who would end up running off with another bloke seemingly at the drop
    > of a hat... not sure what that says to you about his judgement, but
    > I'd say he definitely has at least 1 problem. If he doesn't learn
    > from it he'll likely do similar things again. Either that, or have a
    > lifetime dependency on prescription antidepressants, and blaming the
    > rest of the world for his problems...
    > Same applies for the woman who's seeing greener grass across the
    > fence.
    > On Sun, 13 Apr 2003 16:04:27 GMT, "KZ" wrote:
    > > Just quoting your words:
    > > "Affairs don't just happen. Problems cause them to happen"
    > > What problems? Did she mention anything wrong that her husband did. Do
you
    > > think her husband entered this marriage and supported her because he
didn't
    > > love her?
    > > No, I think what she does is BS.
    > >
    > > KZ.
    > > "Ian Stephenson" wrote in message
    > > news:[email protected]...
    > > > On Sun, 13 Apr 2003 15:43:18 GMT, "KZ" wrote:
    > > >
    > > > > Divorce is for the weak, it is for those people who never intended
of
    > > living
    > > > > their whole lives together.
    > > >
    > > > Bullshit.
 
Old Apr 13th 2003, 8:31 pm
  #12  
 
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

Originally posted by Mistressbang <snip>Ok my question is this...Im married to a US citizen and Im from
Canada. Well to make a long story short I've fallen in love with
someone else and Im wondering what would happen to me if I got divorced? As it is right now Im waiting on an interview....i've only got my temp workers permit. <snip>...Im just curious as to what would happen if I was to divorce would there be any options for me to stay?<snip>
Mistressbang
Hey MBang, I'm not a card-carrying member of the morality police here. You didn't ask for advice on your personal life & relationship habits, so I won't inflict mine on you. You did ask a legitimate question about your immigration status & I wish I knew more to tell you, but here's the first good answer I hit on google (which you can use too). Why is it good? It's from an experienced user who happens to maintain the group's FAQ.

On Fri, 09 Apr 1999 03:25:33 GMT, [email protected] wrote:
> I have a friend who fell in love and got married to an American. They applied for a conditional green card and a year later the green card was still not issued. He (the American) divorces her and contacts the INS to cancel her application. The INS sends a rejection of the green card application and tells her to leave. QUESTION: I HEARD SOMETHING ABOUT A PERSON BEING ABLE TO STAY IN THE US AFTER DIVORCE FROM AN AMERICAN IF THEY CAN PROVE THAT MARRIAGE WAS ENTERED INTO IN GOOD FAITH. TRUE? IF TRUE, HOW
>WOULD SUCH A RULE APPLY TO MY FRIEND'S SITUATION?
Mike Answered:
Howdy,
The INS position in a case like this is not full of mercy.
If the divorce occurs before approval of Adjustment of Status, then there will be no approval. The "basis" for the approval is the marriage, if the marriage falls apart, so does the application. Like a lot of other laws, to realize the precarious nature of your friends' situation mean "connecting the dots" of immigration law. What I have just stated is not written down in so simple a paragraph.
The alien becomes subject to a "voluntary departure" action when the INS discovers such a situation. If the departure is not voluntary, the INS begins deportation action. The recourse is legal. Hire a lawyer, and be prepared to PROVE that the deportation would subject the alien to a significantly MORE hardship than any other alien being deported.
So your friend needs to either hire an experienced immigration attorney, or be prepared to return home. I sincerely wish there were an easier way.
Regards,
Mike
--
alt.visa.us.marriage-based newsgroup FAQ....
http://www.txdirect.net/users/mike38/k1faq.htm
-------------------
Hopefully this gives you someplace to start, MBang.
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Old Apr 13th 2003, 9:47 pm
  #13  
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

Originally posted by Cloweii
BTW love the name.

Can you tell me what the issues you ignored with your current marriage?

I think you can stay here because you had good intentions when you married.
Your husband will still have to support you because of the affidavit he filled
out.

Brad
Why would you think that it is any of your business what the issues are?

As for the AOS, it is my belief that until the adjustment interview, the AOS is not in effect until their interview. Someone please correct me if I am wrong.

As for everyone else, why the moral judgment on this woman????

Are you all so blemish free that you can cast stones?

Also she never said she had a conditional green card. She said she had an EAD and was waiting on the AOS interview.

If divorce is for the weak, then I'm weak because I've been divorced and my current husband divorced twice before marrying me.

Rete
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Old Apr 13th 2003, 10:22 pm
  #14  
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

Originally posted by meauxna
Hey MBang, I'm not a card-carrying member of the morality police here.
Lol Meauxna. Nothing rubs me on the wrong side like one of those If everyone stuck to the facts, and refrained from passing moral judgement, and said less about what they thought about others actions and stuck to what actually is, this forum would be a much pleasenter place in which to hang out.
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Old Apr 13th 2003, 10:46 pm
  #15  
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Default Re: what will happen to me?

Originally posted by Rete
Why would you think that it is any of your business what the issues are?

As for the AOS, it is my belief that until the adjustment interview, the AOS is not in effect until their interview. Someone please correct me if I am wrong.

As for everyone else, why the moral judgment on this woman????

Are you all so blemish free that you can cast stones?

Also she never said she had a conditional green card. She said she had an EAD and was waiting on the AOS interview.

If divorce is for the weak, then I'm weak because I've been divorced and my current husband divorced twice before marrying me.

Rete
I think it takes more strength to admit to yourself the reality of a relationship that isn't working and end it, the asociated upheaval isn't "fun" especially if there are children involved, than to persist in deluding yourself and being too fearful of the change involved to admit what you know in your heart is true.
Of course, I am biased. I've divorced once, current husband has divorced twice. We both hope that we learnt something, we will make mistakes but we have promised to try to make them new and interesting ones this time
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