Perishable

My husband and I decided to get married and I was barely 19 years old.
I regret marrying so young now but I can't walk away from it like
everybody else. He needed his green card so we decided to begin making
a life together. When he moved to the bay area, we started to find out
we didn't get along anymore... at all. Now a year has passed, we went
to an INS meeting when we were all good but now it's to the point where
I had to even move out. This all happened within a year. I thought I
could wait a while to save some money for an annulment but the INS sent
us a letter saying we have a 2nd meeting, which is abnormal. They think
our marriage is suspicious I am sure, but it wasn't, but now it's bad.
We hate each other. I want to tell them I don't want to come to the 2nd
meeting because we're not going to be together anymore but I also don't
want him to be deported or for them to think it was fraudulent. I'm
only 20 and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I thought I was
going to be helping my life partner and now it has turned to shit.

What should I do???

Kat

If you are unhappy then why prelong staying married...YOU DONT have to
show up but if you want to help your "HATE" husband then you will have
to show up. The ball is in your court. Best of luck to you
perishable wrote:
    > My husband and I decided to get married and I was barely 19 years old.
    > I regret marrying so young now but I can't walk away from it like
    > everybody else. He needed his green card so we decided to begin making
    > a life together. When he moved to the bay area, we started to find out
    > we didn't get along anymore... at all. Now a year has passed, we went
    > to an INS meeting when we were all good but now it's to the point where
    > I had to even move out. This all happened within a year. I thought I
    > could wait a while to save some money for an annulment but the INS sent
    > us a letter saying we have a 2nd meeting, which is abnormal. They think
    > our marriage is suspicious I am sure, but it wasn't, but now it's bad.
    > We hate each other. I want to tell them I don't want to come to the 2nd
    > meeting because we're not going to be together anymore but I also don't
    > want him to be deported or for them to think it was fraudulent. I'm
    > only 20 and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I thought I was
    > going to be helping my life partner and now it has turned to shit.
    >
    > What should I do???

Perishable

Won't I get arrested?

Kat

No you wont get arrested....I would advise writing to USCIS an asking
for your remove yourself from his petiton....He wont be able to get his
greencard but then you also wont have the guilt of letting him get a
greencard for the wrong reason. I am sorry your going through a hard
time
perishable wrote:
    > Won't I get arrested?

scrubbedexpat099

What for?

Just Jenney

First you say that you decided to "make a life together" because he "needed a green card." Then you say that you "hate each other" but don't want the USCIS (not INS) "to think [the marriage] was fraudulent."

Maybe it's just me, but these two statements seem to completely contradict each other. Because it certainly sounds like you married so that he could get the green card he "needed". The fact that in only a year you actually got to the point of HATING each other -- a very strong sentiment, indeed -- seems to back up that assertion.

You are a grown woman who fortunately lives in a country where you has free will and can act upon it. You are a US citizen so you can live here, no strings attached. You can also get divorced or have your marriage annulled if you want to.

He, however, is neither a US citizen nor a legal resident. His marriage to you has now apparently dissolved irreparably and therefore his basis for becoming a legal resident has evaporated. That leaves him with two options: Find some other way to reside legally in the United States, or go home.

What he decides to do is basically irrelevant to your life, since you are intent on ending your marriage to him anyway. And since those are your plans, there's no point in going to the 2nd interview. If you do, then all that will happen will be that you either 1) tell the truth and admit that your marriage has ended, resulting in his application's denial; or 2) lie, say everything is great and commit immigration fraud. Whether you would like to break the law, and face the consequences, is up to you.

However, I do find it peculiar that you seem overly concerned with what might happen to a person you admit to HATE. Definitely not the norm...

~ Jenney

hcj1440

IMHO:

You could go to the interview and help your husband make a case that you both had good intentions but it just didn't work out. I would recommend that he bring a lawyer if you decide to do that.

Or you could not go to the interview at all and just let him deal with it.

In either case I think he needs a lawyer. You, on the other hand, only need to decide how nice you want to be and what you are willing to do or not do. Let your STBX make the request of you (after consulting his lawyer), and then you tell him yes or no.

BTW I can understand not being able to live with someone that you once thought was the love of your life. I can also understand "hating" him now but still not wishing ill upon him. You are a decent human being. I would suggest to you that his immigration status is his problem to solve. You don't need to wash your hands of him entirely -- for example if he and his lawyer ask you to go to the interview and tell the truth, and you're willing to do that, go for it. But you should not be taking responsibility for his immigration status now. Let him figure it out.

Matthew Udall

Just to add a bit more to what others have posted. Don't forget the obligations under the I-864 (I assume she filed one with the case). Those obligations could last a life time and should not be assumed lightly.

Sorry things didn't work out for the OP.

ian-mstm

Why, exactly, do you believe that "everybody else" walks away from their marriage? Also, "like everybody else" is a complete generalization and so minimizes and demeans what other people have done. As those of us who have been divorced can tell you, leaving any marriage is not an easy thing to do, but your comments give the impression that you are somehow morally superior to the rest of us. I assure you, you're not.

Hey... you're only 20 years old. It is apparent that you don't yet have the emotional wherewithal to handle the issues inherent both in marriage and immigration. So, if you're not happy in your marriage, divorce the guy and move on. Oh, if by some chance he does adjust his status and you divorce, you will likely still be on the hook financially under the terms of the I-864... perhaps for a very long time... perhaps forever.

Ian

Taterbug

Marriage may not last forever but the I-864, like death and taxes, will!

Ray

Why!!! Did he pay you to enter into a bogus marriage ....Perhaps thats why you are worried about being arrested ..

scrubbedexpat099

Now that would make sense.

Elvira

Stop scaring the poor lass! Seems to me she's just a confused kid who got into all this without considering the consequences, married way too young, and now doesn't know what to do.

janadeen

- It's not abnormal to have a 2nd interview

- recognize and embrace that youhave a lot of growing up to do

- stop rushing into things

- HEAR and FOLLOW the advice you've been given by the previous posters, particularly, Jenney Mark

lilirossi

[email protected] wrote:
    > janadeen wrote:
    > > > My husband and I decided to get married and I was barely 19 years old.
    > > > I regret marrying so young now but I can't walk away from it like
    > > > everybody else. He needed his green card so we decided to begin making
    > > > a life together. When he moved to the bay area, we started to find out
    > > > we didn't get along anymore... at all. Now a year has passed, we went
    > > > to an INS meeting when we were all good but now it's to the point
    > > > where
    > > > I had to even move out. This all happened within a year. I thought I
    > > > could wait a while to save some money for an annulment but the INS
    > > > sent
    > > > us a letter saying we have a 2nd meeting, which is abnormal. They
    > > > think
    > > > our marriage is suspicious I am sure, but it wasn't, but now it's bad.
    > > > We hate each other. I want to tell them I don't want to come to the
    > > > 2nd
    > > > meeting because we're not going to be together anymore but I also
    > > > don't
    > > > want him to be deported or for them to think it was fraudulent. I'm
    > > > only 20 and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I thought I was
    > > > going to be helping my life partner and now it has turned to shit.
    > > >
    > > > What should I do???
    > >
    > > - It's not abnormal to have a 2nd interview
    > >
    > > - recognize and embrace that youhave a lot of growing up to do
    > >
    > > - stop rushing into things
    > >
    > > - HEAR and FOLLOW the advice you've been given by the previous posters,
    > > particularly, Jenney Mark
    > >
    > > --
    > > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

You need to do what is best for you. It is your life and you need to
care for yourself. Marriage can be very difficult and sometimes it
doesn't work out. I think the suggestion about him getting a lawyer is
a good one. Then he can get legal help to try and stay here and you
don't have to feel guilty. yes as everyone has said, and it's true, we
all agreed to take responsibility when we signed the I 864. But don't
let that be your main concern. you need to take care of YOU!

Lili