kittya2004

I have posted before as Anjeje but seem to have lost my account.

I am at the moment pending AOS my problem is that I can no longer continue live with my husband. We have nothing in joint names and I refuse to obtain anything as he runs out on his bills. Since being married we have no furniture expect a bed and a sofa he did at one time rent furniture just after we got married, but never paid for it and it was taken away. He does not pay any of the bills and I am scared to get anything in joint names for this reason. He has even gone behind my back and put cable in my name only to not pay that bill either. Latest thing he has done is flood the vacant aprtment upstairs from us so he can flood ours so he doesn not have to pay rent. Yes I have posted before as Anjeje but seemed to have lost my account.

Honestly guys what do you do when everything is fine for the first few months of marriage and then your spouse shows to you exactly who they are? I have tried so hard to be there for him and deal with the emotional abuse he throws me and the fact that he does these stupid things but I cannot do it anymore. Even our friends are seeing who he is and telling me to get out. Is there a possibility that an immigrtion would help me with these issues and if so does anyone in here know of any near Houston that I can pay off as right now I have just had to pay him $1000.00 for filing my paperwork and have very limited funds. I hope you the pics help as too see for yourself!

Please help if you can!!!

Ray

You said much the same back in May
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=227816

You really are on a losing situation ..go back to Australia.. and re-group

kittya2004

Ray if I go back then I abandon my AOS I have not been in the USA as long as most others but I am growing to like here. I am just looking for a lawyer that I can hopefully pay off as this is no fault of my own. I really dnt know what else to say only that I dnt want to have to suffer and leave b/c he has no idea how to even take care of mimself let alone me ( his wife ) Thanx for your advice it Ray and have a great day.

inquisitive40

Hi
I am so sorry that things aren't working for you with this guy. Personally before I moved the the US I never knew that these type of people existed. (maybe just a sheltered life ) But here there are people like your husband who live outside the "real world" and take no responsibility for anything. Your only choice is either see if he can get therapy, which might uncover some subconcious reason for his actions OR as Ray said bail out and head back to Australia.
Realistically I do no think you can stay in the US if you are not gonna stay with him, regardless of what lawyer you hire.
Do yourself a favor and move home to Australia.
Patrick

Ray

If you have not already done AOS your chances of being allowed to stay are virtually zero or less... but good luck

inquisitive40

LOL hard to keep up.
That is the problem. you would have a huge problem proving enough extenuating circumstances to get a waiver to allow you to stay.
What is so much different here in the US that makes you want to stay? Were you in a more rural part of Australia?
Patrick

Bluegrass Lass

Okay..so it looks like he definitely needs some counseling on the benefits of paying bills on time, and he sounds unscrupulous in that he's deliberately damaged 2 apartments to get out of paying rent. I can understand why you don't want anything joint with him.

How has he managed to live on his own if he doesn't pay the bills? The water and electric companies simply cut off service if you don't pay up. I can almost understand about not having any furniture as we didn't have any of our own til recently, but having them repossessed is ridiculous!

Are you authorized to work yet? If so, then you could start putting things in your name only and make sure they are paid. It sounds like you maybe don't want to leave him since you're afraid he can't take care of himself, but he was taking care of himself before you married, & he will continue to do so (in his odd ways) if you decided to leave him. Before you married, if he was living on his own, then he surely must have been paying the bills, otherwise he would have been homeless! Did he do this stuff before you arrived?

But if you truly cannot stand to stay with him any longer, but want to remain here, you will be facing difficulties with the USCIS. If your husband isn't making enough to support you, or you divorce him before your AOS is approved, you won't be able to remain here legally. There may be some kind of abuse waiver available for very ugly situations (i.e. physical/emotional abuse) that you could apply for, but I'm not very knowledgeable of them. You may want to consult a good immigration attorney to find out what your options may be.

Have you double checked to make sure that he did indeed file your AOS paperwork? He could have just kept the money you gave him, and never filed it. How did you enter the US? On a fiancee (K1) visa? $1000.00 sounds quite high for AOS paperwork. What forms did you file?

Wish I could help more! I wish you the best of luck in this situation!

Cheers,
Jamie

kittya2004

No just from a small city not as big as anything I have seen here. I just don
t understand you put all you can into something and then in the end you have to suffer just b/c one person does the wrong thing. I dont understand it I have tried so hard to make this marriage work and I am going to be the one who loses everyhting in the end that really isn't fair and it hurts. I can imagine how happy my parents will be when I tell them all I can hear is ( i told you so ) but i love him and I have asked him to get help. He says he has no problem.

kittya2004

Hi Jamie.


It was 3 months after we were married he had a beautiful 2 storey home that we lived in full of the rented furniture. he had a fight with the pple he was under contract with the house and just moved and paid nothing i think 2 weeks before that had occured the furniture was taken back by the store. yes I have work Autho and I am in the process of renewing it again. He has all of his utilities in his bosses name and gets the secretary to draw checks to pay for it just before it gets cut off he uses some story to save himself. I just fnd out the apartment he just floooded he left there 2 weeks ago and management had no idea he had even gone and he owes them like $ 1508.00 and he just grabbed his mattress off the bed and left that is all he took with him Jamie. I have so many pple that have seen what he does that will help me in any way they can. Ooh paperwork yes I filed it in person it came to $1000.00 with adit photos, notorized copies ect. So I know that my paperwork is filed as I did it. he says he has no problem but I wasn't aware he was like this before I married him. I am married on a tourist visa and I know pple in here hate that as you go through alot with the K3's ect but he asked me 3 days before I was due to fly home and I love him so I said yes.

Jamie I know he needs help but he won't do it and I cannot force him to. he lies to me so much about everyhting that i am nhot sure what is real with him anymore, and if I go against him in anyway he puts me down emotinally and tells me that he will bring me down by saying our marriage is fake. Now how can you say that to someone you confess to love each day now and forever. I just dnt get it anymore.

inquisitive40

My thought from reading this post also is who did the affidavit of support? Did you have a joint sponsor? How old is your husband? Has he lived by himself before?

The sad thing in relationships is that the saying "if you want to know me come and live with me" is a VERY true statement, no one really knows someone until they live with them. I know many couples here who love each other dearly but have come to an understanding that they would never be able to live with each other. Count yourself lucky that there are no children involved. Remember the exact same thing could happen in ANY relationship, the kid next door could seem so sweet and nice until you move in with them, is only then you see their day to day living habits.
Just remember "THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT" it is not a reflection on you and you should accept that it just didn't work and move on.
Do you have work you can go back to in Australia? If not, why not move to one of the bigger cities there and see that side of life, the world is open to you, no reason to go back with tail between your legs, try something new back home. You have taken a great step by coming to the US, now move back to Australia and continue to take steps forward and not back. Is your life, live it
Patrick

kittya2004

He filled out the affadavit of support and he is 42 years old has been living alone since he was 20. No I dnt have a job in Australia to go back to I dnt have anything in Australia to go back to. I sold it all after I married him ( now a big mistake ). i know that this is not my fault but I feel like I failed and I have created a life here and dnt want to lose everything b/c of him. I am avidly searching for an attorney I can pay off but as yet have found none. Have also tried the charities mentioned to me before and they dnt help cases like mine lol. I want to find a hole and dive in and cover myself up and hope things change but I know that they won't.

buffalo24

Okay, well, I will concede that there are people like that here, but are there not people like that everywhere? From what you say it sounds like you think "people like that" only live in the US.

I'm not trying to start anything, or be rude, but I just wanted to point out that saying something like that might make some people feel offended. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it, but it's hard to tell on a newsgroup.

~Kirsten

kittya2004

NO NO NO i am not trying to say that it is pple here that are like that and I know pple like this exist everwhere, but I just happened to come across one here. If I have offended anyone in here whatsoever the I sincerely apologise. It was never my intention I was just stating what is currently going on with me. Again sorry if I have offended anyone.

inquisitive40

"(maybe just a sheltered life )"
This is exactly what I meant, I never came across them back home BUT as you rightly point out they may exist.
Was not a slam, just an observation from someone who had never dealt with people like that until I moved here.
Patrick

kittya2004

I am exactly the same Patrick I never experienced this either until I came here but I will never ever judge someone unless they give me reason to and sorry but my husband has given me more then enough reasons to judge him!!!