scrubbedexpat091

I feel that in regards to my family and my wife is feeling that way now as her brother is having a baby, all her friends also have kids, so at times we really just don't fit in. Fact is childless people have different interests and concerns, hard to find common ground with people who have kids.

Looking back I suppose that is why we rarely saw my mom's brothers, neither ever had kids, and my parents tended to associate with family do also had kids.

My sisters kids, some don't remember who I am as they were too young last time I saw them, and the older one's call me my moms (mom being my sister) brother who lives in another country.

Paul_Shepherd

I think your right about the relationship with your siblings is more important to your parents than to siblings - now they have gone, the glue has gone, however i have really really tried, its just not reciprocated.

One thing that will be a shame is that my 2 nephews will miss out, and importantly i will miss sharing Canada with them, while they are still kids....while things are still magical, having no kids of my own that was really important to me.

Maybe they can some over unaccompanied when theyre a little older? it would mean the world to me. Other than that ive got to the point now with friends and family.... come if you want, if not your loss.

Im lucky to have made some great freinds here, and to be fair they have become as close as my family used to be.

scilly

I had a best friend like that

We met at age 11 on our first day at grammar school, became really friendly in the summer we turned 18. From that point on, her mother considered me another daughter, especially after my mother died when I was 21 ........... but it was really because I spent so much time at their house

B emigrated to Australia in 1962, we met up several times in 1975 when we lived in Melbourne and she in Sydney, and then on visits that I made down there in 1981, 2000 and 2006.

Each time it was as if we had never been apart ........ and that was despite the fact that she was a terrible correspondent! I rarely got a reply to any letter.

Unfortunately she died in 2009 ........... she developed Parkinson's in the early 2000's and eventually moved to Northern Ireland to be with her sister in 2007/8. She was totally bed bound for the last year of her life.

We were making plans to have a visit to England in summer 2009, and to go to see her. It was not to be

Paul_Shepherd

Totally agree with this - and sometimes even seen as outcasts! A friend of mine and his wife cant have kids (really wanted to) but couldnt - he tells me some of the things that are said to him by couples with kids - things like oh you will never understand love until you have a child of your own! Made my friend feel like a lepper!!

scrubbedexpat091

I agree. We have been the receiving end of some of those comments. We can't have kids, well I suppose we could with money and lots of modern medical assistance, but at the same time we can't afford kids so for us it's not a major issue, but at times we do feel like we are outcasts for sure.

scilly

Keep the contact with them, and make an offer for them to come visit you when they can travel on their own. There is an age before which they cannot travel alone .......... and there is also an age between about 15 and 20 when you might NOT want them to visit!!

The problem sometimes is finding things suitable to their age to do when you don't have children for them to pal around with!

My eldest niece was about 14 when we married and left the UK, I wrote to all 3 of the nieces, and then S's 21st birthday was looming up.

We offered to give her a holiday in Canada if she could come up with the plane ticket. She did, she spent 3 weeks with us, met one of our friends who took her night clubbing (we had a 4 month old baby!), and bingo .......... she married him and immigrated here about 18 months later.

We planned to do the same thing for her 2 sisters but sister #2 was dating someone seriously by the time she was 20 and didn't want to spend the money nor was she interested

The youngest came to visit her sister around her 21st.

becks_r

I have heard it all as well. I don't have kids, never wanted them. But most people don't know that, they just see a childless woman and for all they know I might have desperately wanted them. I find it amazing how thoughtless and cruel people are with their comments, luckily they were never hurtful to me, but they weren't to know that! One of the worst was when I actually did tell someone I wasn't going to have kids (not that I didn't want them though) and they said it was wrong of me not to use the vessel God had given me!! I won't repeat what I said back.....

bats

Oh yes I hear you on this one. People say the nastiest things when you don't have children. Younger women especially seem to assume they've become saints and are much better persons than us childless ones.

Paul_Shepherd

Im one stage worse, ive had girlfriends, they have never gone the distance for one reason for another, (some just not suited, and a some where the girl broke it off for no real reason) so Ive never been married, so im sure im seen as the ultimate outcast!

The people who know me (my close friends) know who and what i am though, so i just tell myself that!

scilly

We had been married 7 years before we had our daughter, out of choice.

I was always glad that no-one ever asked us if or why .... most unusual in that late 60s /early 70s time.

I think it might have been different if we had been in the UK with family around. The friends we had here were mainly childless, most unmarried, and those with children didn't care whether we had a family or not.

In fact, the common comment when I said I was pregnant was "Oh, we thought you'd decided not to have a family!" !!


On the other hand, daughter was under constant pressure from her m-i-l about having a child ............. not having one while she and husband were at university or getting professional registrations was acceptable, but as soon as they both got their qualifications, the pressure started.

The sad thing was that daughter was desperate to have a child, but having problems, and m-i-l's pressure just made everything worse .... to the point that daughter felt m-i-l had to be told.

Paul_Shepherd

Spot on!! Totally with you on that one!! its almost to the point of smugness!!

bats

What really oisses me off is the lack of consideration for others. Women pushing wheelchairs around without giving a thought who they bash into. When I'm out with my mum, 88 with a walking stick, they expect her to get off the pavement to make way for them.
At the weekend were were at an open day with demonstrations etc. One room had six chairs, three of them occupied by children and not one of the others over 30.

Paul_Shepherd

My nephews are 7 and 11 later this year, I thought about offering to pay half the air fare for my eldest nephew - within the next couple of years.... as i said i still want them to see the magic of coming here on holiday as a child. Then do the same for the younger one when hes old enough.

I think i could entertain them for a week, i have a boat i can take out and spend the overnight on, fishing swimming in the lake etc simple things, but magical things to a young lad, and the things you cant do in the UK in the same way as here, and then there is camping too....camping here is so much more exciting than in the UK, which is normally just a green field with no camp fires!! i also have some friends with kids at a similar age, so that would fill a couple of days too. Importantly it would give me chance to build memories with them.

Paul_Shepherd

I have to agree, and whats with the special parking spots for families next to the disabled spots? a pregnant woman yes ok....but families...why do they get a special spot? i think that would be more deserving going to someone like you and your elderly mother.

becks_r

I think that would be a great thing to do, and the parents might relish the opportunity of having a week or so without the kids. And they aren't just magical things for a lad - I miss having a boat and love fishing, camping not so much!!! But I think it is great for kids to do something slightly outside their comfort zone and have new experiences!!