Tescos....every little helps
Aug 11th 2006, 10:44 pm
#1
Glasgow Rangers
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 1,548
Tescos....every little helps
One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him
"My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's
a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It
takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better
than a doctor and you get Club card points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The
computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
"My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's
a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It
takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better
than a doctor and you get Club card points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The
computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
Aug 12th 2006, 12:41 am
#2
Islander
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Toronto, woo!
Posts: 953
Re: Tescos....every little helps
LMAO Roll on the day when you can actually do something that useful in a Tesco...
Don't like them myself though. They're going to be one of those companies you see in all the Dystopian Sci-fi films: an 'Omnicorp' nobody can get away from spending money in as they've forced everyone else out of business
Roll on the day when you can actually do something that useful in a Tesco... Don't like them myself though. They're going to be one of those companies you see in all the Dystopian Sci-fi films: an 'Omnicorp' nobody can get away from spending money in as they've forced everyone else out of business
Aug 12th 2006, 10:02 am
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 513
Re: Tescos....every little helps
Originally Posted by Voyager970
One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him
"My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's
a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It
takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better
than a doctor and you get Club card points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The
computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
"My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's
a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It
takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better
than a doctor and you get Club card points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The
computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
Dozzzzy
Applied Skilled Worker (London)
Application submitted - 05th July 2004
AOR Dated - 21st July 2004 (18 Months)
Delay Letter - Arrived Jan 2006 (Delayed till June 2006)
Medical Request - 26 May 2006 (NO Interview or Updated Docs Required)
Medical Taken - 28th May 2006
Medical Received - 4 July 2006
Info Request - 17 July - Update Available Funds
PPR - STILL WAITING !!!!!
Aug 12th 2006, 10:10 am
#4
has got PPR yay baby !!!!
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: cambridge ON , but originally ...otley, west yorks
Posts: 518
Re: Tescos....every little helps
pmsl !!! will have to send that on
