Scottish love making !!!!!!
Sep 15th 2006, 11:19 pm
#1
Glasgow Rangers
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 1,548
Scottish love making !!!!!!
SCOTTISH LOVE MAKING
PREPARATION
Friday night is very much love-night for the Scottish male.
Arriving back from the pub, having partaken of the
traditional aphrodisiac - 12 pints, a white pudding supper and 3 pickled onions
his mind is set on one thing LOVE! Or as he says, "Ma nookie!"
His lust at fever pitch after the sensuous excitement of a hard night's
dominoes, he approaches his beloved wife, enticing her with gentle words
of passion, "Any chance o' ma hole?"
The good lady in question, perhaps over excited by the erotic smell of
stale beer or the sensuous vision of pickled onions sticking to his
chin, is at first somewhat reluctant.
This coy reluctance is expressed with the flirtatious reply, "Awa tae
f_ck, ya bampot, ye!"
FOREPLAY
Foreplay is very important indeed. This basically consists of The male
casting off his lightly soiled Y-fronts provocatively at his wife,
usually landing skid-mark side down, as he approaches the bed singing
the ancient Gaelic fertility chant, "Here we go, here we go, Here we go."
Upon reaching the bed, he comments proudly on his
rampant 8 incher. This is a classic example of alcohol induced double
vision.
INITIAL PROBLEMS
After 12 pints, sometimes the man's member is a trifle reluctant to
extend itself (literally). Impotence is very much a blow to the man's
self-esteem and the wife has to be very tactful. She will offer gentle
and sensitive words of encouragement such as, "Ya useless b@stard, "or
possibly, "I'll tell ye wan thing...it never happens, tae the Milkman."
FELLATIO
Oral is a great favourite of the Scotsman. He approaches his wife with
a cheeky invitation, "How'd ye like tae pit yer teeth roon this Daphne?"
Although the lady's name is not Daphne, she will nod willingly and point
suggestively to her falsies smiling happily on the bedside tumbler.
"Guan yersel," she says, "jist dinnae bother me."
Undeterred by this slight rejection, the man drives enthusiastically to
perform such a service for his wife. .!
DOWN TO BUSINESS
Eventually the moment comes to consumate their tender love. Again,
alcohol induced double vision is an important factor as the man decides
which of his willies to use for penetration.
Sometimes in his excitement he may suffer from severe premature ejaculation.
A phenomenon he explains to his wife using the poetic phrase, "F_ck me, I've shoat ma load."
If this does occur, it is essential he makes up for disappointing his
wife by uttering tender and loving compliments such as, perhaps,
informing her that she's the nicest woman he's ever come across.
An imaginative lover, the Scotsman, possibly having read that women
like to be spoken dirty to, says such things as, "Snotters, Shite,
a*sehole." The woman is speechless. The man is now thrusting away, his
mind a kaleidoscope of jumbled erotic thoughts. The woman wonders if she
should repaint the ceiling. Sometimes she utters a word of encouragement
such as, "Are you sure its in?"
Given his level of sexual expertise, the Scotsman's ideal partner should
be a versatile lover specialising in the faked orgasm. This takes the
form of a breathless shout, "Ooyah,ooyah, gallus big man."
Eventually it's all over. The man rolls over, wipes his willie on her
nightie, falls asleep and commences snoring like a pig.
Aye, there's no doubt about it, there's no one in the world performs
quite like a Scotsman - a veritable prince in the kingdom of sex.
PS NOT ME HONEST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie
PREPARATION
Friday night is very much love-night for the Scottish male.
Arriving back from the pub, having partaken of the
traditional aphrodisiac - 12 pints, a white pudding supper and 3 pickled onions
his mind is set on one thing LOVE! Or as he says, "Ma nookie!"
His lust at fever pitch after the sensuous excitement of a hard night's
dominoes, he approaches his beloved wife, enticing her with gentle words
of passion, "Any chance o' ma hole?"
The good lady in question, perhaps over excited by the erotic smell of
stale beer or the sensuous vision of pickled onions sticking to his
chin, is at first somewhat reluctant.
This coy reluctance is expressed with the flirtatious reply, "Awa tae
f_ck, ya bampot, ye!"
FOREPLAY
Foreplay is very important indeed. This basically consists of The male
casting off his lightly soiled Y-fronts provocatively at his wife,
usually landing skid-mark side down, as he approaches the bed singing
the ancient Gaelic fertility chant, "Here we go, here we go, Here we go."
Upon reaching the bed, he comments proudly on his
rampant 8 incher. This is a classic example of alcohol induced double
vision.
INITIAL PROBLEMS
After 12 pints, sometimes the man's member is a trifle reluctant to
extend itself (literally). Impotence is very much a blow to the man's
self-esteem and the wife has to be very tactful. She will offer gentle
and sensitive words of encouragement such as, "Ya useless b@stard, "or
possibly, "I'll tell ye wan thing...it never happens, tae the Milkman."
FELLATIO
Oral is a great favourite of the Scotsman. He approaches his wife with
a cheeky invitation, "How'd ye like tae pit yer teeth roon this Daphne?"
Although the lady's name is not Daphne, she will nod willingly and point
suggestively to her falsies smiling happily on the bedside tumbler.
"Guan yersel," she says, "jist dinnae bother me."
Undeterred by this slight rejection, the man drives enthusiastically to
perform such a service for his wife. .!
DOWN TO BUSINESS
Eventually the moment comes to consumate their tender love. Again,
alcohol induced double vision is an important factor as the man decides
which of his willies to use for penetration.
Sometimes in his excitement he may suffer from severe premature ejaculation.
A phenomenon he explains to his wife using the poetic phrase, "F_ck me, I've shoat ma load."
If this does occur, it is essential he makes up for disappointing his
wife by uttering tender and loving compliments such as, perhaps,
informing her that she's the nicest woman he's ever come across.
An imaginative lover, the Scotsman, possibly having read that women
like to be spoken dirty to, says such things as, "Snotters, Shite,
a*sehole." The woman is speechless. The man is now thrusting away, his
mind a kaleidoscope of jumbled erotic thoughts. The woman wonders if she
should repaint the ceiling. Sometimes she utters a word of encouragement
such as, "Are you sure its in?"
Given his level of sexual expertise, the Scotsman's ideal partner should
be a versatile lover specialising in the faked orgasm. This takes the
form of a breathless shout, "Ooyah,ooyah, gallus big man."
Eventually it's all over. The man rolls over, wipes his willie on her
nightie, falls asleep and commences snoring like a pig.
Aye, there's no doubt about it, there's no one in the world performs
quite like a Scotsman - a veritable prince in the kingdom of sex.
PS NOT ME HONEST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie
Sep 15th 2006, 11:27 pm
#2
Banned
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: In Limbo
Posts: 15,706
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Originally Posted by Voyager970
SCOTTISH LOVE MAKING
PS NOT ME HONEST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie
PS NOT ME HONEST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie
Sep 15th 2006, 11:28 pm
#3
End of the line
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: No longer around
Posts: 843
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Originally Posted by Butch Cassidy
Perhaps your alter ego Edwardo?
Hey Butch - I didn't realise you were Scottish
Sep 15th 2006, 11:55 pm
#4
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2006
Location: under my laptop
Posts: 30
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Good job none of us want to go to Austalia.
'Brace yourself Sheila!' :scared:
Thank you, I'm new to this site and haven't had such a good laugh in weeks.
'Brace yourself Sheila!' :scared:
Thank you, I'm new to this site and haven't had such a good laugh in weeks.
Sep 16th 2006, 12:16 am
#5
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Victoria, BC Canada
Posts: 61,698
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Originally Posted by Voyager970
SCOTTISH LOVE MAKING
PREPARATION
Friday night is very much love-night for the Scottish male.
Arriving back from the pub, having partaken of the
traditional aphrodisiac - 12 pints, a white pudding supper and 3 pickled onions
his mind is set on one thing LOVE! Or as he says, "Ma nookie!"
His lust at fever pitch after the sensuous excitement of a hard night's
dominoes, he approaches his beloved wife, enticing her with gentle words
of passion, "Any chance o' ma hole?"
The good lady in question, perhaps over excited by the erotic smell of
stale beer or the sensuous vision of pickled onions sticking to his
chin, is at first somewhat reluctant.
This coy reluctance is expressed with the flirtatious reply, "Awa tae
f_ck, ya bampot, ye!"
FOREPLAY
Foreplay is very important indeed. This basically consists of The male
casting off his lightly soiled Y-fronts provocatively at his wife,
usually landing skid-mark side down, as he approaches the bed singing
the ancient Gaelic fertility chant, "Here we go, here we go, Here we go."
Upon reaching the bed, he comments proudly on his
rampant 8 incher. This is a classic example of alcohol induced double
vision.
INITIAL PROBLEMS
After 12 pints, sometimes the man's member is a trifle reluctant to
extend itself (literally). Impotence is very much a blow to the man's
self-esteem and the wife has to be very tactful. She will offer gentle
and sensitive words of encouragement such as, "Ya useless b@stard, "or
possibly, "I'll tell ye wan thing...it never happens, tae the Milkman."
FELLATIO
Oral is a great favourite of the Scotsman. He approaches his wife with
a cheeky invitation, "How'd ye like tae pit yer teeth roon this Daphne?"
Although the lady's name is not Daphne, she will nod willingly and point
suggestively to her falsies smiling happily on the bedside tumbler.
"Guan yersel," she says, "jist dinnae bother me."
Undeterred by this slight rejection, the man drives enthusiastically to
perform such a service for his wife. .!
DOWN TO BUSINESS
Eventually the moment comes to consumate their tender love. Again,
alcohol induced double vision is an important factor as the man decides
which of his willies to use for penetration.
Sometimes in his excitement he may suffer from severe premature ejaculation.
A phenomenon he explains to his wife using the poetic phrase, "F_ck me, I've shoat ma load."
If this does occur, it is essential he makes up for disappointing his
wife by uttering tender and loving compliments such as, perhaps,
informing her that she's the nicest woman he's ever come across.
An imaginative lover, the Scotsman, possibly having read that women
like to be spoken dirty to, says such things as, "Snotters, Shite,
a*sehole." The woman is speechless. The man is now thrusting away, his
mind a kaleidoscope of jumbled erotic thoughts. The woman wonders if she
should repaint the ceiling. Sometimes she utters a word of encouragement
such as, "Are you sure its in?"
Given his level of sexual expertise, the Scotsman's ideal partner should
be a versatile lover specialising in the faked orgasm. This takes the
form of a breathless shout, "Ooyah,ooyah, gallus big man."
Eventually it's all over. The man rolls over, wipes his willie on her
nightie, falls asleep and commences snoring like a pig.
Aye, there's no doubt about it, there's no one in the world performs
quite like a Scotsman - a veritable prince in the kingdom of sex.
PS NOT ME HONEST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie
PREPARATION
Friday night is very much love-night for the Scottish male.
Arriving back from the pub, having partaken of the
traditional aphrodisiac - 12 pints, a white pudding supper and 3 pickled onions
his mind is set on one thing LOVE! Or as he says, "Ma nookie!"
His lust at fever pitch after the sensuous excitement of a hard night's
dominoes, he approaches his beloved wife, enticing her with gentle words
of passion, "Any chance o' ma hole?"
The good lady in question, perhaps over excited by the erotic smell of
stale beer or the sensuous vision of pickled onions sticking to his
chin, is at first somewhat reluctant.
This coy reluctance is expressed with the flirtatious reply, "Awa tae
f_ck, ya bampot, ye!"
FOREPLAY
Foreplay is very important indeed. This basically consists of The male
casting off his lightly soiled Y-fronts provocatively at his wife,
usually landing skid-mark side down, as he approaches the bed singing
the ancient Gaelic fertility chant, "Here we go, here we go, Here we go."
Upon reaching the bed, he comments proudly on his
rampant 8 incher. This is a classic example of alcohol induced double
vision.
INITIAL PROBLEMS
After 12 pints, sometimes the man's member is a trifle reluctant to
extend itself (literally). Impotence is very much a blow to the man's
self-esteem and the wife has to be very tactful. She will offer gentle
and sensitive words of encouragement such as, "Ya useless b@stard, "or
possibly, "I'll tell ye wan thing...it never happens, tae the Milkman."
FELLATIO
Oral is a great favourite of the Scotsman. He approaches his wife with
a cheeky invitation, "How'd ye like tae pit yer teeth roon this Daphne?"
Although the lady's name is not Daphne, she will nod willingly and point
suggestively to her falsies smiling happily on the bedside tumbler.
"Guan yersel," she says, "jist dinnae bother me."
Undeterred by this slight rejection, the man drives enthusiastically to
perform such a service for his wife. .!
DOWN TO BUSINESS
Eventually the moment comes to consumate their tender love. Again,
alcohol induced double vision is an important factor as the man decides
which of his willies to use for penetration.
Sometimes in his excitement he may suffer from severe premature ejaculation.
A phenomenon he explains to his wife using the poetic phrase, "F_ck me, I've shoat ma load."
If this does occur, it is essential he makes up for disappointing his
wife by uttering tender and loving compliments such as, perhaps,
informing her that she's the nicest woman he's ever come across.
An imaginative lover, the Scotsman, possibly having read that women
like to be spoken dirty to, says such things as, "Snotters, Shite,
a*sehole." The woman is speechless. The man is now thrusting away, his
mind a kaleidoscope of jumbled erotic thoughts. The woman wonders if she
should repaint the ceiling. Sometimes she utters a word of encouragement
such as, "Are you sure its in?"
Given his level of sexual expertise, the Scotsman's ideal partner should
be a versatile lover specialising in the faked orgasm. This takes the
form of a breathless shout, "Ooyah,ooyah, gallus big man."
Eventually it's all over. The man rolls over, wipes his willie on her
nightie, falls asleep and commences snoring like a pig.
Aye, there's no doubt about it, there's no one in the world performs
quite like a Scotsman - a veritable prince in the kingdom of sex.
PS NOT ME HONEST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eddie
Sep 16th 2006, 12:19 am
#6
Glasgow Rangers
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 1,548
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Originally Posted by willmore
But the lingering question in everyone's mind......do they wear underwear under their kilts?
NO I DONT Always go commando, If you need to know
Nothing nicer than some fresh air getting around your meat and two veg !!!!!!
How art thou Willmore my mate !!!!
Eddie
Sep 16th 2006, 12:29 am
#7
sticky beaking
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Sherwood Park,Alberta
Posts: 1,156
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
D'ya think if I sent this on to Canadian friends, they would 'get it' ?????
Is it maybe a little too risque for the Canadian palate ????
Come on Canucks........speak up !!!
Is it maybe a little too risque for the Canadian palate ????
Come on Canucks........speak up !!!
Sep 16th 2006, 12:37 am
#8
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Victoria, BC Canada
Posts: 61,698
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Originally Posted by R2D2
D'ya think if I sent this on to Canadian friends, they would 'get it' ?????
Is it maybe a little too risque for the Canadian palate ????
Come on Canucks........speak up !!!
Is it maybe a little too risque for the Canadian palate ????
Come on Canucks........speak up !!!
Well, I got "it"....but that could just be because Ive been hanging around eddie for so long.....!
Sep 16th 2006, 12:38 am
#9
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Victoria, BC Canada
Posts: 61,698
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Originally Posted by Voyager970
You mean boxie shorts, not underwear, thats for poofs
NO I DONT Always go commando, If you need to know
Nothing nicer than some fresh air getting around your meat and two veg !!!!!!
How art thou Willmore my mate !!!!
Eddie
NO I DONT Always go commando, If you need to know
Nothing nicer than some fresh air getting around your meat and two veg !!!!!!
How art thou Willmore my mate !!!!
Eddie
Great my favourite scottie......keep the faith love....you are doing the right thing.....so many things have been positive in your quest to move to canada....dont start doubting yourself now!
Sep 16th 2006, 12:52 am
#10
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: Red Deer, Alberta
Posts: 10,612
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
OOOHHHH! Better than a blue mooovie - can't wait for bedtime! Thank god my hubby isn't scottish 
Sep 16th 2006, 1:52 am
#11
Reunited
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 1,754
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Oh well done Eddie that was a good laugh and so spot on, I have tears of laughter thanks for that
Raine
Raine
Sep 16th 2006, 1:54 am
#12
Reunited
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 1,754
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Think i'm going to have to send this in an email to everyone, cheers 
Sep 16th 2006, 7:41 am
#13
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,656
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Originally Posted by willmore
But the lingering question in everyone's mind......do they wear underwear under their kilts?
A true Scotsman doesn't...........very true
Sep 16th 2006, 8:24 am
#14
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Alberta
Posts: 806
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Nice one Eddie, although I obviously recognise no aspect of this ritual myself
Sep 16th 2006, 10:18 am
#15
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,715
Re: Scottish love making !!!!!!
Originally Posted by R2D2
D'ya think if I sent this on to Canadian friends, they would 'get it' ?????
Is it maybe a little too risque for the Canadian palate ????
Come on Canucks........speak up !!!
Is it maybe a little too risque for the Canadian palate ????
Come on Canucks........speak up !!!
