or4ngecrush

---- Subject: Scottish Highers Maths Exams
SCOTLAND

DRAFT HIGHER GRADE MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2004

HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

GLASGOW REGION

Name...........................................
Nickname......................................
Gangname.....................................

1. Shuggie has bought half a kilo of cocaine for large. He wants to
make 300% on the deal and still pay Mad Malky his 10% protection money.
How much must he charge for a gram?


2. Wee Davie reckons he'll get £42.50 extra Marriage Allowance a week
if he ties the knot with Fat Alice. Even if he steals the ring, the
wedding will cost him £587. And he'll have to start buying two fish
suppers every night instead of one. How long will it be before Davie
wishes he'd stayed single?


3. When Rangers play Celtic, their fans sing The Sash every 10 minutes
when they're winning and every 15 minutes when they're losing. How many
times did they sing it at last season's Cup Final?


4. Joey and Davie stole a 1999 green Toyota 1600GL with 35,000 on the
clock - and got a grand for it. How much more would they have got if it
had been metallic silver, done 29,000 miles and had low profile tyres?


5. Jake the Flake and Fingers got grassed up for dealing speed. The
Flake got 18 months but Fingers got 3 years. How many more previous
convictions did Fingers have?

EXTRA CREDIT: Who was Fingers' Brief?

EDINBURGH / BORDERS REGION

Name..........................................
Rugby Club..................................
Daddy's Company.........................


1. Gavin has a spare ticket for Julian Clary at The Festival Fringe.
But Benji and Adrian BOTH want to go with him. How long does he cry
before giving them the tickets?


2. Half of Peter's friends say that they went to school with Ewan
McGregor. Another third say they were Gordon Brown's flat mate at
University. A sixth say that their dad played rugby with Tony Blair's
dad and the rest say Sean Connery was their milkman. Only one is
telling the truth, so how many friends does Peter have?


3. Todd wants to be a lawyer, but is as thick as Edinburgh Castle . His
daddy is a Freemason and a QC. How long before Todd becomes the Lord
Advocate?


4. Tamsin's Personal Trainer charges £250 a week, but has sex with her
whenever she wants it. Jasmin's Life Coach charges £50 a week but has
refused all sexual advances. Which one of the women weighs 19 stone?


5. Princes Street is 2467 yards long. On average, there is someone
begging for money every 195 yards. You walk at 3.1 miles an hour. How
long will it take if you tell them all to sod off and work for a living?

HIGHLANDS REGION

Name..................................
Glen....................................


1. After Hector's death, Archie has to pay Death Duty on Glenbogle.
With 25,000 acres, Archie must pay £1.76 for the first 15,000 acres and
90p per acre for the remainder, including VAT. How many people actually
give a toss?


2. An Afro-American called Zachary Obisanjo Kokobobo asks a Tartan
Shop in Inverness if he has any Scottish Genealogy. How long does it
take to flog him full Highland dress and matching kilts for his wife
and 10 kids?


3. If an Aberdeen supporter laid every sheep in Grampian Region end to
end, how many people would be surprised?


4. If you caught a Loch Ness Monster 115 feet long and each foot
weighed 27lbs, how much money would you make by selling your exclusive
story and pictures?


5. Sorry, question 5 has been delayed by heavy snowfall and will be
here as soon as the Cockbridge - Tomintoul road re-opens in the spring!



Emma x

TrishP

Love it!!! Especially the Edinburgh section, used to live there. And that darned Tomintoul road's closed half the year with snow - I remember disregarding the "Road Closed" sign and zooming up that big hill in my wee Vauxhall Corsa in Flintstone mode, determined to get to the Lecht to go skiing! I passed a cop in his Range rover near the top and asked him if I could go on - his reply " Well lassie, ya can try!" Got there in the end and a damn fine day of skiing was to be had by all!!

Woodstock62

Brilliant!!

Especially if read in the approprite accent, well at least an attempt at!

Thanks for the laugh.

or4ngecrush

Yes definately lol