Q&A: How to live healthily!
Jul 27th 2006, 5:24 pm
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: The Republic of Bacon
Posts: 3,192
Q&A: How to live healthily!
Sounds good to me 
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to
your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of
field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100%
of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy
is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity
bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made
out of grain. Bottoms up!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these
days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could
getting more vegetables be bad for you?
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO,
What a Ride"
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to
your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of
field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100%
of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy
is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity
bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made
out of grain. Bottoms up!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these
days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could
getting more vegetables be bad for you?
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO,
What a Ride"
Jul 27th 2006, 5:34 pm
#2
Banned
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: In Limbo
Posts: 15,706
Re: Q&A: How to live healthily!
Originally Posted by Calgal
And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO,
What a Ride"
) we may have forgotten what a good 'ride' feels like.
Jul 27th 2006, 7:06 pm
#3
Now on Vancouver Island
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 6,935
Re: Q&A: How to live healthily!
I really got a chuckle out of that, Calgal. 
A relative of mine says he believes in living hard, dying young and making a handsome corpse. However, unless something changes between now and his death, he'll fail to achieve his third goal.
A relative of mine says he believes in living hard, dying young and making a handsome corpse. However, unless something changes between now and his death, he'll fail to achieve his third goal.
Jul 27th 2006, 7:27 pm
#4
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,883
Re: Q&A: How to live healthily!
Originally Posted by Butch Cassidy
Unfortunately By the time some of us get to the grave (Hi Steve ) we may have forgotten what a good 'ride' feels like.
) we may have forgotten what a good 'ride' feels like. Just 'cause I got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel does not mean I am not enjoying the ride.
Some days it's a little harder than others to remember that, but for the most part...
Cheers
Steve
Jul 27th 2006, 11:05 pm
#5
Whatacomplete Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Cheyenne, Wyoming
Posts: 2,527
Re: Q&A: How to live healthily!
Ey gads, I think I'm immortal
Jul 27th 2006, 11:08 pm
#6
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,883
Re: Q&A: How to live healthily!
Originally Posted by koogar
Ey gads, I think I'm immortal
Jul 27th 2006, 11:21 pm
#7
Whatacomplete Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Cheyenne, Wyoming
Posts: 2,527
Re: Q&A: How to live healthily!
Originally Posted by Hangman
Did you say immoral.
Jul 27th 2006, 11:22 pm
#8
Banned
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: In Limbo
Posts: 15,706
Re: Q&A: How to live healthily!
Originally Posted by koogar
no, I said I'm a model
Jul 27th 2006, 11:27 pm
#9
Glasgow Rangers
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 1,548
Re: Q&A: How to live healthily!
My motto on healthy living
EAT WELL Yip do that well
DRINK WELL PLENTY OF WATER Yip this as well
DONT SMOKE DISGUSTING HABIT Yip dont do this
SHAGG LIKE RABBITS, THUMP THUMP AHHHHH GREAT EXERCISE yip plenty of this
SLEEP WELL AFTER SHAGG Yip can put a bomb under my arse and it wouldn't wake me
ALL IN THIS ORDER
Eddie
EAT WELL Yip do that well
DRINK WELL PLENTY OF WATER Yip this as well
DONT SMOKE DISGUSTING HABIT Yip dont do this
SHAGG LIKE RABBITS, THUMP THUMP AHHHHH GREAT EXERCISE
yip plenty of this SLEEP WELL AFTER SHAGG Yip can put a bomb under my arse and it wouldn't wake me
ALL IN THIS ORDER
Eddie
Jul 27th 2006, 11:52 pm
#10
Whatacomplete Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Cheyenne, Wyoming
Posts: 2,527
Re: Q&A: How to live healthily!
Originally Posted by Butch Cassidy
Yeah a model for Garden Gnomes hey pal?
That's it, friendship over!!!
I want my fishin rod back and next time your can buy your own frickin toadstool
