Mrs Miggins

As you all know I am down here in the windy city in the south of Alberta on my own for a month at a time with two small kids, and here on a SP and hub has the open work permit.....

Mr Miggins is away - as usual, I have just finished college (well all but for one class) and realise I am going to spend the rest of the spring/summer (5 mths) pretty much on my own apart from the kids.

I have made lots of college friends, but they are all young, without families and stuff, and have got to know that brilliant Mrs Minihaha and Sheffspurs, but I am really missing my good circle of friends, familiarity and family. I am totally shocked at this, as I have been keeping a tight lid on it until this week, but I actually feel this week, (and have thought about lots) going home. Then on the other hand, I read my local newspaper on the net and thank jesus I am here.

I feel like my kids have got a better start here, (but not with the extended family) they will have good opportunities and be safe, financially we are lovely, but I have no career anymore and no support system that I used to have, and then did me proud.

Is it normal to feel like this after 10 months? And I think I do because I have finally stopped being superwoman, and the academic year has finished. I am thinking about things and I don't like it.......

A kinda of down
Mrs Miggins.

windward

I'm not there yet, but have spent a fair while over there, I don't have kids either but my 2c anyway...
Summer in Canada is a time of opportunity, there's little you couldn't do even with kids in tow to make your life feel a hell of a lot more liveable than you found it in the UK.

As lovely and as helpful as your support network have been do you know what they're going to be up to for the next 5 months? I don't doubt for a moment that they'd give their right arms to be where you are right now.

I've heard OPs on here talk about how difficult it can be outside the cities finding friends of a similar 'quality' to the ones they had at home, but you're your own person, and your life is what you will make it.

e.g. I'll miss my mates here in the UK but I certainly won't miss the lifestyle that presupposes we can't have a good time or engage with one another unless we're at the pub every Friday/Saturday night getting lashed. Making assumptions here but you've got a fine excuse to find something else worthwhile to spend your life doing. Was Mr Miggins any closer when you were still in England?

Mrs Miggins

sorry - but I think its a little hard to say, I have given up a career (my occupation is regulted here and they won't except my credentials) and I don't see my husband anymore, and like you said you dont have children, so it's maybe a little harder for you to understand the pressures of being a sole parent in a country where you have very little in the way of support network, and even less in the way of a marriage - due to his work


I have done the integration thing, but trust me, in a town full of mormons, and hutterites, and busy canadians working full time on two jobs - it ain that simple.

Mrs Mx

Mrs Miggins

Just had a good chat with Mrs Minihaha my fellow crazy expat here in the the Bridge. Feel better already. And like she says, it's normal....

Had end of year exams, followed by horrible cold thing, so probably a bit run down and emotional. A good nights sleep and I will feel much better I am sure.

Night chaps

Mrs M xxx

Coffeepot

Hope your feeling better today, Happy Easter Mrs M
I can understand where you are not that thats much help, when is Mr M due back again ?

Caitilin

10 months? you're at the worst possible time for culture shock..a littel outside it maybe...i always count month 6 through 9. Yes it will get better love, its not abnormal. It isn't, really!

So can you get some of hte local mum's together?

Beastie

Just wanted you to know that whilst you may not have the support network you had when you were at home, you do have us

There's usually someone on here who you can rant and vent at and let's be fair we all need to do that sometimes.

Remember Summer is just around the corner and usually opens up new opportunities.

It can be very hard looking after 2 ankle biters on your own when OH is not around. Make sure you take time out for yourself, even if its once they're in bed. Run yourself a long, hot bath, take up a bottle of wine, a good book and enjoy!

Lynne

pinkmcfarquhar

I can sympathise greatly with the OH working away - mine works offshore and can be gone for up to 6 weeks at a time.

It's a pity we are so far apart, because I know from experience that only people who have been there know what it's like - you have heaps of free time when he's away, then not so much when he's home! If we were closer i would definitely be up for wine and chats. Well - the next best thing, I am usually about on here, so feel free anytime to pm me for a chat/rant/drink of wine!

I have to admit to being very lucky over here in canada, and through this site have made some good friends already (hi ax, townie and tones!), with some very enjoyable meetups!

I hope that you feel better today, and how you feel is completely normal so just take it day by day.

pink x

Elaine B.

Hi Mrs. M. I know exactly how it feels being on your own with 2 kids and no family support. I've been here over 8 years now and my OH has to go away for weeks at a time to work. One of the things that makes it worse is that a lot of times he's working in the UK. There have even been times when he's been in Belfast and he's able to meet up with my family and friends. Hopefully your homesickness passes quickly but it is totally normal.

Arris

Hi Mrs M

I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling at the mo but i'm glad you came to tell us here on BE, as there are others who will understand just how you are feeling as they have been there or are there themselves & can advise & reassure you that this is quiet normal to feel like this at some stage.

I've yet to move over but i'm sure I will feel it too.

When we come over later in the year it would be great to meet up with you for natter

Get stuck into those Easter eggs,

Arris

Cookie

Hi Mrs M, have lots of sympathy for you as I know exactly what it's like for your partner to work away from home. Mr Y-C-D worked offshore for the past 18 years before we moved to NS. I often found it tough going even though I had good friends and a p/t job. Having a partner that works away from home can be very isolating, particularly in the evenings and at weekends.

I don't know if Mr M has ever worked away from home before but even if he has then I think you are doing really well to get this far with two wee ones and a husband that I presume works in the oil sands(?). Have a huge hug and a pat on the back from me

This is the right time to try and organise a plan of action for the coming months. It's probably a bit early for the kids summer activities to be published yet but you could start by contacting your local groups to get an idea of whats going to be coming up. Summer is a lovely time in Canada and even in my small town its choc-a-bloc with activities and BBQ fundraisers.

Also, there must be other mums in your area that have partners working away from home. Is there a local support group for families in a similar situation? If not, then perhaps you may have to take the bull by the horns and organise yourself a new club for people in a similar situation.

Perhaps you can arrange for a meet-up somewhere (eg cafe/Tim's, pub) for ladies in a similar position as yourself. By not having the kids around it will give you all a chance for a good introduction and chat without distraction. Save the kids for the next meetup. Invite along the friends you have made already too because even people with partners at home would also like to join you on activity days with kids (and enjoy a regular girls night out).

Summer with the kids 24/7 is hard going in any country - book some time off for yourself by taking advantage of your student friends - employ them as babysitters. I am sure they would be glad of some extra cash and it would give you some well deserved 'me time'. Go out for supper/cinema with some friends especially when Mr M is away. Make it a regular thing. Hire them when he is home too and go on dates together!

Organise some some family trips too over the summer for when hubby is home.

These are just a few suggestions. With a little bit of planning the coming months may not look so daunting.

Feel free to PM me. I am an upbeat kind of person (like many others on here). We all belong to the same club and here to support each other. Keep positive - its the best side of the road to travel on

fedupwithwaiting

Oh Mrs Miggins what are we to do with you!! Fancy being 000's of miles away from home and family and familiarity and friends and for the past 10 months heads stuck in books re-doing what you already knew...time to take a breath! Top that with the OH being away all the time and young children and a small town....................durr! of course you're going to feel a little wobbly every now and again. Give yourself a break lady. Just think how much you have a achieved and are still pushing forward. You've put more into the past year on effort and energy than most people do in a lifetime. Give yourself a bloody massive pat on the back and all the other ladies out there that go through the same. We're amazing, independent, strong, fabulously entertaining and amazing women, ra ra ra!

So buy yourself a good bottle of wine, get some cadburys, rent yourself a weepy DVD, put the kids to bed, have a long, hot bath, stuff yer face with wine and chocolates, cry yer eyes out, take a deep breath and wake up the next morning ready to take on the world again....xxxx

Mrs Miggins

awwwwwwwwww, guys, you lot are brilliant!

I don't want to go back to the UK, I just wish that some of the people that I was close to could be here, and I really do miss my career, and having an identity other than "mature":curse:student

Although when I was dozing off last night I made a decision to throw myself in to the kids this summer, and some research that I am doing on women who have had emergency C sections and are diagnosed with PND/ should in fact be diagnosed with PTSD. I can do this over the summer, and write the Paper I need to for mr Proff on background and previous studies. Once that is done, I can get on to the field research........so I think I will focus on that now.

I think the bank holidays are the crappiest time to be on your own, and after nine years of being together with someone who was in the military and now does this, the novelty has worn off, especially as before I had a really good social network.

Canada is a great country, and I live in a really nice little city, and I know that life is there for the taking, and your feelings are all about how you frame things. So instead of framing thing as being homesick.....I am will frame them as I am going to make an effort to meet new people, have a great time with the kids and do this worthwhile research.

Thanks again you lot, and thank goodness for cyberspace!!!!

Happy easter
(a much more positive)
Mrs M xxxx

daft batty

Mrs M, I feel for you.

I didnt get homesick as such, I didnt miss people or places, just things being familiar and so hated everything about Canada and wondered why we came. I still wonder! The bad feelings go away and it does get better. You've what, 5 weeks to the end of the school year, and then a break to do all the things you havent been able to do because of studying. It is really really tiring going back to school. Not just the studying but going into a different learning environment.

In my first long vacation my mum came over for a month, and then I got a job, so that filled my time. The summer was good and we went swimming in the river, you'll be able to take the kids to fun places.

Have you thought of being a volunteer at any of the local organisations?? Here we have a fair few to choose from such as Canadian Hearing Society, Blind, MS, Head Injury, alzheimers. This helps too if you want to apply for a bursary as they lover the community aspect.

In the meantime. dont be too hard on yourself. It aint easy and you are doing well.

Yoong

Wow, what an interesting research on reproductive psych.
You will be busy interviewing the patients and the clinicians
treating them. On my unit we do get admissions from
the maternity units and referrals from reproductive psych.
Interesting personal and family histories,I always learn something
new from history taking and interviews.

May be get over the 'mature student' mindset and have a blast
with the younger students.
Keep up the spirits,you are a strong person,I know
you can get through this challenging period of your life

Yoong