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Old Oct 4th 2017, 3:59 pm   #16
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

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Originally Posted by Danny B View Post
My Daughter was on a popular youtube channel for 'tweens' between the age of 11 - 13. Because of this, she has developed extremely thick skin. Mainly because of all the nasty comments that people leave.

Anyway, because she was out there filming video sketches once per week, she was paranoid about people (weirdos) noticing certain landmarks, street names, objects in the house identifiable with our City etc and finding out where she lived. Which no one ever did.

Apparently now she is 'too old' for making kiddy youtube videos, (her words) and this safety streak she has developed has stayed with her. The first thing she did was disable that GPS tracking thing in snapchat. I can understand enabling it when you are on vacation, but I wouldn't want her to have it on all the time.

I just asked her about taking a screenshot in snapchat and she said that if you take a screenshot of a snap, the other person is notified. I guess that's better than nothing.

Bloody kids these days having to deal with all this online stress, most I had to deal with was the School bully taking my lunch money.
Very, very sensible. Photos/videos should give no clue as to the location (if from the area where they live). Even innocent pictures of school friends in uniform, photos of the winning football team from their school or club - the local stores etc., can give a predator enough details (combined with general info available, name etc.,) to identify where someone lives and track them down.

Well done to your daughter for being savvy!

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Old Oct 4th 2017, 5:17 pm   #17
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

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We have one of those now (a teen) and it's a different set of challenges. The iPhone is no longer just a place for silly games and videos, but a good messaging device morning and night (who knew!). Fortunately true social media has not yet been taken up yet, but I suppose it's only a matter of time.

Now the dilemma is whether we should be checking some of the messaging going on, feel like a bit of a snoop doing it, but on the other hand there's an element of understanding what kind of emotional issues they're going through and of course being vigilant for any nastiness. It does seem a bit over-protective, but on the other hand, it also seems a bit negligent not to at least lightly keep a watchful eye over things. Looked this up on the web, and tehre seems to be full scale spy-type apps that can log everything down to keystrokes. Not at that stage of paranoia yet, but am curious as to what other parents do?
There's a ton of software available to civilians, as long as you have the original password for the device or social media accounts, that'll allow you to monitor their activities. It's always best to know.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 5:18 pm   #18
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

We've just given my son (12 - Gr 7) his first iPod Touch- he's so behind on the whole cell phone thing. He's too young for social media right now, and we've said that we will periodically check messages just to ensure he's on the right track (rather boringly it's still just me and his dad on his message page). Any requests for apps and games come through my account anyway.

We've also set up restrictions, which we talked and went through with him at the time; sexually explicit items etc. Although in doing so it won't let him use YouTube which he wasn't happy with. I'm still not sure why that is.

Thankfully he really doesn't have much time for tech anyway. One of the benefits of having a competitive swimmer is that he spend 6 days out of 7 in a swimming pool for a couple of hours, and then he's home with us. Hasn't taken to his room yet either...
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 5:36 pm   #19
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

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We've just given my son (12 - Gr 7) his first iPod Touch- he's so behind on the whole cell phone thing. He's too young for social media right now, and we've said that we will periodically check messages just to ensure he's on the right track (rather boringly it's still just me and his dad on his message page). Any requests for apps and games come through my account anyway.

We've also set up restrictions, which we talked and went through with him at the time; sexually explicit items etc. Although in doing so it won't let him use YouTube which he wasn't happy with. I'm still not sure why that is.

Thankfully he really doesn't have much time for tech anyway. One of the benefits of having a competitive swimmer is that he spend 6 days out of 7 in a swimming pool for a couple of hours, and then he's home with us. Hasn't taken to his room yet either...
I think you're being incredibly, but understandably, naive. I can hear the conversation now, "Our 'Johnny' is still just a little boy who needs his mummy." In reality, he's being looking at porn sites for the last two years, he's had a couple of puffs on a joint or bong, thrown a rock at a cat and probably showed his ding dong to some girl down at a Canadian version of a rec.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 6:17 pm   #20
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

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I think you're being incredibly, but understandably, naive. I can hear the conversation now, "Our 'Johnny' is still just a little boy who needs his mummy." In reality, he's being looking at porn sites for the last two years, he's had a couple of puffs on a joint or bong, thrown a rock at a cat and probably showed his ding dong to some girl down at a Canadian version of a rec.
I don't doubt what he's seen or been told about, as he tells us (most things). I don't love his class, so yes from what I hear there's kids that smoke, one of the kids got into trouble as he sent a girl a pic of his penis via snapchat, she then took a screen shot and told the school etc etc. He tells us about this and we chat about it. He made his own mind up about whether he wanted to be friends with these kids and he doesn't. I really didn't want to make them into the cool kids by being over the top about them...

He wouldn't have time to socialize with then anyway. He literally goes from school to swimming pool, from pool to his swim friend's house or home to us. We're friends with the swim parents, and he plays with this kid in school. The only issue I have with tech is learning a sensible balance and not becoming addicted. I don't love the COD game he has but I don't want to censor him too much. That's what him and his friends want to do for now.

As for Social Media, he hasn't asked for any of it... and no he doesn't need his mummy. I'm trying to teach him to be independent so he can move out at 18! I must have the only kid in the world who doesn't like staying home alone.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 6:36 pm   #21
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

It's not just teens who need to be aware. Us, should know better oldies, had better watch out too and perhaps some social aware teens could teach us a thing or two about just how invasive these 'free' apps can be.

My smart phone is too smart for my own good and like many others use it only for making calls and the odd wifi browse. It has no data contract. I have no social apps on it and don't indulge in chatrooms, in fact this site is the only site I subscribe to and I'm wary about that when discussions become personal.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 6:48 pm   #22
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

Great responses everyone. Each child is different and each situation is different, but it's interesting to hear the range of solutions and to know that most others have concerns too.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 7:02 pm   #23
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

Teenagers have always, always made bad decisions. It's how they figure life out, and 99% of them do. It's their right. Control their freedom or opportunity to make bad decisions and you risk them becoming incomplete adults.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 8:48 pm   #24
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

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I'm the odd one in our family of 4. I use the cell phone as an actual phone..average talk time is usually about 1500 minutes/month (it is my work phone), with the others averaging maybe 50 minutes/month many of them very short calls.

I also am the one in the family who doesn't use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. Linkedin is the only one I use and even then I often wonder 'why did I agree to add this person who sends out way too many messages to anybody and everybody'.
Are you my husband in disguise???
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 9:02 pm   #25
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

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Teenagers have always, always made bad decisions. It's how they figure life out, and 99% of them do. It's their right. Control their freedom or opportunity to make bad decisions and you risk them becoming incomplete adults.
I agree entirely. I have four sons. The oldest at 17 did get in trouble due to something he did with his cell phone. At what age are you supposed to stop monitoring them?
It's now just the youngest one at home. He's 12. We did set up a FB account because it was the best/easiest way for him to communicate with his brothers.
We've had "the talk" with him like we did with his brothers. He knows not to share personal info online and in fact the only time he talks to people is when he plays an online game with his school friends...

As parents we know our kids best and I think what is suitable for one family might not work for another.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 10:23 pm   #26
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

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I don't doubt what he's seen or been told about, as he tells us (most things). I don't love his class, so yes from what I hear there's kids that smoke, one of the kids got into trouble as he sent a girl a pic of his penis via snapchat, she then took a screen shot and told the school etc etc. He tells us about this and we chat about it. He made his own mind up about whether he wanted to be friends with these kids and he doesn't. I really didn't want to make them into the cool kids by being over the top about them...

He wouldn't have time to socialize with then anyway. He literally goes from school to swimming pool, from pool to his swim friend's house or home to us. We're friends with the swim parents, and he plays with this kid in school. The only issue I have with tech is learning a sensible balance and not becoming addicted. I don't love the COD game he has but I don't want to censor him too much. That's what him and his friends want to do for now.

As for Social Media, he hasn't asked for any of it... and no he doesn't need his mummy. I'm trying to teach him to be independent so he can move out at 18! I must have the only kid in the world who doesn't like staying home alone.
What does he play it on? Have you disabled online chat (voice and text messaging) on it - or at least restricted it to a specific group of people that you know? Have you disabled the location settings and checked the privacy settings? Have you ensured that he can't 'friend' somene or be 'friended' without your knowledge? Is he participating in chat rooms?

While the games are fun, please be aware games are also often used as a way to 'befriend' youngsters by online trolls, bullies and paedophiles.

I know you say he isn't into social media, but does his friend have an online presence and do they 'do' social media when they are at his friends house? If he is chatting on the PS4 / Nintendo or other games console / online, do you know with who?

I would strongly recommend using some kind of software to monitor his activity.

Youtube doesn't allow under 13's to have accounts, by the way (nor do Facebook and other social media sites), but there is a youtube kids site he could use that is 'child friendly'. https://kids.youtube.com/

Hope that helps a little..

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Old Oct 4th 2017, 10:31 pm   #27
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

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Originally Posted by Jingsamichty View Post
Teenagers have always, always made bad decisions. It's how they figure life out, and 99% of them do. It's their right. Control their freedom or opportunity to make bad decisions and you risk them becoming incomplete adults.
That was definitely true before the internet. However, working in this industry I am very aware of the risks and issues that can arise from interaction with strangers (or aquaintences for bullying) online. A bad decision online can have horrendous consequences.

Anyone who doesn't believe their child could be at risk - no matter how much you trust them to make the right choices - is being naive.

A monitoring software that will alert you to specific words being used etc., could save an awful lot of grief, particularly when children are engaging in social media (which includes interaction on online games) at such a young age.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 10:42 pm   #28
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

I think there are two risks. If you have a rule of only speaking/texting to direct friends the the pedophile contact risk is low. That must depend on the child, some follow parental directions others are curious or rebellious and don't. However, where I think all kids are at most risk is potential bullying or social shaming. Even adults are doing that! Kids fall out with each other, and as Siouxie says, the consequences can be devastating.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 11:09 pm   #29
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

At what age would those that believe there is danger around every corner allow their children to:

Catch a bus by themselves?
Drink alcohol without them sitting next to them?
Allow them to travel by aeroplane without them having booked the ticket?
Have unprotected sex?

16, 18, 21, 27, 35, 40?

I accept that bad things happen, every day, to regular people but I would hazard a guess that more children are injured travelling in a car as a passenger than experience "devastating" consequences as a result of using the interweb. Should children be banned from travelling as passengers in cars?

Like Danny said upthread, I used to get the living shit kicked out of me every day during my teen years at school by larger kids. Not being large until I turned 18, I had to rely upon my smarts to avoid it becoming a big issue and, eventually, I worked out methods to cope. It's called life and one has to experience it otherwise one won't make it out alive.
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Old Oct 4th 2017, 11:21 pm   #30
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Default Re: Monitoring your teen

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Like Danny said upthread, I used to get the living shit kicked out of me every day during my teen years at school by larger kids. Not being large until I turned 18, I had to rely upon my smarts to avoid it becoming a big issue and, eventually, I worked out methods to cope. It's called life and one has to experience it otherwise one won't make it out alive.
Good for you. And then there are kids that you read about in the paper that lack the AC resilience gene and end up taking their life or spending years in depression.
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