JC3

Newbies in Malaysia - A tongue-in-cheek guide...

• Are surprised to find footprints on the toilet seat in a public loo
  
• Don’t always check there’s toilet paper in the cubicle before locking the door and taking a seat
  
• Can’t sit on the loo, go, and at the same time stop their shorts from touching the soaking wet floor
  
• Can’t separate two green mosquito coils without breaking one
  
• Jump whenever a lizard hurtles out from behind the curtains, cupboard, door…
  
• Use up half a can of Baygon spraying a single cockroach racing across the floor
  
• Wait at road junctions for someone to let them out
  
• Drive along merrily at 60km an hour only to find their ‘lane’ suddenly no longer exists
• When heading downtown, avoid all the signs that point to Pusat Bandar at all costs
  
• Are surprised when a local (on the bus, or in the supermarket queue etc.) asks: Where you from? Where you stay here? How much your house cost? Are you married? How old your wife? How much you earn? What religion are you? ... All within the first two minutes of meeting.

Please add to it. Funny ones only !

JC3

bakedbean

Yep and I still do most of these after six years here

In some of the toilets, eg Gurney Plaza, you need to rip off what toilet paper is required from OUTSIDE the loo before you go in. So an estimate is required beforehand

columbine

If you underestimated the amount of toilet papers, then there is this readily available hose on the floor which you can pick up to use hehehe

bakedbean

Thank you Columbine

kingoflostfools

I thought you ladies took these things with you? Isn't that why you have such huge bags that you make us men-folk carry?

OriginalSunshine

No. We carry large bags to include all the rubbish (phone, wallet, iPad, receipts, sunglasses) that our husbands take with them, and then try to squeeze into our bags....

JC3

As the husband's wallet and receipts are deemed to be rubbish, can I take it the wife is paying for lunch and for her new shoes?

JC3

SushiFan

For the female newbies:

NeonHippy

Here are a few:-

They still break into a sweat in an air conditioned room
Think they are getting a cheap deal at the wet market

and for the non-british expats

Get confused when driving and follow a motorcycle down the wrong side of the road.

JC3

Ha Ha brilliant!

Or assume that when turning left at the traffic lights that the green arrow means it's safe to do so, and not that there might be a cement mixer truck trundling along (correctly) at 60kph ready to prove otherwise.

JC3

SushiFan

Are surprised to see a Malaysian considers a job completed when 10% still remains to be done.

JC3

Oh yes! Nice one.

JC3

kebi

At weddings;
are in time for the dinner
bring a gift instead of an ampau
didn't bring a jacket (and leave with a cold)
are not fast enough with the chop sticks and wait for a spoon to get something from the sharing plate
don't have enough breath for the yaaaaam seeeeeng
wait for the celebration while everyone else is leaving totally drunk

JC3

Ha ha kebi, very good and so true.

Ah, the Ang Pau (money in red envelope).

In Hokkien, Ang = Red, and Pau = to include/to enclose.

Knowing how much to give is tricky. These days the Ang Pau is typically used to help out the married couple (or their parents) with the wedding dinner costs, with hopefully some profit left over. So the amount you give per head should at least cover the cost of your dinner.

If you’re still not sure, use this formula to figure it out

Market Rate x (Relationship Quality + Embarrassment Factor + Financial Flexibility) divided by 3.

Start with the Market Rate (what you think your dinner will actually cost, e.g. RM150).
Then give each factor a score between 0.5 and 1.5.
Then the largest AngPau you could give is 1.5 times the market rate, and the smallest is half the market rate, and if you’re middle of the road on every factor you’ll give exactly the market rate.

For more details see the image below, and a fuller explanation at: http://www.drwealth.com/2015/05/06/y...-angpow-rates/

The formula is for Singapore, but the principles look pretty sound to me.

In Cantonese, ‘yum seng’ means ‘drink to victory‘. In China, the army generals would normally drink with their soldiers the night before the battle to boost their morale. So I understand the intensity of the shouting - especially by the married men!

Yuuuuuuuum….. Seeeeeeeeng!

JC3

JC3

Newbie expats:

• Are surprised when a Malaysian friend says "I follow you, OK?" and then find them sitting in the passenger seat of their car.
  
• Don't know what 'KIV' means. And when they do find out, discover it often means the opposite!
  
• Are not sure who, or what, are these aliens from outstation visiting Penang at the weekend
  
  

JC3