maylouise

Hi,

I need your advice, I am 5 months pregnant the baby's father is a British Citizen. We are both working in Malaysia and same company, our relationship has been for 3 years. He is married and when he found out I was pregnant he cant accept it and asked to provide DNA test. I told him I am willing to do the test anytime. But until now he always have lots of excuses when can we do the test.

Just incase we will not settle the problem can I claim child support? What if he did not sign in the birth certificate?

Please advise

cundall

Maylouise - I don't think so... as UK law should not apply as you are not in the UK - you would need to check Malaysian law.

I am no expert in this area.

If the father admitted that the child was his, then things might be different.

Graham99

I think cundall is correct, you need to check local laws where ever you are,


Probably safer to wait for dna test until baby is born

Graham99

I googled international, child care.

It looks like malaysia is NOT party to international familly law conventions.

maylouise

Thanks

Stokkevn

Unfortunately expecting child support from a British ( or any other nationality bar Malaysian ) man in Malaysia is likely to be a bit optimistic and a positive DNA test will most likely not change anything. Best is to try and get on his good side ( if he has one ) and listen to what he thinks is the right thing to do and work from their. Is there anyone 'sensible' in the company who you can both trust that can operate as 'Referee' if you can not come to some agreement.

Going in and saying "You owe me child support!" will most likely make him run, unless he has massive links with the company he/you work for, it is unlikely you will see him again.

maylouise

He is actually the Managing Director in the company but not the owner, he hired me to work in the company.

I'm still talking to him in a civil way and asking him nicely, but there are times we are arguing.

I have told him if he will not support my child he left me no choice but to go straight with the owner and his wife. I have proof of our relationship, though our colleagues has already gossip ever since I started working in the company about us. And as far as i know in his contract it is stated no relationship allowed with employees.

Though it is very hard to do it because of my feelings for her but if he will not support my child then he left me no choice.

I am unsure if this is a right move for me when he refuse to support the child

Dorothy

Whwt would going to his wife get you? Or your baby?

Sorry for sounding harsh, but you knew he is married. Do you expect him to rush to be with you if you tell his wife about the two of you? That's not going to happen.

maylouise

I will talk to the owner and about the wife of the father of my child to let her know my situation. I am not asking for him to be with me. The main reason for all of this is only child support. Not to be with him


Though I am unsure what would be the result if I do this, I hate to do it but I don't want to blame myself in the end not fighting for my child right to his father.

cundall

be very careful as by speaking to the wife (of the father of your child) - it could also split up his relationship and any chance of getting child support i think would go out of the window.

I would just try and discuss things with the father, don't threaten anything.

InVinoVeritas

Hi maylouise, I have moved your posts to this new thread in the Malaysia forum where, hopefully, you'll get some advice specific to Malaysia.

Englishmum

Where is the wife of your baby's father? Is she also in Malaysia or is she still resident in the UK? Does he already have children with his wife? Are you hoping that he will divorce her and be with you?

The man sounds like a fool, if he's the MD he is not 'stupid' and would definitely know about contraceptive methods...it takes two to tango as the saying goes, you have both been playing with fire and now been burnt.

I have no idea about labour laws in Malaysia, do pregnant women have any job security?

Are you and your family members willing and able to care for your baby if the father is not? You state that you are expecting a son and I guess that you have already bonded with your baby somewhat and that a late termination is not a consideration

What is your ethnicity eg Malay, Chinese, Indian, Filipina, Indonesian or other? Is your family religious....I'm fully aware that Asian families tend to be conservative in outlook and I'm wondering how supportive they are, or have you hidden your pregancy so far?

I don't know if, in the scenario that you cannot care for your baby that you would be willing to consider having the baby adopted? I am certain that there are charities, religious organisations and and social service organisations in Malaysia which can help you and I'm sure that many expats in SE Asia would be willing to research these for you.

All the best

ex reg

This is an excellent post and does offer some alternatives for the OP to consider.

taiwan_girl

I agree that the first and best course of action is to work directly with the father and try to come to an agreeable solution.

However, if this is not making any progress, I think that Maylouise may need to talk to the wife of the father. Granted, having a relationship with a married man for three years is not the smartest thing - but this is true of both sides. If the father wants to mess around on his wife, he needs to be ready to face any consequences and own up to his actions.

Many companies have policies against relationships with direct reports. If the father is the boss of Maylouise, then he is possibly breaking company rules - rules which I am sure that he knew about. I have no sympathy for him if Maylouise makes the company aware of his actions.

Maylouise is not a total innocent in this, but it takes two.

Cacafonix

If he has assets in the UK and if you could afford to bring proceedings in the UK then it may be worth looking into the question of jurisdiction some more. It's already been pointed out that it would be difficult to enforce an order of the English court in Malaysia - but enforcement is one thing and jurisdiction is another. If there are assets in the UK then the enforcement side is not such a big problem.

I had a look online and see that in 2013 the Supreme Court confirmed that - as a general principle - the English courts do have jurisdiction over a child of British parents born abroad, even where none of the parties are resident in the UK. This is only a general principle and it may be that the particular Act that provides for child maintenance (I think the Children Act 1989) excludes it. In your situation of course only one of the parents is British. Still, I think it may be worth looking into some more.

It's really hard for anyone to give you advice without knowing the personalities involved - FWIW I agree with some of the previous posters that making threats should be a last resort. If it was me I think I would be trying to get across that I wanted to resolve things by agreement while still letting him know that there were other options. Telling the wife yourself is obviously the nuclear option and there could be a lot of fall out. If there is a legal option, that might also be useful.