lemsip

Hi guys, basically I need some insight and advice - although I almost know what your advice will be. I just need to hear it.

A bit of background...

I lived in Japan for a year when I was younger and loved it. At the end of my contract, I returned to the UK to be with my girlfriend who I had met just before I left. We spent 7 years together, got engaged and bought a house. However she split up with me 7 months ago as she wants kids asap and I just couldn't take the plunge. Not yet anyway, I just didn't feel ready, but her biological clock is ticking. Basically I still wanted to see the world and experience new things but she wanted to settle.

I was a mess for the first few months, this was my first real breakup. We put our house up for sale, and at the same time I had to quit my job due to stress. It was a bad time for me. Now, 7 months later I am healing. I am, however, stuck in a rut. I am living with my parents, jobless and basically just existing as opposed to living.

Anyway...

I have just been offered a job in Tokyo starting next month. It's a year-long contract. I have no reason not to take it apart from feeling overwhelmed and scared. On paper it's a no-brainer: move to Tokyo for a year and have some great experiences or stay at home in your parent's house with no job. I'm 30.

But fear is holding me back. Despite me having no real 'life' at the minute at least I feel safe and secure.

Lately, my confidence and independence has suffered greatly. I used to be such a confident person. I think accepting this job is what I need to do as a person to grow, but I am really scared.

Are these feelings of moving anxiety normal? Is it fear of the unknown that is causing me to be scared?

If anyone can relate to these feelings, or can offer me some advice and support I'd really appreciate it.

Sue

Hi lemsip,

A big welcome to BE!!!

I don't live in Japan, but I've moved your post into the Japan forum for you so you can get some first hand experiences from people who live there or are like yourself moving there.

What I can tell you is the feeling of apprehension over a move abroad is completely natural, we all feel like that. But don't let that paralyze you over the opportunity to live in another country and experience another culture. At the worst you may not really enjoy it, at the best it will be the best experience ever. But however it turns out, at least in years to come you can look back and say you did it

ConnieK

Hi lemsip

I only just now found the Japan Forum - I may be late in my response to your post.

It seems to be a job offer to your liking, so by all means go for it !
You've already stated why you think you should.
- I still wanted to see the world and experience new things.
- I am healing. I am, however, stuck in a rut.
- I am living with my parents, jobless and basically just existing as opposed to living.
- I have no reason not to take it apart from feeling overwhelmed and scared.
- I think accepting this job is what I need to do as a person to grow, but I am really scared.

Having fear of the unknown is very very normal. Stepping out from a cozy albeit unproductive situation into the unknown is a challenge. The longer that situation continues, the bigger the challenge, the greater the fear, the more overwhelming the prospect of bringing about change.
Also, sometimes we are simply afraid of perhaps making a wrong decision and then having to live with the consequences of it.
I think it's better to make a decision that moves us forward in life (and let's us experience things - even negative, uncomfortable ones) that can contribute to our personal growth, than keep treading in the same place just because we are familiar with it.
Do you know in a more concrete way what your fears are about? Are they really founded if you look at them in a realistic way?

If there is anything you are concerned about regarding living in Tokyo, let me know.
I have been living here for a total of 25 years (with breaks).

Cheers,
Connie

slapphead_otool

Hi Lemsip,

I don't live in Japan, but I am married to a Japanese girl, and anyway your concerns are generic to any country.

Life is a big adventure. Each day is a one off shot, you either waste it or live it. Go for it, move to Japan. Take a break and go see more of Asia. Meet people, live rough, live well. Meets girls, fall in love, fall out again.

A man is the sum of his experiences, and the more you experience the more of you there is. Even the bad stuff turns out to be fun when you look back.

Try getting a movie called The Art of Travel about a guy who just gets a ticket to South America and flies there after a break up.

You will get that confidence back as soon as you step off the plane....

bakedbean

Hi Lemsip

In your post you said you lived in Japan for one year and loved it. I think you know what to do. Go for it. Start of a new life You'll have a lot of fun.