Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
Jul 25th 2012, 6:04 pm
#61
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Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
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Do I know what I am doing......probably not, but won't know until I try and to be honest I have faced a whole lot worse events in my life to date, moving to a country where I don't speak the language, to live with people that I have never met and also don't speak the same language, with no job or friends and possibly the wrong skin colour.......hmmmmmmm!
But I haven't done anything stupid in my 30's so I guess this will be it! Can also try for something worse in my 40's!!!
Jul 25th 2012, 6:13 pm
#62
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Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
The "staring" thing ....
I noticed it but I actually rather liked it. Not the "staring" as such, but when I stopped thinking of it as "staring" and thought of it as "acknowledging" and "interacting" I started doing it myself. Head up, direct eye contact, not looking away, just acknowledging their presence, the fact that they had acknowledged me, in a "I see you, I see that you are seeing me, now I am walking on but we have acknowledged each other" way (does that make any sense?) it stopped feeling weird or threatening. In an odd way it actually started to feel empowering. Free?
I kept it up for a couple of days once I returned "home" to Scotland but swiftly found that it's not something the Scots can deal with very well.....
I noticed it but I actually rather liked it. Not the "staring" as such, but when I stopped thinking of it as "staring" and thought of it as "acknowledging" and "interacting" I started doing it myself. Head up, direct eye contact, not looking away, just acknowledging their presence, the fact that they had acknowledged me, in a "I see you, I see that you are seeing me, now I am walking on but we have acknowledged each other" way (does that make any sense?) it stopped feeling weird or threatening. In an odd way it actually started to feel empowering. Free?
I kept it up for a couple of days once I returned "home" to Scotland but swiftly found that it's not something the Scots can deal with very well.....
My fiancee agrees with you, he says it isn't really staring its "assessing you, acknowledging you" but who knows! Will let you know how it goes tomorrow! Excited at my first challenge, I'm thinking of writing a blog/book about my "crazy" decision, the months leading up and moving. I will include my pre move challenges.....So new friends I happily welcome some pre move challenges that can be carried out here to to help the integration process, let me know guys!
1st challenge - learn and perfect the Italian Stare
Jul 25th 2012, 6:42 pm
#63
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Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
This is awesome! I am absolutely going to try this tomorrow - although maybe not to everyone (recent acts of severe thuggery/shootings may prevent me "staring" at some swindon folk!).
My fiancee agrees with you, he says it isn't really staring its "assessing you, acknowledging you" but who knows! Will let you know how it goes tomorrow! Excited at my first challenge, I'm thinking of writing a blog/book about my "crazy" decision, the months leading up and moving. I will include my pre move challenges.....So new friends I happily welcome some pre move challenges that can be carried out here to to help the integration process, let me know guys!
1st challenge - learn and perfect the Italian Stare
My fiancee agrees with you, he says it isn't really staring its "assessing you, acknowledging you" but who knows! Will let you know how it goes tomorrow! Excited at my first challenge, I'm thinking of writing a blog/book about my "crazy" decision, the months leading up and moving. I will include my pre move challenges.....So new friends I happily welcome some pre move challenges that can be carried out here to to help the integration process, let me know guys!
1st challenge - learn and perfect the Italian Stare
Jul 25th 2012, 6:51 pm
#64
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Jul 25th 2012, 9:27 pm
#66
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Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
Betty, I am not sure Swindon is any more ready for "that" than Peterhead, Aberdeenshire is....
But seriously, I believe it's about the attitude. If you let go of the idea that it is "staring" or in some way aggressive or predatory, and take it as acknowledging, seeing, communicating, asessing maybe, even - it takes on a different flavour.
To the Italians (I am purely guessing) the British ways may seem sneaky, evasive, avoidant. Once I decided to assume that there was no malice in it, and just joined them, I felt really fine about it. At ease with it, if that makes sense?
But seriously, I believe it's about the attitude. If you let go of the idea that it is "staring" or in some way aggressive or predatory, and take it as acknowledging, seeing, communicating, asessing maybe, even - it takes on a different flavour.
To the Italians (I am purely guessing) the British ways may seem sneaky, evasive, avoidant. Once I decided to assume that there was no malice in it, and just joined them, I felt really fine about it. At ease with it, if that makes sense?
Jul 26th 2012, 7:12 am
#67
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Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
..actually it's more .. look someone up and down from head to foot to check out their:
race
possible origin
hairstyle
clothes
shoes
general state of health / cleanliness
profession / occupation
..and then whether or not they're worth your 'buongiorno/salve/ciao' or nothing..
all this is less than 2 seconds of course
race
possible origin
hairstyle
clothes
shoes
general state of health / cleanliness
profession / occupation
..and then whether or not they're worth your 'buongiorno/salve/ciao' or nothing..
all this is less than 2 seconds of course
Jul 26th 2012, 7:16 am
#68
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Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Verona/ Nr Turin
Posts: 4,671
Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
..actually it's more .. look someone up and down from head to foot to check out their:
race
possible origin
hairstyle
clothes
shoes
general state of health / cleanliness
profession / occupation
..and then whether or not they're worth your 'buongiorno/salve/ciao' or nothing..
all this is less than 2 seconds of course
race
possible origin
hairstyle
clothes
shoes
general state of health / cleanliness
profession / occupation
..and then whether or not they're worth your 'buongiorno/salve/ciao' or nothing..
all this is less than 2 seconds of course
Jul 26th 2012, 8:22 am
#69
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Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
No it doesn't. They just think we are reserved and cold just like they think we all carry brollies and newspapers and that the whole country stops at 4 o'clock so we can all have a cup of tea.
Jul 26th 2012, 8:23 am
#70
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Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Province of Vicenza
Posts: 19,036
Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
..actually it's more .. look someone up and down from head to foot to check out their:
race
possible origin
hairstyle
clothes
shoes
general state of health / cleanliness
profession / occupation
..and then whether or not they're worth your 'buongiorno/salve/ciao' or nothing..
all this is less than 2 seconds of course
race
possible origin
hairstyle
clothes
shoes
general state of health / cleanliness
profession / occupation
..and then whether or not they're worth your 'buongiorno/salve/ciao' or nothing..
all this is less than 2 seconds of course
Jul 26th 2012, 8:39 am
#71
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Verona
Posts: 235
Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
..actually it's more .. look someone up and down from head to foot to check out their:
race
possible origin
hairstyle
clothes
shoes
general state of health / cleanliness
profession / occupation
..and then whether or not they're worth your 'buongiorno/salve/ciao' or nothing..
all this is less than 2 seconds of course
race
possible origin
hairstyle
clothes
shoes
general state of health / cleanliness
profession / occupation
..and then whether or not they're worth your 'buongiorno/salve/ciao' or nothing..
all this is less than 2 seconds of course
Jul 26th 2012, 8:42 am
#72
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Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Verona
Posts: 235
Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
all of the above and if you are Scottish you will have red hair, pale skin and freckles! (I only have one of these traits!)
Jul 26th 2012, 8:48 am
#73
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Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Province of Vicenza
Posts: 19,036
Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!
She got so sick of old ladies pinching her cheeks when she was younger and saying things like "ooohhhh so strange for someone so dark to have freckles." or "how weird she has all these freckles, you Mamma don't have any."
Poor kid almost got a massive complex and one day she asked me if they'd ever go away.
Jul 26th 2012, 8:50 am
#75
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Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Verona/ Nr Turin
Posts: 4,671
Re: Moving in with fiancé's Italian Family - am i crazy?!