Holiday Romance

Old Jun 4th 2014, 6:25 am
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Default Holiday Romance

Hi everyone, bit of a strange first post, not sure if i'm in the right place or even on the right forum.
My sister in law, a hard working divorced single mum, has just returned from a trip to Goa, she has visited about 4 or 5 times.
On her return she announces she is engaged to an Indian guy, this has come as a complete shock to the family as we had no idea.
The Indian guy is about 14 years younger than her she is 49 in a couple of months and apparently works at one of the beach shacks.
Maybe i'm being paranoid, but it all seems to good to be true, i'm happily married so it's not jealousy lol,
I know non of us know where we might find love and maybe I've read to many horror stories in the women's mags, but i'm worried her (and the kids) might get badly hurt
I've a feeling she might be sending money to this guy and maybe his family members
I think the intention is for him to move to the UK.
I'm told that these guys will say what ever they think the western women want to hear in order to get sex (and money)
Am I right to feel concerned
Thanks for reading

Last edited by Sue; Jul 2nd 2014 at 9:01 pm. Reason: Small edits requested by OP
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Old Jun 4th 2014, 7:47 am
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Hi Beachyhead,


Yes you are on the right forum here and in my honest opinion you are RIGHT to be concerned ! OK in the minority of cases ( stress minority) things may turn out well - but I doubt it. There was a tragic case last year in the West Midlands where a Goan holiday romance went horrifically wrong and the poor English girl was murdered by her husband ( Indian) who came to England, this was originally a " holiday romance boyfriend" the age difference in this case wasn't that great either.

I am not saying this is just Indian/Goan romances as it has been well documented in "romances" from other countries such as Gambia, Thailand etc. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...ring-life.html hope this link works

Please, please ask your sister in law to look at the hard evidence of the survival of these holiday romances before its too late - yes "love" can be sometimes blind !
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Old Jun 4th 2014, 1:52 pm
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Is she mad
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Old Jun 4th 2014, 3:26 pm
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

I'm told that these guys will say what ever they think the western women want to hear in order to get sex (and money)

You are right to be concerned. I've been here 10 years and heard this story and seen the results a good few times.
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Old Jun 4th 2014, 5:51 pm
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Thanks for the comments, at least I'm not the only one who would be concerned. I suppose there is little I can actually do, she isn't prepared to discuss it, maybe she has her own doubts.
Is it true that the Indian guys normally choose "pure" girls to marry
I wish I could get him checked out, someone has said he may even be married with kids.
Thanks again
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Old Jun 4th 2014, 7:50 pm
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

would it be worth listening to her and not saying anything negative regarding this?

If she is convinced she will only hear negatives and clams up, this is likely to isolate her further if this relationship is not above board.

It may be difficult, but it maybe worth being a listening ear in order that when she is concerned, she is more likely to speak to you about it
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Old Jun 5th 2014, 2:52 am
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Hi, Perhaps you should come over to Goa and see what he does when your sister is not here , this would give you a good idea of his moral compass. Maybe (I am not saying he has), but maybe he has a couple of other potentials too... It can be very difficult for any relationship especially if they come from two vastly different cultures. I had a Muslim girlfriend for several years, oh blimey its difficult!!! Anyway, they just have a completely different way of thinking especially if they are from a sheltered village community where 'the elders' have a strong influence on their lives.

Good luck
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Old Jun 5th 2014, 6:11 am
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Seen a lot of cross-cultural relationships over the years. Ones formed through waiters/gigolos at beach shacks invariably do not work out. He is probably after a meal ticket and a way out of his crappy life.
One thing I have found is that in the marriages where things do tend to work out the couple are of similar ages and socio-economic backgrounds. What does your SIL really have in common with this guy? How long have they spent together in total? There's a big difference between being on holiday somewhere and living in country with that person. As someone else said, what does he do when she's not there. I might be totally wrong of course, to show your SIL support maybe go out there with her next time and meet the guy. He might be okay after all. A big factor has got to be that your SIL is a way out for him. He's 35 and working in a beach shack, I'm guessing he hasn't got that many opportunities in life.
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Old Jun 5th 2014, 6:51 am
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Originally Posted by nicola s
would it be worth listening to her and not saying anything negative regarding this?

If she is convinced she will only hear negatives and clams up, this is likely to isolate her further if this relationship is not above board.

It may be difficult, but it maybe worth being a listening ear in order that when she is concerned, she is more likely to speak to you about it
Apart from my initial "jaw dropping" shock, and a little chat when she first told us, I've not really been that negative about it, (although I did mention if it was about money) she doesn't want to talk about it, so I've not really expressed opinions either way. Maybe she is just expecting negative comments.

Last edited by beachyhead; Jun 5th 2014 at 7:38 am.
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Old Jun 5th 2014, 6:58 am
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Originally Posted by poipleshadow
Hi, Perhaps you should come over to Goa and see what he does when your sister is not here , this would give you a good idea of his moral compass. Maybe (I am not saying he has), but maybe he has a couple of other potentials too... It can be very difficult for any relationship especially if they come from two vastly different cultures. I had a Muslim girlfriend for several years, oh blimey its difficult!!! Anyway, they just have a completely different way of thinking especially if they are from a sheltered village community where 'the elders' have a strong influence on their lives.

Good luck
I'd love a couple of weeks in the sun, but will be lucky to afford any holiday this year.
I have read one "horror story" (I realise we often only hear the bad stories) where the guy was juggling 40 odd women and was caught out when one turned up unannounced and caught him in bed with another western woman)
As I mentioned before she seems swept away with him and the Indian culture,
but a 2 week holiday with someone, is far from reality
I'd like to be happy for her, but something tells me its not all it seems.
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Old Jun 5th 2014, 7:17 am
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Originally Posted by nonthaburi
Seen a lot of cross-cultural relationships over the years. Ones formed through waiters/gigolos at beach shacks invariably do not work out. He is probably after a meal ticket and a way out of his crappy life.
One thing I have found is that in the marriages where things do tend to work out the couple are of similar ages and socio-economic backgrounds. What does your SIL really have in common with this guy? How long have they spent together in total? There's a big difference between being on holiday somewhere and living in country with that person. As someone else said, what does he do when she's not there. I might be totally wrong of course, to show your SIL support maybe go out there with her next time and meet the guy. He might be okay after all. A big factor has got to be that your SIL is a way out for him. He's 35 and working in a beach shack, I'm guessing he hasn't got that many opportunities in life.
I'm not sure what she has in common with him, I would think they have very little in common, spending time with someone (probably having passionate sex) while in "holiday mode" with probably alcohol involved at most times, is to me almost an "escape from reality" of her hectic life. It is all very different to living with someone, never mind someone from a very different culture. She can have only spent few weeks with him, yearly holiday, most contact must be by Skype or social media etc.
Even if it is all genuine, and I do hope it is, don't want to see her or family get hurt, It could be a long time before they could live together, I don't know how they will get round the financial conditions etc.
Success or failure it could take years to play out.
I thought she had her head screwed on, but "love is blind"

Last edited by Sue; Jul 2nd 2014 at 9:02 pm. Reason: Small edits for privacy as requested by OP
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Old Jun 5th 2014, 7:23 am
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

If by any chance anyone has any personal knowledge about these relationships with the "beach waiters" that you are prepared to share (by PM) I would appreciate it, I can also provide some more information which might be relevant, but would prefer to do it by PM, as don't want to post it on public board.
Many Thanks Julie
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Old Jun 5th 2014, 10:44 am
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

If you have any spare cash you could do what the Goans do in this situation hire a private investigator in Goa to have a look at the man. Do it through one of the ex-pats here on this forum who is living in Goa now. He or she can find out the fees and you can wire the money via Western Union. There are so many con artists operating out of the beach shacks looking for a romeo visa to get them out but what people do not realise is the baggage that come with them...ie, their family and in-laws.Their are dozens of PIs doing this sort of work in Goa, so its not a problem.Just make sure who you hire is legit because he or she could also inform them and and ask them for money to give a false report.
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Old Jun 5th 2014, 2:40 pm
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Just out of interest really do the "locals" or "ex-pats" use these beach shack bars, or are they primarily for tourists, what would be the average wage for a waiter, or would it be based mostly on "tips"
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Old Jun 5th 2014, 3:00 pm
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Default Re: Holiday Romance

Originally Posted by beachyhead
Just out of interest really do the "locals" or "ex-pats" use these beach shack bars, or are they primarily for tourists, what would be the average wage for a waiter, or would it be based mostly on "tips"
Hi beachyhead,

Its mainly expats and tourists that use the beach shacks, the locals only usually come in for a freebie !

In my experience the waiters ( mainly Indian/ Nepalese as opposed to Goan ) are paid around 70% of tips from the box ( plus "private" tips from customers...) with the balance 30% going to the kitchen staff, obviously this does and must vary.
The purchasing power of the rupee out of Goa is far greater in other states as the cost of living is cheaper out of state. IMHO I wouldn't say a shack waiter is the greatest of paying jobs...... Most Goans strive to be either a shack OWNER, taxi driver or cruise line employee with the more "menial " work left to those from other states.....
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