Bec

Hi to anybody who reads this

I am new to chat rooms, haven't got a clue about the ins and outs, but I found this website whilst trying to find out prices for the TGV, so thought I'd have a go to see if anyone can give me a boost of moral!

I moved to France with my husband and children two months ago and so far I'm finding it very isolating. My OH was a navy lad and used to traveling, so could lay his hat just about anywhere and call it home. Me on the other hand have left my childhood home of Dorset, does anyone know it? Coast and countryside, no city smog to talk of, no hoodies or gang trouble. Why did we leave you may ask? House prices are HUGE, wages are LOW, I have just had my 3rd child and my husband just left the navy. Coming to France has enabled us to buy a much larger house, albeit to renovate, without the need for a mortgage. No chance of that in England let alone Dorset.

I hoped to meet other young(ish) families through school, but have found most of the british community to be of retirement age around here. I am somewhat tied with my 8 month old baby, and my two older children are in school, 5 miles away, and the fact that I am the only driver of the family. Therefore, no chance of joining any french classes at the mo; no babysitter and no other taxi driver for school trips or shopping. My life has gone from being a working Mum, with a hectic social life, to being a sit at home housewife, waiting for the next trip to school or the supermarket/builders merchant.

I love renovating but my little angel doesn't give me much chance to get involved, apart from the odd bit of tradifarging or housework! My husband has got more than enough to keep him busy, and just tells me to stop being negative about everything, any attempt at spilling my heart out just ends in huge rows. I really want it to work here, especially as I've left my job and taken the kids out of a very good school, but I can't help feeling a bit cut off and lonely. Did anyone else feel like they'd made a big mistake to start with? If they can tell me their happy endings I would be more than grateful!

tery little

Its not easy but will be better as time goes by.
Keep your chin up and do-not join the 50% that go back,
TERRY

dreamcatcher

Hallo Bec,Welcome,first of all dont beat yourself up because your being honest,if you read your own post and pretend its someone else who wrote it,you would be thinking what a brave soul,how on earth is she coping.I hope being on here lets you get out your worrys,and that your OH stops for a minute and listens to you.Whaterver your feeling its how YOU feel and at least you got the guts to say it.Its a whole life change for you and you have
3 children plus an OH to care for, of course you feel like you do.I know Dorset and agree with you its fab.We could start with whereabouts in France are you.Then perhaps people in that area will be able to guide you as to whats on ect around you.Keep posting xxxxxxx

treskillard

I do sympathize hugely with your situation. We've three kids the same ages as your and it really isn't easy finding the time and space to be happy with them let alone with myself. Well done for posting about it and as Dreamcatcher says first thing is to find people to keep you sane. Two months is early days for such a big move. Keep courage and look forward to school holidays ending!

tery little

[QUOTE=treskillard;5506419]I do sympathize hugely with your situation. We've three kids the same ages as your and it really isn't easy finding the time and space to be happy with them let alone with myself. Well done for posting about it and as says first thing is to find people to keep you sane. Two months is early days for such a big move. Keep courage and look forward to school holidays ending! [/QUOTE

It seems that some people wont it all ways,
YOU GET OUT OF LIFE WHAT YOU PUT INTO IT.

artemis

Bec, just logged on and read your post. My heart goes out to you and men just don't seem to have a sensitive side do they sometimes? I can totally identify with you as I went from having a good job in the city to suddenly being at home with a baby. May be this will make you feel better; I have a couple of friends that are older than me in their 50s with no husband or wife and no children. Yes they are probably happy ..... but I think the most cherished thing in our lives are our children. You are so so lucky to have three of them. Don't give up hope and perhaps post again to ask whether someone more your age lives near you. You are very brave to move to France and your children are young enough to adapt, you WILL meet new friends I am sure, just don't give up hope. All the best and keep posting

Bec

Thankyou for all your encouraging replies, it is lovely to know people understand and that I'm not just being melodramatic, I do cross-examine myself frequently!

You are quite right DC, I do have the right to feel the way I feel, and I shouldn't feel ashamed or bottle it all up. And to Artemis, I definately agree that our children are the most important thing in life, they are my angels, everything I do and try to be in life, is for them. I was already lucky to have two healthy children, but after an 8 year wait for number 3 due to various problems, I know just how privileged I am! He really is my miracle and I thank God every day for all 3 of them.

I would be really interested to know what Treskillards children think of school and France now, as my son and daughter are obviously finding it very difficult at the moment. Apart from not speaking French, they are having problems with bullying, mostly I might add, from other English children! They were lucky enough to not encounter nastiness in their school in England, so are completely scared stiff here. I wish they were a bit tougher, but unfortunately they take after me and not their Dad!! They tell the teachers but it looks like their policy here is to let the kids deal with it themselves, very difficult for two children who can't communicate with 95% of the children!

I know deep down things wil get better, two months is early days, and we are still very much on unknown territory. We have christmas to look forward to, and in March my Mum and Dad are coming out to live 15 miles away from us, which will be lovely. We live in the Poitou-Charente, half an hour from Poitiers and 5 miles from Lezay. Anyone know it?

treskillard

The children really reacted well to the school. Their faces the first day were a picture of fear and the teacher is pretty harsh but they've settled down well now and while they still say sometimes, I don't want to go, when they get on the bus they laugh and giggle with their friends. No bullying as yet but the school is tiny (14 kids) and not enough kids of the same ages to have this dynamic maybe. Really odd that the bullying would be other British kids! Glad to hear a positive story about British school though! I think the system here does care about bullying just as much. Follow up the events and don't let it drop. If you need help with translation then maybe someone on this thread could point you to someone who can help? I'm too far away in the Aude.

If your family are coming to live there - then things will really get easier! Look forward to it! I'm jealous - that's the perfect solution - for me anyway!

millsi

You're doing a great job Bec so keep it up! Being a mum isn't an easy 'job' (if you can call it that) in any country, let alone a new one. I can't offer advice on where you are in France, as I'm still over here in the UK, but am sending all my best as a fellow mum from across the Channel! Enjoy the children.

lynpy

Hi Bec
You've reminded me of our first few months over here when my 2 kids first went to school. I don't know who was more upset me or them! They found it difficult at first with the language but they made friends even if they didn't have a clue what was going on! They were given extra french lessons at the local Mairie for free which was arranged via the schools. You may need to ask for them as they're not automatic. When my son started college I also asked there and after a few months he was getting additional french lessons which really helped him get on. ( He's now in 5eme and in the top half of his class in all subjects!)

Our biggest mistake was to go back to the UK for Christmas after being here for only 4 months. Our daughter who was then 7 stated that she didn't want to come back to France with us and this was only 5 mins after getting off the boat at Dover! However, what a difference a few months makes because as their language skills increased, so did their confidence.

To help you all make friends why not ask some of the local kids round to play, that way you get to know some of the other mums. I also went to every school function and all the village events. BTW have you checked at your local Mairie for any mother and baby groups?

Also, there are quite a few busy French forums out there which may help you find other brits living close by. I did, and that's how I found my brit mates! Try the 'livinginfrance' , 'Totalfrance' & 'anglofrance' forums as they are some of the biggest out there.

It now it can be tough but keep going and give it a bit more time.

I wish you all the luck in the world.
Lynpy

dreamcatcher

Hi Bec,hope you getting on OK,
Hallo Millsi and lynpy,welcome nice posts.

JLR72

Hi Bec, remember you are completely out of your comfort zone because so many aspects of your life have changed. You need to be nice to yourself and realise you've done something huge and brave and made a move many people would never fathom. It'll all come together and you just need a little time to settle in and not be too hard on yourself. It's easy to put pressure on ourselves when we want things to happen quickly but if we relax and go with the flow the transition is much more enjoyable.
I completely empathise with you as I moved to Toulouse a few months ago to be with my French boyfriend. I don't speak French well and his English is not perfect either (although better than my French). It's difficult at times to communicate and understand each other, especially with our cultural differences and backgrounds. I don't have any friends near me and feel really isolated at times, even at home. I sometimes wonder what I'm doing here but I have stopped myself looking at the bigger picture and look at the little things every day I am happy with.
I don't know if this helps you with all the other much better advice people have given you but from someone in a similar position (without the children) I send you my compassion.
I'm sure things will work out in time.

roly

Hi Bec and well done, spelling out your fears and doubts, that,s not easy to do but there,s a lot of goodwill out there as you,re already finding from the responses you,re receiving so you,ll reap the rewards for being honest and open.
My advice (like lynpy before me ) would be to search for websites that have pages more specific to your local region, Poitou Charente, for instance both anglo-info and frenchentree have lots of local stuff and a forum which would soon have you chatting to neighbours you didn,t even know you had. You won,t feel so isolated then,but more like you,ve taken the first steps to becoming part of the community.
Good luck
Roly

Bec

Hi guys

How is everybody? Thanks for the helpful advice and lovely comments. I've had a difficult couple of days with the children really scared about going back to school tomorrow. Not in for a fun morning! My heart really goes out for them, poor things. Wish I could go through it instead of them. But I am always at my best when others are at their worst, the hive of positive thinking, that's me at the moment!! I am taking each day as it comes and not looking too far ahead, I am thinking of all the aspects we have improved by being here and not thinking of what I've left behind, the secret to contentment I think.

I was planning a trip back to England with the children at Christmas, but one of you mentioned how it disrupted their childrens progress, and after the last couple of days with my two, I am thinking it may not be a good idea. I think I need to concentrate on making our first christmas in our new home a really special celebration, especially as it is our first christmas with our baby. It will be the first ever year we will be able to have the BIGGEST christmas tree up and still have several options as to where to erect it!

I will definately look up some of the other web sites you have all recommended, and I'll let you know how the children get on at school tomorrow. Merci et bon nuit!

dreamcatcher

Hi Bec,Wish you all the luck tomorrow,hope the children are fine,have a good evening and try not to worry to much.(easer said than done)


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