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Old Dec 22nd 2008, 2:42 pm   #1
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Q: Why was the snail angry?

A: Because is-car-got nicked.
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Old Dec 22nd 2008, 3:18 pm   #2
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Oh dear, that's terrible! If the French had Christmas crackers this one would be in there! If it's any consolation, it made me laugh.
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Old Dec 29th 2008, 10:26 pm   #3
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Oh dear, that's terrible! If the French had Christmas crackers this one would be in there! If it's any consolation, it made me laugh.
I arranged to bring some crackers over from England specially for a French get together yesterday which included the presence of the local curé. It was supposed to be an English Christmas dinner on Christmas Day but I was told they'd all be with their families. My friend was also horrified, as was everyone else, at the thought of me offering brussel sprouts. 'You're not going to tell me you've eaten brussels sprouts for the last forty years at Christmas!' 'Er, yes....' Don't even mention sweetcorn and parsnips. Upshot was that my friend did the savoury part and I provided the pudding and mince pies. Despite his gloomy prognostications everyone enjoyed the pudding (Don't use beef suet - they can taste it and don't like it) and brandy butter and rum butter were interesting novelties. They also really enjoyed the crackers - even the curé wore his paper crown which he felt was a rather pleasing and appropriate shade of purple However, it's bad enough getting the terrible word play on the mottos in English, they're absolutely untranslateable in French. By the way have you noticed how French conversation is invariably about food?
P.S. I did miss my roast potatoes parsnips and brussels though but perhaps it was as well. Having gone to all this trouble I ate two mouthfuls and immediately threw up as I'd gone down with 'le gastro'.
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Old Dec 29th 2008, 11:08 pm   #4
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Originally Posted by onlyonebrenda View Post
I arranged to bring some crackers over from England specially for a French get together yesterday which included the presence of the local curé. It was supposed to be an English Christmas dinner on Christmas Day but I was told they'd all be with their families. My friend was also horrified, as was everyone else, at the thought of me offering brussel sprouts. 'You're not going to tell me you've eaten brussels sprouts for the last forty years at Christmas!' 'Er, yes....' Don't even mention sweetcorn and parsnips. Upshot was that my friend did the savoury part and I provided the pudding and mince pies. Despite his gloomy prognostications everyone enjoyed the pudding (Don't use beef suet - they can taste it and don't like it) and brandy butter and rum butter were interesting novelties. They also really enjoyed the crackers - even the curé wore his paper crown which he felt was a rather pleasing and appropriate shade of purple However, it's bad enough getting the terrible word play on the mottos in English, they're absolutely untranslateable in French. By the way have you noticed how French conversation is invariably about food?
P.S. I did miss my roast potatoes parsnips and brussels though but perhaps it was as well. Having gone to all this trouble I ate two mouthfuls and immediately threw up as I'd gone down with 'le gastro'.
My OHs mother always used to make her eat two or three sprouts at Xmas dinner.
Until the day she sneezed semi-chewed sprouts over the whole table.
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Old Dec 30th 2008, 9:26 am   #5
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Are you sure this isn't a scripting meeting for a new sitcom that you are writing Bren? The Cure too? It is too good a story.,

Scene 1.
Act 1.

Somewhere in France:

Bren: Now Christmas time is here and the the sun his slothful passage marks a change...
Andy: This is a sitcom not bloddy Shakespeare you sodding intellectual.
Val: Enough of words and crossed humours. Thread closed.,

Quote:
Originally Posted by onlyonebrenda View Post
I arranged to bring some crackers over from England specially for a French get together yesterday which included the presence of the local curé. It was supposed to be an English Christmas dinner on Christmas Day but I was told they'd all be with their families. My friend was also horrified, as was everyone else, at the thought of me offering brussel sprouts. 'You're not going to tell me you've eaten brussels sprouts for the last forty years at Christmas!' 'Er, yes....' Don't even mention sweetcorn and parsnips. Upshot was that my friend did the savoury part and I provided the pudding and mince pies. Despite his gloomy prognostications everyone enjoyed the pudding (Don't use beef suet - they can taste it and don't like it) and brandy butter and rum butter were interesting novelties. They also really enjoyed the crackers - even the curé wore his paper crown which he felt was a rather pleasing and appropriate shade of purple However, it's bad enough getting the terrible word play on the mottos in English, they're absolutely untranslateable in French. By the way have you noticed how French conversation is invariably about food?
P.S. I did miss my roast potatoes parsnips and brussels though but perhaps it was as well. Having gone to all this trouble I ate two mouthfuls and immediately threw up as I'd gone down with 'le gastro'.
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Old Dec 30th 2008, 4:17 pm   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treskillard View Post
Are you sure this isn't a scripting meeting for a new sitcom that you are writing Bren? The Cure too? It is too good a story.,

Scene 1.
Act 1.

Somewhere in France:

Bren: Now Christmas time is here and the the sun his slothful passage marks a change...
Andy: This is a sitcom not bloddy Shakespeare you sodding intellectual.
Val: Enough of words and crossed humours. Thread closed.,
You missed out the thread hijackers Tres
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Old Dec 30th 2008, 5:01 pm   #7
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Default Re: bad jokes...

hope you are feeling better now Brenda, and it was only one of those 24 hour things

I love brussel sprouts - especially when you've grown them yourself and you pick them when they are still small.


Moi? close a thread Tres - only if you've been naughty, and not nice
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Old Dec 30th 2008, 7:23 pm   #8
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Sorry Brenda but that story has really tickled my fancy, a rare event since the op. I forgot that it ended with you sick. Hope you're better.
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Old Dec 30th 2008, 9:06 pm   #9
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Crikey Tres, you been under the knife m8? Facelift?
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Old Dec 30th 2008, 9:06 pm   #10
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Well, it IS a "bad joke" thread ....................
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Old Jan 2nd 2009, 12:19 am   #11
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Well, it IS a "bad joke" thread ....................
Well, they say life is stranger than fiction, and yes, maybe I do need to write that book I keep meaning to write, but Scout's or guide's honour everything I wrote was true. I'm just living in a magical timewarp here and it's great. My heart goes out to these lovely people.
Have a great new year all of you. I love you lots as well.
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Old Jan 5th 2009, 11:38 am   #12
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All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain,
"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood ,
"because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away ."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach ,
"because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs,
"because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated,
the legs got wobbly,
the eyes got watery,
and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The ass hole is usually the one in charge!

If you don't send this to at least three people....who gives a sh*t?
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Old Jan 5th 2009, 7:38 pm   #13
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That is SO cool - there's hope for me yet then ..............
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Old Jan 6th 2009, 7:51 am   #14
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Default Re: bad jokes...

Quote:
Originally Posted by onlyonebrenda View Post
I arranged to bring some crackers over from England specially for a French get together yesterday which included the presence of the local curé. It was supposed to be an English Christmas dinner on Christmas Day but I was told they'd all be with their families. My friend was also horrified, as was everyone else, at the thought of me offering brussel sprouts. 'You're not going to tell me you've eaten brussels sprouts for the last forty years at Christmas!' 'Er, yes....' Don't even mention sweetcorn and parsnips. Upshot was that my friend did the savoury part and I provided the pudding and mince pies. Despite his gloomy prognostications everyone enjoyed the pudding (Don't use beef suet - they can taste it and don't like it) and brandy butter and rum butter were interesting novelties. They also really enjoyed the crackers - even the curé wore his paper crown which he felt was a rather pleasing and appropriate shade of purple However, it's bad enough getting the terrible word play on the mottos in English, they're absolutely untranslateable in French. By the way have you noticed how French conversation is invariably about food?
P.S. I did miss my roast potatoes parsnips and brussels though but perhaps it was as well. Having gone to all this trouble I ate two mouthfuls and immediately threw up as I'd gone down with 'le gastro'.
I sent some crackers to my French parent-in-laws the previous Christmas - I think it's the first time they've ever had them, but they seemed to go down well.
Just wanted to say I totally agree with your comments about French and food. If the world moans at us Brits for talking about the weather, my god the French can waffle on about food.
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Old Jan 6th 2009, 7:37 pm   #15
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Default Re: bad jokes...

I got one!

Two blonde girls were working for the council works department. One would dig a hole, and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filing it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.

So he asked the one digging the hole, "I'm impressed by the amount of effort you are putting into your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick".

Ouch! (And I'm blonde, so no flack intended at blondes!!!)
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