fishpond

Whether to stay here in NZ or go home to have the baby! It is driving me mad not knowing what to do!

as I see it the advantages of staying here are:
Could be nicer lifestyle
Husband has started new career - but has done similar in the UK and done well
Could stay till Dec and try to get PR - but may not get anyway if move back to UK. Will have been here 18 months out of the 2 years but then if they ask are we going back to NZ and when - what would I say?
Could be hard to fix new flat, moving stuff out of rental place here etc in time- would need to travel in april

Disadvantages of staying here
No family (though parents could come for 2 months) or friends
Family getting older, nephews/nieces growing up
Miss the UK more than thought I would

Advantages of UK
Familiarity of system
Friends family near (though realise not on doorstep and could not drop everything for us)

THis is a quick list. It is more complicated (isnt it always?) than this sadly. I am not keen on flying long distance and may be worse for me with a young child than 20 weeks pregnant. I feel that will be seen as a failure for returning before the 2 years we initially thought we would. However htis was before I got pregnant and my feelings have changed. Is this bad?

Grrgggh. Sorry still in huge mess - all help appreciated. Sorry for typos - doing dinner and a thousand other things at same time!

tinkerbell

ah, what a dilema, i would say go with what you feel is right.

don't ever feel a failure for wanting to go home.

someone once said to me.............." i would rather fail at something, rather than achieve nothing"

good luck with whatever desicion you make.

Nomore

Can't tell you to stay or go!!! It is up to you and no-one else. If you go back, have the baby, see the family, get it out of your system, you might regret it! Then again you might not
Sorry i can't be more help but it is a 50/50 situation for all of us. Don't think of it as a failure, i don't, i think of it as a great experience and achievement.

Finally do you like your life in NZ? if your answer is NO, then i would go home.

thunderbird65

i would stay there til you are sure, i stuck oz out for a year after a torrid time there but wanted to make sure i exhausted every ave of trying to make it work before conceding defeat and also realising for sure that i wanted to be home in the uk without any fear i was going to regret it.got the oz thing fully out of my system. but it is really your own choice.

ladyofthelake

I was living in Hong Kong when I found out I was pregnant the second time around. Like you, I had to decide whether to stay or to return. We decided to return back to England, as my hormones were making me want to be home, but by the time we actually left, I found myself regretting the decision. It was a bit like the person who has posted here today who is regreting it before they've even left.
I was 20 weeks pregnant when I returned and although I thought of the life we had left and what may have been a lot those first few weeks, it soon died down. After my son was born he spent 4 days in special care and I was so happy it was in an NHS hospital rather than a Hong Kong private hospital with all the worry of extra medical bills on top of everything else.
My end point is that although for a while I wished we hadn't left, we made the most of our return. We moved to a new area, bought a new house, and settled back into British life well. We had some very good years there. So whatever country you do decide on, live your life to the fullest and don't second guess your descisions afterwards.

BTW, my flight back at 20 weeks was fine and my 2 year old slept most of the time.

JAJ

One point to bear in mind is that in order for the child to be a New Zealand citizen at birth, at least one parent must be a PR (or NZ citizen or Australian citizen).

In other words, babies born to temporary residents in New Zealand no longer get automatic citizenship. This new rule has been in place since 1.1.2006.

fishpond

Hi
I used to feel that we had to stick out our 2 years so we did what we said we would and so I could get PR. My husband has dual nationality (but grew up in UK) so the baby would also be entitled to Kiwi citizenship if born in the UK as far as I know.

I swing between thinking I am being a wimp for not wanting to stay and feeling like I have been defeated and wanting to go home in April...to have the baby at home.

I would say it would be easier to travel with a newborn but I am the world's worst air traveller - hate it and often get severe ear problems as well as being tall and finding long-haul flights a bit of an ordeal. This is tending to mean I would prefer to travel before the baby is born.

I know I shouldn't but I worry about people saying "you didn't give it very long" etc. and also that my husband will say he is ok with it but not be deep down and that it would cause problems later. We are very close and have a very strong mariage but don't want to store up problems with a new family too.

I am well aware that I may also go back and think things like I wish I hadn't, why didn't I stay and get PR etc. Also no idea if I can even arrange it all for April but we are renting here and would be there so hopefully it can be done if we want it to (albeit stressful). I have to say I think it would be stressful whenever we did it as we would always end up doing things at the last minute as many can't be done before then anyway! Where would we live? What would we do? I worry about that also and that I could see more of my parents if they came out for 2 months than if I was at home. However...this is just 2 months and I have other close family and friends and I basically miss the UK and miss them terribly. The combination of this and a new baby is worrying me a bit...perhaps am over reacting!

End of drivel!

JAJ

Totally different if husband is NZ citizen. Provided husband was born or naturalised in New Zealand, then baby will be a New Zealand citizen by descent if born in the United Kingdom. Plus a British citizen by birth.

If on the other hand baby is born in New Zealand, baby will be NZ citizen (by birth) and British citizen (by descent) provided either you or your husband is born or naturalised in the United Kingdom.

Yoong

Hi ,
I can feel your dilemma , the indecisiveness and ambivalence about the future. Yes they are legit but not at this stage of your pregnancy.
Please concentrate on your health and the baby's ie enough sleep , rest,
relaxation,nutrition , ante natal exercises and join a club or group for
social contacts,the people may be superficial ,it is just part of human
nature and I am no exception.
Do take one minute at a time, you are a strong person, brave enough
to write your share thoughts on the forum.
Take care.
Yoong

fishpond

Hi Yoong,
Thanks for your sweet words. My relatives are due out in a week or so for a visit and we will talk about it all together and hopefully work out a plan. I don't think I can really worry about what other people think about coming back before I have given NZ a certain defined time. It is probably not just being here (so far away, not the country which is lovely) but that combined with expecting a baby I think that has confused things a bit. I am sure it shouldn't, people have babies every day etc etc etc. However everyone is different and I find it all quite daunting enought in some ways without additional stresses!

Thanks.