Mummy

Hi,

Haven't posted on here for a while but still been reading.

I am nearly 3 months pregnant, and it was our intention to return to the UK in April. Now I am wondering if it would be better to stay and have the baby here and then go back in September. Now this is the dilemma.

If we go back in April, we have family to support us through the birth (last pregnancy ended in pre-eclampsia and emergency c-section, baby was fine though) and to look after our son during, before and after birth time. Downside of going back then is that hubby may have found a job before baby is due and it means uprooting to wherever that job may be to have the baby, i.e. two moves before birth.

If we go back in September, we have very little support, only a couple of friends who would be willing to help look after our son, probably only during birth time (I was hospitalised for 3 weeks last time). But we would be able to save a little more money (though not much once I have to stop working), and I wouldn't have the stress of moving country to cope with.

Any thoughts much appreciated

TheVickers

I would go home, I can only speak from personal experience but having that network of family & friends is invaluable when you have a baby.

Jo x

JAJ

Are you Australian citizens or still permanent residents? (that will affect the baby's status)

Englishmum

Do you think your mum or MIL might be able to come over from the UK to stay and help you in the late stages of your pregnancy and early days/weeks of coping with the newborn? Perhaps you could help with paying some or all of the airfare?

Mummy

Hi JAJ,

We have had the interview for citizenship and received letters of approval, so just waiting for ceremony which will probably be in January.

So, I assume that baby will be eligible for both British and Australian citizenship on birth.

Mummy

Yes she would, but that is also part of the problem becaues my dad is ill and doesn't want to make the long journey over here, but at the same time he is of the old school and under no circumstances would let my mum come on her own. I don't want to indirectly force my dad on the plane. My brother has said that he could come with my mum but he is a school teacher and so couldn't leave the UK until after the due date, and even if he offered, I expect my dad would still come. They can't afford to pay for the airfares either, and neither can we if we are saving up to go back again.

It's not an easy decision...

Rosie Cheeks

You need to weigh up the risks and benefits of flying during pregnancy.

I wouldn't risk it, but you are obviously an individual and it is your choice.
But considering the fact you will have to fly home, and given you medical history, I would have the baby here.
Then return home as a healthy new mum, with her healthy baby.

Mummy

I have been assigned to a specialist here because of my medical history, and unfortunately they have said that unless I get complications between now and April, there is absolutely no reason why I can't fly. I say unfortunately only because it doesn't help me in making my decision! Having been assigned to a specialist so early on is the main reason that I wonder whether to have the baby here - I'm not sure what my care would be like if I turn up back in the UK 6 or 7 months pregnant, and then perhaps move between a few hospitals before birth.

Rosie Cheeks

Gosh, it is so difficult to know what to do, I have recently had a baby here in Australia, so I fully understand.

Well whatever happens, here's hoping for a fantastic outcome for everybody concerned

Pomster

Not that this should affect you, but a girl at my prenatal class is going back to UK and will have her baby there. She has booked into a hospital and even though it is her first baby, has been advised she will be discharged after 2 hours if all is OK. :scared:

That would terrify me- so I prefer the Aussie health pampering.

I have no family here, but am hoping that the health support will fill the gaps (but also I should just say that I have no intention of moving back to UK, so am glad that the choice is not one I have to make!)

joh117

I have only had one child and she was born in Oz. I am glad that I had her there as she is honoured to have dual citizenship something which I think she will get benefit from when she is older.

I think from talking to friends who have had children in the UK the whole experience of my birth in an australian hospital was far superior. Personal opinion I know. I got my own room and had 4 nights stay for a normal birth from what I understand its a ward of about 6 here in the uk and you are not in for more than 1 night if that.

I think it will be a shock for me when I decide to have my second child here in the UK. I had far more checks in Oz than my friends here in the UK. Possibly as you pay for them in Oz and its not on the NHS

I coped with a baby in Oz for the first 13 months of her life. If you are coming back anyway at least you know that it wont be forever with a new baby. At least I wasnt inudated with visitors when all I wanted was to rest and get to know my new baby

Do whatever feels right for you at the end of the day as we are all different and wanting different things from life

Jo

HiddenPaw

Hi Mummy, firstly, congratulations!!!

It's 6s and 2x3s isn't it!! I understand the dilemma - there's no right or wrong answer - both options carry risks (i.e. complicated birth and no support, or, UK job offer and requirement to move). You have to assess which risks are worth taking or can be best managed.

I just had #2 in the UK and was hospitalised for 2 weeks prior to the birth because of an unstable lie. This happened the first week my husband started a new job. As we were in the UK, my parents were able to come and stay and look after the 2-year old. Otherwise, husband would have had to take 2 weeks off after the first week he'd been there, before even taking his paternity leave.

I ended up having a c-section with #2, and even tho my husband got 2 weeks paternity, I still needed help after that to look after the 2-year old as well as the baby (and myself of course). It was a massive change for the 2-year old - new baby, mummy who couldn't lift, carry her, etc - I defintaely think she benefited from the extra family support given to her whilst I was incapacitated and my husband was at work.

Are you down for a c-section again? It would be quite a stress trying to look after the 3 of you on your own, once your husband returns to work.

My first birth experience was, let's say, unpleasant, and I had a suspicion that I was going to find the second mentally tough. I had no idea how I would feel when it actually came to the crunch, but when the time came, I found it very difficult. (e.g., when I walked into the theatre for my c-section, I burst into tears and told the anaethetist I couldn't go thru with it....not sure what I thought my options were!! ) Having the family close and knowing my 2-year old was in safe hands definately helped me through.

If it were me, I would put family support well above the inconvenience of moving twice. But that's just me, based on my personal experiences. Do think carefully about your other child in all of this - a new baby and a busy (and tired) mummy is a massive change for them and if they can be 'distracted' with lots of attention from elsewhere, it will soften the blow for them.

Good luck, and enjoy your pregnancy

Mummy

Had an experience today, trying not to let it influence my decision, but really p'd off.

I received booking in forms from the midwives at the hospital here, one form with personal information on and one form for a scan. The form for the scan had to be filled in by a GP. So, I waited until a Friday to go to the GP's because I work Monday - Thursday and have already had a noticeable amount of time off due to pregnancy & sickness lately.

Anyway, turned up at the GP's today and she asked me what the scan was for. I said I didn't really know, but had been told by the staff at the hospital that it needed to be done between 12 and 14 weeks. She said, oh it must be the nuchal scan then and filled in the form appropriately. Kerching $50. Then I had to fax the forms to the hospital. Kerching $8. Then I return home (I now live 30 mins away from my GP).

When I got home I got a phone call from the ultrasound dept at the hospital telling me that they don't do nuchal scans there and I will have to go to a private hospital for that. So I replied that I had faxed the form back to the number on the form. She said yes, but we don't do nuchal scans here. So I said well what was supposed to be filled in on the form then because I got it for booking in. She said the second trimester scan. I said well why was my GP asking me what the scan was for - why wasn't it clear on the form? And what do I need to do about it now - surely not go back to the GP and fill the form in again. Can't they just amend the form? Answer: No.

So, another $54 to redo the form!!??!! Why does my GP need to fill in a form to organise a scan that all expectant mothers are supposed to receive in the first place? Why isn't organised by the midwives after the booking in appointment? Is it going to get to birth time and before I can go into labour, I have to get another form filled in by the GP referring me to the delivery suite?

Sorry to whinge on about this but it really really stressed me out today. And my 3 year old has been a complete horror this morning. Had a big cry about it all (emotions through the roof), and now have tummy ache so hope baby isn't affected by it all.

Rosie Cheeks

Hello

You also need to have a blood test that runs in conjunction the the Nuchal Translucency scan. This blood test has to be done a specific number of days prior to the scan being carried out. The blood test results and the scan results are used together to produce a number which indicates your risk.

I hope your GP explained this to you and has given you the blood test form aswell. You also need to be aware that not all pathology companies carry out this blood test and when you enquire, make a booking with them and tell them what it is for. And they need to know where you are going for the scan as they have to send the results there.

It is know as a combined risk assessment, and it is an optional test, which the majority chose to have, but not all. There is a fairly narrow window as to when this test can take place, and if you are beyong the limit you won't beable to have it done.

I expect that this info will add to you stress, but it isn't intended to!

There isn't any point in having that scan without the blood test. It is also interesting to know that this test is a fairly recent addition to the obstetric world.

Mummy

Nope, nobody has mentioned having a blood test prior to the scan and I have no forms relating to a blood test?? Is the purpose of this blood test and nuchal scan purely to look for down syndrome? If it is then to be honest, I'm not sure that I would want it. If I found out that my baby had down syndrome then it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference to me, and would that show up on the 20 weeks scan anyway? I guess it would be beneficial to know in advance that the baby had it so that you can prepare, but I wouldn't dream of aborting because of it.