luvmeboys

Hi, I wish I knew! I miss my kids although they're all grown up and they're coming for Christmas we are planning on moving to a different area in the spring, the town we live in is soooo quiet and not the Canada we thought it would be Today has been a better day tho, suns shining

__TJ__

after 8 weeks i DID go back and although i didnt have a choice ( search back on threads for the sordid story of how we got screwed by the boss and his lies cost us every penny we had) it was horrible.
after 6 months we made it back again and it took hubby working away for 4 months ( and i dont do well away from him) but we have been together again for three months now and its just starting to feel real.
you get used to things. the only two gripes i have now are the post up here is awful, it takes week to get anything anywhere and letters/parcels from home (with gravy granules in :P) take 3 weeks to get here. ive already posted my christmas presents off to those who are not getting paypal'd £10 each. and ebay doesnt work here either, especially this far north.
other than that i can cope with the shopping, cos ive worked out what stuff to get at save on, what stuff to get a walmart and what stuff to get at superstore.
the kids are settling well and im making freinds too. it takes time, and if you dont get out there and do stuff with your day then i can understand why you are feeling isolated and alien.
have you contacted welcome wagon? they can put you in touch with local organisations and things to do that will get you busy. there is always the soup kitchen, if you have time and want to help.
try and persevere, it will either get better or it wont.

helcat12

Repeatedly on this forum we hear from people who have these feelings shortly after getting here.
The reality of the pace slowing back down to normal speed from the excitement, rush and intensity of the planning phase is hard to take.
Add to that having to confront the differences, the hurdles, the things lost, the feelings of insecurity and uncertainty about all the things you take for granted in your own country that never came to mind before and it is no surprise that people feel a backlash.
Lots of us have had these feelings at some point.

So give yourself a break.
Let these emotions come and go and see them for what they probably are - a reaction to this big change and a natural transitional phase which will fade as you get to grips with your new life.

Think of the lack of funds to actually run back to England as a good thing.
It is probably stopping you from making a knee-jerk reaction which might see you either stuck back in the UK realising you have made another mistake or ping-ponging between countries as some people do, never happy enough with where they are.

If you still find in a couple of years that you feel like this, then you can go back.

Geordie Lass

+1 - well said Helcat

MillieF

I agree with all your post Helcat, but particularly the above bit....it's a great big anti climax, we've all been primed for fight or flight, and suddenly here we are in the land of the gold and rosy...and bloody knackered!

helcat12

For me, there was also the added weirdness of living with my husband again after 18 months apart.
I think both of us had changed a lot through the experiences we had while being continents apart and in a way had got used to living alone.

By the time I arrived in Canada, he was through the pain of leaving and the settling-in feelings and had already very much 'moved on' in his mind from the UK.
We had missed out on sharing experiences and were very out of phase with one another for the first time in 18 years of marriage.
But I still needed to go through the feelings myself - he couldn't do it for me.

People expect too much, too soon.
I see it as sort of similar to getting better after I had my accident -there is a recovery and an adjustment period that has to be gone through which may be actually more painful and difficult than the event itself, but after a while things will feel better.
How long it takes is different for everyone, though.

dollydee1

12 weeks and so want to go back somehow I think that wilk be sooner rather than later.....

helcat12

To be posting again like this only 4 weeks later says something, dollydee1.
Didn't your mother teach you that if you pick a scab, it will never get better?

Your feelings will take a while to settle down - it is not going to happen in a hurry - or they won't go at all.

You have heard all the advice from people who initially hated it here.
Some stuck it out and are happy now, others bailed and wish they hadn't, some bailed out early doors and then returned later, some people even bailed out soon and are glad that they did go back.
Each person will tell you what worked for them, but that isn't going to make your mind up for you.

You can either make the decision now that you are going to go back after this very short period, take the financial hit and risk regretting it later, or you can do things to take your mind off your emotions, get on with living and see how you feel in a year or two.

Time passes so quickly when you let it.

I have been here for 15 months now and it seems like no time at all.

Only you can decide which to do, but before you make your mind up to go back, I would seriously consider what made you decide to leave the UK and come here in the first place.
How will you know if you could make a future here if you bail out so soon?

Read this, for instance;
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...=774699&page=2

The4BellsLondon

Read back on some of my posts ..,

MillieF

Bloody hell Helcat...15 months! Now that time really went quickly, I can remember you going like yesterday.

Dolly, has any of your continued unhappiness anything to do with Christmas and the weather at all do you think? Christmas brings all of those, I wish I were at home emotions to the fore. They are temporary, and will disappear with the decorations, if you give 'em the chance.

I know for me that this first winter is proving a challenge. I'd been in Canada in winter before, but it was never MY responsibility to get the drive snow cleared etc., and I now realise that although it looks like a chocolate box, it ain't going to get different before spring. I am doing my best to 'embrace' it, but it's glacial and I don't like it.

You haven't been here long, and maybe you will always hate it, but it would be financially tough if you went home and then changed your mind. Many of us on here know exactly how you feel, and frequently feel the same. Very best of luck.

shunter1977

Have sent you a PM if you want to get together as i'm also a relative new arrival in Red Deer and at a loose end every weekday

Oh probably should say this is shunter1977's wife not him.

helcat12

Wow, thought there was some serious gossip there for a moment.

shunter1977

You've met him then.....

helcat12

""No strings fun", he said!

shunter1977