gillyd65

Whoa where did all that come from.
I just may have offered some support to the OP from my 'unique perspective' but not via this open forum.
I am sure Sarah will take on board your suggestions and advice, as you rightly say any help is good. Do you know what sometimes its hard when emotions are involved and its your child going through the trauma and maybe its not just because they are 'typical teenagers' other factors may be involved.
I hope they can sort out their problems and do what is best for their family.
My post was not meant to be inflammatory, and I openly apologies if you took it that way, just trying to say when its your child going through it its horrendous.

DandNHill

It HAS to be different when your own kids are involved, no disrespect helcat. My kids have made the transition quite easily, maybe because they are half French so are already used to two cultures, I don't know, but when it's your child suffering you have to listen and depending on your own outlook on life and experience you'll either tell your kids to "man-up" or you'll listen and do what is perceived to be the best thing for them in the short term (note I am not necessarily saying that a return to the UK is the best thing for them, how would I know?!)

All I would say to the OP is that if you've weighed the pros and cons up then good luck in your new venture.

The4BellsLondon

Do you have kids Elizabeth??


Yes it is hard and we can all sit and pontificate. My initial thought - fk me I wouldn't be dictated to by my kids - BUT that is MY kids, I know their ways and strops and wants and meeds etc.. I do not know the OPs and thus while I could say - hey try and do at least a yearn they may have compelling reasons to duck out at 6,moths..

ITS not the end of the works - no one is going to give you a badge for toughing it out and real friends will support you if you go back and say actually it wasn't for us!

snowcandy

Well said

Elizabeth I

I don't have kids, no. But I have been a kid who was moved between 3 countries before the age of 13 so I have experience of exactly what it feels like. And Helcat's advice is spot on as far as I'm concerned.

My parents, in each case of settling into a new country, did what Helcat advised and if not for their longsighted ability to help me through it I would have wanted to flee back to my previous country, school, friends, family... Thank God they didn't let my homesickness and unwillingness to settle affect the entire family plan because I was wrong. Over time, I grew to love my new homes and the experiences of those new countries and cultures, not to mention the friends I made, were more enriching to my life than anything I would have gained by going back. It's only with the hindsight of an adult that I can truly appreciate the good that came from the upheaval of moving countries.

I don't know what the OP's real reasons are for moving back, because things do improve for kids if there's a committment (and desire) to make it work. But if they're all happy with their decision then that's good and I wish them luck.

DandNHill

I too had lived in 3 countries by the age of 11. You are right that it was a wonderful experience and very enriching, BUT...
... if my boys were struggling to settle I would consider returning to the UK.

Don't forget as well that the OP's children are 13 and 16, quite different to the likes of us who were still only little kids really...Especially 16, that's a difficult age at the best of times.

For some kids the transition is easy for others it's a nightmare, there's no right or wrong.

Good luck Sarah

Zhanna

Agree with both of you, Helcat12 and Elizabeth I (and I do have children if that is the requirement to qualify for an opinion). You shouldn't have to pack up and move countries every time your teen has blues - you help them through whatever the issue and thus make them stronger. If it was possible without disrupting the whole family, and depending on his/her conduct, I'd not hesitate to take my teen to a 3rd world country for a while, to learn some real skills of survival, understanding and compassion. Oh, they do have those teen 'farms' already, don't they Anyway, this is me, and there might be subtleties that are only applicable to a particular family - some children might be extremely vulnerable (but you would know that before moving). It is difficult not to sound judgemental without direct human interaction, eye contact, intonations, but everyone should be able to express their knowledge - practical or theoretical - without personal attacks - giving the OP multitude of points of view to shape her own decision.

The4BellsLondon

[QUOTE=Zhanna;9896409]Agree with both of you, Helcat12 and Elizabeth I (and I do have children if that is the requirement to qualify for an opinion). You shouldn't have to pack up and move countries every time your teen has blues - you help them through whatever the issue and thus make them stronger. If it was possible without disrupting the whole family, and depending on his/her conduct, I'd not hesitate to take my teen to a 3rd world country for a while, to learn some real skills of survival, understanding and compassion. Oh, they do have those teen 'farms' already, don't they Anyway, this is me, and there might be subtleties that are only applicable to a particular family - some children might be extremely vulnerable (but you would know that before moving). It is difficult not to sound judgemental without direct human interaction, eye contact, intonations, but everyone should be able to express their knowledge - practical or theoretical - without personal attacks - giving the OP multitude of points of view to shape


As you say at the end - its not that people can't have opinions it's that sometimes they are written in such a manner as to sound Like the only Possible option and that anything else is just heresy.

Sometimes we need to step back and read our posts again before we send them or not get arsey if people respond negatively.

Elizabeth I

I was 13 too on that last move, it was just before my 13th birthday so I wouldn't say I was a "little kid" but the same age as the OP's. So if it's a matter of age that now precludes me from having anything valid to say on the topic or express an opinion then you're mistaken because it wasn't "quite different".

Elizabeth I

I said I agreed with helcat and thought she gave excellent advice and you came down on it like a ton of bricks. What's wrong with agreeing with that? Maybe you should take your own advice and not get "arsey" and respond negatively yourself to other peoples opinions.

The4BellsLondon

I was referring to responding to the OP - YOu agreed with HC - SHE was being judgemental, hence if you agree you will be tarred with the same brush.

I did not come down on either of you with a ton of bricks and am sooo not being arsey- I merely said it would be nice to look at it from all views and try to bear in mind that we are not wearing the OPS shoes.

nikki dreaming

agree bells and things can be in a very different perspective when it is your "own" kids that you are dealing with, hence no need to be so judgemental

mandymoochops

I actually don't think that was a ton of bricks reaction, 4bells asked you a question, which, prompted you to give an answer based on personal experience of being a child that was moved to various countries.

She also gave her personal experience on the subject.

That equals healthy debate.

My two penneth - every child is different. Some are strong and stroppy and will play whatever game they can to get their own way, and others are super sensitive to the slightest change. The rest fall in a full range of the spectrum in between.

Without knowing the op's kids and their ways I think the only way any of us can respond is to relate our own children to the situation and go from there. Unfortunately our children are not the op's and nor are we - so whatever is decided my (unqualified) advice to the op is - are the kids trying to play you or are they seriously unhappy. She as a parent will know deep down the answer and I wish her all the best.

Parenting is't easy.

mandymoochops

And if you really want to get on a high horse about helpful / judgemetal responses - may I suggest the tone of your o/p probably wasn't along those lines.

Jus sayin.

MillieF

Sarah - if you are still out there and haven't rushed to find the cooking sherry - as I would.....what does your 13 year old feel? How did the two kids feel prior to the move? We're they both against it before you came? If we took the kids out of the equation, how are you and your husband - if the kids were happy, would you be happy too? At the present I do a daily PR job on the joys of Canada, it's difficult moving kids, mine is the perfect age as he's in the last year of Primary, but I'm still nervous. I am sure many would appreciate your advice and experience.