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4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Old Apr 3rd 2015, 4:06 pm
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Default 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Been here nearly 5 years and I've never been so homesick. I miss all the usual stuff about England. I want my boys to be English not Canadian. I don't want to retire here. I don't really like anything North American. The only thing I like is the space, bigger homes, lakes and hotter summers. Not really a good reason to stay.

It's going to be tough as my husband is 53 and doesn't have a fancy job to go back to as he is a self employed painter, our house there is very small plus it's not to far outside the M25 in Hertfordshire so heavy traffic and more crime than here in Stouffville but it's home.
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Old Apr 4th 2015, 10:32 am
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Do you all have Citizenship? How old are your boys? Are they unhappy too?

This is a really strange time of year for those of us in some bits of Canada, and I mean the Canadians too, our body clocks are telling us it's spring, but we still can't see the earth, and it's still brass monkeys outside and we can't have any sort of 'normal' life for a while to come.

There is more depression, family violence and suicide in the last days of winter that should be spring...and I'm not at all surprised. Everybody is edgy and just waiting for the summer to come.

I just looked up your weather oliverjude, and It's rubbish...as is ours.

Have you felt like this for all of the four + years, or is it bearable some days?

I cannot stress too much how this miserable climate can day by day wreck your spirit of well being...when the sun shines it's great. You really have to fight to keep positive in the winter, the cumulative effects of constant crap can be mind numbing.

Would you be able to go home for a holiday? Perhaps if you went back to the UK you might be able to see if you really do need to live there, or whether you just need to change aspects of your life here a bit to make it more pleasurable?

Do please understand, that you aren't in anyway alone in this...lots of us are juggling with good and bad aspects of where we are now with where we came from and sometimes the compromises one ends up making feel uncomfortable.

Very best wishes

Last edited by MillieF; Apr 4th 2015 at 10:35 am. Reason: Why can you only see a typo when it's posted?
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Old Apr 4th 2015, 5:29 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by MillieF

I just looked up your weather oliverjude, and It's rubbish...as is ours.

While weather can be an issue, the weather the OP is experiencing isn't rubbish - I live about 30 minutes away so am experiencing the same weather. It has been a little cooler than normal but it is not cold -and it was 18 degrees on Thursday. The snow is gone, birds are out, and the ground is drying out a bit. We are expected to get a small snowfall Sunday night but it won't stay on the ground more than a few hours on Monday as it is expected to rain which will get rid of the snow quickly.

So while it might not be particularly warm, spring has definitely arrived.
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Old Apr 4th 2015, 8:17 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

We are the complete opposite lol,I want my 3 girls to grow up in Canada not the UK.
We found the UK depressing and despite the cold winters and endless snow much prefer our lives here,we have never been happier to be honest!

I would suggest like MillieF says and try a vacation first as many people return to the UK and within a couple of days remember why they wanted to leave the UK.

One of my friends moved here in the 80's,he has been back to England once and vows that he will never go back again,he would rather take a break in Mexico,or Cuba lol,he just got back from a 3 month holiday in Vietnam and Cambodia.
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 1:13 am
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by colchar
While weather can be an issue, the weather the OP is experiencing isn't rubbish - I live about 30 minutes away so am experiencing the same weather. It has been a little cooler than normal but it is not cold -and it was 18 degrees on Thursday. The snow is gone, birds are out, and the ground is drying out a bit. We are expected to get a small snowfall Sunday night but it won't stay on the ground more than a few hours on Monday as it is expected to rain which will get rid of the snow quickly.

So while it might not be particularly warm, spring has definitely arrived.
Well I also live in Whitchurch Stouffville and we are only just getting rid of the last of our snow and ice, it's definitely still there in places, so I don't see much sign of spring! It might have struggled into double figures on Thursday but it is definitely coats back on since then. Millie is right, weather could well be a factor! We are heading towards our fourth canniversary, and surely everyone has doubts?
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 4:02 am
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by Teaandtoday5
Well I also live in Whitchurch Stouffville and we are only just getting rid of the last of our snow and ice, it's definitely still there in places, so I don't see much sign of spring! It might have struggled into double figures on Thursday but it is definitely coats back on since then. Millie is right, weather could well be a factor! We are heading towards our fourth canniversary, and surely everyone has doubts?
This afternoon the snow in the back garden had melted somewhat. It was about 3' deep at the left corner and 4' to the right. It's been snowing on and off since around six pm. I haven't been outside but someone who has came back saying "look at my boots, the new snow is up to here!"

We're a bit north of Brampton and, evidentally, hundreds of miles north of colchar.
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 11:03 am
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by dbd33
We're a bit north of Brampton and, evidentally, hundreds of miles north of colchar.
I want to move to where colchar lives, as he his has his own cozy microclimate!

We don't have a inch of earth anywhere, it's under four foot even on the flat bits....and on Easter Sunday this makes me very down in the mouth.

OP when you say you don't want your boys being Canadian, do you think Canada would be detrimental to their future?

What made you move here initially?
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 4:07 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by oliverjude
Been here nearly 5 years and I've never been so homesick. I miss all the usual stuff about England. I want my boys to be English not Canadian. I don't want to retire here. I don't really like anything North American. The only thing I like is the space, bigger homes, lakes and hotter summers. Not really a good reason to stay.

It's going to be tough as my husband is 53 and doesn't have a fancy job to go back to as he is a self employed painter, our house there is very small plus it's not to far outside the M25 in Hertfordshire so heavy traffic and more crime than here in Stouffville but it's home.
As we all know there is never the perfect place, we have all lead a mostly British life and now were trying a new life in another country, never going to be easy, many Brits want to somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic with the best of both worlds!

Obviously there is no such thing, so it comes down to the set of scales factor, one of the options is going to offer you more, and you just have to put the other out of your mind, or it will drive you insane.

Incidently how did you end up in Canada? was it like some people and move for a job? or was it a personal choice to move here? As it doesn't sound like your heart was ever in the move in the first place? which may be why your wanting to move back to the UK?
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 6:14 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by dbd33
This afternoon the snow in the back garden had melted somewhat. It was about 3' deep at the left corner and 4' to the right. It's been snowing on and off since around six pm. I haven't been outside but someone who has came back saying "look at my boots, the new snow is up to here!"

We're a bit north of Brampton and, evidentally, hundreds of miles north of colchar.

Where, exactly, are you located?

The snow has been gone for a bit and I've gotten a head start on spring yard work by raking my backyard already.

Upon seeing your post I stepped outside for a minute and snapped a couple of photos up and down my street. They are crappy cell phone pictures but still show the street well enough to demonstrate that there is no snow here (and this despite the fact that it snowed a little overnight).

Here they are:









So as I said, there is no snow here.

Last edited by colchar; Apr 5th 2015 at 6:27 pm.
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 6:17 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by MillieF
I want to move to where colchar lives, as he his has his own cozy microclimate!

I have been out and about here in town the last few days and the only snow I saw, with the exception of the light dusting we got overnight last night, was outside of hockey arenas where the Zamboni unloads. But you see that in June so it isn't relevant.

But we didn't get hit as bad as the Maritimes did this winter. You lot got drilled, absolutely drilled. The Maritimes are wonderful, and are a place I could happily live, except for the weather

Last edited by colchar; Apr 5th 2015 at 6:27 pm.
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 8:14 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by colchar
The Maritimes are wonderful, and are a place I could happily live, except for the weather
Oh heaven, your road looks wonderful colchar....a bit like mine when I could peek at the neighbors over the snowbank

OP it takes a bit of mental work to come to terms with this place....but!!! Even with all the shit, it HAS been worth it for my family (not necessarily me in particular). Can you see any positives?

Last edited by MillieF; Apr 5th 2015 at 8:16 pm. Reason: I hate this tablet!
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 8:18 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

It sounds as if the OP is suffering serious depression.

Maybe a LONG trip back to the UK might help her ......... by that I mean 4-6 weeks not just 10 days.


What about her OH? Will he be able to find sufficient jobs as a self-employed painter?

Has she considered her children ............... do they want to be uprooted once again? Are they happy here? Are they old enough to make their own choices to stay or go? Do they want to grow up English or Canadian?


Just what is wrong with being "Canadian" anyway?


I don't willingly go back to the UK ......... I would rather go elsewhere, see other things, etc


and I have NEVER wanted to go back to England to live, right from the day we left.


If we had to leave Canada, I would move on ................ we've lived in both NZ and Australia, and either of those countries would be very attractive (but it would have to be the cooler parts of OZ!)
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 8:33 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

So a quick look at the OPs previous posts and it seems that they've had a load of hassles coming on a TWP then getting PR and now similar stuff with forms and papers applying for citizenship. All that stuff doesnt help you feel settled here. Sorting out documents to prove you can live here, seeing links back to your old addresses etc.

I was pretty unsettled here for several years in spite of desperately wanting to move here. I only really started to feel I belonged once we got citizenship.

The weather too has been very shitty, not Maritimes shitty, but shitty nonetheless and that does contribute. Spring is here in spite of the heaps of snow left in shaded corners and spring makes one restless.
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 9:04 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by scilly
It sounds as if the OP is suffering serious depression.

Maybe a LONG trip back to the UK might help her ......... by that I mean 4-6 weeks not just 10 days.


What about her OH? Will he be able to find sufficient jobs as a self-employed painter?

Has she considered her children ............... do they want to be uprooted once again? Are they happy here? Are they old enough to make their own choices to stay or go? Do they want to grow up English or Canadian?


Just what is wrong with being "Canadian" anyway?


I don't willingly go back to the UK ......... I would rather go elsewhere, see other things, etc


and I have NEVER wanted to go back to England to live, right from the day we left.


If we had to leave Canada, I would move on ................ we've lived in both NZ and Australia, and either of those countries would be very attractive (but it would have to be the cooler parts of OZ!)
Puzzled as to what is so awful about the UK.
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Old Apr 5th 2015, 10:02 pm
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Default Re: 4 1/2 years and I want to go home more than ever!

Originally Posted by oliverjude
Been here nearly 5 years and I've never been so homesick. I miss all the usual stuff about England. I want my boys to be English not Canadian. I don't want to retire here. I don't really like anything North American. The only thing I like is the space, bigger homes, lakes and hotter summers. Not really a good reason to stay.

It's going to be tough as my husband is 53 and doesn't have a fancy job to go back to as he is a self employed painter, our house there is very small plus it's not to far outside the M25 in Hertfordshire so heavy traffic and more crime than here in Stouffville but it's home.
I can sympathize here, as I went through something similar in 2012/13 and most of 2014. I was desperate to leave and return to the UK, and eventually I was diagnosed with depression, largely, i think due to the homesickness. Everything about living here annoyed me- and I mean everything. Everything in the UK would have been an improvement, despite the fact that rationally, i knew the UK was no paradise either.

Happy to say I'm through it now, and my desire to return to the UK has subsided, but I'm not sure if it's because I've simply gotten used to living here, or if the homesickness has passed. Regardless, this is not our long term home and we are researching new challenges, but if you're feeling as bad as you say you are, a return trip back for a few weeks might help.

All the best, and happy to communicate over PM if of interest.
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