Originally Posted by xxdb

I sympathize with you and even agree to a large extent but I think you have internalized the message that you are average by being forced through the meat grinder of a standardized education.

Here's the problem: ALL human beings are capable of learning the same stuff. Some take longer to learn it than others and some find learning harder than other. But ALL can learn even if at a slower pace with sufficient practise, help and determination.

The problem with e.g. modern high schools is you're expected to get through a certain volume of coursework in three years. If you need five years to get through that then you're viewed as a "failure" because you don't get the five years and then you're turfed out on the street. This is a patently unfair and STUPID system because it is ruining the aspirations and prospects of huge numbers of young people.

Recent studies show that competency in any skill takes 100 hours of practice, mastery takes 1,000 hours and expert level takes 10,000 hours.

Nowhere does it say "intelligence" is required. It's practise. Over and over and over.

I was "lucky" if you like because I did get through high school in the allocated time and thereafter got to university and completed that too (though I failed second year and had to repeat it) but here's an example that proves that people are not inherently "bad" or "average" at something:

When I was at high school I was (among others) one of the kids who got thrown out of French repeatedly because I was too stupid to pick it up. I just couldn't figure it out. Or so I thought at the time. What was really happening was it was moving too fast.

Fast forward fifteen years: I was put in the situation that I was *forced* to learn a foreign language in my early thirties (Spanish). I was basically forced to try to figure it out because I was in a Spanish speaking country. And I did, much to my surprise, because I spent several hours per night over the course of the months I was there trying to learn it. Determination did it.

I believe almost anyone has the ability to improve their skills and learn new things. Obviously some have constraints (like not having many hours to study because you need to work) but there's no reason to consider yourself average. You're not. You're unique.

Originally Posted by Shard

Very simplistic views IMO. But well meant, I suppose.

Originally Posted by Shard

Very simplistic views IMO. But well meant, I suppose.

Originally Posted by Tirytory

I think the problem is that "average" really isn't an insult... Unless you are super intelligent or super talented at a sport then people are basically average, with strengths in different areas.

Nowt wrong in being much the same as everyone else. I think it would be nicer for children all round if people concentrated on good qualities such as being kind, empathetic, hard working than how good they are at football or science... It seems society is entirely too focused on academic measurement of a person. Competitive parenting is something I will not partake in... Hubby's boss seems to live vicariously through his son's sporting and academic achievements- it appears at the cost of the poor boys happiness!

Originally Posted by xxdb

I'd be interested (genuinely) why you think that. Please explain to me the nuances I'm missing about why people can't improve their skills.

Originally Posted by Shard

Interesting comment, as somehow, on paper (err...web) I took you for quite a competitive parent. I agree that average should not be seen negatively, as most people are by definition, average.

One survey asked people about whether they though they are bad drivers, worse than average, average, better than average or good. Invariably the mode was "better than average", which of course, is not a possible description of actual driving ability (it would have to be "average"). Unless of course the sample was predominantly men

Originally Posted by xxdb

I'd be interested (genuinely) why you think that. Please explain to me the nuances I'm missing about why people can't improve their skills.

Originally Posted by Shard

Please read more carefully. "Simplistic views" does not mean that they are false.

Originally Posted by Jsmth321

Well employers tend to not consider self taught skills and skills, so that leads to other issues such as needing to go to a college to learn those skills and get the piece of paper from the school....

Originally Posted by Richos_9

We had a few wobbles over our 8 years of being in Canada of wanting to move back, our visit back at Xmas was what really pushed us over the edge! I do wish we hadn't had gone back at that time. I was feeling homesick then too, work was also really hard for me to get and I also had 2 very young children with no help, no family to babysit so the husband and I could go out on a date. It really ground me down. Going back to the UK for that holiday was definitely the worst thing for us to have done!
I had visions of life in the UK being all peachy, my friends kids would become my children's best friends, we would see our family lots, we would get lots of offers of babysitters so the husband and I could have some time together, we would both be able to work and be better off financially, my children would get to see where I grew up, the beauty of the English history, taking my daughter to see the old castles, etc, etc, etc!!
Like I said in my previous post, that lasted for a short time. I regret coming back everyday. However, it was not a wasted return. It has just clarified for us where we want to be.
So many people I talk to ask us why we came back and how much they would love to leave the UK, how bad things here are becoming. That just adds fuel to my fire!
We are still trying to figure out how we can come back to Canada. Our PR cards expire Nov this year and we have only lived in Canada for apx. 120 days in the past 4 years of having our PR card. We are waiting for Immigration to reply to us and to see if we need to start from scratch. It will be a process, but it will happen!
I'm glad that talking to people on here has helped you, but keep talking, whether on here, to your wife, friend, doctor etc. It sounds to me that this is your biggest problem. Don't let the idea of moving back to the UK cloud your thoughts and judgement. You may find the thought of moving to the UK as a distraction from everything else going on in your life and because of that make a wrong decision (like myself).

Originally Posted by Delboy07

I definitely agree in theory that life is better here, living in the Okanagan BC is amazing, lakes, mountains, forests its natures playground, but right this moment I wish I was walking on a cobbled street in York marvelling in our history. I hate to talk like this and I am confident that my perspective is based from my 12 years in the Okanagan and yes I am down right now, but I long to have my kids experience our culture and heritage and not just that of a somewhat backward city of 40 000. I just can not accept that this is it!

I have struggled to find a job/career that is enough to support a family let alone travel however after 12 years I have literally just landed what may appear to be the break I have been waiting for. Fingers crossed

I did get back to the UK 2 times at the start of last year wedding and Dads funeral, I had hoped this would stem the homesickness but I fear it has made it worse, I am just longing for the old days and being with my brothers. Of course my wife and kids are what its all about but I just cant help thinking they would love it at home, I am probably very wrong on this, the kids would be so over castles and harry potter in a week. LOL

Its not just the homesickness, but before I came to Canada I was in the Military and I so badly miss the camaraderie, the humour and the humbleness. I cant quite fit in with the Canadian (Okanagan BC) way of life, there is no, absolutely no community here, its every man for himself. Its a much prettier town, more space, more to do and healthier but everyone is in a rush and does not appear to care about the next person, everyone goes home at night and clunk door locked curtains pulled.

Again as someone above has pointed out I may be depressed but I have struggled with this for 12 years. Is it time to give up, actually I do not know why I say this as I no I can not go home.

Maybe my issue is a feeling of being trapped and suffocation!

Originally Posted by Tramps_mate

I feel similar, I always have and always will, live on the coast. Can't stand being landlocked. It's nice to have the open sea on one side...

Originally Posted by Jsmth321

That is my issue with Alberta and the interior provinces, too flat and nowhere to go, just land and more land for as long as you can see.

I really need to be close to the ocean, I don't go daily, but it's nice knowing its close by for a relaxing day.

Nothing beats the sound of waves and ocean smell.