Alan2005

Am I the only one who is a bit disappointed that OP wasn't the return of dboy?

Hey OP - have you thought about joining the filth and getting into heated arguments with other posters on here? You'll be too angry to be depressed so it might just work out. You could also be AC's new nemisis while you are at it.

(And welcome to the forum)

rae

I think you should concentrate on your wife and four children personally, this has to be your priority. Perhaps if you focus on what I am sure is a better life you have built together here, than what you could have in the UK it will help. Then just try and get back for a lads get together when you can. Just don't be surprised if these people all of a sudden can't make it. Best of luck.

magnumpi

Have you tried "Forces Reunited" I get regular updates about people joining who were in service same time I was at the places I was at. May take up some time and stop ya from Bitchin on here (that's the kick up the arse bit u asked for lol)

Richos_9

Myself and my husband lived in Canada for 8 years, we moved back to the UK in 2011. We had an amazing time in Canada, but after having 2 children in Canada, we began to miss the UK, we missed having family close to us and our children having them close by too. We went back to the UK for Xmas in 2009 and we had the best 2 weeks ever. We saw all our family and friends and realised what we were missing. Back in Canada we put our house up for sale and 18 moths later we moved back to the UK. The first 6 months were great, all our family and friends couldn't get enough of us and our kids loved being spoilt. Work was not so easy to get, but we managed and in the case of many people over here in the UK, we were lucky to even have work. Fast forward 4 years and we are desperately trying to get back to Canada! All the things that I thought I missed about the UK, I now can not stand. Friends I had grown up with suddenly seemed like strangers and although we still see each other on occasion, its not how I had imagined it would be. In a way its ruined some of my memories from years ago and I can only think its because I had this ideal picture in my head of how it would be.
All I can say is, if you do go back, your visit could go either way, you could have the best time over here and decide you want to move back. Or you could come back and realise that the UK isn't all you thought it was.
For us it didn't go how we thought.
I think maybe look at how you are feeling and try to deal with that before making any big decisions. Get help if you can or take a break and get away from things for a while.
I hope you find your answers.

Chukchi

I agree with Zoe, get your citizenship. Then, I would talk to your family and suggest a long time in the UK - to a UK tour. A week in South of England (Cornwall: Castles and amazing history), a few weeks with family and old friends (love and support), then head to London for a few days (history, excitement and awe), etc etc... Let them and yourself enjoy all that Britain has to offer.... But leave Wales and Scotland out... Head back home and, instead of going back to routine, find an activity or group that you (and you family?) can do together every week. If, after a while, things don't improve, then I agree with someone else's point of seeking medical help (it doesn't have to be forever... just enough to help you see enjoyment in your life again)... And by leaving Scotland and Wales out of it, you'll hopefully encourage the kids' desire to see those places.


Ps: I just saw Richos_9's post and think that their advice, given their own experience, is invaluable. Really listen to it xx

rae

Nice post. Nail. Head.
This could very easily have been my situation several times over. We have resisted and stuck with it, not easy, and not forever, but for now I think we are still best here. It's close, but Canada edges it, just.

Delboy07

Thanks for this, its nice to here from someone who has been through it. I am sure I would regret going back and despite what I say or have said will probably not really do it. Over the last few days I have been aching but even this little bit of talking and a good cry I feel a bit better. I have just been offered a good job with the local health service and really hope this could be the "one" I have struggled with work, hence money, hence there has been a lot of stress. I will tough it out and see what happens, I guess things have just been building up.

How are your plans to return going, will it happen?

snuggs

As someone else suggested, it does sound like you need a break... if you can visit home or at least plan a trip to look forward to....

I miss home too, but I realise that I miss the 'idea' of home..its not the same as it was when we were back there... I of course miss my family and friends but we made a choice to move here, and overall it seems a better place to be than the Uk for your children.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your father...

Shard

Good post. I think one of the things that gets overlooked in the moving countries game is age, especially at family stage. Everyone's interests and dynamics change so much, especially after several years. The life you used to live often doesn't exist anymore, and if it does, it's evolved. Everyone is older with different priorities and sometimes different partners. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

OP, if you're new to BE and stick around you'll get lots of support on here. If you've just got the job you were working toward, and you family is Canadian, this is not time to go back. What you say on British/European history (etc) will resonate with many, but that's the trade off one makes. Although the BC interior is a bit claustrophobic you have Vancouver and the islands at your doorstep, and the whole of the USA. Kids do get tired of castles and all the worthy stuff, and in any case such places can always be visited on holidays. Hope we will hear more from you.

Oink

Get yourself a boat, even a small one, its rather therapeutic to float about with no one bothering you.

HGerchikov

Based on your first post am I correct in thinking that your life here is as a married man with four young children, whereas your life in the UK was as a single guy (or at least without the kids)? That is probably a bigger change to your lifestyle than where you happen to be living. I suspect a new life in the UK with wife and four little ones would be nothing like the life you left. To recapture what you had you would need to be single again, and from what you said I don't think that is what you really want.
I hope you manage to find some peace, it really does sound like you are very unhappy.

Richos_9

We had a few wobbles over our 8 years of being in Canada of wanting to move back, our visit back at Xmas was what really pushed us over the edge! I do wish we hadn't had gone back at that time. I was feeling homesick then too, work was also really hard for me to get and I also had 2 very young children with no help, no family to babysit so the husband and I could go out on a date. It really ground me down. Going back to the UK for that holiday was definitely the worst thing for us to have done!
I had visions of life in the UK being all peachy, my friends kids would become my children's best friends, we would see our family lots, we would get lots of offers of babysitters so the husband and I could have some time together, we would both be able to work and be better off financially, my children would get to see where I grew up, the beauty of the English history, taking my daughter to see the old castles, etc, etc, etc!!
Like I said in my previous post, that lasted for a short time. I regret coming back everyday. However, it was not a wasted return. It has just clarified for us where we want to be.
So many people I talk to ask us why we came back and how much they would love to leave the UK, how bad things here are becoming. That just adds fuel to my fire!
We are still trying to figure out how we can come back to Canada. Our PR cards expire Nov this year and we have only lived in Canada for apx. 120 days in the past 4 years of having our PR card. We are waiting for Immigration to reply to us and to see if we need to start from scratch. It will be a process, but it will happen!
I'm glad that talking to people on here has helped you, but keep talking, whether on here, to your wife, friend, doctor etc. It sounds to me that this is your biggest problem. Don't let the idea of moving back to the UK cloud your thoughts and judgement. You may find the thought of moving to the UK as a distraction from everything else going on in your life and because of that make a wrong decision (like myself).

CalgaryPete

I moved back to the UK ten months ago after 14 years in Calgary. I had holidays in the UK each of the last 5 years and I was sure I would feel happier back in the UK. I'm not. Moving makes things different, not necessarily better.

I now think that if I had put the effort and money that I used in returning to the UK into my life in Canada, the result would have been at least as good.

If you do what's best for your family isn't that also a source of satisfaction and pride? They are your unit now that you're out of the military.

Good luck with the job.

bats

This

There's something very wrong in pining for Grantham.

caretaker

Good luck getting the new job, it may make a big difference. If Vernon's chafing on you why not try taking the family on a camping holiday to another part of Canada or the US? Lots of affordable options if you go that route.