Struggling Here
Feb 10th 2011, 1:48 pm
#16
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: Red Deer, Alberta
Posts: 10,612
Re: Struggling Here
I think it was recommended as the best way to get the help she needs? (It's how I've understood it anyway).
Feb 10th 2011, 3:22 pm
#17
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Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Moved from Swindon, Wilts to Beaumont, Alberta
Posts: 109
Re: Struggling Here
It was recomended as we were so frustated.She has had 2 apprehension orders during the course of last year ,10 days in dtox straight after that.She had been in residential care for 3 months whith getting help for addiction insread of mental health issues.she only came out of there 4 weeks ago
but it was the best i could get at the time.
i was hoping to get her into CASSA house which is a mental health based facility straight after Residential but there is an 8/9 month waiting list from the point of orientation.As i think i said in an earlier post,i have been to the GP to get a referal to another Phsychiatrist but there is 3/4 month wait for that.
but it was the best i could get at the time.
i was hoping to get her into CASSA house which is a mental health based facility straight after Residential but there is an 8/9 month waiting list from the point of orientation.As i think i said in an earlier post,i have been to the GP to get a referal to another Phsychiatrist but there is 3/4 month wait for that.
Feb 13th 2011, 9:56 am
#18
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Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Moved from Swindon, Wilts to Beaumont, Alberta
Posts: 109
Re: Struggling Here
Well we have been @ this for over a year now and she has just come out of res (drug rehab) less than a month ago.
The crisis line said that it would be an option because of our frustration level and after dicussing it on numerous occasions but not doing it because ï am going to change"" we followed through.
We were hoping that as she had been is res and been told about all the dangers surrounding drugs and also devising a safe plan that she would use those skills.Well she didn't obviously.
The crisis line said that it would be an option because of our frustration level and after dicussing it on numerous occasions but not doing it because ï am going to change"" we followed through.
We were hoping that as she had been is res and been told about all the dangers surrounding drugs and also devising a safe plan that she would use those skills.Well she didn't obviously.
Feb 13th 2011, 6:24 pm
#19
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Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Moved from Swindon, Wilts to Beaumont, Alberta
Posts: 109
Re: Struggling Here
Well the police have a name and address for the cell no that our daughter is contacting us from.
I spent all last night waiting up for the phone call saying they had picked her up.However the RCMP drove past our house this morning @ around 4 ,saw i was still up after speaking to them it seems that the Edmonton Police were all set to go to the address but couldn't because there was no bed for her in the PCHAD safe house.
So now we have to wait till Monday night now.
They also tell me i have to be there when she is picked up because it's the Edmonton police Service unlike the RCMP who would be able to pick her up and take her to the safe house.
More waiting
I spent all last night waiting up for the phone call saying they had picked her up.However the RCMP drove past our house this morning @ around 4 ,saw i was still up after speaking to them it seems that the Edmonton Police were all set to go to the address but couldn't because there was no bed for her in the PCHAD safe house.
So now we have to wait till Monday night now.
They also tell me i have to be there when she is picked up because it's the Edmonton police Service unlike the RCMP who would be able to pick her up and take her to the safe house.
More waiting
Well we have been @ this for over a year now and she has just come out of res (drug rehab) less than a month ago.
The crisis line said that it would be an option because of our frustration level and after dicussing it on numerous occasions but not doing it because ï am going to change"" we followed through.
We were hoping that as she had been is res and been told about all the dangers surrounding drugs and also devising a safe plan that she would use those skills.Well she didn't obviously.
The crisis line said that it would be an option because of our frustration level and after dicussing it on numerous occasions but not doing it because ï am going to change"" we followed through.
We were hoping that as she had been is res and been told about all the dangers surrounding drugs and also devising a safe plan that she would use those skills.Well she didn't obviously.
Feb 19th 2011, 4:47 pm
#20
Banned
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: SW Ontario
Posts: 19,879
Re: Struggling Here
Any news? Did they manage to collect your daughter and take her to the safe house?
Thinking of you!
Thinking of you!
Feb 19th 2011, 7:40 pm
#21
Onwards and upwards!
Joined: Dec 2009
Location: North West UK
Posts: 288
Re: Struggling Here
I do know that drugs are a massive problem..in our town anyway....i hadn't met one person (canadian) here in our town who doesn't have a problem with drugs, alcohol or abuse!
My heart goes out to you and i really do hope you get the help she needs. Do they have something like alanon here but for drugs?
best wishes
Feb 20th 2011, 7:26 pm
#22
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Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Moved from Swindon, Wilts to Beaumont, Alberta
Posts: 109
Re: Struggling Here
Unfortunately we are no further forward.She is still in Edmonton.As far as the police go,unless i give them a housr no and street name they say is is almost impossible to pick her up.I at least have a miising persons file open and the sgt has done some investigating.Our daughter was contacted by police on Monday have actually spoken to her.Unfortunately she was told that i have an apprehension order in place so she is probably going to be even harder to find as she won't be as visible as she maybe was.
The other side of the coin is that whoever she is with will know that she is on the authorities radar and maybe if there are any plans for her that might just be enough to keep her safe.
She did phone the residential facility last weekend and told them that she had been having suicidal thoughts.She was asked on a scale of one to ten how likely she was to harm herself and she told them she was a seven.
They asked her what was around her that she ould arm herself with and she said that there was guns and knives and pills and that there were gang members in the place where she was staying.
We were a little bit frantic by then and we phoned the police and gave them the no of the reidential facility to speak to the counsellor who Claire had spoken to.
They had an address of the owner of the cell phone that she has been contacting us from and it seems they were going to go to the address last sat but because there wasn't a bed available at the safe house untill the mon they couldn't pick her up because there was nowhere for them to hold her.
There was a bed in Reddeer but i would have had to taken her there.
I did get a phone call from CASA house telling me there was a bed available for Tues and that they would hold the bed for her until 9:30 that evening.
I sent the information to her by the cell p0hone she has been txting from and she said that she had to talk to some people 1st but that she would probably end up going.Not the response i was expecting i have to say but i found out later that she feels it is more dangerous for her to go there than to stay with the people she is with now.
I have tried to get reality to knock on her door by reminding her of the things that can happen if she continues to stay where she is.I have reminded her that it is possible that she could end up on some undesirables radar and that it could end up with her being hurt or worse as she has no money to pay her way and that eventually someone is going to want something in return.
Her reply was "why do i have to bring stuff like that up"" and "she is with people who love her who wouldn't harm a hair on her head"".She also tells me that she loves her life on the streets and "please don't ruin it"" and that she doesn't like who she has become and she knows she is unstable but she "fits in whare she is""She tells me that she keeps having dreams of her abuser and that she is better of dealing with this on her own..
I have also told her that her visa is due to expire in March and that she will be deported if this continues.That was met with verbal abuse that i have to say was quite hurtful but as i reminded myself later she is with a group who have had troubles of their own which is why they are where they are and that
knowing how my daughter is around her peers will be soking up all the bad feeling they have towards their parents and listening to them and the anger they feel is most likely being directed through her at me. (like chinese whispers).
As far as the things i have done,i have been in touch with the British Embassy(their response has been that they won't get invilved in the Canadiansystem and that they are notin anyway Mental Health advisors ya de ya ya da).the chair of Bell Canada Mary Deacon(she was on the news CTVAM promoting the lets talk campaign)i have sent an e mail to the mayor Stephen Mandell,i have emailed Dr Stan Kutcher and Dr Steven Davidson both are specialists in Mental Health and are advocates for change in the mental health system.(we are not the only ones by far that are in this situation)I have been in touch with the health commision,the Alberta Health Authority.
I had a meeting With the MLA for Beaumont,Leduc and Devon this week and told him everything that has happened (coincidentaly the Child Services manager was there).I told him that i had been to Child Services here in Beaumont asking for support last year back in March and was told that because we weren't neglecting our daughterr or abusing her then they wouldn't get involved even though i had informed them of her history of Mental Health problems in her birth family and the abuse she received in foster care straight after.They also told me that Child Services didn't work well with Mental Health.
The MLA is taking this to the Health Minister for Alberta when parliament returns on Tuesday of this week.(have to wait and see on that one)
I have emailed Avis Favaro of CTV news to see if she could help me set up a campaign where other people with similar situations can maybe send me their stories so they can be presented to whoever and show that this is a major problem.
My next step is maybe the legal route which would be difficult financially.We have been let down i feel and people in the system keep telling me that we have fallen through the cracks but no one seems to be prepared to fill those cracks in and stop us falling.
Some of the comments i have had from people in the aothorities has been astounding and really disturbing as to how innefectual the system is(police officers telling me that when they pick up dsiturbed individuals and take them to the hospital for assesment,that people being assessed are actually beating them back to their hometown as the hospital that they have taken them to has released them as they consider them not to be an immediate threat to themselves or others,no previous history seems to be taken into account to the comments from Child Services that i metioned previously)
At the moment i am being told as to the situation with regards to Claire is that"" ïf she wants help,she has to ask for it"".Well that would be all fine and dandy if she had connection to the real world.Her diagnosis last year was Borderline Personality Disorder.Then they threw in possible FASD,possible bi polar,attachment issues,rejection issues,post traumatic stress and a whole heap more.
The advice i got when i said ""great ,your telling me all this now can i have a proper evaluation for her"" as her diagnosis was made on the strength of mental health therapists notes and an hours interview with the Phsychiatrist 3/4 of which my wife and i were present for,was that we need to change our parenting skills because even if we had a diagnosis what difference would it make.I sat there thinking really.My answer to them was""are you going to fix a broken leg by putting a splint on the arm" and"are you going to stop an engeine misfire by changing the oil".Simple analgies i know but it still fell on deaf ears.
My hope right now is that i will wake up and this will all have been a bad dream,Claire wakes up and wants to come home and all is well with the world.
She is angry at us because we took her to the youth shelter and kicked her out.The connection to the fact no matter how many times she is reminded that she went back to taking drugs on the day i ended up taking her, after umpteen times of telling her that we will not except drugs in the house and having had her sign a letter with our house rules on it makes no difference.(this was on the advice of the phsychiatrist).
As for me i'm kinda running on auto pilot now.i have been at this for 3 and a 1/2 weeks now trying to get stuff done and i think i'm probably going to be jobless soon as sympathy only goes so far right and our employers have been so supportive but that can't last forever.
Onward and upward eh.
The murphy family
The other side of the coin is that whoever she is with will know that she is on the authorities radar and maybe if there are any plans for her that might just be enough to keep her safe.
She did phone the residential facility last weekend and told them that she had been having suicidal thoughts.She was asked on a scale of one to ten how likely she was to harm herself and she told them she was a seven.
They asked her what was around her that she ould arm herself with and she said that there was guns and knives and pills and that there were gang members in the place where she was staying.
We were a little bit frantic by then and we phoned the police and gave them the no of the reidential facility to speak to the counsellor who Claire had spoken to.
They had an address of the owner of the cell phone that she has been contacting us from and it seems they were going to go to the address last sat but because there wasn't a bed available at the safe house untill the mon they couldn't pick her up because there was nowhere for them to hold her.
There was a bed in Reddeer but i would have had to taken her there.
I did get a phone call from CASA house telling me there was a bed available for Tues and that they would hold the bed for her until 9:30 that evening.
I sent the information to her by the cell p0hone she has been txting from and she said that she had to talk to some people 1st but that she would probably end up going.Not the response i was expecting i have to say but i found out later that she feels it is more dangerous for her to go there than to stay with the people she is with now.
I have tried to get reality to knock on her door by reminding her of the things that can happen if she continues to stay where she is.I have reminded her that it is possible that she could end up on some undesirables radar and that it could end up with her being hurt or worse as she has no money to pay her way and that eventually someone is going to want something in return.
Her reply was "why do i have to bring stuff like that up"" and "she is with people who love her who wouldn't harm a hair on her head"".She also tells me that she loves her life on the streets and "please don't ruin it"" and that she doesn't like who she has become and she knows she is unstable but she "fits in whare she is""She tells me that she keeps having dreams of her abuser and that she is better of dealing with this on her own..
I have also told her that her visa is due to expire in March and that she will be deported if this continues.That was met with verbal abuse that i have to say was quite hurtful but as i reminded myself later she is with a group who have had troubles of their own which is why they are where they are and that
knowing how my daughter is around her peers will be soking up all the bad feeling they have towards their parents and listening to them and the anger they feel is most likely being directed through her at me. (like chinese whispers).
As far as the things i have done,i have been in touch with the British Embassy(their response has been that they won't get invilved in the Canadiansystem and that they are notin anyway Mental Health advisors ya de ya ya da).the chair of Bell Canada Mary Deacon(she was on the news CTVAM promoting the lets talk campaign)i have sent an e mail to the mayor Stephen Mandell,i have emailed Dr Stan Kutcher and Dr Steven Davidson both are specialists in Mental Health and are advocates for change in the mental health system.(we are not the only ones by far that are in this situation)I have been in touch with the health commision,the Alberta Health Authority.
I had a meeting With the MLA for Beaumont,Leduc and Devon this week and told him everything that has happened (coincidentaly the Child Services manager was there).I told him that i had been to Child Services here in Beaumont asking for support last year back in March and was told that because we weren't neglecting our daughterr or abusing her then they wouldn't get involved even though i had informed them of her history of Mental Health problems in her birth family and the abuse she received in foster care straight after.They also told me that Child Services didn't work well with Mental Health.
The MLA is taking this to the Health Minister for Alberta when parliament returns on Tuesday of this week.(have to wait and see on that one)
I have emailed Avis Favaro of CTV news to see if she could help me set up a campaign where other people with similar situations can maybe send me their stories so they can be presented to whoever and show that this is a major problem.
My next step is maybe the legal route which would be difficult financially.We have been let down i feel and people in the system keep telling me that we have fallen through the cracks but no one seems to be prepared to fill those cracks in and stop us falling.
Some of the comments i have had from people in the aothorities has been astounding and really disturbing as to how innefectual the system is(police officers telling me that when they pick up dsiturbed individuals and take them to the hospital for assesment,that people being assessed are actually beating them back to their hometown as the hospital that they have taken them to has released them as they consider them not to be an immediate threat to themselves or others,no previous history seems to be taken into account to the comments from Child Services that i metioned previously)
At the moment i am being told as to the situation with regards to Claire is that"" ïf she wants help,she has to ask for it"".Well that would be all fine and dandy if she had connection to the real world.Her diagnosis last year was Borderline Personality Disorder.Then they threw in possible FASD,possible bi polar,attachment issues,rejection issues,post traumatic stress and a whole heap more.
The advice i got when i said ""great ,your telling me all this now can i have a proper evaluation for her"" as her diagnosis was made on the strength of mental health therapists notes and an hours interview with the Phsychiatrist 3/4 of which my wife and i were present for,was that we need to change our parenting skills because even if we had a diagnosis what difference would it make.I sat there thinking really.My answer to them was""are you going to fix a broken leg by putting a splint on the arm" and"are you going to stop an engeine misfire by changing the oil".Simple analgies i know but it still fell on deaf ears.
My hope right now is that i will wake up and this will all have been a bad dream,Claire wakes up and wants to come home and all is well with the world.
She is angry at us because we took her to the youth shelter and kicked her out.The connection to the fact no matter how many times she is reminded that she went back to taking drugs on the day i ended up taking her, after umpteen times of telling her that we will not except drugs in the house and having had her sign a letter with our house rules on it makes no difference.(this was on the advice of the phsychiatrist).
As for me i'm kinda running on auto pilot now.i have been at this for 3 and a 1/2 weeks now trying to get stuff done and i think i'm probably going to be jobless soon as sympathy only goes so far right and our employers have been so supportive but that can't last forever.
Onward and upward eh.
The murphy family
I'm really sorry to hear your story, I don't have any advice as the services here are not something i was involved with for children.
I do know that drugs are a massive problem..in our town anyway....i hadn't met one person (canadian) here in our town who doesn't have a problem with drugs, alcohol or abuse!
My heart goes out to you and i really do hope you get the help she needs. Do they have something like alanon here but for drugs?
best wishes
I do know that drugs are a massive problem..in our town anyway....i hadn't met one person (canadian) here in our town who doesn't have a problem with drugs, alcohol or abuse!
My heart goes out to you and i really do hope you get the help she needs. Do they have something like alanon here but for drugs?
best wishes
Feb 22nd 2011, 4:23 am
#23
Onwards and upwards!
Joined: Dec 2009
Location: North West UK
Posts: 288
Re: Struggling Here
Unfortunately we are no further forward.She is still in Edmonton.As far as the police go,unless i give them a housr no and street name they say is is almost impossible to pick her up.I at least have a miising persons file open and the sgt has done some investigating.Our daughter was contacted by police on Monday have actually spoken to her.Unfortunately she was told that i have an apprehension order in place so she is probably going to be even harder to find as she won't be as visible as she maybe was.
The other side of the coin is that whoever she is with will know that she is on the authorities radar and maybe if there are any plans for her that might just be enough to keep her safe.
She did phone the residential facility last weekend and told them that she had been having suicidal thoughts.She was asked on a scale of one to ten how likely she was to harm herself and she told them she was a seven.
They asked her what was around her that she ould arm herself with and she said that there was guns and knives and pills and that there were gang members in the place where she was staying.
We were a little bit frantic by then and we phoned the police and gave them the no of the reidential facility to speak to the counsellor who Claire had spoken to.
They had an address of the owner of the cell phone that she has been contacting us from and it seems they were going to go to the address last sat but because there wasn't a bed available at the safe house untill the mon they couldn't pick her up because there was nowhere for them to hold her.
There was a bed in Reddeer but i would have had to taken her there.
I did get a phone call from CASA house telling me there was a bed available for Tues and that they would hold the bed for her until 9:30 that evening.
I sent the information to her by the cell p0hone she has been txting from and she said that she had to talk to some people 1st but that she would probably end up going.Not the response i was expecting i have to say but i found out later that she feels it is more dangerous for her to go there than to stay with the people she is with now.
I have tried to get reality to knock on her door by reminding her of the things that can happen if she continues to stay where she is.I have reminded her that it is possible that she could end up on some undesirables radar and that it could end up with her being hurt or worse as she has no money to pay her way and that eventually someone is going to want something in return.
Her reply was "why do i have to bring stuff like that up"" and "she is with people who love her who wouldn't harm a hair on her head"".She also tells me that she loves her life on the streets and "please don't ruin it"" and that she doesn't like who she has become and she knows she is unstable but she "fits in whare she is""She tells me that she keeps having dreams of her abuser and that she is better of dealing with this on her own..
I have also told her that her visa is due to expire in March and that she will be deported if this continues.That was met with verbal abuse that i have to say was quite hurtful but as i reminded myself later she is with a group who have had troubles of their own which is why they are where they are and that
knowing how my daughter is around her peers will be soking up all the bad feeling they have towards their parents and listening to them and the anger they feel is most likely being directed through her at me. (like chinese whispers).
As far as the things i have done,i have been in touch with the British Embassy(their response has been that they won't get invilved in the Canadiansystem and that they are notin anyway Mental Health advisors ya de ya ya da).the chair of Bell Canada Mary Deacon(she was on the news CTVAM promoting the lets talk campaign)i have sent an e mail to the mayor Stephen Mandell,i have emailed Dr Stan Kutcher and Dr Steven Davidson both are specialists in Mental Health and are advocates for change in the mental health system.(we are not the only ones by far that are in this situation)I have been in touch with the health commision,the Alberta Health Authority.
I had a meeting With the MLA for Beaumont,Leduc and Devon this week and told him everything that has happened (coincidentaly the Child Services manager was there).I told him that i had been to Child Services here in Beaumont asking for support last year back in March and was told that because we weren't neglecting our daughterr or abusing her then they wouldn't get involved even though i had informed them of her history of Mental Health problems in her birth family and the abuse she received in foster care straight after.They also told me that Child Services didn't work well with Mental Health.
The MLA is taking this to the Health Minister for Alberta when parliament returns on Tuesday of this week.(have to wait and see on that one)
I have emailed Avis Favaro of CTV news to see if she could help me set up a campaign where other people with similar situations can maybe send me their stories so they can be presented to whoever and show that this is a major problem.
My next step is maybe the legal route which would be difficult financially.We have been let down i feel and people in the system keep telling me that we have fallen through the cracks but no one seems to be prepared to fill those cracks in and stop us falling.
Some of the comments i have had from people in the aothorities has been astounding and really disturbing as to how innefectual the system is(police officers telling me that when they pick up dsiturbed individuals and take them to the hospital for assesment,that people being assessed are actually beating them back to their hometown as the hospital that they have taken them to has released them as they consider them not to be an immediate threat to themselves or others,no previous history seems to be taken into account to the comments from Child Services that i metioned previously)
At the moment i am being told as to the situation with regards to Claire is that"" ïf she wants help,she has to ask for it"".Well that would be all fine and dandy if she had connection to the real world.Her diagnosis last year was Borderline Personality Disorder.Then they threw in possible FASD,possible bi polar,attachment issues,rejection issues,post traumatic stress and a whole heap more.
The advice i got when i said ""great ,your telling me all this now can i have a proper evaluation for her"" as her diagnosis was made on the strength of mental health therapists notes and an hours interview with the Phsychiatrist 3/4 of which my wife and i were present for,was that we need to change our parenting skills because even if we had a diagnosis what difference would it make.I sat there thinking really.My answer to them was""are you going to fix a broken leg by putting a splint on the arm" and"are you going to stop an engeine misfire by changing the oil".Simple analgies i know but it still fell on deaf ears.
My hope right now is that i will wake up and this will all have been a bad dream,Claire wakes up and wants to come home and all is well with the world.
She is angry at us because we took her to the youth shelter and kicked her out.The connection to the fact no matter how many times she is reminded that she went back to taking drugs on the day i ended up taking her, after umpteen times of telling her that we will not except drugs in the house and having had her sign a letter with our house rules on it makes no difference.(this was on the advice of the phsychiatrist).
As for me i'm kinda running on auto pilot now.i have been at this for 3 and a 1/2 weeks now trying to get stuff done and i think i'm probably going to be jobless soon as sympathy only goes so far right and our employers have been so supportive but that can't last forever.
Onward and upward eh.
The murphy family
The other side of the coin is that whoever she is with will know that she is on the authorities radar and maybe if there are any plans for her that might just be enough to keep her safe.
She did phone the residential facility last weekend and told them that she had been having suicidal thoughts.She was asked on a scale of one to ten how likely she was to harm herself and she told them she was a seven.
They asked her what was around her that she ould arm herself with and she said that there was guns and knives and pills and that there were gang members in the place where she was staying.
We were a little bit frantic by then and we phoned the police and gave them the no of the reidential facility to speak to the counsellor who Claire had spoken to.
They had an address of the owner of the cell phone that she has been contacting us from and it seems they were going to go to the address last sat but because there wasn't a bed available at the safe house untill the mon they couldn't pick her up because there was nowhere for them to hold her.
There was a bed in Reddeer but i would have had to taken her there.
I did get a phone call from CASA house telling me there was a bed available for Tues and that they would hold the bed for her until 9:30 that evening.
I sent the information to her by the cell p0hone she has been txting from and she said that she had to talk to some people 1st but that she would probably end up going.Not the response i was expecting i have to say but i found out later that she feels it is more dangerous for her to go there than to stay with the people she is with now.
I have tried to get reality to knock on her door by reminding her of the things that can happen if she continues to stay where she is.I have reminded her that it is possible that she could end up on some undesirables radar and that it could end up with her being hurt or worse as she has no money to pay her way and that eventually someone is going to want something in return.
Her reply was "why do i have to bring stuff like that up"" and "she is with people who love her who wouldn't harm a hair on her head"".She also tells me that she loves her life on the streets and "please don't ruin it"" and that she doesn't like who she has become and she knows she is unstable but she "fits in whare she is""She tells me that she keeps having dreams of her abuser and that she is better of dealing with this on her own..
I have also told her that her visa is due to expire in March and that she will be deported if this continues.That was met with verbal abuse that i have to say was quite hurtful but as i reminded myself later she is with a group who have had troubles of their own which is why they are where they are and that
knowing how my daughter is around her peers will be soking up all the bad feeling they have towards their parents and listening to them and the anger they feel is most likely being directed through her at me. (like chinese whispers).
As far as the things i have done,i have been in touch with the British Embassy(their response has been that they won't get invilved in the Canadiansystem and that they are notin anyway Mental Health advisors ya de ya ya da).the chair of Bell Canada Mary Deacon(she was on the news CTVAM promoting the lets talk campaign)i have sent an e mail to the mayor Stephen Mandell,i have emailed Dr Stan Kutcher and Dr Steven Davidson both are specialists in Mental Health and are advocates for change in the mental health system.(we are not the only ones by far that are in this situation)I have been in touch with the health commision,the Alberta Health Authority.
I had a meeting With the MLA for Beaumont,Leduc and Devon this week and told him everything that has happened (coincidentaly the Child Services manager was there).I told him that i had been to Child Services here in Beaumont asking for support last year back in March and was told that because we weren't neglecting our daughterr or abusing her then they wouldn't get involved even though i had informed them of her history of Mental Health problems in her birth family and the abuse she received in foster care straight after.They also told me that Child Services didn't work well with Mental Health.
The MLA is taking this to the Health Minister for Alberta when parliament returns on Tuesday of this week.(have to wait and see on that one)
I have emailed Avis Favaro of CTV news to see if she could help me set up a campaign where other people with similar situations can maybe send me their stories so they can be presented to whoever and show that this is a major problem.
My next step is maybe the legal route which would be difficult financially.We have been let down i feel and people in the system keep telling me that we have fallen through the cracks but no one seems to be prepared to fill those cracks in and stop us falling.
Some of the comments i have had from people in the aothorities has been astounding and really disturbing as to how innefectual the system is(police officers telling me that when they pick up dsiturbed individuals and take them to the hospital for assesment,that people being assessed are actually beating them back to their hometown as the hospital that they have taken them to has released them as they consider them not to be an immediate threat to themselves or others,no previous history seems to be taken into account to the comments from Child Services that i metioned previously)
At the moment i am being told as to the situation with regards to Claire is that"" ïf she wants help,she has to ask for it"".Well that would be all fine and dandy if she had connection to the real world.Her diagnosis last year was Borderline Personality Disorder.Then they threw in possible FASD,possible bi polar,attachment issues,rejection issues,post traumatic stress and a whole heap more.
The advice i got when i said ""great ,your telling me all this now can i have a proper evaluation for her"" as her diagnosis was made on the strength of mental health therapists notes and an hours interview with the Phsychiatrist 3/4 of which my wife and i were present for,was that we need to change our parenting skills because even if we had a diagnosis what difference would it make.I sat there thinking really.My answer to them was""are you going to fix a broken leg by putting a splint on the arm" and"are you going to stop an engeine misfire by changing the oil".Simple analgies i know but it still fell on deaf ears.
My hope right now is that i will wake up and this will all have been a bad dream,Claire wakes up and wants to come home and all is well with the world.
She is angry at us because we took her to the youth shelter and kicked her out.The connection to the fact no matter how many times she is reminded that she went back to taking drugs on the day i ended up taking her, after umpteen times of telling her that we will not except drugs in the house and having had her sign a letter with our house rules on it makes no difference.(this was on the advice of the phsychiatrist).
As for me i'm kinda running on auto pilot now.i have been at this for 3 and a 1/2 weeks now trying to get stuff done and i think i'm probably going to be jobless soon as sympathy only goes so far right and our employers have been so supportive but that can't last forever.
Onward and upward eh.
The murphy family
Feb 23rd 2011, 6:38 am
#24
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Moved from Swindon, Wilts to Beaumont, Alberta
Posts: 109
Re: Struggling Here
Kinda taken a turn for the worst today.Had contact today from our daughter.
She txt me and said she had a propsal.
I asked her what that was and she said that she would send me the money to renew her Canadian visa and that she would go to the phsychiatric facility.
I txt her back and said i would renew the visa if she went to CASA house for the duration of the course.
I then get a txt back saying that she couldn't and wouldn't leave this boy she met.(she's known him for 4 weeks).
I ponted out to her that she is willing to give up 8 years of family life for this boy that she met.Her reply was that she's never felt this way about any boy before.
I told her my standpoint was still the same.
This is where it went down hill
She goes on to tell me that there is a good chance that she is pregnant.I told her that having a baby would be a huge responsibility and that she neede to get herself straight 1st before bringing another life into the world.
Not long after i get a call from the boyfriend saying that if i don't renew her visa then he is going to kill me.This is now on top of the threat of being paid a visit and getting broken legs
I have reported this to the police now.I'm not sure how to react or indeed if if i'm reacting in the right way.My hope that by telling her of the consequences of her actions,she will get the picture.
Then i get angry at the fact that we have tried to give her a better life for the last 8 years,and then i get the how could she do this to us feeling.
Even tho i know she's ill,it doesn't make it easier.
The comment to my wife today ""not to be jealous just because she can't have kids and cant look after the one she bought"
So as i said at the begining.Not a good day.
She txt me and said she had a propsal.
I asked her what that was and she said that she would send me the money to renew her Canadian visa and that she would go to the phsychiatric facility.
I txt her back and said i would renew the visa if she went to CASA house for the duration of the course.
I then get a txt back saying that she couldn't and wouldn't leave this boy she met.(she's known him for 4 weeks).
I ponted out to her that she is willing to give up 8 years of family life for this boy that she met.Her reply was that she's never felt this way about any boy before.
I told her my standpoint was still the same.
This is where it went down hill
She goes on to tell me that there is a good chance that she is pregnant.I told her that having a baby would be a huge responsibility and that she neede to get herself straight 1st before bringing another life into the world.
Not long after i get a call from the boyfriend saying that if i don't renew her visa then he is going to kill me.This is now on top of the threat of being paid a visit and getting broken legs
I have reported this to the police now.I'm not sure how to react or indeed if if i'm reacting in the right way.My hope that by telling her of the consequences of her actions,she will get the picture.
Then i get angry at the fact that we have tried to give her a better life for the last 8 years,and then i get the how could she do this to us feeling.
Even tho i know she's ill,it doesn't make it easier.
The comment to my wife today ""not to be jealous just because she can't have kids and cant look after the one she bought"
So as i said at the begining.Not a good day.
Feb 23rd 2011, 7:16 am
#25
half a century
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Sarf Lundun to East Van :)
Posts: 10,222
Re: Struggling Here
oh bloody hell = dont know what to say ! xxxxx
Feb 23rd 2011, 8:04 am
#26
So near yet so far.......
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 403
Re: Struggling Here
I have never had to deal with something as extreme as drug taking or teen pregnancy and so don't feel qualified to offer any advice on these matters at all, but I do have experience of that desperate feeling of absolutely helplessness that you get when you are at the mercy of a teenager who is hell bent on a downward spiral no matter what you do or say and so wanted to say my thoughts are with you on this. In my case it was a really really bad phase and all is relatively ok now and hope that is how your story ends.
You appear to have a degree of leverage with the visa application but isn't she risking deportation anyway with her drugtaking? I'm not sure how these things work once you are in Canada - would this then affect all of your visas?
My thoughts and heart goes out to you and I wish you all the luck in the world in getting her out of that awful environment.
You appear to have a degree of leverage with the visa application but isn't she risking deportation anyway with her drugtaking? I'm not sure how these things work once you are in Canada - would this then affect all of your visas?
My thoughts and heart goes out to you and I wish you all the luck in the world in getting her out of that awful environment.
Feb 25th 2011, 9:05 pm
#27
Onwards and upwards!
Joined: Dec 2009
Location: North West UK
Posts: 288
Re: Struggling Here
Hey there Murphy family, just wondered how things were going?
I really hope your daughter comes to her senses soon, although if she has mental health issues its doubtful unfortunately.
Your not alone though, all of us on here are routing for you, I hope you know that?
I wish i could offer some wise words or some advice but I can't so all I can say is that i'm thinking of you and watch out for your posts and send best wishes to you.
I know this may sound corny but Dr Phil says that when they in are that spiral, its better to walk away until they are ready to accept help and know they need it but tell them you are there for them to help when they are ready. Sadly we don't always see the consequences of our actions on others or ourselves for that matter and right now your daughter obviously can't see it, but i'm sure she will in time. She knows you are there to support her and when she's ready she'll come to you.
I'm only going off programs i've seen and courses i've been on and a couple of parents i've talked when I worked with young offenders but i'm not you and I don't know if i could sit and wait either...tough call and i really hope she sees sense sooner than later.
I really hope your daughter comes to her senses soon, although if she has mental health issues its doubtful unfortunately.
Your not alone though, all of us on here are routing for you, I hope you know that?
I wish i could offer some wise words or some advice but I can't so all I can say is that i'm thinking of you and watch out for your posts and send best wishes to you.
I know this may sound corny but Dr Phil says that when they in are that spiral, its better to walk away until they are ready to accept help and know they need it but tell them you are there for them to help when they are ready. Sadly we don't always see the consequences of our actions on others or ourselves for that matter and right now your daughter obviously can't see it, but i'm sure she will in time. She knows you are there to support her and when she's ready she'll come to you.
I'm only going off programs i've seen and courses i've been on and a couple of parents i've talked when I worked with young offenders but i'm not you and I don't know if i could sit and wait either...tough call and i really hope she sees sense sooner than later.
Feb 25th 2011, 9:59 pm
#28
So near yet so far.......
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 403
Re: Struggling Here
In my experience this is very true but as you say, it is very hard to wait for as a parent. Walking away for me felt like leaving a toddler on the side of the M6.
Feb 25th 2011, 10:53 pm
#29
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: Calgary
Posts: 2,092
Re: Struggling Here
Having worked with street kids heres my 2 cents:
1. Don't blame yourself.
2. Realise that as much as anything else the FASD is in control.
3. You will lose any power struggle right now - especially since you daughter is "in love."
4. Try to rise above the emotional chaos and breathe.
5. You are her parents because you love her and choose to care for her. No-one can take that away.
6. Don't send any money - you know where it will go.
7. Be there for when she comes back - she will - but on her own agenda.
8. Stay in touch with the police, and keep notes!
9. Finally don't blame yourselves.
1. Don't blame yourself.
2. Realise that as much as anything else the FASD is in control.
3. You will lose any power struggle right now - especially since you daughter is "in love."
4. Try to rise above the emotional chaos and breathe.
5. You are her parents because you love her and choose to care for her. No-one can take that away.
6. Don't send any money - you know where it will go.
7. Be there for when she comes back - she will - but on her own agenda.
8. Stay in touch with the police, and keep notes!
9. Finally don't blame yourselves.
Feb 25th 2011, 11:10 pm
#30
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Moved from Swindon, Wilts to Beaumont, Alberta
Posts: 109
Re: Struggling Here
Having worked with street kids heres my 2 cents:
1. Don't blame yourself.
2. Realise that as much as anything else the FASD is in control.
3. You will lose any power struggle right now - especially since you daughter is "in love."
4. Try to rise above the emotional chaos and breathe.
5. You are her parents because you love her and choose to care for her. No-one can take that away.
6. Don't send any money - you know where it will go.
7. Be there for when she comes back - she will - but on her own agenda.
8. Stay in touch with the police, and keep notes!
9. Finally don't blame yourselves.
1. Don't blame yourself.
2. Realise that as much as anything else the FASD is in control.
3. You will lose any power struggle right now - especially since you daughter is "in love."
4. Try to rise above the emotional chaos and breathe.
5. You are her parents because you love her and choose to care for her. No-one can take that away.
6. Don't send any money - you know where it will go.
7. Be there for when she comes back - she will - but on her own agenda.
8. Stay in touch with the police, and keep notes!
9. Finally don't blame yourselves.
All of these posts have been from my extremely strong and beautiful husband...and I thank not just him for being by my side - but for all of you for your words of wisdom, encouragement or support.
No word from our daughter today, and it seems like at the moment she has broken off all contact with us - even to let us know she is safe. However, you are right in saying that while she is "in love" it makes our battle to get through to her downright impossible. She thinks not finishing Grd 10, shacking up with a kid probably her own age or slightly older in a 'friends' house, no income, no clothes, no family.....is a great way of living. Just shows you how immature she is and how much a hold all the mental health issues have over her.
Emotionally, my husband is dealing with all this as I would have had a breakdown by now - and I'll say again....he is my rock and my world and I love him so much for doing all the work here.
I love my daughter so much, I don't like her at the minute, but that will never take away from the fact that I still love her and it breaks my heart to see her getting worse. She thinks she is where she wants to be - but obviously us 'older kids' can see it for what it really is.
I don't blame myself for her decisions, we supported her and helped her so much.....we really couldn't have done much more.
Well ...thought you would want to hear that there are two of us....and we are doing ok.....emotionally drained....but ok!
