jandro

When I lived in the UK I made friends with work colleagues and socialised frequently outside of work with them - not so in Canada anymore. The distances to travel are huge, people live in areas with few places to gather socially, they're wrapped up with their big houses etc. Many people from abroad don't socialise outside their cultural group.

Also, since it seems everyone can get almost everything they need online these days there's little desire to make friends with people face to face.

And, yeah, I can't stand the 'how are you'- 'I'm great' routine everytime you pass someone in a hallway.

Canada does seem a lot unfriendlier than when I was growing up. It seems you could chat with people a lot more and make friends more easily.

chudleigh

I could definitely have lots of acquaintances in my 'network' and indeed be out every evening. But for me that is different from having good friends who get you and with whom you can relax and be understood. I find my meaning in conversations misunderstood quite often and I really have to work on how I communicate. I just find this exhausting and for once would just like people to understand me without having to make a big effort. I do get it can be more difficult to make friends as an adult, although I have never had that problem in the UK.

johntheScot

I see this as not an issue with Canadians more an issue with being a new comer. i would ask you when you were in the UK how many new immigrants did you open up your inner circle to? how many of the polish immigrants to the UK became your new bff?

I know my answer is Zero, i was always polite friendly etc with those i knew and work with but I had an existing circle of friends and never gave a second thought to inviting them into the group.

I think it is very unfair to say Canadians are unfriendly or for shallow friendship more than anyone in the UK. they just don't need your friendship as much as you need theirs. Therefore a lot of people find that other expats be they Brits, Ozzie's kiwi's etc make "better" friends as they are also looking for a new bff as they to have no friends in Canada and are building their circle from scratch rather than trying to make room for you.

I have made some good Canadian friends here but of course the bonds are not as strong as 30 year friendships from back home.

I think everyone seems to agree that making new friends as an adult is difficult and not something we are used to.

some suggestions to help.

join a club, be it a brass band, cricket club, knitting, running whatever it is you like to do with yourself.

friendships are generally formed through a common interest/bonds.

make friends with expats, they are in the same situation

move to somewhere smaller big cities can be unfriendly and more difficult to integrate into a community. on the other hand smaller places can be isolating.

work some workplaces are really sociable others are not. i have met most of my friends through work. Some work places people want nothing to do with their colleagues out side of work. i would not suggest you quit work to find new friends but it is a thought

prairiechicken

I know that I live in a very friendly part of Canada, but I've found several really nice friends since I got here. Of course I miss my very close friends from the UK too. But I have managed to find people with common interests or (which I consider to be more significant) common values. And some who I can just have a good laugh with.

I totally agree with johntheScot about finding common interests as a starting point - I've made friends through Karate, and through our son's football club. And one or two through work.

I've actually had far less problem making friends here than I did when I first moved to Scotland. I felt like an outsider there for years. I've only been in Canada since August and I already feel totally accepted.

I usually find myself laughing with people about my 'britishisms', rather than them getting in the way of communication. But I am also conscious of the language I use and wanting to be understood. The fact that we all speak English can be misleading - I have found it helpful sometimes to think of it more like learning a new language, as if I had moved to France or Spain - there I would expect to need to modify how I spoke to make myself understood.

Hang in there. If you can find some other expats you may find that helpful. Or even other people from elsewhere in Canada? Good luck

GMS_AMS

Great post JohntheScot

SchnookoLoly

Brilliant post. You hit the nail spot on.

JonboyE

Agreed.

MillieF

I too thought JohntheScot's post very good.

Here, in this bit of NB, people don't tend to move about much, so someone in their 50's still has the same friends they made in Primary School...they don't need me and my funny ways

Most of the people that we have become friendly with are, as they say here, from away and come from Toronto and Newfoundland etc. It's not just because we are foreign. I invited my neighbour for dinner the other evening, we had a supper night, and he's a thoroughly interesting person.....it's the first evening he'd ever been invited into any of the houses in our road, and he moved here in 1974 from Victoria!

Canadians as a bunch do seem to be inherently shy on the whole, that's why I think they only seem to be friendly on the surface because they are scared of giving offence or being rejected.

I was a bit lonely here, but now I just think I've got used to it.

JamesM

Big mistake on the Polish thing. The women are very attractive and still retain traditional gender skill sets that modern western women have sadly deserted in the name of equality.

Canadian's do socialize less with work colleagues and that is down to commutes. You will have to make an effort to meet people outside of work here.

I personally think it's easier to meet people in Canada but then in England I relied on work and old relationships. It's not so bad here once you get out of the comfort zone and take up a new hobby or two.

christmasoompa

Grandad, is that you?

SchnookoLoly

If you're not careful you're going to owe him $9M.

christmasoompa

It's ok, it would appear JamesM is stuck in the 1950's, so it'll only be a few shillings.

Pizzawheel

James is so not ChrisOomps Nigerian prince.

JamesM

Funny how the thread drifters are the same 3 usual suspects. I point out the failures of dismissing a minority immigrant group and am immediately branded as being "old fashioned".

For the record and because you all learn something new everyday from me I have converted the value of a shilling in 1950.

Calculate Modern Values of Historic Concertina Prices

A shilling in 1950 was worth 1.46 in GBP in 2000. So in today's money on dollar conversion I'd say $4 per shilling.

At this rate I'll have a chauffeur and limo bringing me to the Yard Social.

andrewbrit

I moved to Calgary in 2011 and arrived with my Canadian wife. She grew up here so I inherited most of her friends by default. Obviously I get on better with some of them than I do others.

I find Calgary to be a very friendly place and being from the UK has not hindered me in any way. I have not had to adapt what I say here and to my knowledge my meanings are not misinterpreted!

I made my own friends once I started working. I also volunteer for a few film festivals and other events in Calgary each year and this has widened my social circle.

I find that my dry, sarcastic humour is "got" here but not appreciated as much as the UK.

All in all it was pretty easy for me to make new friends here. Moving here has actually made me open up and talk to people I do not know more easily, whereas in the UK I was a lot closed off, as most people are in my opinion.