TheBritishGirl

I'm new to the site so forgive me if I've posted this in the wrong area.

I'm 21 and recently engaged to an awesome Albertan guy. The idea is to get married right after I graduate, and move out there. I did a year abroad there last year and loved it from the second I touched down. I'm even lucky enough to already have friends there. My issue is the family I have here.

How did you handle leaving your family behind? My family is stupidly close and my parents are older parents, (Mum 62, Dad 72) and always seem to be falling or getting ill. My older sister's have just starting marrying and having babies and I've realised I'm just not going to be here for most of it. Did it just get easier over time? Did you become less close? Did they resent you for moving away? Mine are already getting snippy about it.

I know this is what I want to do, I'm not second guessing it by any means. I guess wondering how you all coped and whether this part of emigrating is going to suck as much as I fear it will?

Oink

No, it will suck a lot, lot more.


Welcome to the forum btw.

Paul_Shepherd

Many people struggle with leaving their family to varying degrees, i dont think there would be a member on here that doesnt have that issue, and many will say, its your life, you should do what you want with it. I found it a little easier when i moved as my parents passed away young, shortly after my sister moved out and got married, so it didnt feel like i belonged to a family anymore.

However from what you have said, I have to say your in a very tough situation, and if im honest i cant see and easy solution. If you are "stupidly" close with your family breaking that tie is very tough.....even more so for them, added to that you said you said your parents have health issues too, this further complicates things, and then on top of that they arent really offering their blessing either...

I dont want to dishearten you, normally id say go for it, but i think your situation is very tough with regards to your parents.

So you obviously want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, what is his family situation like? just wondering if for the early part of your marriage he could go and live in the UK with you, and then when circumstances change consider a move out to Alberta then.

No matter which way you look at it,, there are always sacrafices that have to be made, some you can live with others you cant and thats why it maybe best not to make the decision right now, but delay it, that seems to be a compromise to a tough situation?

Paul

TheBritishGirl

His family situation is great, he has a huge family (7 siblings and countless cousins) and they are very family oriented. I spent a lot of time with them last year and they just seem like genuinely wonderful people. They couldn't be more excited for us and sent me a wonderful letter welcoming me to the family. Which is definitely reassuring.

Delaying is definitely something I was thinking about, just to spend more time with them but he could never realistically live here, he has a great job that he just can't afford to leave. And I'm not sure it would be any easier 2 or 3 years down the road.

Once settled, if any of my sisters wanted to emigrate also, would it be any easier for them? Not that I expect my entire family to up move for me. Just a thought.

not2old

This is all a good thing, you'll be married & start your own life

Way back when in the dark ages when folks came to Canada by ship (we came by plane), me & my OH arrived in the middle of April (bloody freezing cold it was) with little to nothing in the way of money or belongings, no friends or family, no job, no accommodations & yes, it was tough adjustment in the beginning.

We did not had internet, mobile phones, skype, and long distance phone calls were rediculous cost... so you get the idea, as have many that have come here time over time leaving family behind in the UK or wherever they came from.

Did we chuck in the towel & go 'back home' - well, apparently not, as we have been out of the UK for 48 years & since have been immigrants to a few other countries during this time.

Like many that have travelled the same road, there are no mistakes, nor does it suck, especially when you get on with it. Some struggle to find work and/or settle in, others have it all & settle in well. There is 'no one for all situation'.

If you're a person that keeps on thinking & wondering about the folks 'back home' or comparing Canada this that & the other, then you will struggle.

Your family can come visit & you can go also visit them.

Get here, get a job, knuckle down & you will be 100% good to go. Five years after you get here you will become a Canadian citizen
.

Partially discharged

Oh come on, people on this forum certainly don't do that

Oink

You're 21, can't you try and meet someone nice that doesn't live thousands of miles away?

TheBritishGirl

I like that attitude! And oh god, there we go again, Millennial's completely forgetting that people managed it before us without the major technological advantages we have now, thanks for the gratitude check.

TheBritishGirl

Wouldn't that be a thousand times easier?! But this boy kind of has my heart. Awww, the sappiness.

JamesM

It would be easier for them in the sense that you would be near by. Assuming they moved to the same place.

Otherwise it's the same tooth pulling processes as everybody else.

Have you looked into your visa situation yet?

TheBritishGirl

Yes, the plan is to marry in Canada next Autumn, stay for the 6 months while my then husband applies outland to sponsor me, extend my stay and then just wait it out. Neither of us have criminal convictions and we both have funds to prove we can support ourselves. So...

BristolUK

BristolUK

Do you live with your parents? How about your sisters? Is one or more of you already doing 'most' for them?

My three brothers all started their own families so that left me as the logical choice to do most with/for my mum - although she's been very independent anyway.

She had a hip operation back in the 90s and it was me who took the week off work after she was discharged and I moved back in for two weeks while she recovered. (I also visited her daily in hospital even though I was the only one without transport to get there)

But now the boot is on the other foot.

She's just had the replacement hip replaced and I'm over here while the other three, partners and grandchildren are over there and it's for them to take responsibility now.

I don't mean to make it sound like a competition and it's perhaps a bit different to your situation. I just mention it to show you needn't feel guilty.

Plus it's not as if you're leaving your parents alone.

If your sisters are getting snippy, that will likely just be temporary. They'll probably enjoy telling the kids about their aunt in Canada.

TheBritishGirl

I definitely do the most out of us four, but to be fair it makes the most sense, they're older and either married and having kids or engaged and working and I'm just the young lowly student. So I come back home quite often (Uni is only 45 mins away) to keep them company and help out (father had cataracts surgery and mother has zero social life) whereas my sisters will call and always get together if it's arranged but are always too busy to do anything else.

I hope they'll pick up the slack when I go like your brothers did! I guess they'll have to!

BristolUK

Yep, that's exactly what I meant by not competition, just the logical thing. And when that changes something else becomes the logical thing and it should fall into place.