Loraine 1

Hi guys,


You may know that I'm in the process of moving to NS with my O/H. We'll be landing the first week in Jan.


I just wondered how your friends, family, colleagues etc.. took the news and dealt with the move? Most people who I'd say I'm close to seem to be happy for me if also a little sad.


Some family members refuse to discuss it and others talk about it constantly. Am I strange to be concerned that they won't miss me?


Colleagues seem to be giving me the silent treatment more and more, even though they were really supportive to begin with. I almost feel like an outcast most days now...


Most friends have been great, others who I thought were close friends have sort of blocked me out. Ignoring me messages and showing no interest at all. I've also had pals who I haven't seen since school get in touch and ask to meet up before I move which was lovely. My O/H bumped into a pal he's not seen for years at the weekend, told him we were off and his wife messaged me within a couple of hours asking to meet up, yet people I went to college with are blanking me!


Is it me or is this all a bit odd? You know?

Hurlabrick

IMHO, you find out really quickly who your REAL friends are when it comes to something like this!

Some of my wife's friends are already 'slipping away' and obviously are not going to be *rsed, while others seem to be the opposite. I suspect you will be surprised by who falls into which 'camp'! With some people it is jealousy!

My wife has one great friend who moved to Australia 8 years ago - they still email each other almost daily and they will definitely be coming to visit us.

Me, I have a couple of really good friends in Canada who I have kept in touch with by email and facebook messenger etc. for the last 10 years.

It is 'one handed clapping' - it take two hands to make it work, you can't make all the effort to keep a friendship going if the other person won't bother!

Paul_Shepherd

This sounds quite normal to me, and roughly the same as what I went through. I have been here 8 years now.

The friends that I always thought I would be in contact with slipped away quite early...some stayed around a bit longer, but now they are slipping away. Some comparitively new friends I made not long before are I left are still in touch, and they are my closest UK friends now, and two of them have even visited me, unlike my "close" friends and family who never have.

Family are funny too, my sister and I were always fairly close, when I told her that I had made my final decision and was leaving for Canada, she was very sad, but supportive, however that has changed over time and sadly we are not close anymore, and it wasnt through lack of trying on my part, always text and email here and get a reply 2 weeks later or not at all, I sent her quite a meaningful email one time saying I missed her and I wish we were more in contact and speak more regulary....she didnt take that well and just said it was my choice to move away and says that it was inevitable we drifted apart. I totally disagree, but I didnt push it after that and left the contact to her. She sends me the odd text couple of times a month, but thats about it, I think she was influenced by her husband, my brother in law never understood why I wanted to leave the UK, we used to have a good relationship, but dont really talk at all now, again not through lack of trying on my part.

Its like Hurlabrick says.....one handed clapping doesnt work, and you will eventually find out who wants to remain in contact and who doesnt, just make sure you do all you can in the initiial stages, its you that is moving away after all, but there is only so much you can do, until you just say ok...I tried, and you move on.

I think as a whole most family and friends feel like you are deserting them and saying screw you, Im off to live somewhere else, which of course is not what your doing, but thats what it feels like to them.

Dave_Pardew

We haven't told many people beyond close family and friends - at work only my managers and one colleague who I consider a good friend know.

Most of them are very excited for us, are very positive, wish us the best and tell us how much they'll miss us, and ask us about any developments since the last time we spoke.

When my sister found out, she first put on her usual brave face, then five seconds later burst into floods of tears (very unlike her!). She's very supportive and though she'll miss me lots she's glad for us, and was honest in saying that at least the move would solve the problem of a generally unsupportive family.

Speaking of which, my sister then asked my father if I'd told him about our application, and that though it was sad that a member of the family was leaving, it was a positive move etc etc. My father said he knew about it and didn't want to discuss the matter any further, end of convo. Since finding out back in May, he's barely spoken to me and not mentioned Canada once.

It's been a learning process, and ultimately beyond doing your best you can't be held responsible for how people are going to react. Of course my father's example hurts, but I guess that's probably his coping mechanism. At least that's what I tell myself.

Paul_Shepherd

Your father's reaction is initially how my sister reacted, never mentioned it, I think part of her hoped I would change my mind, when she knew I was definitely going she was as supportive as she could be, but as i said in my other post that had drifted away now, and we dont communicate much.

Like you say, that is just some peoples coping mechanisms.

Hurlabrick

As regards family, my wife is an only child and only has her mother left. She has not taken it well, but says she understands.

I have no parents left and have a sister who live in New York City, so she is very much looking forward to us being on the right side of the pond!

glendem4

Don't be surprised by your family. My father doesn't want to speak about the move, my eldest daughter burst into tears and has said nothing since and my youngest daughter was happy for us. At the end of the day you have to do what is best for you. Remember it's your one chance in life and you don't get the opportunity for another go......

Howefamily

Exactly the same happened with us. Some really good friends just dropped us instantly. I still dont know if its sadness, jealousy, they werent such good friends after all.... not sure which
Other people who we didnt know so well were more interested and supportive.
Family members were a mixture - some sad, some pleased for us, my dad was furious....

mahdawg

I think it's totally normal to lose friends. For me, I stay in touch on a daily basis with a close group of friends and of course my main family circle. All were of course sad to see me go, but because we're in such regular contact (messenger/skype), when I do go back, it never feels like I've been away!

That being said, I wouldn't say it's a case of you find out who your real friends are. We have to accept that we left our friends behind, not the other way around. So can we really blame them if they don't fancy seeing us once every year/two years anymore?

amycakes

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you at work. This is the reason that I have not told my boss about my dilemma of staying or leaving for Canada. I think if they found out that I was thinking of leaving, they'd stop giving me opportunities/exclude me from things.

I find it a shame that we can't have open and honest conversations with people to figure out the best way things would work for everyone involved. When my Dad moved to Australia, we really didn't talk at all about it, and now we hardly speak. But, I've been able to talk to my Mum about moving, and she is always re-assuring me about how our relationship would work on trans-Atlantic basis.

All the best with your move!

Loraine 1

Thanks guys. I love this forum. I'm always reading threads and it's so nice how many of you respond when I post.


I'm finding work particularly hard at the moment. I've been there 12 years and to think that in a month I'll be leaving for good is so exciting, but the way people are being is making things difficult.


I've arranged a couple of nights out with friends which I'm hoping will show how many of them will bother when I've moved. Plus I'm hoping to be making loads of new friends soon!


As for family, my dad is the same and just doesn't want to discuss it which is odd as he's never been an emotional kind of guy. Mum's already booking her flights and I'm sure she won't be coming over on her own.

Howefamily

I found in the lead up to our move any FB posts about our move was met with enthusiasm and support from our growing support network waiting for us in NS (all expats and a couple of Canadians we had met), whereas our British friends were completely silent on the subject regardless of how long we had known each other and how strong how friendships were.


Its not long now and this will be all but a memory. I think some people cannot conceive such a decision. They cannot relate to it.

BristolUK

It's all mixed isn't it.

I left work on a Friday and flew over on Sunday. No drinks or anything at work - the lack of time was a good excuse. There was a collection but I really can't recall anyone seeking me out to say good luck or anything. That particular office...I didn't like working in anyway.

Three really close friends back there: evening in the pub with one, dinner with another (she cried ) and the third, the main one - friends since childhood - didn't make any effort at all

Family held a get together.

Loraine 1

Some of your posts make me a little bit sad. But it's like you say you can't force a relationship.



Anyway onwards and upwards. Does anyone fancy meeting up in Halifax when I land for a welcome to Canada drink?

Howefamily

me, looking forward to it!


When I left my team decorated my desk with bunting of Canadian and NS flags and I got a lovely gift. My husbands crew all met down the pub in the evening. We were fortunate with work colleagues for sure.