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Old Feb 10th 2005, 9:02 pm   #1
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Default Amusing "Double-entendre's"

Hi Guys just some amusing "Double - entendre's" to while away those frustrating hours.

First, a definition from The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy,
because they were kind enough to give an example.

"Double-entendre: (dub-uhl-ahn-TAHN-druh; dooh-blahnn-TAHNN-druh) A word or expression that has two different meanings (in French, double-entendre means double meaning), one of which is often bawdy or indelicate. A double-entendre is found in this sentence:

'A nudist camp is simply a place where men and women meet to airtheir differences'."

Here are some classic examples from good old British broadcasting:

1. Michael Buerk, as he watched Phillippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

2. Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on 'This Morning': "She was practising fastest finger first on her own in bed last night."

3. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

4. Carenza Lewis, about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team
Live', said:
"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

5. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and hadn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" (The weatherman and half the crew were so helpless with laughter they had to leave the set.)

6. Our best source, as ever, is the sports programme... Bobby Simpson, commenting on cricketer Neil Fairbrother's shot: "With his lovely soft hands, he just tossed it off."

7. Mike Hallett, discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

8. Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing:
"Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wishes he had a hard on now."

9. 'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
formidable lead:
"Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

10. Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

11. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open (an old favourite):
"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

12. James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:
"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

13. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

14. Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race
when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

15. US PGA Commentator:
"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .....
Oh my god, what have I just said?!"

16. Metro Radio:
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

17. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 (the most famous of all?):
"Ah, isn't that nice? The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

18. New Zealand Rugby Commentator:
"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

19. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator:
"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

Hope you enjoyed them guys.
Frankieforehead
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Old Feb 10th 2005, 9:12 pm   #2
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Default Re: Amusing "Double-entendre's"

Fantastic Frankie, reminds me of the Jasper Carrot insurance claims for traffic acidents...

I saw a sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.

The Man was all over the road....... i had to swerve 3 or 4 times before i hit hit.

I reversed into my drive and hit a stationary tree i hav'nt got.

theres loads more, may edit it as i go.
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Old Feb 10th 2005, 9:28 pm   #3
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Default Re: Amusing "Double-entendre's"

Quote:
Originally Posted by George-Ang
Fantastic Frankie, reminds me of the Jasper Carrot insurance claims for traffic acidents...

I saw a sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.

The Man was all over the road....... i had to swerve 3 or 4 times before i hit hit.

I reversed into my drive and hit a stationary tree i hav'nt got.

theres loads more, may edit it as i go.
Good one....hehehehe
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Old Feb 11th 2005, 2:34 am   #4
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Default Re: Amusing "Double-entendre's"

You must have the famous piece of cricket commentary:
"The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey"
Referring to Michael Holding of the West Indies and Peter Willey of England.
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Old Feb 11th 2005, 3:58 pm   #5
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Default Re: Amusing "Double-entendre's"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapboy
You must have the famous piece of cricket commentary:
"The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey"
Referring to Michael Holding of the West Indies and Peter Willey of England.
Excellent hehehe
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Old Feb 11th 2005, 4:13 pm   #6
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Default Re: Amusing "Double-entendre's"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapboy
You must have the famous piece of cricket commentary:
"The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey"
Referring to Michael Holding of the West Indies and Peter Willey of England.
Classic, then there was Johners losing it when Aggers said something about Botham not quite getting his leg over

http://www.radioacademy.org/halloffa...s/johnston.mp3
He later described it as the most professional broadcast he ever made, as he managed to carry on talking the while time
Cricket seems a natural home for this stuff...Damned north americans dont know what they are missing.
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Old Feb 12th 2005, 4:00 pm   #7
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Default Re: Amusing "Double-entendre's"

Quote:
Originally Posted by iaink
Classic, then there was Johners losing it when Aggers said something about Botham not quite getting his leg over

http://www.radioacademy.org/halloffa...s/johnston.mp3
He later described it as the most professional broadcast he ever made, as he managed to carry on talking the while time
Cricket seems a natural home for this stuff...Damned north americans dont know what they are missing.
I don't remember who made the comment to him.
Shane Warne's reply when told by an opponent that he had put on weight:
'It's because every time I sleep with your wife she gives me a cookie!'
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Old Feb 12th 2005, 8:20 pm   #8
 
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Default Re: Amusing "Double-entendre's"

Quote:
Originally Posted by frankieforehead
Hope you enjoyed them guys.
Frankieforehead
Thank you!
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Old Feb 12th 2005, 8:23 pm   #9
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Default Re: Amusing "Double-entendre's"

i forgot about htis one, it just came to mind now

The accident happened as i was waving at the gentleman i hit last week
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