not2old

should funerals always be a solemn event?

The person that is dead that folks are attending either the church thing, the burial or scattering of ashes, right down to a memorial - why should it be dark. Is it just because back in the 19th century thats what people did?

Move with the times 'I say', after all not many old folks left that understand old traditions is there?

Its a sign of respect is being there for the family of the deceased. Atire makes zero difference in my opinion

Imagine its the middle of winter in some godforsaken place in the northern hemisphere where its minus 30C. Folks will be wearing a parka, hoodies, balaklava, gloves & snow boots.

Then in a warmer climate when its +50'c you'd really want folks to black tie it?

Sign of respect showing up, doing whats right, be nice & respectful, then get sloshed at the wake or the luncheon afterwards to celebrate the passing persons life. No different in many respects to a wedding function, less clourful maybe

Gordon Barlow

Good point, Spouse! But I was thinking of inside an air-conditioned church. I wear my suit-coat or jacket in there, but carry it on my shoulder while outside.

moneypenny20

Me and my daughters did the mother's funeral in jeans. Felt bad for about 30 seconds before I decided clothes don't matter. It's the mind and body attendance that matters. If anyone comes to my funeral I want them to wear whatever makes them feel comfortable. A funeral should be a celebration of the person's life not doom and gloom commemorating a death. It's all so self obsessed. The person who died couldn't give a shit and if a tie signifies that someone cares/respects more than a person wearing a casual shirt then that's beyond sad and patronising in my ever so humble view.

cresta57

I see your point in casual dress but to be honest I still wear long pants and a collared shirt to go to the local RSL, it's a respect thing. I'd wear jeans and a polo shirt to a funeral if it was a younger person however I'd never dream of turning up in boardies and a singled period, that said, I don't wear them to go out in ever anyway.

moneypenny20

As long as you're comfortable then I don't see an issue. I just get irritated when people judge what others wear, in any situation. Although a guy did go into our Woolies yesterday wearing only a very loose pair of dungarees with only one strap holding them up and proving he was going commando. That was more than anyone shopping needed to see!

knockoff nige

When I die I want everyone to wear a super villain costume to my funeral and each say a few words about me in their best villain voice. Oh and live streamed to YouTube. Now I've said it, that's what needs to happen. I trust you'll get this message to my family and friends so they can be aware of my dying wish in the event I cannot tell them myself. Cheers. Also, if God needs to be mentioned, he should be mentioned like this 'God, why? Why? Why?. It should have been me!!!!' Again by everyone in attendance.

spouse of scouse

GarryP

Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think you are right. The idea of the funeral is so based in the victorian obsession with death and like many other things, doesn't really meld with what we do or need today.

For a start, most people don't believe in gods or afterlifes, so the religion is often out of place. Second, people tend to get cremated, and thus the ceremony tends to be wrong as well. Third, it's a downer - and most people say they want a more joyous event.

In the end I think most people want people to say goodbye, but also want to be remembered - they don't want to just disappear.

I think you could probably refashion it into something more in keeping with modern sensibilities - getting rid of the priest, focusing on memories and legacy - encapsulating the life and the lessons learnt in a permanent and useful form. And I think more party/booze up too. Maybe combine the will reading with the event and the celebration.

Like marriage, it needs reform ...

not2old

or whatever folks do is of no consequence to the dearly departed, since 'what would they know what is taking place, after all, they're dead' & I believe folks should leave some document stating what they'd like their funeral to be like - 'a happy event' is my guess.

Happy smiling faces, throw in some cheering, maybe lots of noise, loud [happy] music (the deceased favourite), right down to a BBQ event or whatever.... it should be a celebration of the deceased life, not some Victorian downer (to the chiming of death bells) as posters have mentioned.

A few years ago the death subject came up at our house & I was winding my wife up in the presence of our adult children that on my death I wanted to be cremated with the ashes flushed down the toilet to the playing of the Beatles singing 'Twist & Shout'.

Of course that didn't go over too well. She sulked & never spoke to me for a day.

She is most definitely Victorian when it comes to death & funerals, so if I go first its a full 3 day funeral home laid out for invited persons, tea & chatter, the full casket, then at the graveside with all present watching the coffin be put in the ground... morbid, morbid, morbid

So for those of you still alive that want your final wishes to be morbid or colourful, now is the time to write that note & pass it along to those that would be taking care of the event




.

moneypenny20

We were chatting about funerals at the dinner table last week. Had been talking about Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher. Both the husband and eldest daughter were saying they thought it wrong that they were having a joint funeral and if they both went close together they were to have separate funerals. I told them no way in hell was that happening. They'd have a joint one. No way was I planning, attending and paying for two when one would be more than enough and they could suck it up.

cresta57

Same box? 2 for the price of one!

spouse of scouse

I went to the funeral of a young man who'd had duchenne muscular dystrophy. He was a great bloke, always had people in stitches with his stories and antics.

He arranged his funeral with his Mum. The mourners were invited to pause and reflect on his life for a couple of minutes. Everyone was teary by this time. Then Chocolate Salty Balls blasted from the sound system He was still making people laugh

cresta57

We've given funeral songs quite some thought since Deb's brother passed.
Deb has always wanted Norman Greenbaum's Spirit In The Sky. I'm happy to oblige so long as they also play The La's "There she goes"
I don't want hymns or soppy crap I quite like the idea of Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust" Followed by Johnny Cash’s “Burning Ring of Fire” if I'm Cremated.
Should the kids decide to have me buried I want the tetris theme as Deb will already be down there, or "Knock on Wood"

She [Deb] ruled loads of others out as highly innapropriate. Flash in the Pan "Down Among The Dead Men" Living in a box, The Jam "Going Underground"
Even Blue Oyster Cult "Don't Fear The Reaper" which is one of my all time top ten

spouse of scouse

I was about to say that I'd like to attend your funeral, but that just sounds wrong! Love your choice of songs though.

When my Uncle Barry died, the song playing as the coffin disappeared was Pub With No Beer.

Dorothy

I don't want a funeral when I die. My family can save the money and just have me cremated with my ashes sent home to Canada. My only wish is that I don't spend eternity here.