scrubbedexpat098

If you lose someone close, who you know well, then you're doing their memory a dis-service if you see them off in a way you know doesn't ring true to their values. What really shitted me on the day was that Reg received no credit from the minister for being a lovely bloke, no, God got all the credit for that, which IMO is twaddle. There's 3 examples on here of how a rememberance service can be a source of comfort, not just sorrow. That comfort comes from staying true to the departed's way of life, at least it does for me, I would find none in painting a false picture of the person.

knockoff nige

Right but remember that the service is for those he left behind. He doesn't care that God stole his thunder at his funeral. There's no point in feeling the dead got cheated out of something.

I get that you feel there needed to be a more fitting send off. Why not have another one with the people who feel the same as you? A priest's words might be the official sign off to God but you don't believe in him so what does it matter? In my opinion, the most important part of a funeral is the piss up afterwards.

Dreamy

When TheOriginalMrDreamy died, we had his funeral at the local crematorium. There was something similar there - because we didn't want a religious ceremony we couldn't have a hymn, was most bizarre. (We only wanted Fight the Good Fight cos he wanted that to be played at our wedding and I wouldn't let him )
He would have been spinning if we'd had a religious service so we just went without.
Oh definitely. They're all a bunch of barstewards. I'm sure some of them genuinely care, but at the end of the day they're there to make money.

scrubbedexpat098

Isn't it sadly ironic that this makes these people far more removed from Christian values than most atheists could ever be. My wife has just taken Thelma round some meals for her freezer, as she can't always be bothered to cook, and won't always join us when asked. God had bugger all to do with that. I've let myself get really upset over this, what a twat lol.

Dreamy

Sometimes, just sometimes, you get yourself all upset about something that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things as a way of dealing with grief.

Hope you come through okay t'other end, Steve x

spouse of scouse

You're not a twat. Well, not on this occasion anyway

Reg would be chuffed that you and your wife are looking out for Thelma, and that you thought enough of him to care about the type of funeral service he had. That's really the only kind of memorial that counts - how the people you leave behind feel about you.

quoll

So sorry you've lost a friend, Steve!

Thank you for the heads up though - my mother died last night and my head is spinning with all sorts of funeral arrangements but I will be sure to take control and say what we want them to say about her. She wasnt religious but she went to services in her care home towards the end so I am not totally sure what tack to take but I will keep a watchful eye!

Dorothy

So sorry, Quoll.

moneypenny20

Sympathies Quoll. Great that you had these last couple of years with her though.

brits1

Oh Quoll I am so sorry to hear of your news, give yourself a bit of time before you start arranging certain things if you can, we asked for as long a possible before my Dad was cremated and that was solely because it was all so sudden and so unexpected it literally took the wind from right out of our sails. Hugs to you at this time xx

BadgeIsBack

if you don't want God in a funeral don't hold it in a church. Warning : might contain satire :

I'd want to get buried in a decent church with gothic style ceilings where people can admire the history and reflect. A bit of pageantry even.

I suspect the biggest problem is that a lot of Aussie suburban churches are borderline happy clappy dominations. I went to a funeral where it was very much about the deceased - a good thing - but when God came up it was distinctly happy-clappy.
The worst thing about happy clappy churches is that a duo or trio always get out a guitar and even worse: sing drearily about not being 'good enough' for Jesus. Proper hyms are about 'things are great and we're all great'...to a melody that everyone knows...even the person who only goes at Christmas...

One of the things I like about proper churches and the traditional Anglican or Catholic format is that you get the proper service and the hyms - given you can choose them -can be actually sung...with a bit of gusto and verve. Even if there is someone out of tune at the back...all the history in the format makes up for the fact that I am somewhat an unbeliever..

...full disclosure (as the online Americans might say): my old man was an Anglican priest and God he could swear and eff and blind. Just like a proper celebrant in fact, not one of these Mickey Mouse suburban lay persons and 'pastors' they have in the clappy places...cheers

Lorna at Vicenza

Worst funeral ever? Italian.

I was expecting the mass and the Catholic service. The whole church hour long service wasn't a surprise.

The graveyard ashes to ashes bit wasn't either.

I was totally disgusted however that whilst family and friends were still mingling around the grave and in the cemetery, I heard the roar of a massive engine and all of a sudden a bright yellow JCB came out to fill the grave in and despite who was still lingering or saying "goodbye" - that was their job and bloody hell they'd get it done so they could clock off.

BadgeIsBack

You don't like religion much do you: :-) for many people geekdom is the new religion...an obsession with celebrities, science fiction etc

I don't believe in God but I don't have a problem with other people who put time in to it especially if they are high functioning individuals. I'm a classically trained singer and I find that a lot of the venues we are asked to sing in, particularly in Europe are old church's and a lot of singers love the art history of the baroque, and gothic (etc). The Art History is part of the interest. I had zero interest until recently but find myself fascinated with churches and cathedrals. The venues in Central and Eastern Europe are amazing for Vivaldi, Mozart etc.

I do have a problem with religion in the Muslim world and yes, religion causes war but so does anything that people believe in that to them is true and just: but as it is is practised in the Anglican world don't have an issue. There is a lot of hatred against Christians and whilst many are a bit troubled, the majority are harmless and actually aren't God botherers at all (in the way the happy clappers are). I have one Christian friend who admits to going as she finds it a help. So not a preacher or a converter type after all. If you think critically about religion it is of course all complete rubbish and farcical but you can choose to interpret bits of it. It is all in decline but I hope they save the churches.

GarryP

I really dislike the double standards and the expectation that it should be treated differently 'because it's religion'. It's a community group with a business exploiting that group - and should be treated accordingly.

You can believe whatever fairy stories you like, but don't think that your flights of fancy should give you any special rights - and nope, I think 'religions' are a net negative in the world and should be discouraged. Kinda like smoking.

Beoz

We agree .......