scrubbedexpat098

The hearse had advertising stickers on the doors, 'We'll make you feel at home' being their slogan, the minister mentioned Reg 5 times, God 37 and Jesus 32 times. It was more of a God advertising campaign than a tribute to Reg who was a lovely man. To top it off his daughter did a bit of a tribute to him where she proudly proclaimed that she spoke to her dad on his death bed, and said you need to make your peace with God or you won't get to heaven. Reg was a life long aetheist, and it would be nice to think that he merely agreed just to placate her.

My point is, I'm becoming more and more of an anti-theist, there was a massive lack of respect for a wonderful gentleman, and all in the name of some sky fairy. I was appauled, if it was my Dad they were putting away I'd have pulled the preaching twat to one side and told him to stick to the subject.

Rant over but still a bit pissed off

Happy new year everyone, and RIP Reg

GarryP

Religion is on the ropes. People might mouth the words, but they don't go to church and they don't cough up the dough.

So, when they get to force you through the doors for hatch, match, and dispatch, they take it as an opportunity to market at you like a timeshare salesman. What else are they going to do? Actually change?

His daughter sounds like a piece of work, since I doubt he said any such thing. It was probably "I want my funeral as a piss up and no priests".

I would, however, have gone up to the priest, quietly, after the service, and expressed how disgusted I was by his actions and behaviours - if they don't hear it, they won't stop doing it. I might also have sent a complaint to his boss - it's a business first after all and customer complaints matter ...

spouse of scouse

Sorry to hear that you've lost a mate, Steven.

Garry, unless someone has arranged their funeral themselves prior, and had all their wishes noted, it's up to the family to choose the format and location of the service and burial/cremation. If they choose to have a priest conduct the service, it's not unreasonable to assume that religion will feature in that service.

It's not the priest's fault at all - if people don't want a religious/church service they need to make their wishes known to their family. If they have made that known and the family goes ahead and does it anyway, then the family's at fault.

There are plenty of options for having the exact funeral you want for yourself, or your family member. Everything from the full mass, to a quiet send off in a room at the funeral home or crematorium with just family and friends speaking, to the body being sent directly to the crematorium or cemetery, and family and friends having a get together in a park, pub, home. etc.

scrubbedexpat098

Believe me I felt like it, but it really wasn't my place to do so, he was my neighbour. I thought I was being unreasonable til I spoke to my wife. We've actually spoken now about having God free funerals, I'd be well happy with that. It made me chuckle when he said that people with the 'I'll be ok, I've been a decent bloke' attitude had it all wrong, and were taking an unnecessary chance. Wanker

GarryP

The problem here is two fold:

1. It sounds pretty obvious that his freedom from belief in gods was well known - so his family should have respected that.
2. The funeral is about the person who's dead - not a marketing opportunity for a religion. If the significant majority of the time is not talking about the person then it IS unacceptable behaviour from the priest, and he needs to hear about it.
   
   It's like paying for a taxi and getting half hour of their views on how great Hanson is and how the immigrants should be sent home - it really is the point of the exercise and is disrespectful of the customer.

spouse of scouse

1....agreed, and I said the same thing
2...I get what you're saying about the taxi example, but I still maintain that if a service based on religion isn't wanted, don't get a priest to do it. There are so many alternatives.

There's no way I'll have a priest/minister/mullah/whatever anywhere near my funeral service, and the plans I've put in place will make sure of that. On the other hand, my husband is Catholic and wants the full funeral mass, so that's what he'll be having.

Mind you, even having comprehensive plans in place doesn't always mean you'll get what you want. My step-Dad's funeral a couple of weeks ago is a case in point. It was a disaster, the funeral cars didn't turn up, the songs he wanted weren't played, the carefully planned refreshments were reduced to a jug of orange cordial and a packet of cheap biscuits - and his coffin lid was nailed down in front of my Mum, after the turd of a funeral director said to her - 'had your last goodbyes, have ya?'. He's lucky the next funeral wasn't his.

GarryP

If the deceased wants the whole burning of weeds and muttering in dead languages; fine. However the ceremony should STILL be majorly about the deceased person, rather than a hard sell of the religion and "join now or else" threats for half an hour.

I'll never understand why they think they have the right to behave in a way that would get a timeshare salesman on the ACA with a camera in his face and a microphone up his nose. They are a business, praying on people at their lowest ebb, and thinking somehow they are better than everyone else and have a RIGHT to threaten with torture and eternal torment whilst saying they are about peace and love.

As for the funeral director - certain members of my family probably would have placed him head first in a different part of the cemetery...

scrubbedexpat098

Sorry to hear about your Stepdad. That is effing disgraceful, in your place I'd have broken his nose, that's unbelievable.

My mate's dad was given a 'green funeral, was supposed to be a cardboard coffin but his mum chose a wicker one instead. Consequently the coffin didn't fit in the hole, I'm really not sure I could have held it together though, me having a dodgy sense of humour though.

knockoff nige

It seems a bit ironic that you would be atheist but care about the funeral service after you're gone. Life is what's important. And those that you leave behind are really what matters, not your preferred theme to your sending off. You lost your vote when you died. That might sound insensitive but the dead don't care, they're dead.

scrubbedexpat098

Why ironic? I'd want my loved ones to send me off in a manner in keeping with how I'd lived my life and my beliefs/lack of beliefs, as I'm sure they would like to as well, a show of respect for a person's values. It doesn't sound insensitive as such, it just sounds devoid of any human emotions.

knockoff nige

Hardly devoid of human emotion. It's the living who have emotions. What's important is remembering them how we want to, not how they want us to.

brits1

I had the "conversation" with my Dad when we were just going for a "check up" at the hospital (he died suddenly two days later in the actual hospital he was having his check up) I remember driving and my Dad started talking about what he wanted of course it was something I truly did not want to hear but my Dad in his way carried on the conversation and it was all made very clear what he wanted, on very,very close family and friends, no religion mentioned(although he was of a generation who attended Sunday School every Sunday and new his bible) and a cheaply done as possible (although money was not a problem) as he did not want to "waste any of his money that did not have potential"......(I had to hold the tears back by then) and that I not my older brother as my Dad said "as he would arrange horses and a carriage etc and all seeing as I would be paying" and he did really did not want that. I was very strong for my Dad BUT my brother did take over a few things even though I said word for word what Dad had told me and that plays on me at times but I did my best at a horrendous time and I am sure my Dad would of understand. It did actually make me realise that you can tell, write what your instructions are and hopefully your loved ones will follow your wishes but I do realise that your loved ones left behind also need to say goodbye in their own way. A funeral service does not have to have any religion mentioned, my brother just spoke of what a truly wonderful father and what a downright decent lovely man/person Dad was and he really was.

Dorothy

My son's funeral was beautiful. The good friend of my daughter's housemate is a pastor and he agreed to do the service for us. I told him that our family was not religious and neither was my son. He asked if I would agree to a very short passage that he thought would be relevant and a moment of prayer/reflection. I think it helped that he was young and pastor of a non-denominational church. Matt chose music that was absolutely perfect for the service. I cannot thank him enough for making one of the worst days of my life just a little bit more bearable.

moneypenny20

When the mother died in the UK in 2013 we were originally told the earliest date we could have for her funeral would be three weeks after death. She died two hours before we left for the airport, flights booked in order to get there to say good bye so our return was booked for a week later. Me, my brother and sister had to argue the toss for a day that that was unacceptable as we had to fly back to Aus, my niece had to fly back to Bahrain, my niece was flying to Hong Kong for business 10 days later. They finally agreed to do it within the week even though the Easter weekend happened in the middle.

When we were organising the service, we were adamant that our mother did not, under any circumstances want a religious service. We had a lovely (religious) lady agree to do the service at short notice and agreed to keep god out of it. However, when she asked what music we wanted, we said our mother only made one other stipulation and that was to have 'There is a Green Hill Far Away'. We were then told, whether true or not, that if we had a hymn, it had to be a religious service and god had to be mentioned. We argued a lot but got nowhere. In the end the song was more important to our mother's memory so we had to allow the woman to prattle on about a cloud fairy. ****ing outrageous.

Anyway, my longwinded point is that the whole funeral setup is a money grabbing system to **** people over at a very emotional time regardless of country.

Steve, sorry Reg will no longer be able to share a laugh and a joke with you.

spouse of scouse

Yes Dorothy, a perfect and poignant piece of music. You're an amazing person