SoCalDon

So, I have been doing a fair bit of building at home recently and my other half was helping me. I was cutting a piece of wood and it was a tiny bit too long so, forgetting myself, I announced that it needed to be about 'half a gnats cock' shorter. It took a bit of explaining but, since I was very much working class growing up in England, the language was quite colourful and often hilarious.

Can anyone else remember gems like this from the past?

Gordon Barlow

From another expat site comes a classic from one "Alternative Media" report on the shooting in the Orlando nightclub. Puzzled as to why some of the apparently injured (in the street) were apparently being carried towards the nightclub instead of away from it, the Australian commentator shouted "Look, you can see the sign! It says Pulse! It's standing out like dogs' balls!"

A very common expression in my youthful days in Queensland.

spouse of scouse

In Oz when I was a kid, if I didn't hop to it when Mum asked me to do something, she'd tell me to stop sitting there 'like a shag on a rock'.

I was talking with a shop assistant in Liverpool UK and said my husband was sitting outside waiting for me, like a shag on a rock. By her raised eyebrows, I don't think it translated very well

If I said 'what?' instead of 'I beg your pardon?', Mum's answer would be "Watt built the first steam engine'.

Not really a saying but Dad always took great delight in saying on the first day of spring 'spring is sprung, the grass is riz, I wonder where the birdies is?' (bloody Dad jokes!)

I used to be quite politically active as a teenager in the 70s and attended lots of rallies. I'd invariably have a peace sign medallion around my neck, and tell people to 'make love, not war'. Pretentious little sod I was.

Other saying often heard when I was young, some I still use:
Thick as two short planks (I don't think this was aimed at me!)
Flat out like a lizard drinking (very busy)
Mad as a cut snake (extremely angry)
Trouser snake (a....err....male appendage)
Spider pants (pre-bikini wax times, a name for a girl on the beach who had high cut bikini bottoms - think visible spider legs)
Fair suck of the sav! (you have to be joking!)
I'm goin' piggin' (I'm going to hunt wild pigs)
Deadly treadly (pushbike)

Gordon Barlow

For those Brits who don't know it, a shag on a rock is not nearly as uncomfortable as you might think. A shag in that context is "any of several small cormorants of the Southern Hemisphere", the Online Dictionary says, and that's how we used it.

The expressions in red are the ones I recognise from my youth, except that "fair suck of the sav" [saveloy, what Americans call a frankfurter, meant more like "enough's enough" in my experience.

And I'll bet you remember this one, Spouse, when you were running around like a headless chook: "like a gin at a christening". It would probably be racist by today's standards, but in those faraway innocent times it was a common usage.

Amazulu

One that happened recently

When I was little, if I referred to my mother or another woman who was present as she, my Mom would scold me by saying 'who's she? the cat's mother?'. I know the reason for this but always found it a bizarre statement

The other day my son referred to my wife as she and I, inadvertently, gave him the 'cat's mother' line!

SoCalDon

Some of my regulars a 'mouth like a vultures crutch' or 'feels like the cat slept in it' for being thirsty.

'Thicker than a Ghurka's foreskin' for a rather slow person. In conversation with friends the other day an opportunity to use this one arose but Sallyanne, my other half, immediately pointed at me and gave me a really dirty glare so I was unable to slip it in, as it were.

'Stands out like a bacon sandwich at a Jewish wedding' is an oldie but goodie.

spouse of scouse

Yes Gordon, I remember that one and it was certainly a product of its times!

Another one I remember - useless as tits on a bull. (I'm realizing that most Oz colloquialisms are quite rude!)

spouse of scouse

Good one Zulu My Mum always said that too, like you I have no idea what it means. Laughing about you saying it to your son

old.sparkles

One from my past (but not too distant) is that I now call some people ankles - brownie points if you figure that out

rasen78

Cankles??

A fair few from my past.

Too slow to catch a cold
You make a better door than a window - when someone is stood the way
'eh?' Horses eat 'eh' When 'eh' was used for pardon or what
Wetter than an otter's pocket - when someone was very wet, or a lady who was <ahem> friendly
Put wood in't hole - shut the door

old.sparkles

All the above plus - 'Y is a letter, and you should know better' if asking why? when asked to do something

Bo-Jangles

My Dad seemed to spend a lot of time 'Going to see a man about a dog'

Other favourites of his

"Time to get yourself up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire"

Don't be so 'lily livered"

"Cat got your tongue"

Come on "shake a leg" (hurry up)