elonii

Another update after my first "choppy waters" after a year.

Title says it all! We will have been back 2 years in December and my husband and I are both emotionally and physically exhausted. The move feels like it has gone wrong but we aren't sure if we are in the wrong country or (more probably) there are other reasons for not settling.

We are still living in a less than ideal and uncomfortable rental. Silver lining there is that it is dirt cheap so the old bank account is looking healthy.

We can't find an appropriate house to buy in the area I grew up in, our healthy house deposit is mouldering in a bank account doing nothing for us. We are also starting to question our decision to not only move countries, but to also move city to country. I'm missing my little trips out to the mall and for coffee with my Mum pals. Speaking of which, I don't have any of those. Many of the people here still won't make regular eye contact with me. Different story when they need something from you though...

I have several family members within a few miles. See them about twice a year. That's not a new one for the returned expats I don't think.

Meanwhile, my husband has built up a good clientele and reputation for his small business. This complicates any decision to try elsewhere in the UK to see if we like it better. My own business comes with me wherever I go however, and at the moment is the bulk of the family income.

So... it's all a bit Yeah Nah Mate for us. I will say that our decision to buy a caravan has helped a lot. We have had great family holidays this year, and are planning a trip around Europe for 6 weeks next year. We have been able to use it to catch up with our long term friends and have enjoyed reconnecting and watching our children bond.

Where we are: we are not sure if the UK is going to work out for us. However, we are strongly aware that we are people who need a home of our own. Not least because we both work at home within our businesses. Any issues with accommodation are magnified because we are there constantly.

We are now also questioning if it's right to buy a house at all - we have been so unhappy for so long. Is there any point? Do we just get my spouse visa, check out and move to New Zealand? Save ourselves the hassle of possibly struggling to sell anything we buy? British spouse visa could always be revisited at a later date. Aware rules could change to make things more difficult with that too though.

Lot for us to think about. We've decided to hang fire on any decisions until another 6 months have passed. Hoping there will be some clarity there for us at the end of that.

Bit of a muddle really!

scot47

Some people go on doing the Ping-Pong for the rest of their lives.

elonii

Age old issue of your problems having the cheek to follow you wherever you go may well be at play.

We'll give things another year before any drastic decisions. Not sure we've the energy for another bout of shipping container table tennis in the near future

verystormy

I don't know where you live, but, it is often a bad idea to move back to the same area you came from. There are, after all, reasons you wanted to leave in the first place and they are unlikely to have gone away.

Have you considered a move within the UK?

I can understand the friendliness issue and my experience is that some parts of the U.K. are a lot better in that respect than others.

elonii

Thanks for the response - we are in Dumfries and Galloway. And we lived in Stirling before we left. As a child I lived in Ayrshire. We actually sort of left because we had no ties and we could, rather than being disgruntled with our home area. We still own the flat we lived in prior to leaving and recently stayed there after the tenants left it (in a total state!!). We felt at home, we enjoyed being back on the old home turf.

So yes, we will consider a move elsewhere in the UK over the next 6 months. That's a lot less drastic than a move to NZ when property prices in so many places there are being warped by the Auckland market. We'd be terrified of buying right at the wrong point in that cycle!

Thanks again

scot47

You can't go back. The place you left all these years ago has changed so much that it is a different place. That was one reason why I returned to my native Scotland but to a different area. I grew up in Fife but retired to Bute. Similar in some ways but different !


Orwell has a nice piece in one of his books about a man who returns to the area where he grew up and finds it changed beyond all recognition. I think it is "Coming Up For Air"

brits1

Its a huge move anyway your heading and it does take a lot out of you even if at the time you do not realise it. We returned to the North West at first I found it hard to be back somewhere I knew in loads of ways it had changed and in others it had not I think we had also changed as well(my OH & I wanted to "try" somewhere completely different but our boys wanted the North West so we headed back here but to a different area from where we lived before, we are still renting lol (And have just been served out of the blue a "notice to leave" as the property is being sold) the trouble is that we were just waiting for our youngest to finish his Uni course 2017 and then we were really going to have a good nosey around the country and then buy, sometimes things don't go to plan (especially for us) but I have learnt not to rush into things, take a breath, gather your thoughts and plan again as others have said maybe try different areas of Scotland or even the UK. Good luck with everything and hope it all works out well for you whatever you decide

elonii

Thanks, I hope you find another rental soon - what a pain. We had to rent something that was for sale when we got back. Was awful!

Onwards and upwards all round hey?!