Moving back biggest mistake
Mar 28th 2016, 9:22 pm
#61
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2014
Location: montreal
Posts: 123
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
Maddie I'm so glad I'm able to offer the help I can because when I was ill and things went pear shaped for me, I experienced a lot of negative unhelpful comments and judgement from people - so I completely get where you are coming from. And if someone else had told me what I'm telling you, I would have felt so much less of a failure - because I did feel a failure for a very long time and I really shouldn't have, especially given the fact that I have spent so much of my life helping people.
But there are, fortunately, still some good people in the world and I did receive some help from some kind folks in my community. The important thing is to reach out and ask for help. And if it's not forthcoming or you get met with judgment, remember it's not your issue, it's theirs - and move on and ask for help from someone else - not easy to do when you're feeling rotten though - and I know that from my own experience.
But I really want to emphasize to you that it's not you failing with respect to the current UK situation - it's very much the toxic culture that exists there at the moment. And people who haven't struggled just do not get it. Like you, I have spent almost the whole of my life helping others in agencies and organizations I've worked for and I've done a ton of volunteer work as well - so your sentiments re: if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem are so damn right.
I never ever thought I would end up in the situation I found myself in, in the UK. Never in a million years. Especially after all the help I've given others. To find myself on the receiving end and to be so sick and vulnerable in a culture that, at the moment, blames and undermines the vulnerable, was horrendous. I don't think the newspaper reporting helps. It's all blame the immigrants, blame the skivers, blame the benefit cheats ... I'm so glad to have left that toxic culture behind.
I do hope you have luck with the almshouses - my tiny bachelor was a sanctuary after what I went through and my health started to improve considerably once I knew I was "safe" - the trustees told me they would never make me homeless and I needed to hear that. It also made it hard to leave but where I was living, the main work opportunities were in low paid care work and the agencies only paid for the time you spent with the client, not the travel time which meant that you had to work much longer hours and often split shifts. I got to know a couple of people who did that work and I knew I could do it but I didn't want to be working long hours for not particularly great pay. And I really really could not face moving somewhere else for more professional work because I really didn't want to go back into the private rental sector - I'm convinced I would have got ill again because the insecurity and the stress of it is horrendous.
But having that safe space to get better and then to be able to make good decisions for myself really helped - and thats what you need at the moment - is a safe space to land and breathe and recover.
People, of course, work long hours for low pay here in Canada but there's more of an understanding of the toxic nature of structural inequality here than there is in the UK where it's very much focused on blame the individual. Plus a UK friend who lives here (and gave me hope when I contemplated moving back again) pointed out that people here do tend to help more - and I think that's true. While there is less of a welfare state in Canada, because of that, people tend to reach out more and help and do more charitable stuff. Whereas in the UK people who are comfortably off tend to be more concerned about what's on the TV! My UK friend lives up in the Toronto area and she's had a lot of help from people as she's been ill of late - this gives me hope. And I've certainly found people very helpful in the city I've moved back to. I'm just so grateful to be out of the UK. I would visit again but never move back until they have a different government and a different housing system.
The UK does have a few more benefits but they are cutting and cutting them and I found them incredibly difficult to access. I didn't qualify for PIP because I hadn't been back in the UK 2 years. I didn't qualify for ESA because I worked 5 months and 20 days in my job and you needed to have worked 5 months and 26 days before you could claim it! (I guess I should have planned my illness better, go figure!). I didn't qualify for JSA because I was in no fit state to work - my Dr insisted on seeing me every month from April onwards (I fell ill in March) and didn't sign me off to say I was well enough to work till December! And I didn't qualify for Housing Benefit because my remaining savings took me above the housing benefit threshold. I remember at one point thinking that if I was going to have to go to the homeless shelter I would go in with my head held high because I had done my very best to try to make things work ...
I also couldn't apply for council housing because my savings were above the housing benefit threshold, nevermind the crazy long waiting lists. My savings were money set aside for a pension or for a deposit to buy a house (ha! before I realised that was impossible!) so it wasn't like I was super rich or something. Basically I would have had to go through most of my savings and become almost destitute before the State would have stepped in ... it's a shameful situation. And nobody chooses to be ill. Being so ill and not having money come in meant I lost a large chunk of my savings but I didn't have any other choice sadly.
I went to the church for help with accommodation because I knew no one would want to rent a room to me when I was sick and not working - despite having savings - I have met so many unpleasant UK private landlords - in marked contrast to how things are conducted in Canada. I had such a hard time with my first landlord whom I rented a bedroom from for £460. He removed the thermostat and told me the heating wasn't going on until December! And the second landlord and letting agent took a huge chunk of my money when I rented a flat (he insisted on 6 months rent up front when I renewed my contract because I fell too ill to return to Canada - I could barely get out of bed at that point). When I left there, the rent was put up again ... it's utter madness.
The almshouse people were, by contrast, lovely. As were the CAB people. And because I was so ill, my Dr helped too - she wrote a letter in support of my almshouse application. So there are some good people out there - just ignore the ignorant judgmental ones - because they really don't get it.
Good luck Maddie - don't lose heart.
But there are, fortunately, still some good people in the world and I did receive some help from some kind folks in my community. The important thing is to reach out and ask for help. And if it's not forthcoming or you get met with judgment, remember it's not your issue, it's theirs - and move on and ask for help from someone else - not easy to do when you're feeling rotten though - and I know that from my own experience.
But I really want to emphasize to you that it's not you failing with respect to the current UK situation - it's very much the toxic culture that exists there at the moment. And people who haven't struggled just do not get it. Like you, I have spent almost the whole of my life helping others in agencies and organizations I've worked for and I've done a ton of volunteer work as well - so your sentiments re: if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem are so damn right.
I never ever thought I would end up in the situation I found myself in, in the UK. Never in a million years. Especially after all the help I've given others. To find myself on the receiving end and to be so sick and vulnerable in a culture that, at the moment, blames and undermines the vulnerable, was horrendous. I don't think the newspaper reporting helps. It's all blame the immigrants, blame the skivers, blame the benefit cheats ... I'm so glad to have left that toxic culture behind.
I do hope you have luck with the almshouses - my tiny bachelor was a sanctuary after what I went through and my health started to improve considerably once I knew I was "safe" - the trustees told me they would never make me homeless and I needed to hear that. It also made it hard to leave but where I was living, the main work opportunities were in low paid care work and the agencies only paid for the time you spent with the client, not the travel time which meant that you had to work much longer hours and often split shifts. I got to know a couple of people who did that work and I knew I could do it but I didn't want to be working long hours for not particularly great pay. And I really really could not face moving somewhere else for more professional work because I really didn't want to go back into the private rental sector - I'm convinced I would have got ill again because the insecurity and the stress of it is horrendous.
But having that safe space to get better and then to be able to make good decisions for myself really helped - and thats what you need at the moment - is a safe space to land and breathe and recover.
People, of course, work long hours for low pay here in Canada but there's more of an understanding of the toxic nature of structural inequality here than there is in the UK where it's very much focused on blame the individual. Plus a UK friend who lives here (and gave me hope when I contemplated moving back again) pointed out that people here do tend to help more - and I think that's true. While there is less of a welfare state in Canada, because of that, people tend to reach out more and help and do more charitable stuff. Whereas in the UK people who are comfortably off tend to be more concerned about what's on the TV! My UK friend lives up in the Toronto area and she's had a lot of help from people as she's been ill of late - this gives me hope. And I've certainly found people very helpful in the city I've moved back to. I'm just so grateful to be out of the UK. I would visit again but never move back until they have a different government and a different housing system.
The UK does have a few more benefits but they are cutting and cutting them and I found them incredibly difficult to access. I didn't qualify for PIP because I hadn't been back in the UK 2 years. I didn't qualify for ESA because I worked 5 months and 20 days in my job and you needed to have worked 5 months and 26 days before you could claim it! (I guess I should have planned my illness better, go figure!). I didn't qualify for JSA because I was in no fit state to work - my Dr insisted on seeing me every month from April onwards (I fell ill in March) and didn't sign me off to say I was well enough to work till December! And I didn't qualify for Housing Benefit because my remaining savings took me above the housing benefit threshold. I remember at one point thinking that if I was going to have to go to the homeless shelter I would go in with my head held high because I had done my very best to try to make things work ...
I also couldn't apply for council housing because my savings were above the housing benefit threshold, nevermind the crazy long waiting lists. My savings were money set aside for a pension or for a deposit to buy a house (ha! before I realised that was impossible!) so it wasn't like I was super rich or something. Basically I would have had to go through most of my savings and become almost destitute before the State would have stepped in ... it's a shameful situation. And nobody chooses to be ill. Being so ill and not having money come in meant I lost a large chunk of my savings but I didn't have any other choice sadly.
I went to the church for help with accommodation because I knew no one would want to rent a room to me when I was sick and not working - despite having savings - I have met so many unpleasant UK private landlords - in marked contrast to how things are conducted in Canada. I had such a hard time with my first landlord whom I rented a bedroom from for £460. He removed the thermostat and told me the heating wasn't going on until December! And the second landlord and letting agent took a huge chunk of my money when I rented a flat (he insisted on 6 months rent up front when I renewed my contract because I fell too ill to return to Canada - I could barely get out of bed at that point). When I left there, the rent was put up again ... it's utter madness.
The almshouse people were, by contrast, lovely. As were the CAB people. And because I was so ill, my Dr helped too - she wrote a letter in support of my almshouse application. So there are some good people out there - just ignore the ignorant judgmental ones - because they really don't get it.
Good luck Maddie - don't lose heart.
Many of the situations you found yourself in ,are what I am going through now .
I have always thought of myself as a strong, resilient , inspirational, compassionate women.But this is bringing me to me knees, I dont want to live in resentment but I'm struggling not to .
I am trying to remember bad things happen to good people .
Thank you again, for the time you took out of your life to make mine a little easier!!
Warm Regards
Maddie
Mar 28th 2016, 11:55 pm
#62
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 203
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
Your words and what you have had to face are both heartwarming and heartbreaking .I truly hope you are doing well now and on the road to strength and joy.
Many of the situations you found yourself in ,are what I am going through now .
I have always thought of myself as a strong, resilient , inspirational, compassionate women.But this is bringing me to me knees, I dont want to live in resentment but I'm struggling not to .
I am trying to remember bad things happen to good people .
Thank you again, for the time you took out of your life to make mine a little easier!!
Warm Regards
Maddie
Many of the situations you found yourself in ,are what I am going through now .
I have always thought of myself as a strong, resilient , inspirational, compassionate women.But this is bringing me to me knees, I dont want to live in resentment but I'm struggling not to .
I am trying to remember bad things happen to good people .
Thank you again, for the time you took out of your life to make mine a little easier!!
Warm Regards
Maddie
I certainly never thought I would be as well as I am now and would be able to make it back to Canada - I was so ill in the UK and it took a long time for me to get better. So I'm very grateful that I am where I am now. And I say this to encourage you - you never know where you will be in a year's time even though things are very grim at the moment. Like you, I am a strong compassionate resilient person and the experiences I had in the UK brought me to my knees too; it's very tough there.
One other thing I would add is that if you do stay in the UK be really mindful of the toxic culture and it's impact on you - I really didn't fully appreciate the weight of it until I returned to Canada. I think the oppression in the UK is almost tangible - just the weight of it and the way it weighs people down. It's really lovely being back in Canada and people's general cheeriness here - I'd really missed it. Work wise it's still tough but, as I said in an earlier post, I found a room relatively quickly to rent, it's in a nice house and I was fortunate to find retail work through a friend too.
Hugs and do keep posting - I really hope things look up for you soon.
BTW did you see the vacancy ad for Partis on the almshouse website? That would definitely be one worth investigating:
Partis College Almshouses
Bath - Somerset
Accommodation
One bedroom unfurnished, self-contained, substantially refurbished houses with small gardens. Grade 1 listed so accommodation is not suitable for those with limited mobility.
Criteria
For older women living on a low income and in need of a safe and affordable home. Partis is a welcoming Christian community and is open to all (no geographical limitation.)
Contact Details
Mrs Debra Cox, Administration Officer 01225 421532 [email protected]
Website
Partis College
Mar 29th 2016, 11:37 am
#63
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2014
Location: montreal
Posts: 123
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
Maddie its the least I can do. Yes things are looking up for me. As I say, I have a p/t precarious seasonal job here now and I have a place lined up on a 1 year Masters in the Fall. And then, hopefully, I will find a job somewhere! I also plan on restarting up my business again on the side - which is much easier to do in Canada than the UK - and hopefully that, in combination with whatever else I can hustle, will help me get by.
I certainly never thought I would be as well as I am now and would be able to make it back to Canada - I was so ill in the UK and it took a long time for me to get better. So I'm very grateful that I am where I am now. And I say this to encourage you - you never know where you will be in a year's time even though things are very grim at the moment. Like you, I am a strong compassionate resilient person and the experiences I had in the UK brought me to my knees too; it's very tough there.
One other thing I would add is that if you do stay in the UK be really mindful of the toxic culture and it's impact on you - I really didn't fully appreciate the weight of it until I returned to Canada. I think the oppression in the UK is almost tangible - just the weight of it and the way it weighs people down. It's really lovely being back in Canada and people's general cheeriness here - I'd really missed it. Work wise it's still tough but, as I said in an earlier post, I found a room relatively quickly to rent, it's in a nice house and I was fortunate to find retail work through a friend too.
Hugs and do keep posting - I really hope things look up for you soon.
BTW did you see the vacancy ad for Partis on the almshouse website? That would definitely be one worth investigating:
Partis College Almshouses
Bath - Somerset
Accommodation
One bedroom unfurnished, self-contained, substantially refurbished houses with small gardens. Grade 1 listed so accommodation is not suitable for those with limited mobility.
Criteria
For older women living on a low income and in need of a safe and affordable home. Partis is a welcoming Christian community and is open to all (no geographical limitation.)
Contact Details
Mrs Debra Cox, Administration Officer 01225 421532 [email protected]
Website
Partis College
I certainly never thought I would be as well as I am now and would be able to make it back to Canada - I was so ill in the UK and it took a long time for me to get better. So I'm very grateful that I am where I am now. And I say this to encourage you - you never know where you will be in a year's time even though things are very grim at the moment. Like you, I am a strong compassionate resilient person and the experiences I had in the UK brought me to my knees too; it's very tough there.
One other thing I would add is that if you do stay in the UK be really mindful of the toxic culture and it's impact on you - I really didn't fully appreciate the weight of it until I returned to Canada. I think the oppression in the UK is almost tangible - just the weight of it and the way it weighs people down. It's really lovely being back in Canada and people's general cheeriness here - I'd really missed it. Work wise it's still tough but, as I said in an earlier post, I found a room relatively quickly to rent, it's in a nice house and I was fortunate to find retail work through a friend too.
Hugs and do keep posting - I really hope things look up for you soon.
BTW did you see the vacancy ad for Partis on the almshouse website? That would definitely be one worth investigating:
Partis College Almshouses
Bath - Somerset
Accommodation
One bedroom unfurnished, self-contained, substantially refurbished houses with small gardens. Grade 1 listed so accommodation is not suitable for those with limited mobility.
Criteria
For older women living on a low income and in need of a safe and affordable home. Partis is a welcoming Christian community and is open to all (no geographical limitation.)
Contact Details
Mrs Debra Cox, Administration Officer 01225 421532 [email protected]
Website
Partis College
Re Almshouses:I checked their website however it seems to be for 65- to 80 year olds, but I will call them .
Right now would like to pull the covers over my head,can't even think straight, but not allowed I know .
Take care of yourself will let you know how things go .
Mar 29th 2016, 12:02 pm
#64
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,994
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
I am so embarrassed and depressed over this. But I know I can not afford the luxury of taking time out for depression .On top of all this I have meniere's disease and of course the stress is triggering attacks.
Sorry I'm just ranting, need to decide but to be honest I no longer trust myself to make good choices .
Let go let God
Sorry I'm just ranting, need to decide but to be honest I no longer trust myself to make good choices .
Let go let God
Your health is the most important thing, so I would suggest you try to see a GP and get some help so your health doesn't suffer any more than it already has.
Trust yourself - nobody knows you like you know yourself. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Mar 29th 2016, 12:25 pm
#65
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 203
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
Good luck with what you are trying to achieve, your impressive to say the least .I hope this next phase of your life is filled with peace and joy.
Re Almshouses:I checked their website however it seems to be for 65- to 80 year olds, but I will call them .
Right now would like to pull the covers over my head,can't even think straight, but not allowed I know .
Take care of yourself will let you know how things go .
Re Almshouses:I checked their website however it seems to be for 65- to 80 year olds, but I will call them .
Right now would like to pull the covers over my head,can't even think straight, but not allowed I know .
Take care of yourself will let you know how things go .
BTW re: not thinking straight - that's completely understandable and you are allowed to feel and be that way. I went through that too - you're under an awful lot of stress with your situation and I can completely relate to it - what I went through in the UK last year was one of the most stressful events/year's of my life.
I really urge you to connect with the Citizens Advice Bureau for help - they may be able to put you in touch with agencies and people who can help you. I also got a lot of help from a lovely Dr (although the first practice I was with were truly awful - I lucked out with the second practice I registered with - a friend took me to it because she could see what bad care I was getting from the first Dr - I had a hormone imbalance that made me very ill and once that was corrected, I slowly started to get better). So if you need some help with the stress of the whole thing, seeing a good Dr can make a huge difference too.
Just know, more than anything, that you are not alone. Housing issues in the UK are horrendous and they can happen to anyone. A little while ago I came across this story online which illustrates the situation - Daisy-May describes some of the people who lived with her in the homeless hostel she lived in as employed and that this included nurses and those working for London Transport.
Daisy-May Hudson: ‘Being homeless came as a big shock’ | Society | The Guardian
And it's not just a London issue anymore - there's a huge tent city in Manchester (a Quaker from Manchester described it to me). I was shocked at the level of homelessness in Hampshire where there are a reasonable number of jobs but clearly people just can't make ends meet due to the salaries on offer relative to the ridiculously high private rental rates - I recall travelling home from a work shift one night and seeing a very young girl prepare to bed down in a shop entrance in Winchester ... and I was so shocked at the fact that she was so young and sleeping rough.
As for me - well, for a variety of good reasons, I've very little pension provision, so my reason for continuing to pursue study and a career is to make sure I can continue to bring some income in and, if I get a job with a decent salary, save a bit too.
Just try to take each day as it comes otherwise it's too overwhelming. At one point, I could barely get out of bed because I was so ill and my goals were to get washed, get dressed, eat something and find people who could help me. But I did get better and I found some good people who helped me and my situation resolved in a way that I could never have envisaged. So take heart.
Mar 29th 2016, 5:53 pm
#66
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 280
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
Maddie, I just came across your posts here and thought I would jump in. Things sound kind of awful for you, that's for sure. Just wondering...have you the money and inclination to move back to Canada now? This may be out of left field, but I was thinking of the recent publicity surrounding the Cape Breton radio host inviting Americans to move there if Trump wins (God help us). Anyway, I just looked on indeed dot com and there are many jobs there and I think the rents are reasonable. It's beautiful there, too. What do you think of going there?Meet the Canadian Welcoming Americans If Trump Wins | Rolling Stone
Mar 30th 2016, 2:30 pm
#67
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 280
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
Maddie, Just noticed you posted this exact thing on another forum here...same day and time. Copied and pasted I guess. Kind of confusing as to where best to respond to you when you've got the same thing running in two different places simultaneously.
Apr 5th 2016, 7:56 am
#68
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 10
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
Hi Everyone,
Wow thank you so much for all your replies and the advise that you have given myself and others that have posted on here.
It has been 5 months since I posted on here last and unfortunately my feelings have not changed. I was hoping over Christmas spending time with family and the Christmas cheer would sort me out and help me appreciate everything that we have here that wasn't the case however. My family and I have decided we are moving back to America and have our minds set on not if but when. We are currently delving into every possible route back. We are all unhappy here and will not settle for a life here.
In response to exactly what I don't like here I will begin with my eldest child and the education that she is receiving at school it is not in the same league as to what she was being taught at her elementary school in America. We also feel our children have a better chance to succeed in America and continue on to university. Pensions my husband and myself currently qualify for ss pension, our pension in the UK is bleak and we will have to retire later over here. House prices and house sizes America wins this round for us. It comes down to a feeling as well, we are happier there.
What I missed about England was family and had hoped that my children would grow up closer to them. Although they of course see them more it hasn't been as I would of hoped. I dreamed of Sunday country walks it turns out we are now more of a play in the pool family. I can't fault the shops in England grocery and clothes stores but that isn't enough to keep us here.
I basically got caught up in how great I thought England was forgetting the reasons why I was so desperate to leave in the first place these reasons havent changed. I have up routed my family who were happy. To anyone who is thinking of returning if the rest of your family is happy please reconsider the grass isn't always greener.
Wow thank you so much for all your replies and the advise that you have given myself and others that have posted on here.
It has been 5 months since I posted on here last and unfortunately my feelings have not changed. I was hoping over Christmas spending time with family and the Christmas cheer would sort me out and help me appreciate everything that we have here that wasn't the case however. My family and I have decided we are moving back to America and have our minds set on not if but when. We are currently delving into every possible route back. We are all unhappy here and will not settle for a life here.
In response to exactly what I don't like here I will begin with my eldest child and the education that she is receiving at school it is not in the same league as to what she was being taught at her elementary school in America. We also feel our children have a better chance to succeed in America and continue on to university. Pensions my husband and myself currently qualify for ss pension, our pension in the UK is bleak and we will have to retire later over here. House prices and house sizes America wins this round for us. It comes down to a feeling as well, we are happier there.
What I missed about England was family and had hoped that my children would grow up closer to them. Although they of course see them more it hasn't been as I would of hoped. I dreamed of Sunday country walks it turns out we are now more of a play in the pool family. I can't fault the shops in England grocery and clothes stores but that isn't enough to keep us here.
I basically got caught up in how great I thought England was forgetting the reasons why I was so desperate to leave in the first place these reasons havent changed. I have up routed my family who were happy. To anyone who is thinking of returning if the rest of your family is happy please reconsider the grass isn't always greener.
Apr 5th 2016, 12:57 pm
#69
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 203
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
Hi Everyone,
Wow thank you so much for all your replies and the advise that you have given myself and others that have posted on here.
It has been 5 months since I posted on here last and unfortunately my feelings have not changed. I was hoping over Christmas spending time with family and the Christmas cheer would sort me out and help me appreciate everything that we have here that wasn't the case however. My family and I have decided we are moving back to America and have our minds set on not if but when. We are currently delving into every possible route back. We are all unhappy here and will not settle for a life here.
In response to exactly what I don't like here I will begin with my eldest child and the education that she is receiving at school it is not in the same league as to what she was being taught at her elementary school in America. We also feel our children have a better chance to succeed in America and continue on to university. Pensions my husband and myself currently qualify for ss pension, our pension in the UK is bleak and we will have to retire later over here. House prices and house sizes America wins this round for us. It comes down to a feeling as well, we are happier there.
What I missed about England was family and had hoped that my children would grow up closer to them. Although they of course see them more it hasn't been as I would of hoped. I dreamed of Sunday country walks it turns out we are now more of a play in the pool family. I can't fault the shops in England grocery and clothes stores but that isn't enough to keep us here.
I basically got caught up in how great I thought England was forgetting the reasons why I was so desperate to leave in the first place these reasons havent changed. I have up routed my family who were happy. To anyone who is thinking of returning if the rest of your family is happy please reconsider the grass isn't always greener.
Wow thank you so much for all your replies and the advise that you have given myself and others that have posted on here.
It has been 5 months since I posted on here last and unfortunately my feelings have not changed. I was hoping over Christmas spending time with family and the Christmas cheer would sort me out and help me appreciate everything that we have here that wasn't the case however. My family and I have decided we are moving back to America and have our minds set on not if but when. We are currently delving into every possible route back. We are all unhappy here and will not settle for a life here.
In response to exactly what I don't like here I will begin with my eldest child and the education that she is receiving at school it is not in the same league as to what she was being taught at her elementary school in America. We also feel our children have a better chance to succeed in America and continue on to university. Pensions my husband and myself currently qualify for ss pension, our pension in the UK is bleak and we will have to retire later over here. House prices and house sizes America wins this round for us. It comes down to a feeling as well, we are happier there.
What I missed about England was family and had hoped that my children would grow up closer to them. Although they of course see them more it hasn't been as I would of hoped. I dreamed of Sunday country walks it turns out we are now more of a play in the pool family. I can't fault the shops in England grocery and clothes stores but that isn't enough to keep us here.
I basically got caught up in how great I thought England was forgetting the reasons why I was so desperate to leave in the first place these reasons havent changed. I have up routed my family who were happy. To anyone who is thinking of returning if the rest of your family is happy please reconsider the grass isn't always greener.
I think now, what I would recommend to anyone considering moving back, is that they put their belongings in storage in the country that they are living in and then move back and re-evaluate their decision after 6 months and then a year. After a year, I think, one can be clear about where 'home' is. And if people don't have the money to do this, then I think, based on my own experiences, they are taking one hell of a risk if they move and it doesn't work out for them. I certainly lost a lot of money from my move back.
I also think, that unless you are wealthy and can afford to buy, that renting in the UK is a complete nightmare. It was such a relief to get out of the UK private rental market (even though I ended up renting from the almshouse before I left - and they were incredibly kind people). But when you rent in the UK you are very much looked upon as a second class citizen compared to home owners and the current government has, from what I can see, absolutely zilch interest or motivation to change the present system and bring in more security of tenure.
Ironically, I actually feel more secure in Canada renting even though I am renting a room from a private individual. I also don't feel the disdain directed towards me that I experienced in the UK when I rented there. I hope, at some point, to visit the UK again but I will never live there until they reform the housing market - which isn't going to happen until a major "correction" occurs which will, I think, have disastrous impacts on some sectors of the population and the UK economy (as housing prices have become so decoupled from income).
I am also heartened by the fact that here in Canada there is political impetus to build more affordable housing. In the UK I see no sign of this - if anything it is going in completely the opposite direction.
Like you, I missed walks in the English countryside. But I also found that the traffic on the roads in the UK had increased considerably in the 12 years I had been away. Many people told me this was due to the incredibly high train fares coupled with cuts in bus services. Certainly, at times, it didn't make for very pleasant driving in terms of getting around.
I also found I could no longer stomach the "class" system that is entrenched in the UK and seems almost reified with the continuing existence of various bodies including the House of Lords and the monarchy (in their present forms).
But more than anything, what hit me, was the huge difference between those that own property and those that don't. And the huge growth in inequality and the narrative around that put out in the right wing papers. If you are poor or working class or on modest income in the UK then you are often a target to be vilified in one form or another by the UK right wing press. I found it repugnant after living in Canada for so long. And God forbid if you should come to the UK as an immigrant. Although, of course, it's okay to be a UK expat! - which is immigration by another name. I think that's one of the things that happens when you travel abroad - you get a change of perspective from living in a different environment and then, when you return to your own environment, you see it differently and you see the things that jar you more, more clearly.
Personally, I find the values propagated by Cameron's government utterly repugnant. But what I found harder to stomach was that so little of the older generation, who benefited from free education, a well funded NHS, a well funded public library system (remember that?!), the availability of ample council (social) housing and the relatively low cost of buying property relative to salaries (UK mortgages used to be 3 x one's salary!) were doing so little to change the situation. The lack of interest in the current levels of inequality in the UK, the sense that "I'm okay thank you very much" and the views they have on those who are younger than them and who are struggling (or those who are older and have encountered difficulties in life such as divorce) astounded me. I referred to the response I got from an 80 year old when I was in difficulty in an earlier post and I was stunned at the judgment and lack of empathy for my situation.
There are, of course, people who do care about such issues in the UK. But unfortunately I didn't meet enough of them, particularly in the older generation who usually owned their own homes. Those I met that did have empathy were usually struggling themselves. But there are an awful lot of very wealthy pensioners out there. I calculated at one point that my private landlords (who were pensioners) were conservatively earning around £40K a year in rent from the 5-6 properties they owned (how much of it was paid by the government through housing benefit, I don't know). And the rent went up again when I left.
I don't know whether I will stay in Canada in the long term. Once I have my qualification I could live anywhere in the world. But I certainly wouldn't return to live in the UK unless (a) things change and/or (b) I'm wealthy enough to do so. As much as I love the English countryside and friends I have there, it's not enough to endure the housing conditions present in the UK at the moment.
Good luck with your move back AnEnglishRose - I hope it works out for you. I moved back to Canada mid-January and it's now early April here. There is still light snow on the ground but the sun is shining, the sky is a bright blue and I feel at home.
Last edited by Englishmaple; Apr 5th 2016 at 1:01 pm.
Apr 11th 2016, 10:55 am
#70
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: bute
Posts: 9,740
Re: Moving back biggest mistake
Englishmaple, I can certainly identify with a lot of that.
Last edited by scot47; Apr 11th 2016 at 10:57 am.
