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Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Old Dec 2nd 2015, 3:14 pm
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Default Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

We've been back in the UK a year, and I must say it's been a bit of a challenge! We left Australia partly because we were missing family and with two young girls we wanted them to grow up with grandparents around.

The main reason we left, however, was that I was there on the Kiwi spouse visa. As many of you will know this visa is always temporary, renewable every five years, no recourse to public funds etc. This was fine when we were all full of nonsense in our late 20's, but when I became quite ill when I was pregnant at the same time as having issues with my business which my husband also worked within, it was around then we got "the fear". All that settled down, and I sorted my business (with a newborn in tow!), and my husband then started another business which did incredibly well. However, by then we had already decided it was better in the long term to sort out living in a country that would look after us if we needed it. We also felt not having a complete "family set" of passports for a home country was a bit of a future weakness.


So we sold the most beautiful house in the world which we had poured our heart and soul into, and came back to the UK. We could have gone to NZ but Hubby's family live in Auckland, and we lacked the million dollars you need for a bog standard house there. Or even the resources to rent one while we got back on our feet!

The only rental we could get when we returned was a hideous damp 3 bed terrace with noisy neighbours on two sides, no privacy in the garden, and parking space nutters next door up but one. Our eldest daughter (3) had a very bad reaction to the upheaval and treated us to several months of horrible behaviour, and I had to run my business in my bedroom which was above the noisy house next door. Oh, and the house was also for sale and the letting agent (also estate agent) said I had to conduct all the viewings. We felt constantly exhausted and demotivated.

When my 3 year old started nursery I got a less than enthusiastic welcome from my fellow mums and dads at the school gate.

I miss Australia terribly, I miss the place I lived, I miss my friends, and I keep walking the streets here looking at things and thinking "is this really my life now?!". I feel more Australian than I ever realised.

This is coupled with my extreme resentment at the process we have had to go through to get my husband into the country (He is a Kiwi).

BUT. Mid-October we moved to a new house with enough room and total, blissful silence. There's a relatively private garden, and it's owned by family. They leave us to get on with things.

Miss 3 is at a wonderful nursery who have been so supportive of the anxiety she's suffered, and have really helped her, and my other child Miss 2 is with a wonderful childminder. The education and support they are getting here is better than at the huge daycare we used in Aus. And the terrible illnesses they brought home at least twice a month - don't miss those.

The ladies at the school gate seemed to notice me after a term. Now they'll talk to me. Most of them anyway LOL. I still have no friends other than my extended family, most of whom I don't really see very regularly. However it is the most beautiful thing in the world to see my girls have a relationship with grandparents, and as an only child I no longer feel guilty about being away from my parents.

At the moment I flip flop, some days I'm blown away by the beauty of the area we live in, and all the things to do with the kids, others I just want to go back to my old, familiar life. It has not been easy, and honestly if I had known how I would feel I would not have been able to go through with the move. I knew there would be reverse culture shock, but it's been stronger than I thought.

However, my husband and I are determined to get him his British passport. When we were in Aus we did feel a million miles from the travel opportunities within the UK and Europe. Travel was a huge part of our lives before children. So now we have *finally* got a family home we can feel ourselves in, we are going to buy a caravan and try to re-establish our love affair with the UK (and Europe we hope). We will return to our old motto "the first year you put down roots, the second year, you start enjoying yourself".

I'm hoping much of my negative feelings was actually about a huge change in quality of living standards, a move from city to country (a shock on its own), and missing friends. We are going to give it a full go and enjoy the next few years here. If we get to the point of having a passport for Hubster and still not feeling 100%, we will look at our options either within Europe or... it's off to NZ for us.

So year 1 - bit of a mixed bag. But we are going to try this coming year and really get out and enter the community more, join some clubs, and try to organise family socials.
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Old Dec 2nd 2015, 5:26 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Enjoyed reading your post.. Wish all the best.
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Old Dec 2nd 2015, 5:31 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by fulwood
Enjoyed reading your post.. Wish all the best.
Thanks - appreciate the words
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 5:20 am
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by elonii

I'm hoping much of my negative feelings was actually about a huge change in quality of living standards.
Glad to hear things are going better now.
Can you explain in more detail in what ways living standards / quality of life was better in Australia?
I'm hoping to move back to the UK from France in a few years but I haven't quite made up my mind yet.
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 7:46 am
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

I am sure you are not the first to feel the reverse culture shock. I did initially with our house which was most comfortable before we left for Canada, but once having lived in a country with large home's and everything at a touch of a button, it can be frustrating in these small homes. I hate the traffic and lack of parking as well. However, I do feel more at home here than in Canada and when I feel down, I try and think of the long term goal, which is to get my ILR back then proceed to citizenship. Think of this as a phase in your life's journey and take it month by month. Also think of your parents who must be enjoying their only child home and grandchildren. We also found family not that gushy or even happy to have us back. They hardly contact us and it is us making all the arrangements even though they complained like mad to their father when we lived abroad, so it is a case of not ever satisfying them! I am though very much enjoying our friends and neighbours who make up for the lack of family interest. Go well!
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 9:03 am
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by Helen1964
Glad to hear things are going better now.
Can you explain in more detail in what ways living standards / quality of life was better in Australia?
I'm hoping to move back to the UK from France in a few years but I haven't quite made up my mind yet.
A lot of it is simply down to our change in financial circumstances, naturally a move costs a lot and we are still recovering. Each country has it's own merits I think. However the main things we don't have in the UK that we did over there:

- Outdoor lifestyle and great amenities such as outdoor pools, amazing parks, and the good old Aussie BBQ which are placed just about everywhere for your convenience to use FOC.

- House size. Our house was a stunner. I sat in it and cried for three hours the day we locked it up.

- Produce - we lived in QLD so we really miss the quality produce, particularly the tropical fruit. Where we are living now there don't seem to be many growers of produce either, but in other areas of UK you can get amazing fresh stuff so a bit of that is our current location.

So I guess a lot of quality of life is down to personal preferences and requirements. All the above are the things I knew I'd miss terribly.



Originally Posted by feelbritish
I am sure you are not the first to feel the reverse culture shock. I did initially with our house which was most comfortable before we left for Canada, but once having lived in a country with large home's and everything at a touch of a button, it can be frustrating in these small homes. I hate the traffic and lack of parking as well. However, I do feel more at home here than in Canada and when I feel down, I try and think of the long term goal, which is to get my ILR back then proceed to citizenship. Think of this as a phase in your life's journey and take it month by month. Also think of your parents who must be enjoying their only child home and grandchildren. We also found family not that gushy or even happy to have us back. They hardly contact us and it is us making all the arrangements even though they complained like mad to their father when we lived abroad, so it is a case of not ever satisfying them! I am though very much enjoying our friends and neighbours who make up for the lack of family interest. Go well!
Thankyou that really helps - it does all take time as you say, and I do try to remember we won't be the first or last people who have felt like this. There is an adjustment period. Oddly, my husband is happier here than me (for now). We'll see how he goes after a couple more Brit winters.

I feel fortunate that we will have the option of Europe or NZ. Being a freelancer my work comes with me wherever I go. Perhaps a fair bit of the emotional struggle has been the knowledge we are on this path for the next 4 or so years.

I think a lot of people in our position have similar experiences. Immediately being taken for granted by family. Most of them I had to insist upon them visiting us, like issuing an appointment. And they gladly came.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate them and feel less alone!
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 12:08 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

I can relate to how you feel, I've been back in the uk for 6 months with my Uk partner and our 4 year old. It has been a lot harder than I thought the reverse culture shock, was very unexpected. I've been told that it will take about 18 months to settle, but I'm not sure if I want to wait that long. We came over here to be closer to my partners family Nd so my daughter could build a relationship with her family here. If I had know I would feel this homesick and down , I would have reconsidered. Things seem to be looking up for you and I'm sure things will turn out, it just takes time. I do find it hard to get jobs over here, a lot of people don't give you a chance . Bets of luck and thanks for posting, I feel less alone now
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 12:14 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by Jaynemw
I can relate to how you feel, I've been back in the uk for 6 months with my Uk partner and our 4 year old. It has been a lot harder than I thought the reverse culture shock, was very unexpected. I've been told that it will take about 18 months to settle, but I'm not sure if I want to wait that long. We came over here to be closer to my partners family Nd so my daughter could build a relationship with her family here. If I had know I would feel this homesick and down , I would have reconsidered. Things seem to be looking up for you and I'm sure things will turn out, it just takes time. I do find it hard to get jobs over here, a lot of people don't give you a chance . Bets of luck and thanks for posting, I feel less alone now

It will get easier I'm sure Jayne, it's hard to establish yourself. And you do start at the bottom of the pile work-wise. Friends of ours came back a few months before us and have struggled with work, but things are now improving on that front. Unlike us, they are loving being back! I'll drop you a PM
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 1:10 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by elonii
It will get easier I'm sure Jayne, it's hard to establish yourself. And you do start at the bottom of the pile work-wise. Friends of ours came back a few months before us and have struggled with work, but things are now improving on that front. Unlike us, they are loving being back! I'll drop you a PM
Thanks for the support, it's so reassuring to know I'm not the only one struggling to adjust. I can't read your PM yet, as I need to post two more posts, apparently you need to have posted 3 times before you can access PM s. I'm only just understanding how all of these forums work. Are you the only one who is feeling this way? How do your daughters feel, do they talk about Oz much ?
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 1:12 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by elonii
A lot of it is simply down to our change in financial circumstances, naturally a move costs a lot and we are still recovering. Each country has it's own merits I think. However the main things we don't have in the UK that we did over there: - Outdoor lifestyle and great amenities such as outdoor pools, amazing parks, and the good old Aussie BBQ which are placed just about everywhere for your convenience to use FOC. - House size. Our house was a stunner. I sat in it and cried for three hours the day we locked it up. - Produce - we lived in QLD so we really miss the quality produce, particularly the tropical fruit. Where we are living now there don't seem to be many growers of produce either, but in other areas of UK you can get amazing fresh stuff so a bit of that is our current location. So I guess a lot of quality of life is down to personal preferences and requirements. All the above are the things I knew I'd miss terribly. Thankyou that really helps - it does all take time as you say, and I do try to remember we won't be the first or last people who have felt like this. There is an adjustment period. Oddly, my husband is happier here than me (for now). We'll see how he goes after a couple more Brit winters. I feel fortunate that we will have the option of Europe or NZ. Being a freelancer my work comes with me wherever I go. Perhaps a fair bit of the emotional struggle has been the knowledge we are on this path for the next 4 or so years. I think a lot of people in our position have similar experiences. Immediately being taken for granted by family. Most of them I had to insist upon them visiting us, like issuing an appointment. And they gladly came. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate them and feel less alone!
I know you are still figuring things out, but it might be the case that you don't feel at home because you owned a home in Australia and are now in rented accommodation? Even if it will be a smaller house in the UK, if you had your own garden, maybe growing your own veg, a covered patio, or even a hot tub would help:-)
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 1:20 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by Jaynemw
Thanks for the support, it's so reassuring to know I'm not the only one struggling to adjust. I can't read your PM yet, as I need to post two more posts, apparently you need to have posted 3 times before you can access PM s. I'm only just understanding how all of these forums work. Are you the only one who is feeling this way? How do your daughters feel, do they talk about Oz much ?
My husband is pretty happy, and as my girls are only 23 months & 3.5they don't really remember Australia but the 3 year old occasionally breaks my heart by saying she wants to go back to the old house and see the kangaroos. We had those in our garden. I don't think the way I'm feeling is unusual, particularly because I had my children there.



Originally Posted by Moses2013
I know you are still figuring things out, but it might be the case that you don't feel at home because you owned a home in Australia and are now in rented accommodation? Even if it will be a smaller house in the UK, if you had your own garden, maybe growing your own veg, a covered patio, or even a hot tub would help:-)
Look, yes I believe it is a big factor - for both my husband and I owning our own place is important. We rushed into that in Aus and nearly came a cropper in the downturn but came out not too badly scalded in the end lol.

In our last place I did grow things in tubs and it helped *hugely*, I had a quarter acre of lovely tropical gardens in Aus and do miss them. I love gardening, and grew my own pineapples over there. Fortunately this new rental my family have said "go for your life", it has space for three veg patches and I'm buying a greenhouse.

I do predict that come Spring I'll be a much, much happier Scottish bunny

Thankyou
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 1:31 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Sorry to hear you are struggling, I guess one just never knows and a leap of faith it is, I hope in time you do start to find more positives and am looking forward to regular updates

I know I will miss my house here, like you its beautiful, huge, hot tub, sauna, 40acres, my horses on my door, land to walk my dogs on, I cannot afford anything like that in the UK but the draw is so strong and I am aware of what I am giving up and I am hoping I adjust as Ive missed so much the horse scene back there and it should be easy to slot back into!

I miss being able to walk from shop to shop, small not mall shops, you know, having beautiful scenery within a short drive(not 4 hours)to go hiking or riding in, the sea, man I miss the sea, even Sandyhills and Southerness lol!

Im a little worried about finding a job that will pay enough to support myself an my furry family but thats life isnt it, Im sure I will be ok in time

You are doing this for your children and I think you are right, having grandparents around will be important for them, can your friends from NZ come visit, most people are desperate to visit europe, Im hoping I get plenty of visitors, esp if I can offer free accomodation!
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 1:37 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by pammy68

I miss being able to walk from shop to shop, small not mall shops, you know, having beautiful scenery within a short drive(not 4 hours)to go hiking or riding in, the sea, man I miss the sea, even Sandyhills and Southerness lol!

Im a little worried about finding a job that will pay enough to support myself an my furry family but thats life isnt it, Im sure I will be ok in time
A huge positive about this area (and I know you are interesting in places near where I am) is the cost of living. Our monthly living cost including quite a bit of discretionary spending is the same as our old *interest* payment on the mortgage we had in Aus. Much less stressful with kidlets.

I hear you on the shops thing though - it used to drive us nuts, wasn't unusual to cover 50k hunting around various malls and groups of shops for some elusive item lol.

And walking around the high street here is nice, park in one place, shop, then go home.

Your place in Canada sounds beautiful!

Oh, and no visitors on the horizon yet but we went on holiday to... Southerness!! in October and met up with old uni pals. It was actually really awesome there

Last edited by elonii; Dec 3rd 2015 at 1:38 pm. Reason: adding visitors bit
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 1:42 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by elonii
A huge positive about this area (and I know you are interesting in places near where I am) is the cost of living. Our monthly living cost including quite a bit of discretionary spending is the same as our old *interest* payment on the mortgage we had in Aus. Much less stressful with kidlets.

I hear you on the shops thing though - it used to drive us nuts, wasn't unusual to cover 50k hunting around various malls and groups of shops for some elusive item lol.

And walking around the high street here is nice, park in one place, shop, then go home.

Your place in Canada sounds beautiful!

Oh, and no visitors on the horizon yet but we went on holiday to... Southerness!! in October and met up with old uni pals. It was actually really awesome there

LOL!...Too funny, Southerness!.....Ive been kinda wondering about the cost of living, my cousin who I havent spoken to in cripes over 20 years told me to expect to pay about 1000 pounds a month for food, bills, property tax, insurance for house and 1 car, hope its not much more, trying to find out online about peoples average power and heating bills is nigh on impossible though!
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Old Dec 3rd 2015, 2:07 pm
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Default Re: Back In UK A Year From Aus - Choppy Waters!

Originally Posted by pammy68
LOL!...Too funny, Southerness!.....Ive been kinda wondering about the cost of living, my cousin who I havent spoken to in cripes over 20 years told me to expect to pay about 1000 pounds a month for food, bills, property tax, insurance for house and 1 car, hope its not much more, trying to find out online about peoples average power and heating bills is nigh on impossible though!
Rent is the killer, it's quite high compared to wages here (but dirt cheap compared to more urban areas in the UK). You might get a rural place for £350 a month, but not much less. Council tax be about £110 (10 months of year) less single person discount (25%?). Electric and Gas - we are in all day every day so we pay £100 a month on a direct debit over the year. Lot less for someone out working and without the kids.

Our car insurance was £470 for the first year thanks to overseas no claims not being good enough. Ours is a big car though as we bought planning to tow things. Renters insurance was good value £90 a year. BT phone line and broadband £26 a month. TV license direct debit is now £12 a month, was more to start with but can't remember.

In this area I think you'd be OK on circa £1000, but maybe not ordering champers at the bar that often
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