not2old

bit harsh me thinks

Did something change along the way different to what you have in the OP, or do you think it was the long period in Canada that makes adjustment back in the UK so difficult?

feelbritish

I feel for you Pete. I am also one of those people who always thinks ahead and plot and plan! Much to my OH's despair!

I thought moving back to UK would be the answer to my problems and my feelings but they were all in my head and I have demons to deal with and no matter where I am they will follow me!

My new motto is now if I don't know what to do, I do nothing!

However in your case, personally I would do as advised, go back down to Devon, buy a house and settle. If you really want answers go back to Calgary for a holiday as suggested. Remember with oil prices going down there is going to be some changes afoot!

CalgaryPete

The north west is a lot more affordable than the south west. We could rent in the south west although many rentals won't accept a dog. I do feel more connected to friends and family when we visit the south west so that may be more important than the affordability.

Calgary is still recent enough that I can easily recall what it's like in winter. Although I now think we could have stayed in Calgary and just got on with life, I am not sure that it would make sense to move back there. We should at least make a proper go of it here in England.

CalgaryPete

I was thinking a mid life crisis makes a great excuse to buy a motorbike! I would have to get a side car for my dog, Nyla.

I have found that living back in Britain is a different experience from just visiting Britain on holidays. A holiday is full of positive experiences.'Real life' is full of commuting, work, bills and so on. I don't mind those things, but maybe that difference is why I haven't felt as positive about being back in the UK as I had expected to.

BEVS

I like this sentence as I think it could speak for the feelings of many people who make a move to A N Other country. Not just a return move.

It has taken some pals of ours over two years to feel better connected and more settled following a return to the UK after just ten years in New Zealand.

CalgaryPete

My dog Nyla has had a lot to adapt to after our move from Calgary.

She was fascinated to find a hedgehog. Perhaps she thought it was a baby porcupine.

She spent some time leaning over a wall to study piglets. She hasn't seen pigs before. Foxes were less surprising and I think she has classified them as junior coyotes. She had no hesitation chasing them.

After years of looking out for bears, we were both slightly embarrassed when a friend pointed out we had both stepped over a large adder which was sun bathing on a path in Devon. Luckily all four paws and my boots missed it.

Fireworks night was terrifying. Nyla is not frightened by grizzly bears, but hides in her crate when she hears even the quietest of bangs. So we spent the evening of November 5th parked in a remote spot on top of the Pennines as far away from the explosions as we could get.

Nyla likes the terraced houses here in the village as the front doors open directly onto the pavement. This is a great opportunity for a nosey dog to peer inside and also meet people.

feelbritish

A dog in a side car would make a lovely picture! I take on board what you say about holidaying in a place being different to living there. We will now be spending 3 months a year in Cape Town living in my mother's cottage on her property (she is in a retirement complex so not in my face) to get a feel of life back there maybe one day, instead of our usual 1 month holiday jetting around, drinking copious amounts of wine, eating out with friends and lying on the beach!

To help me decide what I want I asked myself "if you had a choice where would you like to die"? Sounds macabre but answered my question of how I feel today! What I feel today may not be what I feel in 10 year's time though! It however is a start!

BEVS

It's not macabre. It is something I have started to ask myself of late.

A good thread for me so thanks to Calgary Pete for starting this.

Wombat7

Now I am jealous, one of the selling points for one of my cats is that I promised him hedgehogs. Poor HuW has not seen one but has experienced a major surgery on his knee.

If you do decided to get a motor bike and side car, you'd better get her fitted for a doggie helmet!

vikingsail

Here is a picture of a dog in a sidecar. Approaching the 50 I dream of doing what Ara and Spirit are doing!
The Oasis Of My Soul » About us… myself “Ara” and my buddy “Spirit”

feelbritish

Thanks Viking, what an amazing guy.

dunroving

From experience, I firmly believe that the best solution to missing somewhere, or thinking you could have made it somewhere "back there" is not to return. (It could be, but it's not the automatic answer). I spent maybe years 2-5 post-return thinking and planning and wistfully missing my past life in the US but I now know the solution to any ills is not to return (though I did just turn down a nice job opportunity in the US last February, i.e., Year 8!)

For one thing, I realise that moving back has put me overall in a better financial position than if I had stayed in the US (house prices aside, as I think you also recognise). For another, I think going back somewhere is a completely kettle of fish than having stayed there.

Dogs are a great source of companionship and amusement. Suzy (a rescue dog) slowly and surely became more adventurous and loved meeting people on our walks here (whereas in the US we would meet NO-ONE while walking). She never got over her fear of fireworks and loud noises, but it was as bad in the US as here. Whereas I missed the dry, sunny warmth of our walks in the US, she seemed to revel in getting thoroughly wet and muddy, and rolling in all manner of soggy, decaying animal matter that you find in the British countryside!

sallysimmons

It's a bit like a relationship. At first it's nothing but fun and happiness, but over time you have to start living real life together and it changes. You find yourself outside Asda in the rain having an argument about how much money you spent, and you think 'what happened to all that romance?!'

Some people leave at that point, and find someone else to fall in love with, and at first it's wonderful but of course, at some point there they are in Asda in the rain and it's time to leave again.

Others stick it out and over time they find that a deeper love has replaced the initial infatuation and they take an umbrella to Asda and overlook the extra items he bought, and actually, they think, it's quite nice to have someone to help carry the shopping and light a fire when they get home.

between two worlds

Very well put, Sally!

between two worlds

Very interesting, dunrovin. Deciding not to go back and try and recreate something that in any case would not be the same as it was the first time, or as it would have been if you had stayed all along.

I've been on BE long enough to remember your earlier wistful and unsettled posts--sounds as if you are now in a more contented place…interesting process.

Calgary Pete, I think when you say "I do feel more connected to friends and family when we visit the south-west," that is a really important statement.

Being in the same country, UK, as your family and friends doesn't make much difference if they are not close enough to see regularly…and if there is a different, specific part of the UK that really means "home" to you, whether because of family or landscape or both, then it makes more sense to try and be there, no?

Agreed, it is hard to find rentals that accept dogs…and are you saying it's harder in the s-w? Maybe so…I know it is hard here in my Glos town...but I think in the end one can find them.