Back but struggling
#46
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Falmouth, Cornwall
Posts: 432
Re: Back but struggling
It's funny because I couldn't believe my post was just over a month ago when I checked the date. It feels like a lot longer. I would have said 3 to 4 months ago. The original issues of wanting to try again but being scared are still there. I guess we are just all healing and more able to live in the now.
#47
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,212
Re: Back but struggling
Yes it is (nice to travel further afield) and we still do long haul holidays, we even find it cheaper if not the same to do that from here in the UK than we did in Aus.
#48
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: bute
Posts: 9,740
Re: Back but struggling
One or two generations ago, when people emigrated it was a permanent move. Now that travel is comparatively easy - and cheap - people move backwards and forwards all the time !
I see that still in my own family. My brother emigrated to South Africa in 1966 and never for a moment considering coming back.
I see that still in my own family. My brother emigrated to South Africa in 1966 and never for a moment considering coming back.
#49
Every day's a school day
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Was Calgary back in Edmonton again !!
Posts: 2,667
Re: Back but struggling
One or two generations ago, when people emigrated it was a permanent move. Now that travel is comparatively easy - and cheap - people move backwards and forwards all the time !
I see that still in my own family. My brother emigrated to South Africa in 1966 and never for a moment considering coming back.
I see that still in my own family. My brother emigrated to South Africa in 1966 and never for a moment considering coming back.
#50
Banned
Joined: Jan 2011
Location: The REAL Utopia.
Posts: 9,910
Re: Back but struggling
Yes absolutely, when we went to Australia in 1962 apparently a large number went back home to their respective countries. My mum has told me lots of stories over the years and listening to them I can understand why so many left.
#51
Re: Back but struggling
I'm glad things are feeling better for you now - sounds like everyone is settling nicely. Plus Spring is here! I love seeing the daffs everywhere and knowing that the sun will eventually come out again
#52
Re: Back but struggling
At least these days the internet gives you a better feel for what to expect. You could tell that back then the promise of sunshine and sand didn't capture the reality of the situation. Some families were miserable.
#53
Banned
Joined: Jan 2011
Location: The REAL Utopia.
Posts: 9,910
Re: Back but struggling
There was a documentary about the Ten Pound Poms, a few years back. I was very surprised at the number of returnees, mainly because it must have cost them a fortune in those days.
At least these days the internet gives you a better feel for what to expect. You could tell that back then the promise of sunshine and sand didn't capture the reality of the situation. Some families were miserable.
At least these days the internet gives you a better feel for what to expect. You could tell that back then the promise of sunshine and sand didn't capture the reality of the situation. Some families were miserable.
#54
Just Joined
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 20
Re: Back but struggling
Reading this post gave me the"Am i doing the right thing going back to the UK feeling" but my situation is different, i am a empty nester and my only child and daughter is now living in the UK as well as my younger brother my dad moved back to Ireland 5yrs ago after my mother passed away, my daughter moved there almost 2yrs ago and has no intensions of ever moving back she loves the UK has ever since we would visit my family every year, plus she is in a serious relationship with a lovely guy who is also from Surrey Guilford, i spent a month in West Byfleet at Xmas and seriously did not want to leave i love Surrey, when my daughter first moved there she was commuting from Guilford to London and she was going broke, so she moved to Wimbledon Common which is lovely also, i am also starting over from scratch having been in a bad marriage i am going alone, i am planning on next spring depending on how much i can save, but i am scared, i wonder if i can find a job i am a assistant manager in retail, but it is just seasonal, as where i live everything closes in the winter, plus to rent a small 1 bed in Surrey is so expensive, so i am thinking Kent, Sussex, or Somerset, i will have a little savings my goal is about 6 months worth, but worried my money will run out before i find a job, so wonder am i doing the right thing as i have nothing keeping me here in the US and miss my family especially my daughter so much.
#55
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 5
Re: Back but struggling
I see the same worries and problems in this thread that we are now going through. We have lived overseas for over 25 years and have three kids of 15, 11 and 5. Our ability to earn money has drastically been reduced over the last few years. We have our own flat and the children are happy living in a small place. Their English isnt great but they have other languages. Due to the lack of jobs here - only waiters, cleaners and other hospitality jobs we are coming back to the UK. I never really missed it, have no real support there but I think its the next stage to get back before the oldest might need uni as here we cant offer all three the same due to having to pay for everything. I am sick with worry although all three want to try the UK they have no experience at all of living there. My other half is nearly 53 and is so worried about finding work. Its very hard to even throw money at renting an accommodation as they want credit checks which they cant do on us. Its all very overwhelming and I know that I will have a hard time. Its easier to stay in our home (which we cant sell due to the crisis over here) and get a job earning a pittance. I am looking at a five year plan. Hopefully we can offer the children an education in the UK that we cant offer here and I and my other half can work our way slightly back up that ladder. Staying put means the same for the rest of our working life which fills me with dread. We have a great life with the location of where we are but no friends as most of them have left. I can speak the language but still feel very alone and the thought of growing old here is not something I want to do but mainly I dont want the family split as the 11 year old says she wont move after secondary as she will have her friends here ... clever girl. Everyone who lives in the UK, says we are mad but none of them would work the long hours we do for not very much money. We have no comute, a beautiful view from our window but its not enough any more. I go mad at the rules in the UK, there are rules for everything but its a fair system there and we are equal and not judged by our nationality or age which happens here. We both have at least 20 years work life so now is the time to make the change. We can live frugally as we do now and we are five in a small flat so we dont care about a house either. However if we make a mistake its hard to come back as the children will lose a year of the language and for school they would have to catch up again. So for me its all or nothing for the next few years until the little one is older. I know that we can go back overseas or keep a foot in the door but its the day to day living that petrifies me. If my children dont settle or only one does and the other two dont etc etc I am taking the little one from a great primary school and he wont have the languages that the other two have which makes me feel guilty. Its driving us apart and the decision has to be made now due to school places both here or in the UK. I feel we should go back as I am unhappy and worried about my future here and I think that one move for the kids is Ok but I wouldnt move them again if they settle. Its so easy to stay but I know if we do then in a years time I will wonder whether we did the right thing so that should tell me something I suppose....! Anyway my ramble is finished!!! There is no wrong decision only different ones thats what Im telling myself....
#56
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2011
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,204
Re: Back but struggling
I see the same worries and problems in this thread that we are now going through. We have lived overseas for over 25 years and have three kids of 15, 11 and 5. Our ability to earn money has drastically been reduced over the last few years. We have our own flat and the children are happy living in a small place. Their English isnt great but they have other languages. Due to the lack of jobs here - only waiters, cleaners and other hospitality jobs we are coming back to the UK. I never really missed it, have no real support there but I think its the next stage to get back before the oldest might need uni as here we cant offer all three the same due to having to pay for everything. I am sick with worry although all three want to try the UK they have no experience at all of living there. My other half is nearly 53 and is so worried about finding work. Its very hard to even throw money at renting an accommodation as they want credit checks which they cant do on us. Its all very overwhelming and I know that I will have a hard time. Its easier to stay in our home (which we cant sell due to the crisis over here) and get a job earning a pittance. I am looking at a five year plan. Hopefully we can offer the children an education in the UK that we cant offer here and I and my other half can work our way slightly back up that ladder. Staying put means the same for the rest of our working life which fills me with dread. We have a great life with the location of where we are but no friends as most of them have left. I can speak the language but still feel very alone and the thought of growing old here is not something I want to do but mainly I dont want the family split as the 11 year old says she wont move after secondary as she will have her friends here ... clever girl. Everyone who lives in the UK, says we are mad but none of them would work the long hours we do for not very much money. We have no comute, a beautiful view from our window but its not enough any more. I go mad at the rules in the UK, there are rules for everything but its a fair system there and we are equal and not judged by our nationality or age which happens here. We both have at least 20 years work life so now is the time to make the change. We can live frugally as we do now and we are five in a small flat so we dont care about a house either. However if we make a mistake its hard to come back as the children will lose a year of the language and for school they would have to catch up again. So for me its all or nothing for the next few years until the little one is older. I know that we can go back overseas or keep a foot in the door but its the day to day living that petrifies me. If my children dont settle or only one does and the other two dont etc etc I am taking the little one from a great primary school and he wont have the languages that the other two have which makes me feel guilty. Its driving us apart and the decision has to be made now due to school places both here or in the UK. I feel we should go back as I am unhappy and worried about my future here and I think that one move for the kids is Ok but I wouldnt move them again if they settle. Its so easy to stay but I know if we do then in a years time I will wonder whether we did the right thing so that should tell me something I suppose....! Anyway my ramble is finished!!! There is no wrong decision only different ones thats what Im telling myself....
#57
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 5
Re: Back but struggling
Reading this post gave me the"Am i doing the right thing going back to the UK feeling" but my situation is different, i am a empty nester and my only child and daughter is now living in the UK as well as my younger brother my dad moved back to Ireland 5yrs ago after my mother passed away, my daughter moved there almost 2yrs ago and has no intensions of ever moving back she loves the UK has ever since we would visit my family every year, plus she is in a serious relationship with a lovely guy who is also from Surrey Guilford, i spent a month in West Byfleet at Xmas and seriously did not want to leave i love Surrey, when my daughter first moved there she was commuting from Guilford to London and she was going broke, so she moved to Wimbledon Common which is lovely also, i am also starting over from scratch having been in a bad marriage i am going alone, i am planning on next spring depending on how much i can save, but i am scared, i wonder if i can find a job i am a assistant manager in retail, but it is just seasonal, as where i live everything closes in the winter, plus to rent a small 1 bed in Surrey is so expensive, so i am thinking Kent, Sussex, or Somerset, i will have a little savings my goal is about 6 months worth, but worried my money will run out before i find a job, so wonder am i doing the right thing as i have nothing keeping me here in the US and miss my family especially my daughter so much.
#58
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 113
Re: Back but struggling
I moved back to the UK in 1997 and got the "what have I done" panic, and ping ponged back to the US within 6 months. I really regret not giving the UK more time. Now I am ready to go home again, but the boys are adults and they want to stay here in the US.
Also from Surrey
Also from Surrey