MissBetty

Ok well thought I'd just pop on here and give a proper update on how things have panned out for me since I came back to the UK 7 whole months ago

The time has really flown, there have been lots of 'ups' a few 'downs' and a completely unplanned work trip which took me back to Oz which I have already written about so I'll put that to one side!

Ok well I am still very happy to be back in the UK, the weather is completely miserable atm but it hasn't really affected me. Of course it was fantastic to come home to all that sunshine and it really helped ease the transition for me but I'm still out and about most days walking everywhere instead of using the car. I made sure I bought a nice warm coat, gloves and a sturdy umbrella, nothing worse than being wet AND cold, did get caught out a few times, lulled into a false sense of security by the sunshine, but after freezing my butt off once or twice I learnt my lesson!

Family is still the best thing about being back, its so nice to have them just round the corner and we are very close. What a treat it was to have a family Xmas and to go to my sister's cozy house for New Years Eve. I don't feel lonely anymore even though I live alone and do a lot of things by myself. I'm quite happy with my own company but its nice to have a choice for the first time in a very long time!

The freelance work is picking up nicely, I've just signed a new 12 month contract which is a relief as work has been quite patchy since I have been back. I just did some temp work on road as a paramedic until I'd finished all my courses so that helped pay the bills but I'm finally working offshore and I much prefer it plus the pay is so much better.

I had a lovely cheap holiday to the Greek Islands in October and I am off to France in the summer with my sister and her hubby. I can afford some nice breaks now and travel is so much easier from the UK so thats a definite plus in my book!

So that's the good bits folks - happy family life, better job, nicer car, fab holidays and I love being back in my cozy seaside flat but I feel I must be fair and mention the bad stuff too. Funnily enough I see other posters mentioning similar things to me so it seems to be a common theme amongst expats so here goes!

Ok the traffic - I still struggle with it, driving here is such a chore and it sends me up the wall that even with careful planning and leaving heaps of time I am always stressing like mad about being late for work/appointments/meetings.

People moaning like mad about stuff all the time, I am getting used to it but still its always the same old topics - UK is a s***hole/immigration/the weather/what the Daily Mail says - that paper should be banned - seriously.

Working for the NHS as a paramedic is just horrific - long shifts, poor pay, no breaks, stressed out nurses/other staff, drunk patients, abusive patients and I have noticed an increase in very obese patients too. Its changed dramatically in the 5 years I was away and certainly not for the better. Ok yes its always been part and parcel of what we do but I can't believe how bad things have become. My friend's daughter asked me the other day for advice as she is considering it as a career so I was completely honest with her - both good and bad - but I did suggest she might look into becoming a physicians assistant as another option. My offshore/teaching work is really taking off now and I am seriously considering giving up my 999 work altogether just for the sake of my own health tbh. 20 years in and I'm really quite over it and I never thought I would say that not in a million years.

Now onto the worst thing, some of my friends have been less than welcoming and yes, I know this subject has been covered before but I just thought I'd add my experiences. Funny another poster (Lola88) said that her friends didn't seem too bothered to see her even though they'd been begging her to come back as mine had as well. As some of you know I suffered badly from depression after being bullied at work in Oz and I put on quite a bit of weight - I am still me but just a slightly damaged version these days. The weight is starting to come off but its taking time as is regaining my confidence which took a huge knock when I was away.

My best friend (quick background, 45, single, wants a man, we have been friends for 30 years) could not wait for me to come home. We had done heaps of stuff together and she had come to visit me in Oz so thought we would be fine. When I first came back she kept hassling me to go out and be her 'wingwoman' but I didn't have a job, was still finding my feet and also, I felt embarrassed about my weight gain. I offered to go out for lunches and movies and to plan a summer holiday for 2014 but she got frustrated with me very quickly. I tried telling her how I was feeling but she wouldn't listen and kept telling me to 'pull myself together' as it was 'all behind me now'. Eventually she sent me a text calling me a drama queen which cut me to the quick, I had really had enough by then so I told her to sod off and we have not spoken since. V sad really and nope, didn't see it coming, am still quite bewildered that she couldn't just try and give me a bit of time to adjust and settle back in.

With my other friends its been fine but its always me who has to drive an hour or more to see them and fit around them and what they want to do. I do recall SallySimmons writing about this so I stick with it as, once I am with them, its really nice to have a good laugh and enjoy their company. As has been mentioned before by other posters, I was the one who went away so I keep plugging on, my social life is still better here than in Oz but I have to keep making the effort to get my friendships back on track.

Well I think I've been pretty honest so I hope this has helped anyone who is in the process of moving back!!!

The good news is I am off to India to meet my ship next week and I am very very excited! Will be a relief to have some regular money coming in also the company are sending me overseas on a work related trip, all expenses paid, in March which is great!!!!

I'm still glad I moved back, I still truly believe it was the best thing for me despite a few hiccups and disappointments along the way. My life isn't perfect but its a LOT better than it was, I'm happy and looking forward to the future with renewed optimism!

Happy New Year everyone, hope you all have a fantastic 2014!

fulwood

Can't believe it's been 7 months since you left Oz. Thanks for updates - always enjoy reading yours.

morayeel

What a fantastic update.. Good to hear about the good and bad. Mostly good I am glad to hear. Sorry about your friend not giving you time to adjust. On the whole you are happier being back and that is definitely what counts. Happy for you.

curleytops

Great update as always Miss B. Don't you worry about that friend who I might add has a whole set of issues of her own...."45, single, wants a man"...I've seen them before (and so have the blokes running away from them), it's like they take complete leave of their senses and you've got enough to keep you busy at the moment. Concentrate on getting to where you want to be with yourself and just keep doing what you're doing. Before you know it your social calendar's going to be booked solid. Glad to hear you had a great first Christmas back, all the very best for 2014

MissBetty

Thanks! I try to keep them going as I remember how much I enjoyed reading other people's when I was away!

MissBetty

Cheers! Yes it's a strange thing to go through really, mostly good, no regrets but there are still a few days when things don't go your way but hey, that's life. Yeah I'm sad things have gone sour between us, I really didn't see it coming I thought we'd be friends forever. I've always been there for her but, sadly, she just couldn't be there for me

MissBetty

Thanks, always nice to hear from you! Yeah she's just become so obsessed with finding a man and yes, running away they are indeed. I was more than happy to play sidekick and help out but I needed some time. Even though I'd lived here for years and moved back to my old town/home etc it was a bit strange for a while and I had a lot to process. I don't think people understand that unless they have been there you know?

I'm hoping to make some new friends through my new job, maybe like minded people who like to travel and have some adventures too???! I've been single for a long time and I must admit the time has come where maybe, just maybe, I'd like to dip a toe in the dating pool once again ha ha! Still it will happen when it's ready and until it does I'd be happy with friendship, so here's hoping my new crew are as fab as the last lot!

All the best to you too, hope all is well since the move!

Brigette

Thank you so much for the update. I have been following your journey for a while. I love your honesty the good and the bad. Makes it easier for me to get into the mindset of returning home. I know each persons experience is different but it helps reading the updates from those who have made the move back home

MissBetty

You're very welcome! I try to be as honest as I can as I know it really did help me when I was where you are atm.

With the friendship thing for example, I think I would have been far more devastated and taken it very personally if I hadn't read about other people on BE having similar experiences. I have come to accept now that I have to be the one who makes the effort with friends (as I've previously discussed) but I also realise when someone is being unfair that sometimes - hard though it is - you just have to let that person go

sallysimmons

It is very hard isn't it. The big surprise for me has been that my oldest friends have been hard to reconnect with. I try and feel as though I'm making progress but then we fall backwards and I wonder.

On the other hand, I have reconnected with my best friend from high school and we're well on our way to being back to the way we once were, and I have made a new friend in one of our neighbours. I figure 2014 will be the year I work to make more new friendships, because maybe I can't count on the people I thought I could.

Glad to know I'm not alone in this, although obviously not happy that you are struggling.

MissBetty

It is so hard sometimes and it seems to be more common than you'd think! I didn't expect a red carpet waiting when I got home but so many of my friends who said how much they missed me don't even text me from one month to the next. I always text them, call, organise fun things to do together, go to their place, we have a great time and then - as I don't hear from them - the whole cycle starts again!

I realise I've still got a few issues to deal with but the only person I really confide in is my sister on our long walks through the wood with the dog. I'm aware that my friends from before I moved overseas wouldn't understand and honestly? I don't want to talk about my dark days with them, it would serve no purpose. I try to put it in a way such as "Oh it's just weird being back" or "Oh I'm trying to find my feet still!"

I was completely honest with my best friend as I felt I kind of owed her an explanation of why Miss once size ten, up all night, full of fun, Party Girl didn't want to go out as Miss now exhausted, size fourteen, can't get into my nice clothes, trying to sort my life out just couldn't face it for the time being! I just asked for some time to get myself up and running but all she could do was get annoyed with me as things didn't just snap back to how they were before. She made me feel so bad in the end I just had to cut her loose..

Good news re the new friends, very happy for you! I'm not one for New Years resolutions but I have decided to make one this year and that is I'm going to try and just 'let go' a bit this year and embrace the new - whatever that may be! It's hard to let go of my best friend and a job I've done for 20 years but neither of them make me happy anymore so I've just go to take a deep breath and believe that everything will fall into place for me - just the way it should - fingers crossed!!!

dunroving

Thanks for the balanced update - always good to see a "rough with the smooth" account of life back in the UK. You can get the impression sometimes that a successful return to the UK necessitates being "happy happy happy" about everything. While some people do manage that (and I'm "happy happy happy" for them), life back in the UK isn't that straightforward for many.

I agree with your "Letting go" comment. Even now (7 years in) I'm still having to let go of things (I think I may be a bit OCD ). I'm going through a complete re-evaluation of things at the moment and realising that in order to move on I have to let go of the idea that certain things might change. Same thing as accepting things won't change, I suppose ... but it feels more like letting go of thinking that certain things could be different.

I've commented on the friends and family thing before, but your experience with your best friend just reiterates the fact that we should be careful about placing our happiness on assumptions about other people. Sally's points about making the effort to reconnect are important, and we do have to make the extra effort - but there comes a time when you have to realise that if others consistently won't make the effort, then maybe it says something about them, not you.

quoll

Heavens above! It's never been 7 months!

Happy New Year!

Karrie72

What an interesting update, thanks so much for sharing that.

Regarding the friendships, I've found that to be true on visits too. People are all excited when they know you're coming over then kind of hide when you finally get here. It does hurt.

Back2Blighty

Wow I remember us both talking about returning to the UK last year, how time flies.

I can understand how the friendship thing can hurt and I have had some experience of this as well with me always being the one to call or arrange outings, just keep plugging away.

Here's to a better 2014 for us all.

Back2Blighty