10 months, time for an update
Sep 1st 2016, 6:40 pm
#32
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Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
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Re: 10 months, time for an update
To be honest Pulaski, I don't know that I'll ever be totally proficient in 'scouse'. I'm ok with my husband and his family, despite missing the odd word, because I know them so well, but I still find myself having to ask people on the phone to repeat themselves and talk more slowly.
The travails of living in a place with a different language to your own
The travails of living in a place with a different language to your own
Sep 1st 2016, 8:47 pm
#33
Born again atheist
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Europe (to be specified).
Posts: 30,259
Re: 10 months, time for an update
My experience (anecdotal as everyone's is) is that moving between different languages is better than moving between english speaking countries. I know it sounds weird, but going e.g. from the UK to NZ, Canada, Australia etc,. and then retuning to the UK doesn't prepare you as well for the reality that the UK will have changed when you get back.
Moving to countries where you need to acquire a new language doesn't result in you believing so much that you belong nowhere, but rather that you belong everywhere.
Just my 2 cents.
Sep 1st 2016, 9:03 pm
#34
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Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: 10 months, time for an update
I think this is the kernel of the problem. I'm getting back to earlier posts on this thread about the "curse of the ex-pat"... not feeling at home anywhere after decades abroad.
My experience (anecdotal as everyone's is) is that moving between different languages is better than moving between english speaking countries. I know it sounds weird, but going e.g. from the UK to NZ, Canada, Australia etc,. and then retuning to the UK doesn't prepare you as well for the reality that the UK will have changed when you get back.
Moving to countries where you need to acquire a new language doesn't result in you believing so much that you belong nowhere, but rather that you belong everywhere.
Just my 2 cents.
My experience (anecdotal as everyone's is) is that moving between different languages is better than moving between english speaking countries. I know it sounds weird, but going e.g. from the UK to NZ, Canada, Australia etc,. and then retuning to the UK doesn't prepare you as well for the reality that the UK will have changed when you get back.
Moving to countries where you need to acquire a new language doesn't result in you believing so much that you belong nowhere, but rather that you belong everywhere.
Just my 2 cents.
Sep 1st 2016, 11:26 pm
#35
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,439
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Parts of Gloucester have changed so much that I barely recogise them, and much of Sheffield that I left as a child have changed a whole lot more, such that even if I had stayed in the UK if I had moved "back " there it would have been like moving to a city I had not lived in previously.
Sep 3rd 2016, 4:58 pm
#36
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Re: 10 months, time for an update
But that is the very crux of the issue, you can move between regions of the UK and things can change so much that if you return to somewhere you lived previously it would feel like a different place.
Parts of Gloucester have changed so much that I barely recogise them, and much of Sheffield that I left as a child have changed a whole lot more, such that even if I had stayed in the UK if I had moved "back " there it would have been like moving to a city I had not lived in previously.
Parts of Gloucester have changed so much that I barely recogise them, and much of Sheffield that I left as a child have changed a whole lot more, such that even if I had stayed in the UK if I had moved "back " there it would have been like moving to a city I had not lived in previously.
As for the original post from SoS, I can identify a bit with how Mr Scouse is feeling. I think Mrs TB is more settled here than I am. having Flipper had an amazing 'grounding effect' on her and the reverse from me. I look at things with a view of what would be best for her and whilst we are very happy here for the most part, my mind is is always throwing up the question of this whole other life that she's missing out on.
Of course when things don't go so well, that feeling of 'belonging nowhere' and seeing the negatives gets stronger but then I remember all the positive things about living here.
It could be that he knows you are here for him and when he sees a negative about the UK, the guilt of bringing you here is magnified and his only way of 'fixing' that is to take you back. i could be wide of the mark but that feeling visits me every now and then in respect to Mrs TB.
I hope all works out for you:fingers crossed:
Of course, you could always just move to the Beautiful South (all the other northerners have
)
Sep 4th 2016, 12:14 pm
#37
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Location: Back in the UK!
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Re: 10 months, time for an update
[QUOTE=Tr1boy;12042863] It could be that he knows you are here for him and when he sees a negative about the UK, the guilt of bringing you here is magnified and his only way of 'fixing' that is to take you back. i could be wide of the mark but that feeling visits me every now and then in respect to Mrs TB.
Interesting perspective. I am the Brit, and since we have been planning to move back (4 years now) I have been guilty of imagining a utopian home-coming beyond what could be reasonably expected. This past year, though, I have been careful to tell Mr. Perth to expect some whinging (I am British after all), but hopefully not as much as I have been doing here in Florida.
Fortunately, he has lived all over the world and is perfectly happy wherever you plonk him - usually. Recently, he is complaining about Florida as much as I am. So, in general, I think he is happy that I am rescuing him from living here any longer
And being as adaptable as he is, it is possible he will settle faster than I.
Interesting perspective. I am the Brit, and since we have been planning to move back (4 years now) I have been guilty of imagining a utopian home-coming beyond what could be reasonably expected. This past year, though, I have been careful to tell Mr. Perth to expect some whinging (I am British after all
), but hopefully not as much as I have been doing here in Florida. Fortunately, he has lived all over the world and is perfectly happy wherever you plonk him - usually. Recently, he is complaining about Florida as much as I am. So, in general, I think he is happy that I am rescuing him from living here any longer
And being as adaptable as he is, it is possible he will settle faster than I.
Sep 4th 2016, 4:39 pm
#38
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: East Seaxe
Posts: 72,493
Re: 10 months, time for an update
The way I look at it is this.
There is no going back. The way to look at it is that you are going forward, as you are now and as the country is now.
We have changed (you can't put the genie back in the bottle) and so has the country. But you have to remember that we would have changed anyway as time went on, even had we stayed in our original country. And so would the country. We might have changed differently, or not, but I'm pretty sure I would not be the same person I was 20 years ago even if I had stayed in England. At least I hope not
Going to live again in the UK isn't "going back". It's going on to the next adventure. Every visit I make to the UK now I want that new adventure more and more.
Of course it is always possible that I have the mental age of a 16 year old.
There is no going back. The way to look at it is that you are going forward, as you are now and as the country is now.
We have changed (you can't put the genie back in the bottle) and so has the country. But you have to remember that we would have changed anyway as time went on, even had we stayed in our original country. And so would the country. We might have changed differently, or not, but I'm pretty sure I would not be the same person I was 20 years ago even if I had stayed in England. At least I hope not
Going to live again in the UK isn't "going back". It's going on to the next adventure. Every visit I make to the UK now I want that new adventure more and more.
Of course it is always possible that I have the mental age of a 16 year old.
Last edited by Lion in Winter; Sep 4th 2016 at 4:41 pm.
Sep 4th 2016, 7:12 pm
#42
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Location: Western Australia
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Re: 10 months, time for an update
I've said this before, that feeling is a two way street. The Sydney I moved to in the 80s is barely recognisable to the Sydney of today, and not in a good way. Everywhere changes, home and away.
As for the original post from SoS, I can identify a bit with how Mr Scouse is feeling. I think Mrs TB is more settled here than I am. having Flipper had an amazing 'grounding effect' on her and the reverse from me. I look at things with a view of what would be best for her and whilst we are very happy here for the most part, my mind is is always throwing up the question of this whole other life that she's missing out on.
Of course when things don't go so well, that feeling of 'belonging nowhere' and seeing the negatives gets stronger but then I remember all the positive things about living here.
It could be that he knows you are here for him and when he sees a negative about the UK, the guilt of bringing you here is magnified and his only way of 'fixing' that is to take you back. i could be wide of the mark but that feeling visits me every now and then in respect to Mrs TB.
I hope all works out for you:fingers crossed:
Of course, you could always just move to the Beautiful South (all the other northerners have )
As for the original post from SoS, I can identify a bit with how Mr Scouse is feeling. I think Mrs TB is more settled here than I am. having Flipper had an amazing 'grounding effect' on her and the reverse from me. I look at things with a view of what would be best for her and whilst we are very happy here for the most part, my mind is is always throwing up the question of this whole other life that she's missing out on.
Of course when things don't go so well, that feeling of 'belonging nowhere' and seeing the negatives gets stronger but then I remember all the positive things about living here.
It could be that he knows you are here for him and when he sees a negative about the UK, the guilt of bringing you here is magnified and his only way of 'fixing' that is to take you back. i could be wide of the mark but that feeling visits me every now and then in respect to Mrs TB.
I hope all works out for you:fingers crossed:
Of course, you could always just move to the Beautiful South (all the other northerners have
)I tell scouse often how much I love it here, and I do. But I do have my 'moments', they're infrequent but they are there. We sent Mum some daft things to cheer her up after her surgery, teddy bear holding balloons, jelly beans, stuff like that.
One of my sisters sent us a video of Mum saying thanks. She kept telling us on the phone how well she was recovering, but she looked much frailer than last time we saw her. On the video she was smiling and saying 'I'm not very good at this', but we could see her twisting her hands. I tried not cry in front of scouse but failed miserably. He's been trying to persuade me to go home for a visit ever since, but I've been here for 10 months and I've already been home for a 7 week visit!
So you're quite right Tr1boy, he's hypersensitive to any sign that I'm unhappy, even though I bounce back pretty quickly.
I'm sure it'll work out. I hope it works out
Sep 6th 2016, 10:43 am
#43
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Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: 10 months, time for an update
You make a lot of sense. Except for the bit about moving South
I tell scouse often how much I love it here, and I do. But I do have my 'moments', they're infrequent but they are there. We sent Mum some daft things to cheer her up after her surgery, teddy bear holding balloons, jelly beans, stuff like that.
One of my sisters sent us a video of Mum saying thanks. She kept telling us on the phone how well she was recovering, but she looked much frailer than last time we saw her. On the video she was smiling and saying 'I'm not very good at this', but we could see her twisting her hands. I tried not cry in front of scouse but failed miserably. He's been trying to persuade me to go home for a visit ever since, but I've been here for 10 months and I've already been home for a 7 week visit!
So you're quite right Tr1boy, he's hypersensitive to any sign that I'm unhappy, even though I bounce back pretty quickly.
I'm sure it'll work out. I hope it works out
I tell scouse often how much I love it here, and I do. But I do have my 'moments', they're infrequent but they are there. We sent Mum some daft things to cheer her up after her surgery, teddy bear holding balloons, jelly beans, stuff like that.
One of my sisters sent us a video of Mum saying thanks. She kept telling us on the phone how well she was recovering, but she looked much frailer than last time we saw her. On the video she was smiling and saying 'I'm not very good at this', but we could see her twisting her hands. I tried not cry in front of scouse but failed miserably. He's been trying to persuade me to go home for a visit ever since, but I've been here for 10 months and I've already been home for a 7 week visit!
So you're quite right Tr1boy, he's hypersensitive to any sign that I'm unhappy, even though I bounce back pretty quickly.
I'm sure it'll work out. I hope it works out
I may need your strength when I am missing DD. We will have to have lots of 
even if we do it on Skype. Hang in there 
Jul 4th 2017, 5:12 am
#44
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2010
Location: tauranga NZ
Posts: 135
Re: 10 months, time for an update
It's been 10 months since scouse moved back and I moved over.
This might be a bit of a strange update, because I was happy in Perth, WA, and I'm happy in New Brighton, Wirral - so apart from my family there's nothing I really miss about Australia, and there's nothing I dislike about being in the UK. In fact I felt at home here as soon as I arrived. Oh ok, a couple of weeks after I arrived
But there has been one huge surprise, something I'd never have imagined in a million years. Scouse isn't particularly happy here. After years of planning and looking forward to going home, of looking forward to spending time with his one remaining sibling, after being well over the heat of Perth summers, and of being worried for me, worried that I'd miss my family and home - he's the one that hasn't really settled. My mouth still drops open every time I think of it.
At first I thought that was because we're on Wirral side of the Mersey, instead of in his home town of Liverpool. Initially he did look longingly 'over the water', and always commented on how he felt different when we walked around Liverpool city (10 minutes from our home by car, 15 by train).
But he says it's not that now. We've covered most of Liverpool in recent months looking for a buy to let property, and the more he sees, the less he likes. His beloved Liverpool. I really am struggling to understand.
It's also not about missing his (adult) kids, who weren't the best at visiting anyway.
He loves being close to his brother again, they talk on the phone every day, we visit each others houses every few days, we all go out for a drink together etc. So all's good on that front.
He's worked hard on renovating our home here, which he really enjoyed - he's the kind of bloke who always needs to have a project. There's still bits and pieces that need doing, so he's not just sitting around moping.
We have a terrific marriage with a great deal of love and laughs, so it's not that either.
He says he doesn't know what it is, and he's not unhappy, just - nothing. Not happy and not unhappy. And - he's wondering if I'd be agreeable to moving back to Oz in around 4 years..... I can hardly believe I wrote that. I can hardly believe he even said that.
So here I am, 10 months after all the emotional and financial upheaval of leaving my elderly mum, my terminally ill stepdad, my siblings, my friends and the place I'd lived all my life - that sounds like 'poor me', but that's not what I mean, I made the move willingly and even eagerly - and I've made a good life here, and I'm happy. And now it's all up in the air. I feel like crying - and I certainly didn't intend to write that when I started this post!
I think I'll go and have a cup of tea.
This might be a bit of a strange update, because I was happy in Perth, WA, and I'm happy in New Brighton, Wirral - so apart from my family there's nothing I really miss about Australia, and there's nothing I dislike about being in the UK. In fact I felt at home here as soon as I arrived. Oh ok, a couple of weeks after I arrived
But there has been one huge surprise, something I'd never have imagined in a million years. Scouse isn't particularly happy here. After years of planning and looking forward to going home, of looking forward to spending time with his one remaining sibling, after being well over the heat of Perth summers, and of being worried for me, worried that I'd miss my family and home - he's the one that hasn't really settled. My mouth still drops open every time I think of it.
At first I thought that was because we're on Wirral side of the Mersey, instead of in his home town of Liverpool. Initially he did look longingly 'over the water', and always commented on how he felt different when we walked around Liverpool city (10 minutes from our home by car, 15 by train).
But he says it's not that now. We've covered most of Liverpool in recent months looking for a buy to let property, and the more he sees, the less he likes. His beloved Liverpool. I really am struggling to understand.
It's also not about missing his (adult) kids, who weren't the best at visiting anyway.
He loves being close to his brother again, they talk on the phone every day, we visit each others houses every few days, we all go out for a drink together etc. So all's good on that front.
He's worked hard on renovating our home here, which he really enjoyed - he's the kind of bloke who always needs to have a project. There's still bits and pieces that need doing, so he's not just sitting around moping.
We have a terrific marriage with a great deal of love and laughs, so it's not that either.
He says he doesn't know what it is, and he's not unhappy, just - nothing. Not happy and not unhappy. And - he's wondering if I'd be agreeable to moving back to Oz in around 4 years..... I can hardly believe I wrote that. I can hardly believe he even said that.
So here I am, 10 months after all the emotional and financial upheaval of leaving my elderly mum, my terminally ill stepdad, my siblings, my friends and the place I'd lived all my life - that sounds like 'poor me', but that's not what I mean, I made the move willingly and even eagerly - and I've made a good life here, and I'm happy. And now it's all up in the air. I feel like crying - and I certainly didn't intend to write that when I started this post!
I think I'll go and have a cup of tea.
I hope you come to a decision that leaves everyone happy but it isn't easy.
I might join you in that cup of tea!
Sep 11th 2018, 1:05 am
#45
Just Joined
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 1
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Hi I am from Ellesmere Port and went back last month and loved it, I have been in NZ 13 years, and I cannot accept how much things have changed, we have been renting for this length of time, sold our house in UK and spend the money on nothing oh one expensive holiday to Fiji, on returning to the UK i realised that the UK is my home even though E/Port has changed so much for the worst, there is so much to see and do in the Uk, all our family members are haveing 2-3 hols a year we have to fly 12,000 miles to visit family, our family will be divided, with my two children in NZ, and one of my partners boys in NZ with two in UK and 5 grand children, I am glad my children made the move because they will now have a good life, but my roots are in the UK with what is left of my family.
We are just working here to pay our debts and our recent holiday to UK was paid for with a loan, we don't go out much its too expensive, food is expensive and clothes really expensive. We had such a great time in the UK and we both cannot wait to go back, any advise from someone who has made the move, we are looking at moving within 2 years maybe if we last that long. Janet
We are just working here to pay our debts and our recent holiday to UK was paid for with a loan, we don't go out much its too expensive, food is expensive and clothes really expensive. We had such a great time in the UK and we both cannot wait to go back, any advise from someone who has made the move, we are looking at moving within 2 years maybe if we last that long. Janet
