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Old Sep 1st 2016, 5:01 pm   #31
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

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Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post
..... the scouse accent still catches me out!
That comes with being a woolyback.
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Old Sep 1st 2016, 7:40 pm   #32
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

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That comes with being a woolyback.
To be honest Pulaski, I don't know that I'll ever be totally proficient in 'scouse'. I'm ok with my husband and his family, despite missing the odd word, because I know them so well, but I still find myself having to ask people on the phone to repeat themselves and talk more slowly.

The travails of living in a place with a different language to your own
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Old Sep 1st 2016, 9:47 pm   #33
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

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The travails of living in a place with a different language to your own
I think this is the kernel of the problem. I'm getting back to earlier posts on this thread about the "curse of the ex-pat"... not feeling at home anywhere after decades abroad.

My experience (anecdotal as everyone's is) is that moving between different languages is better than moving between english speaking countries. I know it sounds weird, but going e.g. from the UK to NZ, Canada, Australia etc,. and then retuning to the UK doesn't prepare you as well for the reality that the UK will have changed when you get back.

Moving to countries where you need to acquire a new language doesn't result in you believing so much that you belong nowhere, but rather that you belong everywhere.

Just my 2 cents.
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Old Sep 1st 2016, 10:03 pm   #34
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

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I think this is the kernel of the problem. I'm getting back to earlier posts on this thread about the "curse of the ex-pat"... not feeling at home anywhere after decades abroad.

My experience (anecdotal as everyone's is) is that moving between different languages is better than moving between english speaking countries. I know it sounds weird, but going e.g. from the UK to NZ, Canada, Australia etc,. and then retuning to the UK doesn't prepare you as well for the reality that the UK will have changed when you get back.

Moving to countries where you need to acquire a new language doesn't result in you believing so much that you belong nowhere, but rather that you belong everywhere.

Just my 2 cents.
Thanks Novo, that was very thought provoking. Will be interesting to have a yarn with scouse about this over breaky tomorrow morning
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Old Sep 2nd 2016, 12:26 am   #35
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

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.... the reality that the UK will have changed when you get back. ....
But that is the very crux of the issue, you can move between regions of the UK and things can change so much that if you return to somewhere you lived previously it would feel like a different place.

Parts of Gloucester have changed so much that I barely recogise them, and much of Sheffield that I left as a child have changed a whole lot more, such that even if I had stayed in the UK if I had moved "back " there it would have been like moving to a city I had not lived in previously.
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Old Sep 3rd 2016, 5:58 pm   #36
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

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But that is the very crux of the issue, you can move between regions of the UK and things can change so much that if you return to somewhere you lived previously it would feel like a different place.

Parts of Gloucester have changed so much that I barely recogise them, and much of Sheffield that I left as a child have changed a whole lot more, such that even if I had stayed in the UK if I had moved "back " there it would have been like moving to a city I had not lived in previously.
I've said this before, that feeling is a two way street. The Sydney I moved to in the 80s is barely recognisable to the Sydney of today, and not in a good way. Everywhere changes, home and away.

As for the original post from SoS, I can identify a bit with how Mr Scouse is feeling. I think Mrs TB is more settled here than I am. having Flipper had an amazing 'grounding effect' on her and the reverse from me. I look at things with a view of what would be best for her and whilst we are very happy here for the most part, my mind is is always throwing up the question of this whole other life that she's missing out on.

Of course when things don't go so well, that feeling of 'belonging nowhere' and seeing the negatives gets stronger but then I remember all the positive things about living here.

It could be that he knows you are here for him and when he sees a negative about the UK, the guilt of bringing you here is magnified and his only way of 'fixing' that is to take you back. i could be wide of the mark but that feeling visits me every now and then in respect to Mrs TB.

I hope all works out for you:fingers crossed:


Of course, you could always just move to the Beautiful South (all the other northerners have )
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Old Sep 4th 2016, 1:14 pm   #37
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

[QUOTE=Tr1boy;12042863] It could be that he knows you are here for him and when he sees a negative about the UK, the guilt of bringing you here is magnified and his only way of 'fixing' that is to take you back. i could be wide of the mark but that feeling visits me every now and then in respect to Mrs TB.

Interesting perspective. I am the Brit, and since we have been planning to move back (4 years now) I have been guilty of imagining a utopian home-coming beyond what could be reasonably expected. This past year, though, I have been careful to tell Mr. Perth to expect some whinging (I am British after all ), but hopefully not as much as I have been doing here in Florida.

Fortunately, he has lived all over the world and is perfectly happy wherever you plonk him - usually. Recently, he is complaining about Florida as much as I am. So, in general, I think he is happy that I am rescuing him from living here any longer And being as adaptable as he is, it is possible he will settle faster than I.
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Old Sep 4th 2016, 5:39 pm   #38
 
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

The way I look at it is this.

There is no going back. The way to look at it is that you are going forward, as you are now and as the country is now.

We have changed (you can't put the genie back in the bottle) and so has the country. But you have to remember that we would have changed anyway as time went on, even had we stayed in our original country. And so would the country. We might have changed differently, or not, but I'm pretty sure I would not be the same person I was 20 years ago even if I had stayed in England. At least I hope not

Going to live again in the UK isn't "going back". It's going on to the next adventure. Every visit I make to the UK now I want that new adventure more and more.








Of course it is always possible that I have the mental age of a 16 year old.
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Old Sep 4th 2016, 6:08 pm   #39
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Going to live again in the UK isn't "going back". It's going on to the next adventure.
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Old Sep 4th 2016, 6:55 pm   #40
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

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Of course it is always possible that I have the mental age of a 16 year old.
So you're only 2 years younger than me?
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Old Sep 4th 2016, 7:16 pm   #41
 
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So you're only 2 years younger than me?

Let's put it this way - my teenage son tells me to turn the music down in the car.
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Old Sep 4th 2016, 8:12 pm   #42
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

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I've said this before, that feeling is a two way street. The Sydney I moved to in the 80s is barely recognisable to the Sydney of today, and not in a good way. Everywhere changes, home and away.

As for the original post from SoS, I can identify a bit with how Mr Scouse is feeling. I think Mrs TB is more settled here than I am. having Flipper had an amazing 'grounding effect' on her and the reverse from me. I look at things with a view of what would be best for her and whilst we are very happy here for the most part, my mind is is always throwing up the question of this whole other life that she's missing out on.

Of course when things don't go so well, that feeling of 'belonging nowhere' and seeing the negatives gets stronger but then I remember all the positive things about living here.

It could be that he knows you are here for him and when he sees a negative about the UK, the guilt of bringing you here is magnified and his only way of 'fixing' that is to take you back. i could be wide of the mark but that feeling visits me every now and then in respect to Mrs TB.

I hope all works out for you:fingers crossed:


Of course, you could always just move to the Beautiful South (all the other northerners have )
You make a lot of sense. Except for the bit about moving South

I tell scouse often how much I love it here, and I do. But I do have my 'moments', they're infrequent but they are there. We sent Mum some daft things to cheer her up after her surgery, teddy bear holding balloons, jelly beans, stuff like that.

One of my sisters sent us a video of Mum saying thanks. She kept telling us on the phone how well she was recovering, but she looked much frailer than last time we saw her. On the video she was smiling and saying 'I'm not very good at this', but we could see her twisting her hands. I tried not cry in front of scouse but failed miserably. He's been trying to persuade me to go home for a visit ever since, but I've been here for 10 months and I've already been home for a 7 week visit!

So you're quite right Tr1boy, he's hypersensitive to any sign that I'm unhappy, even though I bounce back pretty quickly.

I'm sure it'll work out. I hope it works out
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Old Sep 6th 2016, 11:43 am   #43
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Default Re: 10 months, time for an update

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You make a lot of sense. Except for the bit about moving South

I tell scouse often how much I love it here, and I do. But I do have my 'moments', they're infrequent but they are there. We sent Mum some daft things to cheer her up after her surgery, teddy bear holding balloons, jelly beans, stuff like that.

One of my sisters sent us a video of Mum saying thanks. She kept telling us on the phone how well she was recovering, but she looked much frailer than last time we saw her. On the video she was smiling and saying 'I'm not very good at this', but we could see her twisting her hands. I tried not cry in front of scouse but failed miserably. He's been trying to persuade me to go home for a visit ever since, but I've been here for 10 months and I've already been home for a 7 week visit!

So you're quite right Tr1boy, he's hypersensitive to any sign that I'm unhappy, even though I bounce back pretty quickly.

I'm sure it'll work out. I hope it works out
I may need your strength when I am missing DD. We will have to have lots of even if we do it on Skype. Hang in there
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Old Jul 4th 2017, 6:12 am   #44
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It's been 10 months since scouse moved back and I moved over.

This might be a bit of a strange update, because I was happy in Perth, WA, and I'm happy in New Brighton, Wirral - so apart from my family there's nothing I really miss about Australia, and there's nothing I dislike about being in the UK. In fact I felt at home here as soon as I arrived. Oh ok, a couple of weeks after I arrived

But there has been one huge surprise, something I'd never have imagined in a million years. Scouse isn't particularly happy here. After years of planning and looking forward to going home, of looking forward to spending time with his one remaining sibling, after being well over the heat of Perth summers, and of being worried for me, worried that I'd miss my family and home - he's the one that hasn't really settled. My mouth still drops open every time I think of it.

At first I thought that was because we're on Wirral side of the Mersey, instead of in his home town of Liverpool. Initially he did look longingly 'over the water', and always commented on how he felt different when we walked around Liverpool city (10 minutes from our home by car, 15 by train).

But he says it's not that now. We've covered most of Liverpool in recent months looking for a buy to let property, and the more he sees, the less he likes. His beloved Liverpool. I really am struggling to understand.

It's also not about missing his (adult) kids, who weren't the best at visiting anyway.

He loves being close to his brother again, they talk on the phone every day, we visit each others houses every few days, we all go out for a drink together etc. So all's good on that front.

He's worked hard on renovating our home here, which he really enjoyed - he's the kind of bloke who always needs to have a project. There's still bits and pieces that need doing, so he's not just sitting around moping.

We have a terrific marriage with a great deal of love and laughs, so it's not that either.

He says he doesn't know what it is, and he's not unhappy, just - nothing. Not happy and not unhappy. And - he's wondering if I'd be agreeable to moving back to Oz in around 4 years..... I can hardly believe I wrote that. I can hardly believe he even said that.

So here I am, 10 months after all the emotional and financial upheaval of leaving my elderly mum, my terminally ill stepdad, my siblings, my friends and the place I'd lived all my life - that sounds like 'poor me', but that's not what I mean, I made the move willingly and even eagerly - and I've made a good life here, and I'm happy. And now it's all up in the air. I feel like crying - and I certainly didn't intend to write that when I started this post!

I think I'll go and have a cup of tea.
Oh dear! We do get ourselves in a bit of a mess at times. I know it's human nature to want to explore the world but I have found that the grass is actually no greener in other places. My husband and I are here in NZ because our children came in 2004. Son's divorced and moved to OZ. we rarely see most of our grandchildren. I would go back to UK tomorrow but my daughter lives close by with her family so we have little to go back for. except that I miss the UK. We also lived in Perth in the '80s whilst my husband was on a 2 year contract but I never felt at home and I don't in NZ.
I hope you come to a decision that leaves everyone happy but it isn't easy.
I might join you in that cup of tea!
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