10 months, time for an update
Aug 20th 2016, 11:14 pm
#1
Concierge
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
10 months, time for an update
It's been 10 months since scouse moved back and I moved over.
This might be a bit of a strange update, because I was happy in Perth, WA, and I'm happy in New Brighton, Wirral - so apart from my family there's nothing I really miss about Australia, and there's nothing I dislike about being in the UK. In fact I felt at home here as soon as I arrived. Oh ok, a couple of weeks after I arrived
But there has been one huge surprise, something I'd never have imagined in a million years. Scouse isn't particularly happy here. After years of planning and looking forward to going home, of looking forward to spending time with his one remaining sibling, after being well over the heat of Perth summers, and of being worried for me, worried that I'd miss my family and home - he's the one that hasn't really settled. My mouth still drops open every time I think of it.
At first I thought that was because we're on Wirral side of the Mersey, instead of in his home town of Liverpool. Initially he did look longingly 'over the water', and always commented on how he felt different when we walked around Liverpool city (10 minutes from our home by car, 15 by train).
But he says it's not that now. We've covered most of Liverpool in recent months looking for a buy to let property, and the more he sees, the less he likes. His beloved Liverpool. I really am struggling to understand.
It's also not about missing his (adult) kids, who weren't the best at visiting anyway.
He loves being close to his brother again, they talk on the phone every day, we visit each others houses every few days, we all go out for a drink together etc. So all's good on that front.
He's worked hard on renovating our home here, which he really enjoyed - he's the kind of bloke who always needs to have a project. There's still bits and pieces that need doing, so he's not just sitting around moping.
We have a terrific marriage with a great deal of love and laughs, so it's not that either.
He says he doesn't know what it is, and he's not unhappy, just - nothing. Not happy and not unhappy. And - he's wondering if I'd be agreeable to moving back to Oz in around 4 years..... I can hardly believe I wrote that. I can hardly believe he even said that.
So here I am, 10 months after all the emotional and financial upheaval of leaving my elderly mum, my terminally ill stepdad, my siblings, my friends and the place I'd lived all my life - that sounds like 'poor me', but that's not what I mean, I made the move willingly and even eagerly - and I've made a good life here, and I'm happy. And now it's all up in the air. I feel like crying - and I certainly didn't intend to write that when I started this post!
I think I'll go and have a cup of tea.
This might be a bit of a strange update, because I was happy in Perth, WA, and I'm happy in New Brighton, Wirral - so apart from my family there's nothing I really miss about Australia, and there's nothing I dislike about being in the UK. In fact I felt at home here as soon as I arrived. Oh ok, a couple of weeks after I arrived
But there has been one huge surprise, something I'd never have imagined in a million years. Scouse isn't particularly happy here. After years of planning and looking forward to going home, of looking forward to spending time with his one remaining sibling, after being well over the heat of Perth summers, and of being worried for me, worried that I'd miss my family and home - he's the one that hasn't really settled. My mouth still drops open every time I think of it.
At first I thought that was because we're on Wirral side of the Mersey, instead of in his home town of Liverpool. Initially he did look longingly 'over the water', and always commented on how he felt different when we walked around Liverpool city (10 minutes from our home by car, 15 by train).
But he says it's not that now. We've covered most of Liverpool in recent months looking for a buy to let property, and the more he sees, the less he likes. His beloved Liverpool. I really am struggling to understand.
It's also not about missing his (adult) kids, who weren't the best at visiting anyway.
He loves being close to his brother again, they talk on the phone every day, we visit each others houses every few days, we all go out for a drink together etc. So all's good on that front.
He's worked hard on renovating our home here, which he really enjoyed - he's the kind of bloke who always needs to have a project. There's still bits and pieces that need doing, so he's not just sitting around moping.
We have a terrific marriage with a great deal of love and laughs, so it's not that either.
He says he doesn't know what it is, and he's not unhappy, just - nothing. Not happy and not unhappy. And - he's wondering if I'd be agreeable to moving back to Oz in around 4 years..... I can hardly believe I wrote that. I can hardly believe he even said that.
So here I am, 10 months after all the emotional and financial upheaval of leaving my elderly mum, my terminally ill stepdad, my siblings, my friends and the place I'd lived all my life - that sounds like 'poor me', but that's not what I mean, I made the move willingly and even eagerly - and I've made a good life here, and I'm happy. And now it's all up in the air. I feel like crying - and I certainly didn't intend to write that when I started this post!
I think I'll go and have a cup of tea.
Aug 21st 2016, 3:32 am
#2
In the pink
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,324
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Wow. I know you must be confused. Would you mind going back - with all the planning, etc?
Aug 21st 2016, 3:36 am
#3
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 0
Re: 10 months, time for an update
It's been 10 months since scouse moved back and I moved over.
This might be a bit of a strange update, because I was happy in Perth, WA, and I'm happy in New Brighton, Wirral - so apart from my family there's nothing I really miss about Australia, and there's nothing I dislike about being in the UK. In fact I felt at home here as soon as I arrived. Oh ok, a couple of weeks after I arrived
But there has been one huge surprise, something I'd never have imagined in a million years. Scouse isn't particularly happy here. After years of planning and looking forward to going home, of looking forward to spending time with his one remaining sibling, after being well over the heat of Perth summers, and of being worried for me, worried that I'd miss my family and home - he's the one that hasn't really settled. My mouth still drops open every time I think of it.
At first I thought that was because we're on Wirral side of the Mersey, instead of in his home town of Liverpool. Initially he did look longingly 'over the water', and always commented on how he felt different when we walked around Liverpool city (10 minutes from our home by car, 15 by train).
But he says it's not that now. We've covered most of Liverpool in recent months looking for a buy to let property, and the more he sees, the less he likes. His beloved Liverpool. I really am struggling to understand.
It's also not about missing his (adult) kids, who weren't the best at visiting anyway.
He loves being close to his brother again, they talk on the phone every day, we visit each others houses every few days, we all go out for a drink together etc. So all's good on that front.
He's worked hard on renovating our home here, which he really enjoyed - he's the kind of bloke who always needs to have a project. There's still bits and pieces that need doing, so he's not just sitting around moping.
We have a terrific marriage with a great deal of love and laughs, so it's not that either.
He says he doesn't know what it is, and he's not unhappy, just - nothing. Not happy and not unhappy. And - he's wondering if I'd be agreeable to moving back to Oz in around 4 years..... I can hardly believe I wrote that. I can hardly believe he even said that.
So here I am, 10 months after all the emotional and financial upheaval of leaving my elderly mum, my terminally ill stepdad, my siblings, my friends and the place I'd lived all my life - that sounds like 'poor me', but that's not what I mean, I made the move willingly and even eagerly - and I've made a good life here, and I'm happy. And now it's all up in the air. I feel like crying - and I certainly didn't intend to write that when I started this post!
I think I'll go and have a cup of tea.
This might be a bit of a strange update, because I was happy in Perth, WA, and I'm happy in New Brighton, Wirral - so apart from my family there's nothing I really miss about Australia, and there's nothing I dislike about being in the UK. In fact I felt at home here as soon as I arrived. Oh ok, a couple of weeks after I arrived
But there has been one huge surprise, something I'd never have imagined in a million years. Scouse isn't particularly happy here. After years of planning and looking forward to going home, of looking forward to spending time with his one remaining sibling, after being well over the heat of Perth summers, and of being worried for me, worried that I'd miss my family and home - he's the one that hasn't really settled. My mouth still drops open every time I think of it.
At first I thought that was because we're on Wirral side of the Mersey, instead of in his home town of Liverpool. Initially he did look longingly 'over the water', and always commented on how he felt different when we walked around Liverpool city (10 minutes from our home by car, 15 by train).
But he says it's not that now. We've covered most of Liverpool in recent months looking for a buy to let property, and the more he sees, the less he likes. His beloved Liverpool. I really am struggling to understand.
It's also not about missing his (adult) kids, who weren't the best at visiting anyway.
He loves being close to his brother again, they talk on the phone every day, we visit each others houses every few days, we all go out for a drink together etc. So all's good on that front.
He's worked hard on renovating our home here, which he really enjoyed - he's the kind of bloke who always needs to have a project. There's still bits and pieces that need doing, so he's not just sitting around moping.
We have a terrific marriage with a great deal of love and laughs, so it's not that either.
He says he doesn't know what it is, and he's not unhappy, just - nothing. Not happy and not unhappy. And - he's wondering if I'd be agreeable to moving back to Oz in around 4 years..... I can hardly believe I wrote that. I can hardly believe he even said that.
So here I am, 10 months after all the emotional and financial upheaval of leaving my elderly mum, my terminally ill stepdad, my siblings, my friends and the place I'd lived all my life - that sounds like 'poor me', but that's not what I mean, I made the move willingly and even eagerly - and I've made a good life here, and I'm happy. And now it's all up in the air. I feel like crying - and I certainly didn't intend to write that when I started this post!
I think I'll go and have a cup of tea.
He seems to be suffering from the expat "I belong in no where land" syndrome.
It's quite common to want to be somewhere so badly and then when you're there you're restless.
Give him time mate. It was all a big life change, he may feel more settled soon.
Is it possible to schedule a trip back to visit soon? He might need that to remind himself why he wanted to leave.
Chin up. It will all fall in place eventually
Aug 21st 2016, 3:44 am
#4
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,439
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Memories inevitably become rosy - and the negative experiences fade. Mrs P loves to tell people how she loved living in London, and that she'd not mind going back - yet most of the time she was there she just bitched and moaned.
Aug 21st 2016, 11:06 am
#5
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: bute
Posts: 9,740
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Your feelings reflect the fact that exiling people (banishment) was a terrible punishment in the classical world. Even when people come back after years away they feel uprooted.
You have to learn how to live with it. I am still trying - five years after returning to my native land after a lifetime working away.
You have to learn how to live with it. I am still trying - five years after returning to my native land after a lifetime working away.
Aug 21st 2016, 1:05 pm
#6
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Wow, not what you expected, is it? I do think it has a lot to do with the expat curse of not feeling at home ANYWHERE. I expect that will happen to me too, and I am doing my best to get prepared for it. On the other hand, it has been said on here many a time that it can take up to two years to settle. Maybe looking at life there in 4 years time gives you both a more than reasonable amount of time to decipher whether a return to Oz is best for you both. In the meantime, do take him with you next time you go for a visit. Thinking of you in this confusing time, whilst raising my cup of tea to you. Scouse has hit the jackpot with you 
Aug 22nd 2016, 3:33 pm
#7
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2012
Location: South Bucks
Posts: 1,654
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Wow I also did not expect this! I also did not expect me to feel not quite settled either! I was the catalyst too. Read my new thread about upping sticks and looking for a retirement place! We have these dreams in our heads and the reality is so much different. Hang in there, I hope he eventually settles but don't even think about going until you are a citizen this time! Sending lots of hugs xx
Aug 22nd 2016, 6:52 pm
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 133
Re: 10 months, time for an update
I'm back from Aus 18 months and it is my Kiwi husband who is happier here than me. He moved to keep me happy! Hopefully it is just a time thing, but I totally get the "I belong nowhere" feel that Scouse is having. Hope he feels better soon, these international marriages aren't straightforward eh?
Aug 22nd 2016, 10:59 pm
#9
Concierge
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Thanks very much for your very sensible, helpful and encouraging posts everyone.
I hauled Scouse off for dinner and drinks so we could have a proper talk about it all. I brought up the 'curse of the expats' subject and he was surprised - not because he hadn't heard of it before (he knows quite a few people who have been in the same boat), but because he didn't twig that this was what he was feeling.
We both felt so much better for having talked it through properly. No answers/solution of course, it's too early for that. What we've decided to focus on for now is doing some different things, instead of just following the same old daily routine that we did in Australia.
Not sure how we got from that to both of us enrolling at the University of Liverpool to study Italian, but we did and we're really enthusiastic about it!
Cheers again for the comments, it was a very useful starting point for our D&M. For someone who's never even looked at BE, he's quite a fan of it
I hauled Scouse off for dinner and drinks so we could have a proper talk about it all. I brought up the 'curse of the expats' subject and he was surprised - not because he hadn't heard of it before (he knows quite a few people who have been in the same boat), but because he didn't twig that this was what he was feeling.
We both felt so much better for having talked it through properly. No answers/solution of course, it's too early for that. What we've decided to focus on for now is doing some different things, instead of just following the same old daily routine that we did in Australia.
Not sure how we got from that to both of us enrolling at the University of Liverpool to study Italian, but we did and we're really enthusiastic about it!
Cheers again for the comments, it was a very useful starting point for our D&M. For someone who's never even looked at BE, he's quite a fan of it
Aug 23rd 2016, 12:54 pm
#10
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Back in the UK!
Posts: 2,404
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Good on you for taking up a language! Just doing something different together is sure to make things look brighter. Let it settle down a bit but keep the conversation going - maybe in Italian this time
Aug 23rd 2016, 11:59 pm
#11
Account Closed
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 0
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Yikes! I do feel for you SoS. But great that you have discussed it and that you are working through it together. Italian hey? I'm fluent in Italian.....Spaghetti, Prosecco, Orvieto, Frascati, Pinot Grigio 
I worry that I'll be exactly like Scouse when we eventually return.
I worry that I'll be exactly like Scouse when we eventually return.
Aug 23rd 2016, 11:59 pm
#12
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 0
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Thanks very much for your very sensible, helpful and encouraging posts everyone.
I hauled Scouse off for dinner and drinks so we could have a proper talk about it all. I brought up the 'curse of the expats' subject and he was surprised - not because he hadn't heard of it before (he knows quite a few people who have been in the same boat), but because he didn't twig that this was what he was feeling.
We both felt so much better for having talked it through properly. No answers/solution of course, it's too early for that. What we've decided to focus on for now is doing some different things, instead of just following the same old daily routine that we did in Australia.
Not sure how we got from that to both of us enrolling at the University of Liverpool to study Italian, but we did and we're really enthusiastic about it!
Cheers again for the comments, it was a very useful starting point for our D&M. For someone who's never even looked at BE, he's quite a fan of it
I hauled Scouse off for dinner and drinks so we could have a proper talk about it all. I brought up the 'curse of the expats' subject and he was surprised - not because he hadn't heard of it before (he knows quite a few people who have been in the same boat), but because he didn't twig that this was what he was feeling.
We both felt so much better for having talked it through properly. No answers/solution of course, it's too early for that. What we've decided to focus on for now is doing some different things, instead of just following the same old daily routine that we did in Australia.
Not sure how we got from that to both of us enrolling at the University of Liverpool to study Italian, but we did and we're really enthusiastic about it!
Cheers again for the comments, it was a very useful starting point for our D&M. For someone who's never even looked at BE, he's quite a fan of it
Please don't take this the wrong way Spouse but I would love to be a fly on the wall and listen to you and scouse with your two different accents speaking Italian
Aug 24th 2016, 10:01 pm
#13
Concierge
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Great idea to converse in Italian - in two months we might be able to order a beer from each and direct each other to the nearest loo.
Aug 24th 2016, 10:04 pm
#15
Concierge
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: 10 months, time for an update
Yikes! I do feel for you SoS. But great that you have discussed it and that you are working through it together. Italian hey? I'm fluent in Italian.....Spaghetti, Prosecco, Orvieto, Frascati, Pinot Grigio
I worry that I'll be exactly like Scouse when we eventually return.
I worry that I'll be exactly like Scouse when we eventually return.
You're quite fluent there - just need to learn pizza and Peroni and you're all set
