Originally Posted by Tiggs+Graz

I sat last night and wrote a really long post for this thread ... then deleted it.
Then i went to bed and instead of sleeping thought about it some more.
I came online today wondering if any of those who are not happy in oz had actually had the courage to reply ... the usual suspects () have but most have not.

But then can you blame them? They have already been labelled as having the wrong/negative attitude, having come here with some sort of warped vision of oz, they have been called whingers and accused of lacking balls ...

... and not only this but if you actually ask them you will probably find that most CANT even form a reply for your thread because quite frankly they cant find the words to explain how they feel to those close to them never mind people they have never met and on top of this they probably cant even define a particular reason why they are unhappy ...

Those of you who have made the move and love it are imo very very lucky. I didnt come here with a warped perception of a 'perfect' place or a 'uk with sun'. i didnt come here with a negative attitude (surely no migrant does?) and if you ask most who know me they will tell you that i am a positive, glass half full person who makes the best of everything and everyone around me.

But here i am and i have struggled. I cant define why. I dont even miss the uk (my home is where my oh and my kids are - always has been and always will be) not even in my worst moments have i actually considered moving back - after all me being happy or not is not going to be decided by WHERE i live.
i dont come on the boards and whinge about oz. in fact i really like it here. the people are great, the scenery is breathtaking we have a lovely house in a lovely area, my oh and kids all love it here .... but i have struggled to feel happy. Why? i have no idea ... and to be perfectly frank all of you who have posted why others are not happy have no real idea either. You havent been there and you dont know.

I dont think i will come back and read the replies to this. I dont think that i need or want to. I just hope that writing this has helped those who are struggling to realise that they are not alone (even though at times on here it feels as if you are)
I am more upset after writing this than i have been in weeks ... sometimes it doesnt help to think things through. So i am going to go back to thinking positive now and put the rest out of my mind ...

Adele x

Originally Posted by NKSK version 2

I can't help feeling that there's an undercurrent of superiority running through some of these posts.

i.e. those that love Australia unconditionally imply that if everyone has a positive attitude or perhaps have seen more of the world than the UK then they will love the place just as much.

For me, I've travelled extensively and in the places that I've lived have always seen the good and bad. This forum can often provide an outlet to talk about those aspects of Australia which are frustrating. I'm not so sure that you can infer from this that people who complain about Australia on here have a different (poor?) attitude to those who only post positive things.

Originally Posted by NKSK version 2

I can't help feeling that there's an undercurrent of superiority running through some of these posts.

i.e. those that love Australia unconditionally imply that if everyone has a positive attitude or perhaps have seen more of the world than the UK then they will love the place just as much.

Originally Posted by markallwood

...and I can't see that sense of superiority in any of the posts here!

I am a firm believer that it is the person, not the place, that determines whether a place/thing is "good" or "bad". It is 100% in the mind and attitude of the individual. Otherwise, how do you explain the fact that so many people perceive Perth as terrible, whereas so many think it is a great place? These people aren't talking about 2 different perths (as far as I know) - they are talking about an identical environment.

Ok, think of it this way : there are several hundred people who live on lamb island, russell isand and a couple of other islands in moreton bay. Many of the people who live there think its great. Yet there is zero to do or see on the islands. How do you explain it?

Or, how about the many people who live in Alaska. Freezing cold practically all year round. Dark for much of the year. Not many hot women (so I've been told anyway). Yet why do people live there?

The answer : it is all down to mindset and attitude.

Whether or not the people who complain about the negative aspects have a "poor" or "bad" attitude, is a different question altogether. Of course they don't have a bad attitude. Similarly, those people who are happy with their lot and don't complain vocally on forums, can't really be labelled as underacheivers or "happy with 2nd best". They don't have a bad attitude either....just a different attitude.

It seems to me that there are many people who struggle to be happy in Aus, and I honestly believe that some (not all) of these people will never be happy, no matter how much money they have, or wherever they live, until they look inside themselves. (whatever that means).

Originally Posted by bcworld

I completely disagree. I think you are confusing people's attitudes with their tastes. They won't know whether a place suits their tastes until they try living there......if it doesn't then their attitude comes into play in terms of what they should do about that situation. If they have the option to move on, either to another location within that same country, or another country......or simply to wallow and do nothing about it. However, you can't make yourself happy in a place that's not for you.

By your logic, we could all happily live in Baghdad, Zimbabwe or Port Moresby as long as we turned a blind eye to everything around us.

Originally Posted by moneypen20

I guess it depends on how you read it. Personally I don't think it's a question that can be answered, there are too many variables. Why has it so far worked for me but not joe bloggs down the road? I have no idea. Some people may say attitude simply because they can't think of another reason. It's too simplistic though.

I can understand why Badge is asking because it must be a question that goes through everyone's minds when they read about someone who is unhappy and doesn't know why or someone who suffers homesickness out of the blue after years of living happily away from the UK.

However every single person is different, so their reasons for settling or not settling is different, they can't be grouped. That's the only thing wrong with some of the answers, trying to compartmentalise. That's deep enough for me for today, I need a lie down

Originally Posted by markallwood

On the contrary, there are others who could have a stately home in the Kent countryside, with an Aston Martin parked out the front and scarlet johanson waiting in the bedroom, yet they still would be unhappy with their lot.

Originally Posted by Pollyana

As already stated, its not always that easy to "go home".
I know that I am not the only person on BE who is living in Australia purely because I am married to an Australian. One of us will always be living in a foreign country. Try and remember this before you make such sweeping statements in the future.....

Originally Posted by MartinLuther

So according to some, those who like Australia don't have balls, and according to others, those that whinge about Australia don't have balls either.

Where have all the balls gone?

As for struggling and whinging. They don't go hand in hand. I agree with markallwood. Some people can struggle and be happy as Larry whilst others are miserable as sin. On the other hand some people may breeze it and be happy whilst others are down.

And another bizarre thing. The first time I did that glass half full/half empty thing, I said half empty. Am I the only one who ever made that choice as I've never seen anyone else admit to it.

Originally Posted by alipally

Did either of you consider how living abroad may affect you when you married? Sometimes we make choices without considering the potential consequences of them. Unfortunately, not considering them, does not mean that they won't happen.... Therefore, we are the product of our own choices and the consequences that arise from them.
Simplistic, maybe, but nevertheless, absolutely and indisputably true.

Originally Posted by carolinephillips

I would say half empty- but only cos I want someonr to fill it up again!!
Caroline

Originally Posted by alipally

The lady who is living in Australia because of her children... believes that she is stuck for another 6-8 years..... She could choose to leave her children and go back to the UK.... There are obvious consequences of that choice. She may find that she is alone in wanting to go back to the UK in 6-8 years .... but she can STILL choose.....
Did either of you consider how living abroad may affect you when you married? Sometimes we make choices without considering the potential consequences of them. Unfortunately, not considering them, does not mean that they won't happen.... Therefore, we are the product of our own choices and the consequences that arise from them.
Simplistic, maybe, but nevertheless, absolutely and indisputably true.