slapphead_otool

Are you saying is its ok to moan and bitch endlessly about Australia just because someone cant let go of the parental/family/hometown bonds?

Are you saying is its ok to moan and bitch endlessly about Australia just because someone finds the change they wanted isn’t the change they were looking for?

Are you saying is its ok to moan and bitch endlessly about Australia just because someone finds the job they are offered isn’t the dream one they were hoping for?

I know that’s not what you mean, but sadly in many cases on BE it seems to be the case.

• If you miss your mum, its not Australia’s fault, its yours.
• If you miss your local, mates, darts team, football club, its not Australia’s fault, its yours.
• If you didn’t pick the right change in your life its not Australia’s fault, its yours
• If you didn’t get the dream job, well maybe its your fault, because it certainly isn’t Australia’s.

Its called personal accountability and responsibility. No one dragged you here.

FFS people start taking ownership of your own mess and stop blaming everyone else for your dismal lives.

Pollyana

And if BE wasn't here for some of us to moan on we would be even more depressed than we are anyway.
No, none of us were dragged here, but most of us came here because we thought things would work out - be they marriages, jobs, whatever. We didn't have illusions that this country was going to be wonderful, we didn't think Australia would be the best place on God's earth, but we did intend to give it the best shot we could.
But if those things don't work its not that easy for some people to just up sticks and go home - people have family here, jobs, ties, not enough cash to start again. Even when we do take ownership of our lives its just not always that simple to leave. Most of us don't blame anyone but ourselves for the situations we find ourselves in, and all we want from people on here is understanding and a realisation that we tried, it didn't work, and we are now making the best of it.

Before you start telling people that we should stop blaming everyone else I sugest you read a few of the life stories of the long-term posters on here who end up going home. Blame is one thing rarely seen on here - the majority of us accept that for whatever reason, it didn't work. No-one's fault, it just didn't work, so we move on. Forget blame, on BE, determination to survive is far more common.

So stop rubbing salt in the wounds of a lot of people, and remember we are all human underneath.

(and thats me as me, not me as a Mod)

JR230898

Bare up...you are all going through a well recognised and studied process called, acculturation. It isn't easy for any one. You have my sympathy.

I, an Australian, migrated my wife and 3 kids here from Mozambique. She barely spoke English upon arrival and, through reading some of the experiences on here I can better appreciate what it must have felt like for her...luckily, she had the kids as a mainstay for her existence, and she saw that coming here was partly about us and her, but also about giving the kids a better chance in life.

She had only been in Australia for one year and the Army deployed me away on operation to Timor Leste....for a year.

She has done so well, I am so proud of her. She is now achieving her dreams in life with academic study to become a degree qualified nurse.

Understand the process you are all going through. Absolutely the best thing to do, is network. Networks are the supports that hold up individuals within society. Get in, join, and use them.

All the best.

slapphead_otool

I’m not rubbing salt anywhere Polly, but I am not going to allow people to blame a country for their own personal failings.

It’s a simple litmus test:

• If you ring your mum more than three times a year – forget migrating.
• If you watch more than 2 hours TV a day – forget migrating.
• If you go to a major soccer game more than 5 times a year – forget migrating.
• If you are mid 30 and haven’t got decent job – forget migrating.
• If you are stuck in a rut and think migrating will fix it – forget migrating

.

As for the turkeys who end up here because of a woman (or man), Jesus – learn to say no and accept that we can’t have all we want. I know guys who have given their entire savings to a girl only to be ripped off. Is that Thailand’s fault? Of course not. If you are so much in love that you lose sight of reality then you shouldn’t be allowed a passport. If you end up here because of someone else and are unhappy – you only have yourself to blame.

And to be frank bitching about it achieves SFA. Stop complaining, take the hit on your love live and/or wallet and go home to mummy.

Pollyana

Without my network, based around BE I would've sunk 6 years ago, you are right, they are so important

Pollyana

You just have no idea do you, no effing idea.

livinginreality

I was thinking along the same lines as you actually.Who knows or can predict how they are going to feel when they emigrate?I expect most if not all people assume (and why not?)that everything will turn out fine,they will be happy,and they are doing what they think is the best thing to do at that time.Jesus mate if we all had a crystal ball?????Nothing is that cut and dry is it?Thats like saying to me "Well you should'nt of married your first husband"(later divorced)I married him because I thought we would be together forever!Why do anything with your attitude.Why even get up in the morning,who knows you could get run over by a bus!

quoll

Exactly right.

It is so easy for those who havent been there to know what it feels like. And even the most free spirited and adventurous of us can end up being trapped for a whole range of reasons. We choose to stay here because it is the least worst option. BE does provide a support for those of us who, for a while, thought we were Robinson Crusoe in being alone not to adore paradise. It is amazing though that in real life I have gained the courage to voice my dissent and have been astonished to find many of similar mind in my real life aquaintances as well. Not Robinson Crusoe after all!

I dont know if it was because we had no intention of "emigrating" per se, we just followed the opportunities as they arose and ended up in the rut here. It was never meant to be forever.

Edited to say that I would be totally OK for emigration under Slaphead's list of risk indicators!

TheSun

you been here 40 yrs so how do you know the UK is in such a state? from reading the "Daily Mail" online perhaps? haha
.....and the "Australia is the best country in the world" sounds like you been here too long

TheSun

No not Thailands fault but i think it speaks volumes about the company you keep!

Centurion

To my mind the 2 year mark is the one that sorts it all out. You think you might settle quicker than that, but it probably took us that long before we truly began feeling at home. Whilst we were happy here from day one, its that feeling of belonging and purpose which takes time.

I can only say to the OP that to return after three weeks seems to be an emotional response and one that your family may very well live to regret. Get over Christmas and the New Year. Give it the 6 months you promised yourself and make a real go of it. At least that way if you return, you know that you will have made the right decision.

Otherwise read the cautionary tales of the ping pom poms. There are enough of them who post here who will tell you to not act is haste. It can cost you more than just money - a few years of being very unsettled. Time is something you dont get again.

slapphead_otool

Probably not Polly, but maybe you can educate me here:

1. Is it Australia’s fault if someone is unhappy here????? Really????? Forget personal feelings and your mates on BE and look at it realistically…..
2. If someone is unhappy why don’t they go back home? If its about money, they can’t be that unhappy can they? Really???? And if its about husband/wife girlfriend/boyfriend then they obviously are unhappy with the entire package or have a big disagreement on a basic issue with their life partner…..

Its about time this blame mentality got pushed back where it belongs. The only person to blame for being unhappy in Australia and continuing to be here is YOU.

slapphead_otool

well thanks for the in depth analysis of my character there "sun" (high class reading matter if I may be so bold as to comment)

I think they are idiots. I also think guys who live here and hate it because of a partner are idiots too.

The internet is full of guys birching that some Patpong bar girl ripped them off. They don’t blame the country, or the bar, they blame the girl. (they should blame their own stupidity…)

The internet also seems to contain a lot of people who are unhappy in Australia for one reason or another. In every case they blame poor old Australia and its people, and its just not fair. Its not the country, its not the job, its not the people...

Grayling

Does the same apply to those who knock the UK for everything?

This is all a bit ironic, coming from you, considering that most of your posts knock the UK in one way or another.....and the amout of time you spent trolling on the MBTTUK forum.

kporte

Not nearly close to every case. You must also recognise that unhappiness will amplify negative feelings and a forum like this is good to air them on. Perhaps some like to air them on here rather than directly to friends, especially to Australian friends, who probably wouldn't understand.. It helps if you are unable just to pack up and leave.
It's not black and white mate, it never is. The people you describe will make up a very small portion, and you are correct, they should just leave. Most aren't actually as you describe though.