sad sad situation
Jul 24th 2011, 8:44 am
#61
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 115
Re: sad sad situation
Awful situation and you do have my sympathy big time, but it does sound like you are trying to punish your husband and may end up punishing your son too.
Jul 24th 2011, 9:52 am
#65
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,994
Re: sad sad situation
But surely your son is heartbroken as well and wants to be near his mummy and daddy?
While you may be hurt and want to be near your family, unfortunately when you become a parent your wants and needs come second to those of your child.
While you may be hurt and want to be near your family, unfortunately when you become a parent your wants and needs come second to those of your child.
Jul 24th 2011, 10:29 am
#66
Social Grenade Thrower
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: South Coast, NSW
Posts: 3,625
Re: sad sad situation
Bullseye!!
Got it in one!!
To be honest the OP is in an impossible position, thinking of herself and thinking pf the child. Both are polar in their outcomes. In the interim I would put the child first and see what lies ahead.
Jul 24th 2011, 12:39 pm
#67
da Bonehead
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Lion in da jungle
Posts: 22,767
Re: sad sad situation
On the facts as presented he is willing to let them return to the UK alone. Is that the action of someone who is putting their child first?
Putting the child first might be offering them the stability of a support network available in the UK from both families.
Jul 24th 2011, 1:16 pm
#68
Banned
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 22,348
Re: sad sad situation
Ah but in the perfect world...
Jul 24th 2011, 8:11 pm
#69
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 25
Re: sad sad situation
That works both ways.
On the facts as presented he is willing to let them return to the UK alone. Is that the action of someone who is putting their child first?
Putting the child first might be offering them the stability of a support network available in the UK from both families.
On the facts as presented he is willing to let them return to the UK alone. Is that the action of someone who is putting their child first?
Putting the child first might be offering them the stability of a support network available in the UK from both families.
Jul 24th 2011, 8:29 pm
#70
Just Joined
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 22
Re: sad sad situation
Y2B
I feel you have already made your mind up to go home and are looking for others to validate what you are doing.
A break up is horrendous especially if it is not what you want - but it is also like a bereavement and it probably is wise not to make any major decisions for a year
I feel you have already made your mind up to go home and are looking for others to validate what you are doing.
A break up is horrendous especially if it is not what you want - but it is also like a bereavement and it probably is wise not to make any major decisions for a year
Jul 25th 2011, 7:41 am
#71
Gutter Gob!!
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Perth
Posts: 13,098
Re: sad sad situation
That works both ways.
On the facts as presented he is willing to let them return to the UK alone. Is that the action of someone who is putting their child first?
Putting the child first might be offering them the stability of a support network available in the UK from both families.
On the facts as presented he is willing to let them return to the UK alone. Is that the action of someone who is putting their child first?
Putting the child first might be offering them the stability of a support network available in the UK from both families.
If it was me I would get out while the going is good. From what you have written you will get more support for you and your child at home in the UK.
Jul 25th 2011, 7:46 am
#72
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Tropical North QLD
Posts: 21,434
Re: sad sad situation
[QUOTE=yorkshiretobrisbane;9514879
Although I am grateful that he won't stop us returning to England if that's ultimately what I feel is best for us.[/QUOTE]
This is what he says for now, the longer you leave it, there is a chance he will stop you removing your son & then you really will be trapped.
Excellent points!
Ditto
Although I am grateful that he won't stop us returning to England if that's ultimately what I feel is best for us.[/QUOTE]
This is what he says for now, the longer you leave it, there is a chance he will stop you removing your son & then you really will be trapped.
That works both ways.
On the facts as presented he is willing to let them return to the UK alone. Is that the action of someone who is putting their child first?
Putting the child first might be offering them the stability of a support network available in the UK from both families.
On the facts as presented he is willing to let them return to the UK alone. Is that the action of someone who is putting their child first?
Putting the child first might be offering them the stability of a support network available in the UK from both families.
He is currently willing but if he suddenly decides to get arsey and not let her remove the child she will be a miserable thing.
If it was me I would get out while the going is good. From what you have written you will get more support for you and your child at home in the UK.
If it was me I would get out while the going is good. From what you have written you will get more support for you and your child at home in the UK.
Jul 25th 2011, 8:10 am
#73
Social Grenade Thrower
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: South Coast, NSW
Posts: 3,625
Re: sad sad situation
I was only looking at this from the child's point of view, which is easy for me as I have no emotional ties to either parent. The OP previously stated that the son and father get on really well and the last time she saw them enjoy each others company she 'was in bits'. I understand why and I understand the need to be with those who support you. But, the son does not, at this moment in time, need external support as he is still in the vicinity of his father.
All I keep reiterating is the child should be paramount here and as hard as it is for the OP, again I fully understand, that should be a prime consideration. The pain of the break up will reduce, but the pain of having the guilt of taking a son away from the other parent (trying to reduce the gender issue here) will not. If the son gets upset by moving away from his father, gues who will get the blame and ultimately all the sorrow and issues it will bring?
Surely you are not completely alone where you are? You must have friends/neighbours/colleagues who you can talk to, moan at, ask if they have male friends??? They could be the key to you resolving your loss at the break up of your marriage and ultimately finding new friendships and maybe even romance, although I appreciate romance is not on your agenda at the moment.
Jul 25th 2011, 8:13 am
#74
Social Grenade Thrower
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: South Coast, NSW
Posts: 3,625
Re: sad sad situation
He is currently willing but if he suddenly decides to get arsey and not let her remove the child she will be a miserable thing.
If it was me I would get out while the going is good. From what you have written you will get more support for you and your child at home in the UK.
If it was me I would get out while the going is good. From what you have written you will get more support for you and your child at home in the UK.
Jul 25th 2011, 8:29 am
#75
Gutter Gob!!
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Perth
Posts: 13,098
Re: sad sad situation
Wanting your son in the same country as you is not 'arsey', its called an emotional need and even though things do not have clarity right now time does change peoples perceptions. Running away now 'while the going is good' sounds like a deliberate act of severing the father/son ties.
