ExKiwilass

Like everyone else I am very sorry to hear your news. I"m going to second the good advice written here not to rush into any decisions - let yourself get over the shock first.

macy

I would do as others have said, if you haven't already get your Citizenship sorted out, I had a friend who moved over here and like you the relationship fell apart, her first reaction was to run home, but she didn't she gave it a year to see how she went and 5 years later she is still here. I can't imagine how sad you must be feeling but it sounds like you have some great friends, there are lots of support groups for singel parents and talking to somebody in the same situation also helps.

Maybe think about moving to something smaller like a little town house or something if you hate rattling around in a big house.? Luckily your child is still quite young so whatever you decide they will adapt easily, I can imagine it has all be a huge shock, moving over here doesn't necessarily bring you together and the stresses and strains can easily drag you further away from each other.

I hope things work out for you, you are being very brave.

Sally Simpson

You will adjust in time. It all sounds very raw & painful at the moment.
Very best wishes

eddie007

Ok

Its not a simple decision to take a child from a parent and move them 12,000 miles to the other side of the world....

Imagine yourself in your ex's shoes... How would you feel?

You have a good job you are happy in..... What are your chances of a good job you are happy in back in the UK? be honest... Has the recession effected your field of employment back there?


a five year old adapts well to changes in circumstances, however to remove it to another country where it can't see/hug/ talk to the absent parent whenever they want to...may start a grieving process.... Yes there is internet and skype etc, but there are time differences too and not being hugged.



If you want to minimise the impact of this split, and are not at risk, in danger, and neither is your child... And dont have a new life with a new person that you are eager to get on with somewhere else.....I'd not do anything at all immediately... I'd put some time between now and any decision you make regarding your and your childs future location.

Am Loolah

You've had some really good advice here, and I too would like to offer my sympathies.

I've been in New Zealand for 4 years and separated from my husband a year ago. It has been full of ups and downs. However, it was my decision, so I'm sure it's been somewhat easier for me than him.

In the space of a year I've gone from a family of 2 adults, 4 kids and 2 dogs, to 1 adult and 2 kids and 1 dog. It has been both the best and worst of times.

But for me I never considered going back to the UK. My reasons for emigrating hadn't changed. I am lucky, like you, that I have a great suport system of friends here. And I am absolutely sure I have been a burden, at times, over the last year. But that's what friends are for.

As everyone has said, it takes time, do nothing as a knee jerk reaction ... grieve, weep, drink wine, but also laugh, with your son, with your friends. Life does go on.

yorkshiretobrisbane

Thanks all, some very wise words from you all.

I just feel so pap, cannot come to terms with the split.....want the life we had 6 months ago back so bloody bad.

Some days I feel a little stronger and think I could stay and try it in brissy then other days I just feel so weak and feel I NEED to go home.....

I really do not get my husband saying he will stay here if we decide to go back to england to live. I would follow my boy to the end of the earth!

Bermudashorts

I have hesitated to raise this so far as I know this is very raw and perhaps not something you want to think about right now. But if you are not already, I think you should be mindful of the Hague Convention. You might find it very difficult to go back to UK with your son if your husband decides to be awkward about it, he would definitely have the upper hand if he decided to stop you.

I know everyone else is suggesting you do not make any rash decisions, but if I "needed" to get home, then I would be thinking about all my options at the moment.

yorkshiretobrisbane

Hey, I am aware of this and I work in the field which is quite useful in this shit situation! husband is prepared to sign a consent order which is in the process of getting prepared to file with the Courts.

Just want to feel happy again........

Bermudashorts

Cool just wanted to check.

Unfortunately no matter how long I sit here, nothing that I can type is going to make you feel happy again. Only Time is going to help with that.

Be kind to yourself in the meantime, take it day by day, your heart will heal, they always do..

Sally Simpson

Well said!

itxrd

Sorry to hear that.

Surprised no ones said about what your child needs. Every kid needs both parents. Imagine growing up with his dad on the other side of the world. I'm not saying you should stay but it should be a big consideration

bananalana

Like most other suggestions, I would give it some time to settle into being on your own before you decide where to live. You dont want to rush your decision and then regret it.

And like some others, I think children do need both parents and in some ways, if you were prepared to move here in the first place then why not stay?

Also, in regards to Dad saying he would stay in Brisbane to see how he goes, I think that's fair enough too. he must have had reasons for wanting to emigrate, I am sure they havent changed. That doesnt mean he loves his son any less.

bananalana

This is an excellent point.

Our daughters paternal grandmother is in England and has only met our daughter 3 times....she is 12 in August. She has missed all those milestones and even just watchng our daughter change slowly as she grows. She met her at 6months, then 3 years and then 8 years so each time there was a drastic drastic change. It must be awful (she is also the only grandchild).

I imagine it would be much worse for a parent.

yorkshiretobrisbane

I know and thats one massive reason and I cannot decide whats best for us, I have asked that he follow us if we return to England for our boy but he won't.... I never imagined this would happen to me

My boy and his dad were playing the other night and I was a wreck watching them and had to call my mum...breaks my heart that his dad will not be around 24/7 for him.

Sally Simpson

Is there no chance of you guys working things out & getting back together?