Dreamy

Obviously your view point is wrong in my view point then

Seriously, I'm not the only person who has moved teenagers successfully so there is something off about that point of view.

And no, the boys weren't in bad peer groups in the UK, nor were they in bad peer groups in Qld and neither are they in bad peer groups in NSW.

Bermudashorts

I know it is only one example but I have a friend that moved here ten years ago, she had two children, one was 9 and the other 14 or 15. The 9 year old fitted in easily, he is an Australian through and through.

However the 14/15 year old never did and the problems have been so serious that I could not even start to tell them on an internet forum. I am almost certain that these problems would not have surfaced had they stayed put. That is not to say that all teenagers will have problems withe the move, but I think some will.

ozzieeagle

Just one quesiton please.

Who do you think is more important to the majority of teenagers in their eyes at 15 their Parents or their Peers ?

I obviously think it's their peers.

Dreamy

I guess I'm glad that I brought up three kids who don't think that.

The opinion of their peers may be more important (at that age, anyway) but I don't think that any of them would ever really think that friends were more important than their parents (except perhaps in some superficial way).

BS - yes, there are some terribly sad stories of teenagers who have had huge difficulties with the upheaval caused by emigration (and of course plenty of adults that have struggled with sometimes tragic consequences) and of course there are plenty of teenagers who have had no problems whatsoever.

Again, I'm relieved that none of my family (including our teenagers) have had to suffer that. It must lead to some heartbreaking decisions.

ozzieeagle

Hats off to you. One of the biggest killers of Teenagers in this country, is falling out with their peers and then commiting suicide.

If someone could find a formula to prevent that, it would be a blessing for everyone.

moneypenny20

NB posted the other day about a friend of her daughters who committed suicide at 13/14. Had she been a migrant would the move be blamed for her frame of mind? The teenage brain is weird thing, crap attitude, appalling behaviour is commonplace, families who move during these years like (generally) to put it down to the migration process because let's face it, it's always good to have a reason to blame the behaviour on. Some teenagers struggle with life, it makes no odds where they live or did live.
.
Had my eldest been 14+, she would have struggled. Had my youngest been 14+ it would have made no odds to her whatsoever.

swmbo63

Hi no you are not the only one.

We moved on eldest's 17th Birthday,youngest was 14,both high academic achievers.
Eldest spent next 12 months, blaming us for upping sticks but still managed to get into uni and study for a double degree.

Now he is well settled, about to finish his degrees. Has a Grad job to start next year, earning a great salary working in research and development.

Youngest was settled straight away,went to high school got good grades and is in second year of uni doing well.

So although our eldest, was a right royal pain it all turned out ok in the end, so not all teens go bad when you move.

Dreamy

I think reducing the causes of teenage suicide down to 'falling out with their peers' is completely over simplifying a very complex and emotive situation. That's really all I have to say on the subject.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this one.

sasbear

From personal experience....I intended to migrate with 3 teenagers

In reality I came with 2 teenagers - my son then age 17 and my step-daughter then aged 14. My 14 year old daughter remained in the UK and ended up living with her father's then girlfriend. So she made a choice that she would rather move and live far away from her peer group in the UK than move with the family she had been a big part of, to Oz.

The child left behind had very emotional and troubled teen years and still does to an extent and she is now almost 23. Anyone who has followed the threads over the years relating to the heartbreaking issues we suffered due to her decision to remain, will know that I talk here from experience. I would rather she had no choice to remain in the UK and that she had come to Oz, as I firmly beleive she would have adjusted within a small timeframe. However, she felt abandoned at first by myself as I refused to put the whole family plans to migrate to one side because of her choice. And then she felt abandoned by her father who refused to move and live/work from Milton Keynes where his then girlfriend lived.

The other 2 teens in Oz - Tom at 17 did not settle as he did not want to go back into education. He began an apprenticeship. He did not settle (but I think this was majorly due to his hatred of his step-dad) So for Tom to make a decision to come to Oz with me above all that he wanted to do back in the UK - yet he still came. He ping ponged back twice. He gave it a fair go - but in the end he preffered the UK. That is where he is now and he is due to begin his police cadetship in August. He often talks of his time in Oz to his mates and feels proud that he experienced something that a lot of his peers never had the opportunity to do.

The remaining teen - my then 14 year old step-daughter, Jade, is still here with me. She settled in within 8 weeks of being in Canberra, and made a lot of friends. She has her family back in the UK but has never wanted to go back and live. She has had the opportunity to save cash and go back yet has only been back once so far in almost 8 years. She then moved to NSW with me and her father 3 years ago.

She still lives close to me and is due her first baby. her father left me and moved back to Canberra, yet she remained here close to me. We often sit and talk about the move and the impact - an she firmly beleives that her life is so much better than it could have been in the UK. She keeps in touch with some of her friends back in the UK and comments on the lack of opportunities open to them that she has had.

So in all fairness - I agree that you cannot allow a child/teen to dictate your choice to move - whether it be in the UK or overseas. But, you have to live with that choice - and that is sometimes harder than anyone can ever warn you about.

jad n rich

It is their peers.

Thats why the first teen raising experience is so hard to deal with. Your precious darling son or daughter now thinks your a raving idiot, and frankly would put his/her mates opinions before you ( the parent ) any day of the week.

moneypenny20

They might put the friends opinions before their families but their families are still (in the main) far more important than friends in other ways.

jad n rich

One of mine seems to have just completed the entire teen cycle From moods to anger, the 3 month day and night grad party Smart ass stage, the know it all, then calm Quite a nice person now.

Mind you he still treats the house like a flippin Five star hotel

Margaret3

Well, well, well said, people who post on here that they are the children and the adults make the decisions get right up my nose, children have rights too!

We emigrated with a 15 year old (now 20) and an 8 year old (now 13), it depends on the kid, thankfully for us its all ok, but my 13 year old can be a challenge (lol), and no way would i move her , I think she would struggle with a move anywhere.

I would love , love , love to move back to Scotland, but i am here for the foreseeable future to give 13 year old a stable education and stable enviroment, as i said she is a challenge and this is what she needs.

However nothing is simple, as with everything in life, if you've got the money, i dare say it helps make things easier for everyone.

LeedstoSydney

We're thinking of doing the opposite - moving back from Australia to the UK because our two boys (now 13 and 15) haven't settled here. And yet we came when they were toddlers. We didn't think much about this when we first arrived - we assumed they would grow up into little Aussies - but they always felt different and were teased for having pommy accents. Maybe it's because we as their parents never really integrated into Australian life - though not for want of trying. We just were never able to make any Australian friends, and after a while just resigned ourselves to being expats with just a few UK-born friends.

Well, we now have a pushy 15-year old who loudly proclaims that he hates Australia and wants to go back to the UK as soon s possible - even though he has many Aussie friends at school. The 13-year old is just withdrawn and doesn't seem to make friends except with other foreign non-Aussie kids - his best friend at school is a recent arrival from Japan.

We thought we would press on and hope this is just a teen thing, but things have lately got a lot worse. The 15 year old is now into cannabis, tagging grafitti and is just failing at everything at school - when he is there. We are now getting letters saying he is skipping classes. Whenever we try talk with him about this he just says Australian school is a waste of time and he is waiting for the first opportunity to go to the UK, where he wants to go to college. He just watches UK TV programmes and listens to British music.

We're at our wit's end and we're thinking of going back to the UK this year - even though we both have good jobs here and don't know what we'll do or how we'll manage for work in the UK.

We came to Australia to make a better life for our kids but the way they are turning out really scares us. We look at the kids of our friends and family who stayed in the UK and they all seem so stable and happy. We really wish we'd stayed now, but it's too late. Or is it?

ExKiwilass

You don't happen to have read "Hold onto your Kids" by any chance?