Sonn

My OH and i along with our two children (7&3) will be moving in with my in laws in september for around 18 months (renting our house out)
We are doing this to save up for our OZ dream as we want to have a substantial amount of money behind us when we (eventually) get there.
Some say we "must be mad"....others say "it will be worth it"
Im all geared up for "it being worth it".....
Was wondering if there is anyone who is or has been in this situation????
How did you get on??? Any advice???

alipally

18 months is a long time to carry on a married relationship under someone else's roof. We did it for about 3 months, and found it tough. (our kids were around the same age as yours at the time)

Don't get me wrong, we didn't argue my parents are great people, but sometimes you want to have 'alone time' in your own living room and not just the bedroom. Having a disagreement is also a bit difficult when other people are there too.

I hope that you can stick it out, but it's not something I'd choose to do for such a long period of time, because of the potential consequences, if you don't have to, then I really wouldn't. Is there nothing else you can do to save up the money? Get another job, do something from home, look at what you can sell on ebay (friends of ours spend every weekend trailing around car boots for things to ebay, it's meant that they've been able to keep on paying the mortgage despite losing a job)

I want to say it'll be worth it, but I'm just not sure it will be....

rabsody

Well I don't want to scare you but you did ask!

I did this upon arriving to Australia in 2000. We arrived with two young kids (4 and 18 mths) and lived with mother in law for 10 months (my ex-husband is an Aussie). I will be honest here, it was utterly awful. I am not sure if you are the male or female but I think it's probably worse for the woman living with the husband's parents.

My ex MIL used to go into our room and do our washing (can you imagine someone else going through your dirty undies?!), undermine our child rearing at every opportunity (she was a kindy teacher and former nurse), she had very very different values to mine. On the rare occasion we went out she would sit up and wait for us (stumbling in at 1am ) like we were naughty teenagers.

Her and my ex used to sit watching TV (sport) in the living room every night while I amused myself.

She was very tradtional and praised my ex for bathing the kids (woman's work you see!) or anything he did for them. Despite him being out of work for 7 months and doing sweet FA all day, he still deserved a pat on the back for doing something towards looking after his own children! He reverted to a typical Qld male - the 'sit in the armchair and expect wifey to get my beer and dinner while I'm reading the newspaper' variety.

Anyway, I know I'm going on here, but it still all leaves a sour taste in my mouth. We separated just over a year after arriving. All his friends warned to move out before it was too late, but he wouldn't listen.

I know it's not like this for everyone but I would just say be very, very clear on the ground rules before you move in and that you are a family unit that comes first. Unfortunately my ex did not understand that principle.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

rabsody

Just to add to this if I may, we did live with my mum and her husband for three months after our first was born and it was fine. Obviously you need your own space but it was bearable. I think it depends a lot on the personalities involved.

lisaroo

hi there, we've done it!!!! the first time was when our eldest boy was 1 year old as we were saving to go to oz travelling, we stayed with them for a year, to be honest at first was fine until my sil dog bit my 1 year old on his face!!!! he was lucky and escaped with just a graze but lo and behold they all accused me of lying (obviously not hubby) i had absolute ructions with mil and sil, worst thing was i was only 25 at the time and not as confident to speak my mind as i am now at 30, funny what 3 kids and a husband does for you anyway all turned out well in the end and we went for 8 months to oz.

On our return from oz we had to move in with them again, again all was fine, we were househunting and saving but it started to get weired, she started doing our washing but it wasnt the fact of her rumaging through my smalls so much, but they would get returned a different bloody colour!!!! kids stuff was being ruined etc etc,, so started hiding stuff, then she'd moan to hubby iwasnt doing enough around the house, (a massive 5 bed farmhouse with 4 cats and 2 dogs, and not very neat PIL) so he'd tell me to tidy a bit more so i did , and god forbid a few weeks later she was moaning that the house didnt feel like hers anymore!

anyway luckily me and the mil get on really well now and we did it again a 3rd time just before we moved to oz but that was okay, it was only 3 months! but hey it cant be that bad cause we gonna do it again when we go back to oz,,,we must be glutons for punishment!! but hang on in there and eat out as much as poss, not takeaways cause you'll spend your savings but see if you can do lots of visiting other rellies, as we did lots!!(mil cooking a lot to be desired)

Blossom

Also, look at the other side - what impact will you and yours have on them? Are you really being fair to them - it's their home and you will be turning their world upside down too!

Sonn

Thanks for all the replies, we have gone through things already like...us doing our own washng, cooking etc and i have spoken to other family members who have said we can go to theirs on a weekly basis for tea (to get us out the house). I have arranged for my daughters to do swimming lessons, brownies and gymnastics during the week at tea time (also to get us out the house). I am studying at uni and also have a part time job so that will also get me out of the house. My MIL goes to bingo quite regulalry and she does other things like bowls and dominoes at the local as her husband works away a lot so i am hoping that with al these things going on it might not be too bad!
Its good to hear that some of you have done it and would do it again.

bu1lder

When we stay with my inlaws we take our little caravan, put it on their drive, when we have had enough of them "Nite Nite!" Take my advise it works!

Sonn

Hmmmmm...Good idea!

Gallaghers

Our house is due to complete on 31st July and we're (me,hubby and 2 kids) are moving in with my parents, but that's only for a few weeks before we fly out to the Gold Coast in August and we're DREADING that!

These things are never easy, but you have a goal in mind and it will be worth it.

Baz

On this topic, what would you say to the parents living in the same street as you? Ours are thinking of buying in the same street in Oz, there are some benefits, we get on with our parents,it is nice to be able to see your familly, and helping with kids etc, but do you think it is too close for comfort? I might add there is no way i could live with my parents though!

foxall22

Yes, I've done it. We moved to Oz prematurely (family illness), had not sold our house and had no jobs and NO money. To cut a long story short we basically had no choice. My in-laws rarely leave the house and a very particular. They're hard to get on with for more than a day and we had to live with them for 5 months.

I didn't know anyone and was the most depressed I've ever been in my life! If it had not been for my husband ALWAYS 'siding' / 'supporting' me rather than his mother I would have chosen to sleep on the streets. She's a very unreasonable woman (e.g. has 2 toilet brushes, 1 for daily use, 1 for Sunday use) and is inclined to call very nice people an f***ing bitch.

So I would rather give up chocolate for life than do that again, and that's saying something.

However, if they go out of the house regularly, are not mad, and you can make reasonable negotiations with them hopefully it will turn out different.

re the post about 'what about them' - I'm inclined to agree. In our case we cooked every meal for them, did all the housework and left the house as much as possible. It still didn't work, we could do no right.

It got to the stage where I couldn't stand the sight of MIL and so I didn't. As soon as our house sold we were OUTTA there. I spoke to her on the phone and emailed but didn't see her for 9 months and that 'space' has solved the problem, we get on fine in small doses now.

GOOD LUCK

Iwannabethere

Never going to happen! Took both mums to Oz for a month at Easter. Lucky I didn't murder them both! :curse:

donna

Me too ,i would rather stick pins in my eyes than live with/have them stay again.
good luck
donna

Chris Ball

great to hear all these positive posts ! our house completes middle of august havent even got our visas yet, the girlfriend, 2 kids (5 &3) and i are moving in with my mum hopefully only for about 8 weeks until we fly. We are then going to my in-laws in melbourne for a couple of months until i get my licence sorted then heading up to Qld. I get depressed already thinking about it and im still in my own house. nevertheless they are making our lives much easier by helping and we are very grateful. What is it with grandparents that they think your kids always need to eat!With all the tongue biting ill have to do ill be lucky if i have one left by the time we're sorted, guess i will have to take to going for walks.
good luck everyone in the same situation - anyone got a gun.